he splatters poo like a monkey's racehorse

Oh I did forget to mention something disturbing about yesterday. Namely, my creepy across the hall neighbor asked me to collect his mail while he's gone. To be fair, he hasn't done anything terribly creepy to me yet, but both Mouse and the downstairs neighbors have more than made it clear that I do not want this guy to think I am his friend.

So first off when I see him I'm like, "oh shit" in my head. But I'm like, "well at least I'm on my way out, he can't corner me for too long," and then he asked me too collect his mail. So I'm like, "Is there any way to weasel out of this without looking like a total bastard, i.e. saying "NO" and walking out the door or saying no and then saying, "because Mouse said you are one creepy bastard." Now if I had time to think I would say something like, "I don't think we know each other well enough." So I can't think of anything, and am staring at him like I'm a cornered beast, which I am. I'm also thinking, "Don't do it don't do it don't do it, if you say yes you are automatically obligated to have another conversation with this man, which is one step closer to him thinking you are his friend and just always knocking on your door to talk to you all the time. Then you will constantly be talking to this man and/or cowering in your appartement avoiding him.

So I was like, "Okay." I'm really toying with the idea of doing a really shitty job of it so he won't ask me again. I mean, really, he's only gone like two weeks. How much mail can he really get? The downstairs neighbors hardly ever check theirs, and it's never that full. So it's not like he'd actually lose something important because of me. And if I grow a set of balls (which I am really desperately hoping to do since the only alternative is talking to the creep more and more and then eventually exploding at him and being even more mean) I am going to tell him we don't know each other well enough for him to be asking favors. And if he says we should get to know each other and be friends I will either totally lie and say I'm a very busy person, or just straight out tell him he's a weird middle aged dude and Mouse has said that he's creepy.

The awesome thing that happened today was I got employee of the month. I half expected it to depress me, because I kind of got it because I was trying to get my friends to vote for me, instead of through actually working hard. And I really haven't been working near as hard since I didn't get that promotion. Since it feels so much like I'm not appreciated, it is doubly as hard to pay attention and not goof off as it was. When I'm doing merch I can settle down and get into what I'm doing, most of the time, but when I'm just supposed to be shelving or helping customers or whatever, I always get sidetracked and then rationalize it to myself with, "well they didn't really care when I was really trying, I guess it doesn't matter what I do." Which is a huge contrast to when I got employee of the month the first time, last October. I'd only been working at the store for a little over a month at the time, and I really felt that it was because I had worked hard and did good things, that I was appreciated, and that I was making new friends. I felt like it was only a matter of time before I would move up the ladder. And now a year later.... yeah.

But it did make me happy, because how I found out was not boss-boss telling me, it was that Kevin had made an employee of the month sign like the ones I've been making for other people. It was hilarious, it had this hand that said "evs" on it, which has become an inside joke with us. Underneath it it said, "Phoexx0r is all right. In an awesome sort of way." It made me feel loved, especially when Opt went ahead and made one too. Actually, not one, but three! The one I liked most to put up was kind of a rehashing of things that had been on various other people's signs I made.

So it's a list of reasons why I'm EOM (you might want to skip this if you don't want to be bored to tears, but I enjoy it so I'm listing it all out), because that's a gimmick I've used several times in the past. There was "cuts a wicked snowflake" because the first one I did was for Double Dizzle, who I didn't know too well at the time, so I made him a pretty snowflake. Then there was "cried the first time she saw Home Movies" because I wrote on Mouse's that he cried the first time he watched Titanic. Then, does not know the actual date of the Whiskey Rebellion (I truthfully put on ponytail geek's that he knew it). Draws a mean doodle (did that for Excalbur). Heard Kevin's true story and lived to tell the tale (for Kevin's I put a story about him suing happy days because they based the character of Fonz off of him, but did not pay him and then at the end put True Story). 1/3 dead (for Sista I wrote that she was crazy, sexy, and cool like TLC but not one third dead). Even makes Renegade laugh. Was maid of honor at Mulva and Gambit's common law wedding (for Mulva I had put down that he is common law married to Gambit). Got overcharged to do my mom (I wrote on Opt's all these things about me, and then wrote "wait, that's all me" at the end, and one of them was "has done everyone's mom"). Knows trucker lingo (for Hootie's I just suggested a bunch of ridiculous CB handles because we had recently gotten the walkie talkies and she was sad she couldn't think of a good handle).

The other two are completely awesome, I am going to find somewhere around my place to post them. One of them is basically a switcheroo on what I did to her, i.e. putting a bunch of things about her and then putting, "wait, that's me" at the end.

-loves hipster indie music (on hers I put whiney emo for me)
-can put her legs behind her head (apparently we share this talent, I had put it for me on hers too)
-intentionally purchases the ugliest clothes at Value City (then WEARS them)
-talks to her cats
-has eaten anything useful that you're looking for
-wants TMBG to have her babies (this is somewhat true for me as well though not necessarily to the same extent as her)
-is related to the Crypt Keeper (she says that her mom looks like the Crypt Keeper)
-srange obsession with Optimus Prime (may or may not be true as well for me too, because I totally saw Optimus Prime in a rorsach (sp?) test once)
-has done everyone's mom (true for both of us)

and for the third one she just basically straight out did my oft used gimmick, "reasons why" and then some true things, some inside jokes, and some randomly ridiculous things.

-most professional cheese vacuuming this side of Tallahassee
-lets people hump her couch
-is her own cat (I don't know if I have used this phrase often enough to trademark it yet, but it's basically my comment on how I shed like a maniac and my own hair is all over everything)
-Three words..... 21 Jump Street (I always make fun of Lister by mentioning 21 Jumpstreet because he has gay love for Johnny Depp)
-uncanny knack for getting Postal Service (and other songs) stuck in one's head. (I enjoy singing the beep boop part of their song Brand New Colony, and admittedly, I do halfway do it because I find it hilarious how many people get it stuck in their head and will be singing it or whistling it afterwards).
-can make Renegade laugh
- she 8 the sandbox
-secretly pines for Liberace (ask her about the shrine!)
-she knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men

Definately going to be at my party: Opt, Dance Whore, Dance Whore's wife, delicious margaritas.

People maybe coming to my party: Jersey (said he'd come but he never comes), downstairs neighbors (a tad noncomittal about the whole thing), cafe girl I've yet to get a good nickname for on here (said she would come if she could).

People not coming to my party: new cafe sup (crippling social anxiety), Elaine (overworked, tired, closing that night)

People who acted very squirrely about my party and will probably not come: Nebrasky (seemed to not be into a party that was more talking than drinking)

People who I've possibly hurt their feelings because I didn't invite them because I thought they were going to be out of town but obviously really would've invited in the first place if I hadn't been stupid: Kevin (I'm told was sad when someone had theirs out around him)

People who I've not talked to about it yet but gave them an invitation at one point: Hootie (love her!), Getz (seems to want to hang out, didn't show up to my last party, found out today Opt isn't terribly crazy about her, so now I half hope she doesn't want to come).

If I don't get at least one more definate on there, and the maybes don't come through it will be ultimate sadness. I mean I think it's awesome to hang out with Opt, Dance Whore, and delicious margaritas, but that's less of a party and more four people hanging around drinking.

Also Opt and I think I may or may not be Hypomanic. Because my two favorite phrases are "I hate the world!" and "I win at life!" and I often use them in the same day, maybe even the same minute.

believe me when I say I have got something for his punk ass

Ryan: What's with all the sublime quotes on the blog lately?
Me: haha, I've just been listening to it more
Me: why?
Ryan: hehe just curious
Me: not a huge fan o' the sublime
Me: well you apparently know more of their quotes than most people who don't like them
Me: like a lot of people would get Daddy's got a new 45
Me: but not so much the date rape one
Ryan: Hmm we had to bring in a song for some stupid crime and pop culture class I took
Me: and someone brought that in
Ryan: I brought in Anthrax's "Random Act of Senseless Violence"
Ryan: and bullshitted a paper about how it reflected on society
Ryan: like.. the day before it was due
Me: haha
Me: good job

daddy's got a new .45

Today was pretty good. I peed at a stranger's house like 8 times during the course of a Home Movies marathon. By the way, season 4 is rockin' I had been dragging my heels on it because I had thought season 3 was substandard, but I should've known better.

Then I hung out with Opt and guy downstairs neighbor. Guy downstairs neighbor had come to steal my music, and was flabbergasted at the sheer amount I had, and I stole some of his too, though most of it was, frankly, not as good as mine. Just sayin'
We all watched Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead, too, which I'm not sure I quite got. It had its moments, definately, but by in large I was kind of like, "eh?" for most of it. I thing GDN was even worse off, because he didn't seem to know as much about Hamlet as Opt & I to begin with.

if it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid

So Ben Folds is shanking me again. Really, I wish I loved a more considerate artist, instead of someone who's constantly making mild changes to things and re releasing them to torture me. I have every track on that, and have paid for all of them except the one from Over the Hedge (which I may or may not have bought if I hadn't gotten it as one of the few reasonably not horrible promos from work I've ever come across). I don't want to pay again for mildly re-worked versions. But I waaaaaaant them. I hate for my Ben Folds collection to not be complete.

In other knews, I know I've said it before, and I know that I am biased, but the 'phew is seriously the cutest kid ever. Apparently he has a strange love of water towers right now, so as we drove past one, my sister was pointing it out to him. But then when we passed by it, he was sad, and she was like, "we'll pass it again later. Say goodbye to the water tower for now," and he was all, "Bye bye! Call me!"

