Lady! Lady! Lady! NICE LADY!

Me: so apparently wordPerfect emulating Word is even crappier than Word.
Ryan: I'd believe that
Me: everything I try to do gets fucked up
Ryan: :/
Me: haha I meant in wordperfect, not life
Ryan: haha oooh
Ryan: that seemed pretty all-encompassing

Me: so it's pretty funny
Me: when no one's around a lot of times I leave the door open when I use the bathroom
Ryan: who doesn't? :X
Me: and I just got this big poster that looks like this and put it on my fridge
Ryan: haha
Me: and so now I feel like he's looking at me every time I go
Ryan: house is watching you poo!
Me: he IS
Ryan: and he's looking very unapporvingly
Me: I know!
Ryan: he says "I know what you do in there!"
Me: the other people look pretty weirded out too
Me: but at least they're smaller
Ryan: the woman on the end has a kind of.. "slightly interested smirk"
Ryan: like.. "I don't approve.. but.. I could learn to like it"
Me: do women give you that look a lot?
Ryan: no it's more like "why are you touching me?!"
Ryan: if they look at me at all
Me: I know I had to say that more than once while you were out here
Me: that and "get off my leg"
Ryan: "get off on your leg? okay if you say so"
Me: "DUDE THAT'S WHAT I WAS ALREADY DOING NO TALKING IT RUINS THE MOOD FOR ME"
Ryan: haha

what's wrong with a little destruction?

Ever since I got the new computer, I have not been able to find a satisfactory desktop theme/wallpaper. All the ones I used to have on my old computer are apparently not on the interweb anymore.

The only thing I've used so far that no one's hated is my drawings that Paul photoshopped, but I've used them enough in the past that I'm a little tired of them.

The first thing I had was this castle in Osaka, only instead of an actual photo it is this kind of fakey computer drawn thing that I wasn't happy with, and no one else was that impressed either.

Then I used Steve Carell from Anchorman, and EVERYONE told me it was creepy.

Then I had one from Moulin Rouge that a hipster friend did not approve of.

So then I was going to go with this, but Ryan said it was "pretty weak."

But anyway I think this all leads up to me being creepy. Because Steve Carell was creepy. And the picture of Frank from Donnie Darko I wanted to put on my blog awhile ago, everyone said was creepy. And.... well, I found this wallpaper from Fight Club and fell in love with it.

and here's a story about being free

I am really, really lacking motivation on the job search front. I missed my window on ISU, apparently (though I will check back periodically). One place I'm interested in is only hiring part-timers, at not that much more than the job I already have, so I would have to keep the job I already have, which is all over the place time-wise, so I don't know what I'd tell the new place I'd work at about my availability.

I SHOULD and I meant to go to State Farm today but it's looking less and less like that is going to happen. It's just such a pain to apply there, last time I did it took at least four hours. Because they give you a preliminary interview, then you wait. Then you take a typing test. Then you wait. Then they give you a logic test to see how well you read instructions. Then you wait. Then you take one of the BS personality tests all places make you take nowadays. And the kicker is: I don't even really want to work there.



I'd like to find a job better than the one I already have. Finding a job I hate would be a step backwards, I don't really want to be doing this job search thing again in like three months, especially since I'm mostly looking at day jobs right now. And I would have a lot of insurance BS on top of it, which I thankfully don't have right now (still on my parents but that only lasts till I'm 25).

Opt was talking about going to the temp center in town awhile ago, but I dunno. Sista was telling me I could student teach, because I have a degree. How did I get to be this age with no marketable skills?

Do you like that? Do you like that?

So I went to Kevin's fiesta, and it was a lot better than I worried it would be. I actually ended up staying there till 3:30 a.m. (I joined the party a bit late, I worked till 11 p.m.). I had actually thought of begging off (I like Kevin but don't really know his wife or friends) but had already sent them a ridiculous post card*, so I felt kind of obligated, otherwise it would look like I didn't go and then sent them a post card as a FU, when really it was just a random impulse I had. Like I said, I am glad I came though, I had fun. It's a special group of people that appreciates my rapping.

In other news, Troubled Youth is pretty much defunct nowadays, but I really get the urge to put a post-it saying, "She's a man, baby!" on the Anne Coulter book because that is what I think every time I see her photo on it.

____
* I recently got some post cards, and I decided to send one to that address while I was at it. The invitation to the "fiesta" didn't really say who it was from so I sent a post card saying, "Yeah, I have no idea who you people are. Fiesta? Sounds suspicious!"

I hate the world

Actually, I just hate myself. I FINALLY got some time to fill out ISU's stupid online application only to find that all the decent jobs I saw on there last time I looked around are gone.

you're so lucky! you're lucky lucky lucky lucky!