Then later, there was an airplane, and my mom went, "Da plane! Da plane!" and the 'phew copied her, and it was the most hilarious thing ever. And then afterwards when other planes would go by, he kept saying it. Small child yelling "da plane! da plane!" = comedic gold.

I also taught him how to do the Rock 'n' Roll sign, which he did quite poorly. But the funny thing is every time I said "yeaaaah!!" later, he would try to do it. Again hilarious. Utterly cute. And I don't give a fuck if you people don't want to read about how cute my nephew is, I need to write all this stuff down for the future when he's a no good punk ass teenager, so I can remember good bits about him.

Me: we went to noodles and I annoyed everyone by getting the phew excited about chopsticks even though he lacked the fine motor skills necessary to operate chopsticks
Ryan: did he just stab things with them?
Me: yeah. That or try to have one chopstick in one hand, one chop stick in the other hand, and like, hold them together that way to bring food to his mouth and not succeeding and dropping it all over
Ryan: haha
Ryan: nice
Ryan: it's like he's turning japanese
Me: and then he got mad if we tried to feed him with our chopsticks, or encourage him to feed himself with a fork
Me: if poorly attempting to use chopsticks makes one japanese, i know a lot of japanese I never suspected of being japanese
Ryan: Hey, even the japanese have to start somewhere
Me: I just had not eaten with chopsticks in years, and then awhile ago I was in noodles and someone else got chopsticks and I was all excited and used them and I decided to do it again
Me: I don't know why, but it is fun to eat with foreign utensils
Ryan: hehe yeah I like using chopsticks on appropriate foods
me: I don't know if pesto cavatappi is really appropriate
Ryan: Probably not, but hey, if you had fun then go for it : )
Me: oh yeah
Me: I should just randomly carry some around with me and start using them at italian places or mcdonalds
Me: I'd like to see someone try to lift an entire burger with chopsticks


Me: I also semi-worry that he thinks I'm a stoner because for whatever reason I said some stonery things on the phone
Ryan: he'll confirm that when he sees your desk
Me: LOL, I forgot about that
Me: maan... between that and my heavily cigarette smoky clothes
Ryan: haha yeah
Me: haha, jesus, this desk
Me: even people who know me worry when they see it if I haven't warned them first
Me: "You like Phish?" *disgusted look*
Ryan: haha

all my veins are tangled up, tied in knots

Various things happened today:

1) Opt came up with a very great saying. "If I had a nickel for every time someone said that to me, I would put them all in a sock and beat you with it." I think it actually beats Ryan's "Fucking you is like necrophilia because you're dead to me!" if only because it is applicable in more situations.

2) I found out that I've been posing all this time when I tell people I intend to "peace out." When called on it, I was only able to sputter, "Oh, I guess I actually wasn't going to peace out."

3) I intensely hate customers who call me "sweetie." Why don't you give me a slap on the ass while you're at it, jerk? Oh, because then I could actually yell at you and get you thrown out, instead of having to just take it like the retail bitch I am? I hate you.

4) I still hate the drugged up guy who hangs around the store constantly. I was just minding my own business shelving things in areas of the store he doesn't even buy anything in, and he kept coming up behind me and saying stupid things. The only area I am safe in is childrens, which I had no excuse to be in at that time. I even went to the trouble of having Shiv carry something I needed to bring to the registers, just so I could avoid the guy when he was at registers. Unpleasant.

5) I decided to have another par-tay next Thursday. I hope everyone (or at least most people) can come. Opt and I have been discussing inviting Dance Whore and/or Nebrasky and their various womens to do something with us for awhile, and there are various other n00bs it would be nice to get to know in a non work setting. I'm probably going to invite the downstairs neighbors as well, because I enjoy them and have not talked to them much since the "hmm, I may or may not have just interupted them doing it" incident. I do have to clean my place like crazy, though. It's a HUGE mess, I kind of just let everything go when I was sick.

I think that's all for to-day.

don't eat it all in one place

Sista: fuck that guy
Me: haha
Me: well I was trying
Me: but apparently he's just not that into me
Sista: there is a book for that
Me: haha, really??
Sista: check it out
Me: My problems are solved!

In other news, I really enjoy e-mails that include paragraphs like this: "Speaking of which, putting 1 and 1 together on your present comment and your apparent MO I can only assume you've peed on my mother. Please, do not pee on my mother. Please. She has a heart condition."

I've been held back by something (yeah) you said to me quietly on the stairs

So for once I coin a nickname that sticks! JT from work (thus dubbed because he bought a Justin Timberlake CD nearly the first day he was there) is now being called JT by everyone. Yesterday, Kevin, who was on vacation up until now, came over the walkie talkie and called him JT when asking him to do something because he didn't even realize JT wasn't JT's real name. I WIN!

Two other new guys started yesterday, and Lister's already in love with them because they are apparently quite geeky. Apparently the "Employee of the Month" things I put up have become part of the "new employee tour" as I overheard Lister telling the n00bs about them, and have heard various stories from Opt where she tells n00bs the things I put on her employee of the month sign were really about me (which they are). But Lister is crazy... he like, told the n00bs how to use the fax machine. I've been there a year and have never had to fax anything.

That is all!

turned out to be just god

Today actually wasn't too bad, being sick at work-wise. I had the Nyquil my parents gave me to get through it. You know, it's kind of funny, people looked at me rather askance that I was doing Nyquil as opposed to Dayquil, but it barely does anything. I think it's because of the sleeping pill habit I recently kicked, but I could probably have three times as much and still not really feel it. And it actually felt good to be a little sedated at work. It made me less antsy and I watched the clock less. Anyway, Nyquil not affecting me made me feel tough. Like I can't drink anyone under the table, but maybe I could out Nyquil someone.

Or whatever. Still mildly out of it just from being sick.

Good eye sniper! I shoot, you run!

Me: so if a sauce is solid when refrigerated
Me: I'm thinking it has more saturated fat/cholesterol than Elvis
Ryan: haha
Me: that alfredo stuff I made is solid in the frige
Me: like all of it
Me: not just part of it
Me: completely solid
Ryan: haha that's kind of scary
Me: well I guess if you put a whole stick of butter in it'll be like that
Ryan: haha yeah tht would definitely do the trick
Me: and the other ingredients are basically straight cheese and heavy cream
Me: tastes good though. And cost me over 30 dollars, considering I lost my wallet when I was shopping for the ingriedients
Me: I liked it but I think I'll weigh a thousand pounds if I keep making it
Me: and just randomly have a heart attack and die

Ten speed! If I must, then I must!

Me: so am I an ass if I hear the construction guys next door playing shakira and I want to blast Wolf Parade at them?
Ryan: haha
Ryan: not at all
Ryan: though what's the point of fighting crappy music with more crappy music :X
Me: haha what should I blast at them then? :P
Ryan: haha I dunno
Ryan: bloodhound gang :X
Me: haha no that would give them ideas
Me: I could play coheed and cambria. One of their songs helped me face down a motorcycle gang
Ryan: haha that works
Me: Well I figure I have to play something a liiiittle weird
Me: so they're like, "what the hell is up with that chick next door" more than "great taste in music, maybe I will talk to her"
Ryan: haha yeah that's probably not the desired effect
Me: and I don't want them to come looking for vagina over here, as bloodhound gang would have it
Ryan: haha this is true
Me: haha, I was just forced to do something else that would probably frighten t hem off if they were looking over here
Me: my parents got me this massive industrial sized case of butt wipes at sams
Ryan: flash 'em the wang?
Me: and I had to break into that
Me: well that too, but that kind of turned them on

Also I like the comments Sista left me RE: calling out from work:

Sista: i've never called into work... ever..

i want to though.

Me: look you and opt are just better people than I am. If I feel like shit it's just not worth it to me.

Sista: oh you're not less of a person

your more of a person

i'm a chicken shit

your a brave little toaster

me: haha.... thanks? No one's ever called me a brave little toaster before. I think I like it.

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis guuuuuuuuuuuuy

Maybe if I shame him properly, it will never happen again.

Ryan: man that was stupid
Me: getting drunk?
Me: yeah
Me: got a hangover?
Ryan: Hmm not exactly
Ryan: my head does hurt, and I have a bit of a fever
Me: do people get fevers from drinkin'?
Ryan: but I Think that's probably more related to not eating anything yesterday, and vomitting most of the night
Me: holy crap :/
Me: did you drink even more after you got offline?
Ryan: Nah, about the tiem I stopped responding was because I went into the bathroom to begin operation pukealot
Me: Awww, Ryan
Ryan: Yeah, and that lasted pretty much all night.. after about.. 11 I think I was able to fall asleep for an hour a stretch
Ryan: but I'd keep waking up with a fever and having to throw up
Ryan: even water wasn't staying down
Ryan: Feeling a little better now though.. managed to eat half a piece of toast, and keep water down
Me: man, that sucks :/
Ryan: I ended up calling brooke around.. 9:00 I think
Ryan: but at that point I was so far gone that I couldn't really talk, and ended up mostly just lying on the bathroom floor whining and crying
Ryan: That's right, I became THAT guy

In other news the colitis did flare up again. So I DO feel justified in staying home from work. Hell's yeah, boss-boss can take that to the bank and shove it up her big fat ass!

you can take that to the bank and shove it up your big fat ass

So I called in sick today, though I actually feel slightly better than I did yesterday (I'm sicker, but do not have cramps or colitis torturing me). I probably would've left early yesterday if Opt hadn't been sick too. I didn't want to leave if she was going to, because being the second person to leave sick always sucks, and I didn't want to make her have to be that person. But she is tougher than I am or has a better work ethic or something, and stayed, and by the time the point was moot, I only had two hours left anyway. The only two hours of my shift that WEREN'T reg. Fuck you, motherfuckers!

I was also kind of guilty calling in today until it was boss-boss answering the phone and she gives this long suffering sigh and says "oh alright." I thought of screaming, "YEAH PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT, BOSS-BOSS!" and hanging up, but thought better of it. Now I feel totally justified. 7.50 an hour is just not enough to be paid to be nice to people when you're sick, especially if one of those people is my boss.

won't you let me won't you let me explode

I HATE THE WORLD.

Q: What is even awesomer than catching a cold?
A: Doing it while you're having your period AND a colitis flare up.

Yeah... and this cold came on quick, I didn't even realize I was sick at first, just thought I had a sore throat... but by the end of the day I was miserable. Opt came to my rescue with some Dayquil though, so that was nice.

The colitis bit was extra annoying because we have to announce it when we go to the toilet since we got the walkie talkies. Then not only Renegade, but later Lister started teasing me about it. And I can take teasing about my colitis, but usually only from my friends and usually only if it's actually funny, theirs was stupid.

On break today I looked around for a wallet with a chain. I've been told it'd look stupid and/or it's mostly rednecks and punks that do it. And I feel kind of stupid, because it's like being a kid with those mittens that clip to the coat, because you're a bit too "special" to keep track of them elsewise. But on the other hand, I would not lose my wallet anymore. Which would be cool. And Opt said I could pull it off ironically.

So the only three choices for a wallet with a chain in this town, apparently? Cheesy-ass skull & crossbones, flames, or Dale Earnhardt. I'm going to try other places I guess, but that's all that Wal-Mart had to offer, and it definately had the best selection of the stores I went to. Okay, that's a little too ironic. I mean... part of me was like, "Okay, it'd be freaking hilarious to have a Dale Earnhardt wallet." But... since it's not like something ridiculous I chose on my own (such as the oversized novelty penny keychain I carry around) I was really depressed to even consider getting one of the stupid wallets. I also know part of me would die inside each time I had to use it somewhere nice, and it would also remind me that I am a retard who needs a chain on my wallet and so had to buy a stupid ugly wallet.

how hard can it be to get a slap on the back from a room full of morons

So on my space I put up one of those stupid bulletins where you ask something to people, and I have to put up my several favorite responses. Because.... I feel like it.


19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?


Elaine: hopefully you wouldn't be tied to too many tubes so we could do the running man....but it's funny to think about hooked up to lots of medical equipment. i imagine the beep on the heart monitor going CRAZY.

Ryan: Hm. burn hookers, and do cocaaaaaaaaine

18. Would you go on a date with me?

Elaine: who was trying to get who on a date when they wrote this thing?

Ryan: I could be convinced to urinate on a the fruit known as a date with you, yes

17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

Ryan: I flew across the damn country for no reason just to hang out

7. Dirty or Clean:

Elaine: "i don't understand the question, and i won't respond to it."

12. Do you think I'm a good person?

Ryan: Hahaha

3. Would you have my back in a fight?

Ryan: "I killed a guy with a trident"

I'm not a monster Tom, well, technically I am

In other news, I have been woken up by a phone call 3 out of the last 4 days. Am I becoming popular, or have I just started sleeping too late?

Lastly, I have apparently become the type of person who makes e-mails that contain angry rants about dinosaur HMOs.

"I don't know. Dinosaur dentists charge per tooth and since dinosaur teeth are so big, it's a hefty fee. So when I go to a dinosaur dentist with my small human teeth I feel cheated. But dinosaur dental insurance would require I couldn't go to any dentist except one in a goddamn dinosaur HMO. Fuck that shit."

rterycdrftgg

this goddamn alfredo sauce better taste like Jesus.

I went out and bought a cheese grater.

Then I went to walmart to get parmesan cheese, they didn't have it.

Went to Meijer they didn't have it, so I ended up getting some pre grated stuff that cost way too much.

Meijer didn't hav ethe cream I needed, so I had to go back to wal mart.

Then after that I LOST MY FUCKING WALLET LIKE THE TOTAL TARD I AM.

things have been okay for me except that I'm a zombie now

So the first instant it has dipped below 70 in my apt, I've broken out the long sleeve shirts AND the long sleeve fleece hoodie to put on top of it.

It's going to be a long winter.

Love... the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket

Oh I just remembered this brief conversation I had with a coworker that made me giggle.

Me: I think I know how to find things in the children's section pretty well
Ponytail Geek Boy: That's because you ARE a child, you never grew up.
Me: Hey!
PGB: That's not an insult! We all have our inner child!
Me: It's too bad that my inner child is a 5th grade boy
PGB: There's nothing wrong with an appreciation of toilet humor



And another conver:

Me: haha, what if it turns out I went to high school with this guy?
Sista: awesome
Sista: just the kind of akwardness i would love reading about in your blog

I kissed you on the face, I kissed you on the playground

Me: what's the difference between douche and asshole?
Opt: oh... douches are a little more limp-wristed
Opt: assholes are more aggresssive
Me: haha, oh
Me: I'd been using the word indiscriminately
Opt: renegade and I were having this discussion the other day. He called himself a douche and I told him that he was more of an asshole
Opt: it's just my lexicon. you can use it however you want
Me: Which would you rather be?
Opt: beardboy = douche
Opt: renegade = asshole
Opt: I would totally rather be an asshole, but I think I'm just a jerk
Me: what's the difference between a jerk and an asshole?
Opt: jerk = milder asshole
Me: what am I?
Opt: oh, wait... maybe I'm a cunt
Opt: depends on what mood I'm in
Me: no you're not a cunt
Me: if boss-boss's a cunt
Me: you are totally not one
Opt: no, boss-boss is a cunt
Opt: maybe I'm just a bitch
Me: what's the difference between the two again?
Opt: you... are Phoexx0r
Me: wow that was so enlightening
Me: well... I think dork is really the strongest word I can come up with for you
Me: does that mean I'm actually nice?
Me: I don't think so though
Opt: you're not really a bitch, you're barely a jerk
Me: the other day JT was soaked from the rain
Me: and it had started all of a sudden
Opt: and if you are a jerk, you're probably joking
Me: and I told him, "See, even god hates people who buy justin timberlake"
Opt: or someone has justifiably pissed you off
Opt: see, that's funny though
Me: but really mean :P
Opt: but still funny
Me: so I'm a funny jerk?
Opt: and you did it for the laugh, didn't you?
Me: haha, yeah
Opt: you didn't really do it to be mean
Opt: you're only mean to Sexy, who is definitely a douche
Opt: and possibly a cunt
Me: yeah I was going to say
Me: if HTS's the epitome of douche
Opt: he's limp-wristed BUT aggressive
Me: Sexy needs to be something worse
Me: because I actually liked HTS in a way
Opt: that's it, he's a cunt
Opt: HTS is likeable
Me: haha we need a chart
"likeable douche"
"regular douche"
"asshole"
"bitch"
"jerk"
"cunt"
"insecure man-cunt"
"funny jerk"
Opt: we'll make a flowchart, and send it to lore F-S
Me: speaking of Flowchart, what would you say about him? Patronizing retard?
Opt: who the fuck cares, he's gone. dude is dead to me

Be reasonable, I mean no one's gonna eat your eyes

Yeah, definately into the uncool phase of sleep deprivation psychosis. Work sucked. I'm no longer at the "false energy" stage where everything is funny, and I'm even more hyper than usual, I definately crashed and turned zombielike. I.e. out of it, but also angry and coveting people's brains.

My dad helped me put up my coat rack. So now I have a coat rack. Pretty flippin sweet.

all this bleak despair, it was always there

Sleep deprivation is uncool. Last night I just started crying over little to nothing. And I don't mean like a little crying, I mean all out sobbing. So, yeah... the other thing I usually have when I'm sleep deprived besides insane depression is just acting psychotic in general AND not even realizing it until later. So I appologize to anyone if I have been psycho or... err... cranky.

rter

In day two of embarassing but hilarious things happenining to me:

Today my mom came in to shop, and my skirt had this hole in the buttock area that was not seemly, so she was going to put a safety pin on it for me, but then I got called to the registers. It was really busy, so it took me awhile to get back, and she got tired of waiting, so she just walked up behind registers like she owned the place and started doing stuff to my butt while I was trying to ring up a customer, and all the real customers thought some random person just walked up behind the registers and started doing things to my butt, which in the end was more embarassing than having a little hole in my skirt. "This is my mom, ladies and gentlemen, give her a round of applause!" Though actually what I think I said was, "Um, this is my mom. So.... it's not some random stranger doing things to my butt." Jersey (who was also there) and I just started laughing like crazy.

Also my mom bought me two hoodies at bass because they had them on sale, she knows I have a weird hoodie fetish, and a possible attempt at getting me to throw away the ratty navy blue one I have. That was pretty sweet.

Also I cooked for the first time in awhile! I have been discouraged by the heat and the fact that my parents bought me a lot of not really cooking intensive food that I have been eating a lot of, but I renew my intention. I think my next try might be this next, though the ingredients look so fattening I feel like I might as well staple them to my ass and be done with it.

Me: So did you read my blog from yesterday?
Ryan: the one about your boss being a tool?
Me: haha, I think every post is like that
Ryan: haha

The fearful always preyed upon your confidence

I posted at Karaoke Supernova for the first time in a long time.

Also I applied to work at a bank today, and rather sleazily decided to get all my friends to vote for me for employee of the month! Go me!

Oh, and hilariously, somehow my mic on my walkie talkie got turned on today without me knowing it. It was pretty embarassing, because everone heard me (badly) singing Bohemian Rhapsody to myself and shouting, "TURN ON! TURN ON" "COMO ESTA TURN ON!" "PARLEZ VOUS TURN ON!" at the computer.

I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea

In boss-boss being a bitch news, she is apparently lying to people about the Smells Like Teen Spirit incident, saying I hogged all the places (there are 5) in the CD player that night, and would not play anyone else's CD.

Well you know what? I specifically went to her to find out if she brought anything that night, because if I shanked her with the Smells Like Teen Spirit CD, I didn't want to have any other reason for her to complain about me. ALL she had was the Roots, which I DID put in, but now she's claiming she had others. No one else had anything. There was an empty place in the CD player that was not claimed.

I demand that she stop being such a fucking liar. I fully expected and hoped for the actual music to piss her off, not for her to make up some elaborate story that makes me look like twice the asshole I actually am. If I weren't already glad that I were quitting, I would be now, because this is going to be the time I passed her on the way to work in a questionable area (double yellow lines, but completely safe. On the top of it, I was running mildly late, didn't know it was her, and didn't want to get stuck behind someone slow). Yes, she mentions that incident to everyone, apparently, and tells everyone I'm a horrible driver. People who didn't even work at the store when this incident happen know/bring it up.

Now.. it's hard to defend myself against that one because yes, I AM a horrible driver. But not for what I did that day, and she has NO right to say that unless she's actually ridden with me/seen more of my driving than one questionable pass.

I'll take back my pinata, it's wasted on you

Me: What is :X supposed to be?
Me: no one's mouth is an X
Ryan: Haha it's kind of like..
Ryan: at least how I take it to be is sort of like.. "shut your mouth" with sort of a "I shouldn't say that" kind of thing
Ryan: like.. "I heard you like doing people in the ear :X"
Me: How did you know :X
Ryan: I dunno I just kind of picked it up and use it when it feels appropriate
Ryan: haha see? I think "how did you know? :X" would be appropriate use
Ryan: it's kind of like.. putting your hand up to your mouth and being all "oo"
or something
Ryan: Like.. I would say.. "I should be working, but I'm totally not :X"
Me: I found the discarded body of a hamburger helper child :X
Ryan: haha yeah good use
Ryan: not to be confused with "I slammed my finger in the door :\" or "Man I hate black people :|"
Ryan: but it could be used for "I just slammed a black person in the door :X"
Me: LOL
Me: Racist men turn me on :X
Ryan: haha
Ryan: nice
Ryan: See? You're getting the hang of it!
Ryan: also "I just slammed my finger in a black person :X"
Me: I'd like to forward this conver to my black boss
Ryan: haha
Ryan: "The use of :X in the Office"
Ryan: "My grandma just died :( " "I just killed my grandma :X"
Me: I love you :) I love pooing on you :x
Ryan: haha yeah
Ryan: ))<>((
Me: BEST SMILEY EVER
Ryan: (o) === ==== === (o)
Me: haha it's sad that you are trying to improve the pooping back and forth smiley
Ryan: It's pretty hard to beat the original though
Me: it's pretty hard to beat it to the original :x
Ryan: I dunno, it's pretty easy for me :X

Ryan: and you're too classy to be shot
Me: being shot is less classy than being brained with a shovel?
Ryan: yeah. you gotta put the effort into hitting someone with a shovel
shooting someone is just like "eh bang you're dead"
Me: aww I'm glad that you put the effort into it
Me: I wouldn't have it any other way!
Ryan: I would also molest your corpse, if I were the one doing the braining
so take comfort in that!
Me: yaaaaaaaaaay
Me: I'm glad it's not just about the killing
Me: that it's also about the molesting
Ryan: yeah
Me: you are silly
Me: you only kill as an excuse to molest
Ryan: is that really so silly?
Ryan: I do what I enjoy as an excuse to do what I love
Ryan: kind of like working with computers as an excuse to be around little kids
Ryan: TO MY EMPLOYERS WHO ARE WATCHING THAT WAS A JOKE
Me: IT REALLY IS, HE HATES COMPUTERS

Who's going to wear my sandals stained with cherry soda?

he's a wicked little critta with a sissy bar

Weirdness. I was all cringing, waiting for the 5 year anniversary of 9/11 and.... it just passed me by, I didn't even realize. I guess it's because I don't watch much TV since I moved, and never have the slightest idea of what date it currently is. All I knew is that we had the buildup of the 9/11 books in the store. And of people buying them.

In other news, today my parents gave me a lighter so I could light my Ikea candles. They also gave me this thing that apparently helps boost the signal you get from your TV antenna to counteract how having a VCR weakens it or somesuch. They gave me Dots! And taped two TV shows for me! My dad agreed to come and help me put up my weird coat rack.

I went to the used bookstore and was able to 9 dollars worth of books, I have even more that I plan to go back with sooner or later. Profiting off of bad books I bought back when I had money is enjoyable. Part of me knows I should save it, but since it's kind of an unexpected windfall, part of me is all, "DUDE, GO TO NOODLES!" and/or "DUDE BUY THAT EXPENSIVE SODA YOU LOVE," and/or "BUY MUSIC EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE A TON YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO LISTEN TO NOW*," and same for books I'd like to read.

My sister and I went out to lunch today too, which was friggin' awesome. I bitch about her a lot, but she's actually pretty damned cool if you can manage to get her alone. She's one of those people who is very serious 90% of the time, but the 10% when she's goofy is like five times better because you never see it coming. On top of that, she has way more money than I do, so she bought me lunch at Potbelly AND a pumpkin spice latte at starbucks. Which... now that I can't afford to eat out often anymore, and when I eat in I don't usually cook anything that great, I truly appreciate a good meal out way more than I used to.

So what I have to say, I guess, is that I appreciate the money AND effort that has been expended on me by my family today, and am pretty happy about having a little spending money on top of it. And lets face it, you can't not be happy while listening to TMBG. Which I am right now.



P.S. I also am happy because I just discovered a video on Youtube of Ben Folds doing a Rock This Bitch for Steve Irwin with the West Australian Symphony Orchestra, and I don't think a bitch has ever been rocked harder. The video's kind of crappy quality, but the music is freakin' awesome.

And I decided yet another reason to love Ben is that if you search the phrase "Rock This Bitch" on Wikipedia, an article about Ben automatically comes up. Yes, I did know what Rock This Bitch is, but I needed a way to explain it to you ignorant losers.

______
* Especially since right now I never want to listen to anything that is not TMBG. Which Opt gave me. Which is another nice thing that happened to me recently.

stupid babies need the most care!

Me: whereas bearded guy looks like his whole personality depends on his beard
Me: and if you took it off he'd have to have a personality
Me: and it would be funny to watch him be all, "aww, man. I have no more beard, what will I do now that I have to find non beard related hobbies?"
Opt: he has a personality... it's FAG
Opt: he's the type of homo who defines himself by it and it drives me nucking futz
Me: lame
Me: I should tell him about my love of the buttsex
Me: and we could bond
Me: but then I'd be like, "no not really what has two thumbs and hates gay people?"*
Opt: ha!
Me: that joke works for everything
Opt: indeed
Me: "do you know what has two thumbs and hates bearded guys?"
Me: maybe I should just say, "what has two thumbs and hates you?"
Me: and then just say "everything that has two thumbs"
Me: maybe add that I'm probably leaving out a few people who have had carpentry accidents
Opt: thhhbt
Opt: you're making me try not to lol in the public library
Me: haha, sorry

Only I wasn't.

_________
* the joke was originally, "what has two thumbs and hates black people" and even more originally, "what has two thumbs and loves blow jobs?" and then you point to yourself and say "thiiiiiis guy" (I say "thiiiiiis chick"). I think it works here, too, though.

she said, "you've been pushing me like I was a sore tooth"

So I brought in Smells Like Phoexx0r today, and everyone hates me. It was awesome.

First off: I brought two other CD's, Brand New and the string quartet tribute to Coheed & Cambria. Boss-boss hates the Coheed one too, apparently. I would think she would hate the Brand New as well, but so much of her hatred was focused on Coheed and Smells Like Phoexx0r, Brand New kind of squinked by.

I was actually kind of surprised how badly the Coheed was recieved, as I have had people at work actually like that CD before, and believe me, it is far less obnoxious than the original (the strings eliminate the two things most people hate about Coheed, which is the crazy-ass lyrics and the lead singer's crazy high voice).

Getz, though not a fan of the Smells Like Teen Spirit, was somewhat stoic about it, especially since I had told her the other night why I was doing it. The new guy (henceforth known as JT) didn't feel like he could complain, as he bought a Justin Timberlake CD earlier in the evening (supposedly for his girlfriend). Excalibur and the new sup didn't feel the need to comment either. Boss-boss couldn't stop complaining about it, which was music to my ears. It also had the bonus effect of pissing off Phone Asshole (henceforth known as PA). He actually had the balls to complain during the Bad Plus cover, which is the only good one on the CD that has played so far, and I told him screw that The Bad Plus is awesome and he can suck it. It played the Tori Amos track again, which was meh, but I did finally score with the Moog cookbook version.

Anyway, I think I'm going to give that CD a rest for awhile. Hell, now maybe when I bring in Ben Folds or one of my not meant to be horrible mixes, people will give me less crap because they know what horrors I am capable of.

In other news, I think I somehow weirded out my neighbors. The thank you card I decided to make this time was one of those cheesey books of homemade coupons. To the best of my reccolection they were for:

a TMBG x-travaganza, as apparently girl downstairs neighbor is a fan of TMBG.
picture: someone singing, "I am Dr. Worm, I am not a real doctor, but I am a real worm, I am an actual worm." Also a picture of Dr. Worm and his drum labeled "Dr. Worm and his drum."

a hump of my couch
picture: someone humping my couch. A separate panel labeled "me, staying away so you and the couch can have privacy"

a hug when you're feeling blue
picture: me hugging one of them and being told, "GET OFF ME, PHOEXX0R, I'M ALREADY HAVING A BAD DAY."

a Casimir Pulaski Day x-travaganza
picture: three stick figures going, "whooo! Casimir Pulaski day!" and "He was a great man!" There are also fireworks and alcohol labeled, "booze and illegal fireworks." There is also a note that says, "Fun Educational Fact: Casimir Pulaski did something or other during the revolutionary war."

I will vaccum up cheese for you
picture: me vaccuming up cheese. I am saying, "It's not like I haven't vaccumed up cheese before." One of them saying, "I'm glad we have Phoexx0r around, she is experienced in such matters."

License to use my interweb and/or ill
picture: I inform them that the beastie boys authorized the latter, and drew a picture of three stick figures labeled "the beastie boys." One of them says, "I am a beastie boy, and I say you can ill all you want to, friend!"

Free Monkey
picture: badly drawn monkey who says, "Yeah, she just wanted an excuse to draw a monkey, but look how badly she did it? This monkey drawing sucks!" And then there's an astrisk'ed bit that informs them the monkey is actually only while supplies last.

Then at the very end I put a disclaimer that informs them that I am not liable for any use of the coupons that causes fainting, sweats, high blood pressure, suicide attempts, or anal leakage.

So obviously, this thing is a work of art. And I really did not have anything else better to do during my break today.

Anyway, when I got home from work tonight (11:30 p.m.) it was late, but their lights were on, and I think I heard the TV or a video game or something going. I didn't want to try and shove my thank you card into their mailbox, it worked out very poorly last time. But they seemed kind of weirded out, and I felt bad. I'm not sure if maybe they were about to/just finished with doing it, because girl downstairs neighbor did not even come to the door because she was "comfortably dressed." And I was like, yeah, maybe it is kind of weird to show up at someone's door in the middle of the night giving them coupons for a hug and warning them against anal leakage.

I left my family for my secretary

So apparently this is to be the week of no sleep. Every so often I try to wean myself off of over the counter sleeping pills because they lose their effectiveness and I end up taking way too many. Whereas after a little break from them, they work better again.

I'm not addicted in the chemical sense, I feel no withdrawal and do not sleep more poorly than when I started doing them. But I am addicted in the emotional sense in that I enjoy sleeping and hate to stop.

So anyway I decided that this is a no sleeping pill week for whatever reason, and not only am I having the expected trouble falling asleep, but I keep waking up early for no reason too. YAY.

So if I'm cranky you now know why.

Who's going to build my death ray?

Today was pretty awesome. I actually have the opposite view from most RE: mondays.... because it's not like I get a weekend anyhow, and Monday night is merch night, where I actually get to do something I enjoy at work instead of waste my time at registers getting insulted by men who buy Andy Griffith hymn CD's and won't let me finish the fucking question I'm required to ask everyone.

So things that made today awesome:

1) Before work Opt came over and we had pancakes and listened to various versions of Smells Like Teen Spirit and watched part of a documentary on They Might Be Giants. They Might Be Giants are AWESOME, by the way. I've never really gotten into them, and I don't really know why because I've always liked some of their stuff, but never sought the rest out. I also don't know why I never got into them because if you just randomly met me one day and had to guess what type of music I like, I bet one thing you would guess WOULD be TMBG, as they are goofy as hell. As am I. Anyway, I do love them now and expect the love to grow as I grow more familiar with them.

2) We also carpooled to work. Which has always made us hyper and happy whenever we try it. Add in TMBG and it was just crazy.... we couldn't stop giggling and singing TMBG songs for the first hour.

3) Downstairs neighbor brought a cake from Coldstone Creamery again! I love her in general, but in particular all the nice cakes are awesome. Less awesome: the fact that NO ONE told me or Opt that there was cake, even though downstairs neighbor made sure to do this on a day she knew we were both working, because I'm her upstairs neighbor, and since I have Opt over so frequently the downstairs neighbors are friendly with her as well. Also Opt gave the neighbors a 30% off coupon not that long ago, which is what triggered the cake giving in the first place.

4) So after work Opt and I ate the cake we brought back to my place when we realized there was cake to be had. It was delicious. I have to think of a really awesome thank you card to give downstairs neighbor, as the downstairs neighbors have been, to date, the only ones to have recieved one of my crappy handmade cards and enjoyed it.

5) I brought in Smells Like Phoexx0r to play after close. And it was AWESOME. Boss-boss didn't really remark on it, but I'm sure she had to be annoyed. Because... I put this compilation together and even I thought it was horrible. Since enough other people brought stuff, only a few played, and mostly they were the crappiest. The Tori Amos cover, the Weird Al cover, and a crappy punk cover by some band called Blanks 77. Am thinking of bringing it tomorrow, too, since I close with boss-boss again.

So that was all the awesomeness.

In other news, one of my newer coworkers gets the nickname Phone Asshole, because he, Opt, and I had lunch break together, and he randomly just started talking on his cell phone to his girlfriend, and wouldn't leave the break room, instead submitting us to the stupid discussion. I admit to being a total jerk, but I just started yelling things so that his girlfriend would hear them, like, "MAN, THE BUTTSEX I HAD LAST NIGHT WAS SO GREAT THAT I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT HE BEATS ME." "WOW, I SURE LOVE EAR SEX, NOTHING GETS ME HOTTER THAN PENIS IN MY EAR CANAL." And even then he didn't get the hint, or even annoyed enough at me to leave. Opt said she kind of liked him before that, and that he even kind of reminded her of me, but I had found him slightly irritating/creepy anyway. And he likes to piss me off by mentioning Mambo #5 all the time.

I've also started inflicting myself on the online dating community. I told Sista one night that I was considering starting to look at newspaper ads, her advice was "those are for old people do it online" and directed me to OkCupid. It seemed like suspect advice, as she'd never used it, but eh. I figure I can't do any worse at it (it being meeting people) than I am already.

I was still kind of embarassed about it so I hadn't really told anyone, but Opt was on my computer (she doesn't have the interweb and occaisionally checks e-mail and stuff here) and she went to OkCupid to check for a message because she's on it... and yeah. It was embarassing but funny and then I was like, "eh, why keep it a secret?" So there you go, interweb, take my last scrap of dignity, I'm registered on OkCupid an one of my interests is "cowbell."

It was also kind of funny/eerie that a certain amount of our people were the same, and most of the ones she tried were douchebags. So I guess now I know who to avoid. Like apparently there's a dude on there that drinks like 8 gallons of milk a day. If you are milk guy and reading this (I have a link to my blog in my profile): I am not interested, I hear you are a douche even aside from your weird milk consumption. My advice for you is to start drinking some water, fruit juice, or even soda, and stop being douchey.

It hurts to be this good

Me: Do you have any covers of Smells Like Teen Spirit?
Ryan: I don't think so
Ryan: I could find some
Me: k just thought I'd ask since you have the massive music collection
Me: my boss hates covers of Smells Like Teen Spirit so I am making a mix CD of all covers of Smells Like Teen Spirit to bring in tomorrow
Ryan: haha
Ryan: nice
Me: I'm calling it Smells Like Phoexx0r (name courtesy of Opt)
Ryan: Haha brilliant
Me: I have the string quartet cover, the bad plus cover, a They Might Be Giants cover, a Richard Cheese cover, the Paul Anka cover
Me: the Weird Al version
Me: the moog cookbook version
Ryan: haha nice I think you've got pretty much all of them
Me: and then I have a whole bunch of crappy ones I'm trying to decide whether or not to use
Me: I have a destiny's child/Nirvana mash up called Smells Like Teen Booty
Ryan: haha
Ryan: that's pretty bad
Me: and a mash up with Michael Jackson called Smells like Billie Jean
Ryan: haha
Me: and then there are a lot, lot, LOT of like crappy bands doing it crappily, or somewhat decent bands but the sound file is really crappy
Me: the They Might Be Giants version, btw, is GENIUS
Ryan: I can believe that
Phoemeister: two awesome things about it: accordions, and a guy doing a very good impression of singing backwards
Ryan: Haha nice
Me: also I feel like a psycho
Me: because my sister sent me this link to this thing that is a slide show of pictures of the 'phew
Me: and I was like, sitting in the dark, in my underwear, listening to various versions of Smells Like Teen Spirit, looking at pictures of a young tow-headed child.
Me: and I imagined what it would look like if someone just walked in on me like that
Ryan: haha
Ryan: Fuh-reak

oh, my tongue's the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart

So...... I got this e-mail today from Tina. It made me laugh.

But is it bad that I was halfway tempted to make it a reality?

"I had the weirdest ass dream with you in it this morning. We were talking, and you were trying to think of something to get even with your boss with. And I innocently suggested jizz candy, if it could be made, you really liked the idea and I said i thought I could do it if I had the cum on hand, you know in a way that the boss wouldn't realized what the candy was made of. You totally went bonkers for the idea and pounced all your guy buddies, talking them into becoming your own little wanking company to gather enough jizz to make a ton of candy with. You freaked me out and I had to run around after you yelling that's enough that's enough we've got enough but you were like wanker nazi, running between your two friends screaming faster faster at these two guys. Just so you could give jizz tainted lollipops to your boss."

but you remember fist can be a verb

Things I have been fantasizing about doing my last day of work:

1) Screaming, "Fuck you, boss-boss" at the top of my lungs as I leave.

2) Playing highly innappropriate music over the overhead.

3) Telling off an annoying customer or an annoying REGULAR customer.

4) Making someone with a lot of porn who does not donate a dollar to the library donate it anyway and label it perv tax.

5) Loudly announce to a customer, "I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU."

6) Posting this comic as many places as possible, so people will know why my handle on the walkie talkies is "Skitters." So many places that they will find hidden copies of it for months to come.

7) Writing a letter to boss-boss and/or corporate that basically says I'm quitting because she sucks at managing people, and is fuckin' driving everyone decent away from the place.

8) making mix-cd's for all the coworkers I like, not really doing much for the coworkers I don't like or hate, and making a mix-cd for boss-boss where every single track is "I Hope You Die" by the Bloodhound Gang. I had thought of something subtle where the first letter of every track spells "fuck you" or something, but I would rather her know just how much I hope she dies/gets raped in prison by bowling ball bag bob.

9) Taking a big crap on boss-boss's desk. And I have colitis, so it would be a work of art.

......now all's I gotta do is find another job.

Okay, okay, the only ones I'd actually do are probably: 2, 6, 8.

you're one badass fucking fractal!

I know I'm a small, small person to get mad over this, but I am pretty pissed because it just seems so.... unecessary and halfway intended to vex me.

It has to do with our mailboxes at work.

Some of them are narrow, some of them are double the size. Most non-management personnel have the narrow, but there are some exceptions such as the inventory team and our corporate sales representative, and Opt.

The thing is, though, that the narrow ones suck. We can check out books at work, and there's no good way to stick a hardback book or trade paperback without it being in there kind of funny, which makes me worry it'll get bent somehow. And I also frequently have tupperware of some kind and one to two staff mugs also jammed in there. And obviously I don't want those to touch books or any important papers I have in the mailbox.

So a few months ago, a couple inventory members left, and there was a big mailbox available. I really wanted it, but didn't do anything about it for like a month. After awhile, though, I was like, "this prime slice of real estate is being wasted!" and was like screw it, and just moved all my stuff into that place, and moved my name label over there. So... that day, Lister apparently took it into his head to give the new Inventory member, Sexy*, the mailbox I had. Because he's IPT. But Sexy had been there like two weeks by then and already had one of the little mailboxes for awhile. So it pissed me off pretty badly, especially since I had been having an absolutely awful day to begin with. So I moved back to my old mailbox.

So.... with the musical supervisors we've had lately... I was just like, "screw it" and took Sista's old big mailbox like a month or two ago. Again I had waited awhile... but her mailbox is PERFECT, way better than Sexy's. Not just in wideness, but it is also the perfect height for someone my height. Ironically, my old mailbox is the perfect height as well, and I worried a little that if they made me move again, I might not be able to go back to it. But I figured if they wanted to save the mailbox, they'd tell me. So I've had this mailbox for awhile. Longer than a lot of our employees have worked at the store. My old mailbox was taken, but I was beginning to think I was going to get to keep the new one. There's room! When the new new sup got hired, he got a different mailbox. But now they're hiring someone to replace him and they FINALLY have someone to replace sista, so......

But here's the weird part. I actually still have a double wide. But they still moved my mailbox down so I have to bend over to get to it. So... I can see why a supervisor might NEED a wider one, because they'd likely have more important documents than me. But is there a reason they NEED to not bend down? No. So it just seems weird all around.... Part of me says I'm a bitch to get this angry about it, as they still gave me what I ostensibly wanted, the wide mailbox. They might've even had to move some dividers around or something. But I am used to having the perfect mailbox! Why would they move me just so some stupid sup wouldn't have to bend? It seems stupid and mean and small that they would move me for basically no reason. Plus, they didn't even tell me! They just moved it! Its like the fucking promotion all over again! I know it is jerky of me to not want to bend, but considering all the fricking bending I do all day at that job, to get people bags for their purchases, to shelve things, to alphabetize things, to find things, if I can avoid one more squat/bend one day, it makes me happy!

I'm tempted to just switch it and act like I didn't know I couldn't since no one even bothered to tell me anything, and the new cafe sup hasn't started yet, and so wouldn't even know about the whole thing anyway.

Either way, I know it's a stupid thing to get pissed off about, so I'm not going to complain to Elaine or anybody. I just needed a good vent.

____________
* By the way, my hatred of Sexy apparently grows in leaps and bounds, and I suspect he is also beginning to despise me back, which actually makes me happy because maybe he won't always be bothering me that way. Anyway, I yelled at him for stealing my pen the other day (which was while I was at registers, where it's very bad to get stuck without a pen, and I had TALKED to him about this before) AND the same day for randomly walking away from registers without getting the last customer (a particularly weird and annoying customer, to boot). And when I say yell... I mean literally, YELLED at him. Because he was being a stinker, and I don't think he even realizes how much he pisses people off unless they make it abundantly clear! Anyway, today at reg he left an un-deactivated DVD beeping for a really long time and it was grating on my nerves and I turned to him saying, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SEXY..." right when he was about to deactivate it and he was like, "YOU BETTER STOP YELLING AT ME" and I was like, "YOU BETTER STOP PISSING ME OFF" and then I had to apologize for my salty language, because of course this interchange happened right in front of some customers. I'm thinking now I have to get out of this job not just because of all the other reasons, but now before I break down and either strangle Sexy or kick the crap out of him.

Right right right! Right right! Right right! Right right right!

I'm beginning to feel like the store is a soap opera. A really boring, sexless soap opera.

Yeah, um, no one currently working at the store except for Opt really reads this, and she's who told me. But if for some bizzare reason Jersey or anyone happens to read this, I want to warn you not to spread this around.

But apparently Excalibur (who is the dearest, sweetest person in the world, and I thought so even before she did this) complained to corporate about how boss-boss treated me RE: the promotion. This, of course, made Boss-boss see red, and now Excalibur is resigning.

On one hand, it really makes me feel loved that she went to that effort for me. And I am spitefully glad that boss-boss is out one more experienced, competant supervisor right before the Christmas season.

On the other hand it makes me feel horrible that Excalibur is going to be out of a job. Plus, I don't even know how she'll find a new one, because she's madly busy at the moment with school, too.

I kind of want to complain to Borders corporate now. Because.... I mean, treating me like crap is one thing. But treating Excalibur like that? That's like.... fucking kicking a puppy! Or actually more like kicking a mother duck. But still like, kicking someone who totally does not deserve this, and is too good/kind to kick back.

And as well as the recent incident, I could bring up unjust past firings (Carmax, Super Tramp), and the fact that she has ostracized or ran off other people. But I would probably just look disgruntled because I didn't get the promotion.

Boss-boss, you are not invited to my pizza party.

In other news, I was forced (okay, I actually did it freely because it is hilarious) to admit that my uncharactaristically strong knowledge of hockey was due to a failed attempt at a screenplay I was writing some time ago that included a character that was a pro hockey player.

That actually led to me, Opt, and Jersey making an appointment to watch Strange Brew for Opt & my's first time, and probably Jersey's millionth time given that he actually owns it on VHS. It will be glorious.

Hey scenesters! Hey, hey scenesters!

I had a strange sense of deja vu today when I was in hipster video. I called up my neighbor that I knew was doing nothing today to see if he was interested in me renting anything. Hipster video, of course, is where Mulv's little "movie" that I "acted in" was set, and my "character" was a douchebag on a cell phone.

It didn't really matter anyway, I didn't actually get him and there was no one in the basement of hipster video for me to irritate with my phone anyway.

I ended up getting Trainspotting. Which I liked, but in retrospect, was probably not the best choice for the same day I elected to watch Sid & Nancy. On top of that, people've always mentioned the funny bits of Trainspotting to me, so I hadn't realized it would be as heavy/serious. And no one mentioned to me that Sid & Nancy kind of sucks. Obviously, Sid Vicious was kind of a choad. And then Nancy was just as much or more of one, but on top of that really annoying so by the end you were like, "Just kill her! Kill her, Sid! Just put us all out of our misery."

So you can chalk that up as a minus for Gary Oldman, though I still love him, and that was actually his kind of breakthrough role back in the day. And I kind of remembered Lost In Space too, which sucks, so he is not as awesome as I thought. But, there's still Fifth Element, True Romance, Leon The Professional, and others that he is awesome in. I've also been told Rosencrantz & Guildenstern was awesome and so was Immortal Beloved, so I will probably check those out sometime soon to kind of redeem my Gary to his former pedestal.

so once again I swim in reverie

it was a torch to drive the savages back to the cheese

dad said son you're fuckin' high

WHEN will it ever become natural for me to login as phoexx0r and not my old name?

Probably never. I have the old name on a lot of other stuff.

Still irritating though. Damn you, parents!

In other news, some badly needed Ryan-talk (kind of long):

Ryan: I want to buy a motorcycle :X
Me: why?
Ryan: just because!
Me: you don't even have a real reason?
Ryan: haha because I want to ride a motorcycle
Me: you should go on that american choppers show and have one customized for you
Me: to reflect your job, it could be made out of computers
Me: and children
Ryan: haha
Ryan: I think it's going to be difficult and expensive enough to get this one as it is
Ryan: that would be aweomse though
Me: so you're realy goign to do this, you arent' just speculating?
Me: Man, you have too much money
Ryan: I don't have that much money
Me: next you're going to be like, "man I think I'd like to take up yachting"
Ryan: but on like.. a 5 year loan I could probably afford the payments for a pretty nice bike
Ryan: I wish
Ryan: I would love to have a boat
Ryan: but I'm not that rich yet
Me: seriously!
Me: you have too much money
Ryan: but this bike is kind of.. mid-range price
Ryan: which is about the price of a so-so car
Me: poor people are never like, "I have a car but I am going to learn a different mode of transportation and buy one for no reason"
Ryan: haha
Ryan: man I did my stint as a poor guy
Ryan: eating ramen burritos for dinner
Ryan: and rice
Me: it sucks
Ryan: yeah it sucks hard
Me: and makes you bitter against people who have money
Ryan: true
Me: which is why I am being mean to you
Ryan: haha
Ryan: thanks
Me: I'm sorry
Ryan: if it makes you feel better, the monthly payment on that bike would be about as much as your rent
Me: I HATE YOU
Ryan: probably a little more
Me: You are trying to make me hate you more
Me: why would you say these things to a poor person?
Ryan: it is mildly funny
Me: a poor person who knows where you live


Ryan: the weirdest thing about operating a motorcycle is that you turn it in the opposite direction of the way you want to go
Me: what's up with that?
Ryan: if you really want to know
Ryan: http://www.msgroup.org/TIP048.html
Me: wow
Ryan: pretty crazy how much science goes into a simple little wheel and handlebar
Me: I lost intrest halfway thru
Ryan: haha
Me: sorry :-(
Ryan: it's okay
Ryan: I didn't expect you to get that far :X
Me: sorry :-( Am I a really disintrested friend?
Me: I don't mean to be
Ryan: haha no it's okay
Me: I'm just poor and resenftul :P
Ryan: it would be like you showing my websites about.. I dunno
Ryan: something you like that I don't
Ryam: like "win a date with wolf parade"
Ryan: I'd probably not even read half of that
Me: Man now I wish I could win a date with Wolf Parade
Ryan: haha
Ryan: the whooooole band!
Me: SIDEWAYS
Ryan: and back and forth
Me: forever
Ryan: haha
Me: ))<>((
Ryan: *touches thumbs together*
Me: haha
Me: I think mainly I made you watch that so someone would finally get all the references I constantly make to it.
Ryan: haha
Mw: oh it was hilarious, I met this dude at a party that I was half convinced was you because he quoted fight club, silence of the lambs AND UCB all within the course of one night
Ryan: you should get that as a tattoo
Ryan: haha
Ryan: whoa
Me: I should. On my butt.
Ryan: you met my clone!
Me: apparently
Me: he had a beard!
Ryan: I HAD a beard too!
Me: mauahahahahahahaha
Ryan: apparently alternate universe ryan did not shave his
Ryan: not to be confused with Past Ryan
Ryan: who is probably dead
Ryan: or gay
Me: apparently. But alternate universe ryan hasn't known me that long. Give me and alternate universe *other person who told him to shave his beard* some time to work.
Me: Or both
Me: see you would read about win a date with wolf parade
Me: because it would invove pooping back and forth and alternate universe you
Ryan: I would read your blog post about it
Ryan: but not their website about it
Me: touche
Me: yeah I'd probably read your blog post about your expensivcycle
Me: if I got ))<>(( as a tattoo, I'd want ))< on my left cheek and >(( on my right
Ryan: or you could get married
Ryan: and have someone get one side
Ryan: and you get the other
Me: awww, that's so sweet
Me: we could actually have the tatooist do it at the ceremony
Me: and at the end we would solemnly say, "forever."

hardcopy gets it all on tape so you can see the look on your face

and those Jerry's kids are as good as dead

So is it a bad thing that I spend my time in the morning getting ready for work listening to "I Hope You Die" by the Bloodhound Gang, and then sing it in my head all day at boss-boss and a certain percentage of the customers?

they're waiting for something that'll never arrive

Ungggggggh. The cheese might stay on my floor another night. I feel like warmed up crap. Maybe not even warmed up crap. Maybe cold crap.

Even though I've been getting plenty of sleep, I've been feeling tired lately. Especially today and the day before yesterday. And I had a wretched headache. And, this last is probably my fault, my legs ached really bad. The reason I think it is is that I stood around talking with my neighbors last night for hours. But still, it was ridiculous, and I'm sore anyway in these weeks like this one where they inexplicably change my day off from early in the week to late in the week and I end up working like 7 days in a row.

I have to admit, I got kind of cranky at customers too. Most of them I barely talked to, and there were a couple of them I seriously wanted to beat. No one fucking understands the concept of "coupons," to begin with, and then when you add on the rewards prog.'s ridiculousness.... well there you go. I really need to get out before the christmas season begins and I slit someone's fucking throat with a rewards card.

It might've just been the weather/one of those days though, because Excalibur actually saw Kevin get angry at someone, and he's the quietest, most laid back person ever, and I've seen him deal with the worst people imaginable and still keep his cool. Excalibur, too, said she was feeling tired. Weirdly, Ponytail geek, Mr. Moody McCrankyface himself, was in a good mood and his & Shiv's lame jokes actually kept me going. I really liked him today. Which is weird.... I went through a period where I really hated ponytail geek, couldn't stand to be around him, and now I'm liking him again. I don't know if he's being less cranky lately, or if now I'm crankier his crankiness doesn't bother me as much, or what. Shiv I also go through cycles on. It used to really irritate me that he was never ever serious, but now I guess I don't care as much.

Hm, I can't even remember where that post was going.

Oh but here's two amusing bits from the conversations I had with my neighbors last night, which will show you why I will stand around on my much-abused legs for hours and talk to them.

So they were discussing how some person they knew got all annoyed that they had brought up some story about "the vengeance crap" around her. But of course, I love poop stories, so basically it was that back when guy neighbor was in college, there was some dude on his floor that would like, take a really nasty crap and then end up reading in there and not flushing and it would make the place smell disgusting. So the vengeance crap was when he or his roommate would go and do the same thing while whoever it was was on the toilet to make him get up and leave.

So then we got to discussing whoever smokes in their bathroom in this building, which makes everyone's bathroom smell like cigarette smoke, and how I, being colitis-girl, could just take a the most disgusting crap possible and let it stew in there for awhile to get the guy back. And it got out that girl neighbor has IBS (err... which if you actually know her, I dunno if I'd bring it up. It doesn't seem like a sore subject, but I dunno if I want to be known as that jerk who spreads it around that she has IBS, even though I AM apparently that jerk who spreads it around that she has IBS--because I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of considering I have more poop related problems than any five people and talk about it constantly) and how if we both took an exceptionally disgusting dump while the smoker was in there smoking, we'd definitely break him of the habit. Guy neighbor said the best part would be to knock on the smoker's door and be like, "Yeah, you wouldn't guess two GIRLS did that, would you?" and watch the horror dawn on the smoker's face.

The other thing I found amusing was we were discussing the (alleged) fireworks being like, "who gets excited enough about labor day to have fireworks?" and we started discussing all the ridiculous holidays it would be funny to have fireworks on, and we decided Casimir Pulaski day would probably be the best. The cops would come up on us and be all, "why are you firing fireworks? Not to mention it's illegal!" and we'd be like, "DUUUUUUUDE! It's Casimir Pulaski day! WHOOOOO!!!! How can you NOT party on Casimir Pulaski day? He was a great man!" (of course we'd be drunk, too. Illegal fireworks go hand and hand with heavy drinking)

And then the cop would ask us what Casimir Pulaski did and none of us would know.

I guess that's it.

modern world I'm not pleased to meet you, you just bring me down

Oh also, special props to the dude yesterday who bought $70 worth of porn and wouldn't donate a dollar to help local literacy programs. On my last day, I hope he comes back again, because I'm going to put the donation in anyway, and instead of labeling it "donation" like we usually do, I'm going to type in "pervert tax."

it is poop

So I meant to take a shower and clean my kitchen. This includes, of course, my dishes. But also this cheese I spilled. Yes, that's right, I have cheese all over my kitchen right now. It was a bag of shredded cheese and it like.... exploded the other night, it's pretty irritating.

And of course I'm an ass so I tried to vaccuum it, which didn't work that well. In fact the vaccuum made it worse because now I have a cheesy vacuum I have to clean now. And on top of that the vaccuum wheels like smooshed cheese and smeared it all over the floor.

So... because I'm still lazy, I've been waiting around for it to dry out so I could vaccum it. I'm kind of worried I'm going to get roaches or something with all this cheese lying around. And every time I have to walk over to the cheesy area to do something then I track cheese around other places no matter how hard I try not to. And then after that, I was going to scrub the floor to get the smooshed cheese and clean off the vaccuum.

But I was starving when I got home. And I made a lot of rice and then had to eat it all because I've decided after all that trying to reheat rice is not that great most of the time, like I was trying to do before. Then I didn't feel like moving an inch because I was so full, so I put in a DVD to watch and told myself when it was over then I'd definately clean.

Then about halfway thru I hear these booms outside. Presumably from fireworks, I never did completely discern what it was. I tried to wait it out but after awhile I finally just went outside and looked, and I still couldn't tell. And the neighbors heard me go downstairs to check it out, and also didn't know what was up, so they came out too and then we ended up talking for hours again. Which I really like, but then I'm like, "damn, still got cheese all over my floor."

I did end up showering though, at least.

In work news, I found out new new sup actually DIDN'T give notice. And tons of other people are quitting all the time. And I'm actually selfishly glad. I feel bad for the good people still there, but man, boss-boss does not make it easy. She was a total bitch to me the whole day over one little mistake I made. I was one step away from telling her to blow me. If she is still being a bitch to me by the time I get my next day off, I'm going to be like "fuck it" and apply at State Farm. The way they're hurting for competant people right now, I'd love to just quit right before christmas. It would be especially awesome if Opt, Kevin, Renegade, ponytail geek, and Elaine all quit too, and they fired boss boss for making everyone hate her and leave, but a girl can dream. Oh and also re: the new guy quitting, I'm really very tempted to nudge boss-boss and be like, "dug your own grave, eh? Should've picked me, eh? Like, a long time ago, even before bobby? eh? Would've saved you a ton of time and money, eh? You wouldn't be in this pickle right now would you, eh?"

My dream is to actually be promoted, get another job, and quit without notice after they'd trained me, and when boss-boss gets pissed, be like, "Oh well I thought I told you already. Must've been some mix up. Like when you didn't tell me you weren't even fucking considering me before hiring some dude and making it common knowledge." Except I know now that I will never be promoted. And I wouldn't do that to Elaine and the others anyway, and it would be nice not to burn my bridges.

In other news, the headsets do annoy me still but since the one thing boss-boss isn't being a bitch about is letting us talk on them about non essential things, it is pretty funny, especially when someone says something funny and/or innappropriate. Today, this was a conversation that occured:

boss-boss: how is the new aloe black CD, Renegade?
Renegade: I hear it's R & B. But not like..... good R & B.
Ponytail Geek: Geez, Renegade, what do you really think?
Renegade: it is poop.

I laughed so hard Renegade heard me on the other end of the store and was like, "Well Phoexx0r thought that one was funny."

I also enjoy it for delivery of jokes about Opt's mom.

In other news, I also made a birthday card for my mom. For various NOT GROSS reasons, the inside of the card is actually stating a true fact re: her birthday gift.

Okay, I do have time to clean the cheese. But it is late and I don't feel like it anymore.

PS

I'm also a little worried about this weird rash I have on one of my boobs.

Singin' well, fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well

ANGER ANGER ANGER.

So new new sup quit today. And I mean, left, not just gave notice. So he must've given notice like a week after he got the job. It really pisses me off that they think I'm SO incompetant that they'll waste tons of time and money training people that are way more incompetant than I could ever be, are likely to quit right away, (or both in fucking Bobby's case!) without even considering me It's like the worst case of rejection ever, and it's a nice depressing accompanyment to being 24 and never having had someone of the opposite sex even showing you the slightest bit of interest. You know, I try to be postive about my life, I really do. And there are a lot of good bits, to be sure. I definately have more and better friends than several years ago, which makes me a LOT happier than I was several years ago. I also live on my own now, and in a place that some might not call much, but that I think is really nice (I don't mind that it's small, I have an irrational love for my awesome couch, a nice coffee table, a really kickass computer, a desk with weird stickers from a previous owner that I'm also strangely attached to, a cute little fridge, a nice gas range & stove that doesn't scare me nearly as much as it did in the begining). That is progress, friends.

But the lack of love life, as I mentioned before: depressing. It's not even that I need to have a boyfriend or something. I can be alone, I am a person who is complete without other people. But it's the enormous sense of rejection and constantly wondering what is wrong with me that no one is ever interested.

And again, with work. Being a supervisor? Not fucking rocket science. I understand they don't want a total idiot or anything. But as Bobby illustrated: we actually CAN survive with a total idiot supervisor. And I think I've demonstrated I'm at least better than that! I have been told that it's not necessarily based on how well they think I'm doing MY job, that it's more concerns on dealing with multiple problems at once/dealing with bitchy customers as a supervisor. But still. Come on! How fucking retarded am I that I can't handle that job after a year of being there?

And of course, colitis. I'll have weeks, sometimes months, where I'm fine. I was doing pretty well since about August 15th, and today all of a sudden I had a worse one again. And immediately I cringe and brace myself for possible months of this again. Not that "bracing" does anything. I still feel absolutely horrible and hate everything and shit an extremely painful river every day.

And being poor sucks too. I mean, I'm not "really" poor. I have a lot of money saved up from living with my parents. AND my parents buy me food all the time and still pay for my car insurance, health insurance, etc. I have several friends who, when they visit, feel guilty that they're eating my food. And I think it's silly, because when I visit them, I eat their food without feeling guilty. They do things for me all the time like burning me music or hemming curtains. I'm not even thinking about what stuff costs when I offer it to them. The what, 50 cents I spent on whatever they're eating does not make a difference to me, even if they do it frequently. But I'm the type of person who starts saving for retirement the first job they get. I'm also the type of person who likes to save up the money they're not saving on retirement and for emergencies, and then blow all that extra on something big. And, despite my parents help, I am pretty much saving no money each month. It really, really bothers me.

And on top of that, I never feel like I can buy anything like a book or CD or nice food for myself unless I'm using one of my merch cards from work (store credit they give us). And July, August, September--I've used most of them on my Dad's father's day gift, my dad's birthday, my nephew's birthday, my sister's birthday, my mom's birthday. Aside from like, one book of postcards I bought recently, and about 15 bucks I still have on one card, I've used up all my merch cards since July on other people. And of course I'll probably blow all the other ones I earn between now and Christmas on Christmas gifts for people. So... that's kind of annoying. Sometimes I just want to punch people who buy a $100 or more stack of merchandise at the store. I know part of it is my own fault, I would have a little more breathing room if I did not have cable internet and a cellular phone (as opposed to no internet or dialup internet and a landline phone). So basically I'm just bitchy, I have it about 80,000 times better than someone living in a third world country, but it depresses me to constantly be worrying about money and whether or not I can afford things all the time that I could easily afford back when I was living with my parents.

Anyway I guess this is all a reaction to job hunting, which I hate. Every day I have people telling me to come to the State Farm side. Every day I have people telling me I'd be miserable if I went to State Farm. Every day I wish I could've sucked it up and majored in something useful no matter how much I hated the classes. I wish I hadn't hated Weak so much. I wish I had a comfortable future mapped out. But you know what they all say: If wishes were blow jobs, I'd at least have gotten some blow jobs out of all this angst.

light up, light up, as if you have a choice

I hate Sexy more and more every day. And this is despite not having seen him since the Tool/Breaking Benjamin incident. But anyway it's because I'm pretty sure he's behind 90% of the poorly shelved items in the store. Today I was straightening for recovery and found a ton of books shelved so that one was behind another because he was too lazy to shift to fit them in or something. And I'm convinced it's him. There's no frickin' way that Renegade or ponytail geek are doing it, and no one but the inventory team would probably shelve the sheer volume of stuff required to have this much stuff screwed up.

Opt told me this one dude at the fiesta I went to seemed into me, which would be awesome if he was, because he was really cool. Though pretty bitter about his divorce, which apparently was fairly recent. I hope I see him again. It's not every guy who would start singing along with you when you start singing Tenacious D's "inward singing" at a party.

I'm still debating about whether I should try to get the part time job I want. Because I doubt if I worked part time there I would get insurance. And I don't think the store would give me insurance anymore if I scaled down to part time (I have dental and vision, and when I turn 25 I will no longer have my parents medical insurance and will have to get my own). But I don't want to stay full time at that job and work part time at the new one. I really do not have the work ethic to hold down two jobs if one of them is full time and the other is 19 hrs a week. PLUS, I would probably have to work nights at the store then, and that's pretty much the crappiest shift except for on Mondays when we do merch.

But the other job is practically at my doorstep, which I find very attractive, pays about 2 bucks more, and would again be in the field of library stuff, which again I find very attractive.

State Farm, I found out, is hiring a ton of people, over a certain amount of time, so I get a little breathing room on deciding whether or not to apply. It pays way better. It, too, would be part time, but I would get insurance. But again I'd still have to stay on part time at my stupid current job, which I don't want to do, and it would basically be the job from hell (talking to bitchy people that horrible things have happened to on the phone).

Either way, even if boss-boss wasn't a huge bitch who pissed me off, I need more money. I realized that even though I live on my own I am still completely financially dependant on my parents. They pay the insurance on my car, they pay the bills whenever my car needs to go to the shop, they buy me food all the time, and I am STILL barely making ends meet.