Last night was pretty awesome, watching Animaniacs, learning Euchre, and playing a weirdo card game (involving toast!) named Fluxx with Opt and the downstairs neighbors. We discussed how many people have humped my couch (4, now, thanks to an impromptu ninja hump by one of the neighbors), I'm thinking of putting up a rogue's gallery on my wall labeled, "People Who Have Humped My Couch."

I am weirdly attached to my couch now. I think partially it's because it took so much work to get it up here, but then also the fact that whenever I have people over, we all hang out on the couch, as it is the obvious place to do so. I already am sad that whenever I move away from here I will not be able to take it with me (I have been told in no uncertain terms by the people who helped me move it that they'd rather see me take a chainsaw to the thing than try to manuver it down those damn stairs again).

I've also noticed that I take something embarassing about each one of my friends and get a lot of mileage out of it. Not something deadly embarassing, because they've all voluntarily told me these things, many times in front of other people as well, but I'm wondering if it's beginning to annoy people. I don't think Opt minds that I tell everyone her mom married her cousin, because she has told people that about as frequently as I have. But Sista sometimes seems annoyed that right when I introduce her to people, I announce that her Mom dated a carnie. And I think the downstairs neighbor would prefer that I didn't tell everyone that he is "the weirdo with all the knives." And Ryan might prefer that I hadn't told everyone that he was thrown into a dumpster by guys in chess club. So... um, if any of you who read this are actually tired of me doing it, let me know.

On the other hand, I'm sure everyone refers to me as "that retard who can't drive," so there you go. Especially since Ryan visited, everyone's picked up his habit of calling me a retard.

THANKS.

moving to the country; gonna eat a lot of peaches.

So..... I think I must be on some unconcious mission to hurt myself.

Like I said I burnt myself twice yesterday. I also walked full tilt into a book, which, sounds weird, but basically means I rammed my hand into the cover of a book that was kind of sticking half on half off the shelf and have a huge bruise on my hand. I have a huge mystery bruise on my leg. And I somehow managed to chip my tooth today. Great. Just great.

the roof the roof the roof is on fire

So.... cooking while you're angry and depressed is bad too. I managed to burn myself pretty badly not once, but twice.

But no, thank god, I did not dump a whole pot of boiling water on my hand again.

v8 is genocide

I HATE it when Aunt Irma visits. Which, is yet another euphemism I've been using lately for lady troubles. I stole it from a TV show called the it crowd Ryan and I watched quite a bit when he was out here. But I digress.

I think it's dismissive and annoying when people assume you are going to act crazy when you have lady troubles, because most of the time I don't really feel any different except for the crazy painful cramps. But when you're upset about stuff already it kind of tips you over the edge. Or at least it did me today.

At lunch, I frickin' went out and bought a huge ass bag of hershey's kisses and ate half of it.

Then I was so hyper because of that that I kept just talking to people instead of doing my job.

Then Lister had to yell at me, and I pretty much was a bitch and talked back even though he was totally justified because I was talking too much.

Then Opt was kind of like, "Um... yeah" and I was like, "WELL I DON"T FUCKING CARE I HATE THIS PLACE" and Hootie and Getz (I can't remember if I have referenced Getz on here before, or if I had a different name for her) were all, "you're quitting too!?!" and I felt bad about them finding out like that.

Then Hootie and I talked privately about why I'm pissed, and she agreed and was nice to me.

Then when I left I appologized to Lister and he was really nice about it and said I do a good job at the store, and I cried on the way home in the car.

studies show they prolong old people's lives

So I have a couple of leads on jobs, all I need now is actual daytime to call these places etc. I was pretty bitchy about how I had to close every day for three weeks before, but now I am like, "crap why don't I close anymore? Now I have no chance to apply elsewhere."

Anyway, one guy I know says State Farm's call center is hiring, and if I pass their competancy tests (which I have before) he can definately get me an interview. Which... not my dream job. Angry phone calls are worse than the store even, probably. BUT, it's more money and not working for boss-boss.

The job I really want is at a library. Since I've been thinking of becoming a librarian off and on, this job would actually probably be a step towards a career, instead of a placeholder job I would hate and have trouble getting out of. So I thought of talking to Supertramp, as he works at a library now, and asking him how he got the job. Opt still talks to him, so I called her up to ask his number, and she said a job actually had opened up. So... that would be awesome.

Opt and I were talking about what I should do the last day of work, and she told me one guy once shouted out "Fuck you, boss-boss!" on his last day, and it threw her off her game for like two weeks. And she thinks hearing it a second time, especially given I've never even known the dude who did it, would freak her out even more. I myself am thinking of saying, "I'm going to shoot you and fuck the brain hole" and getting carted out of the store by police. Or perhaps, as boss-boss is african-american, saying the racist joke I came up with that goes: "Do you know what has two thumbs and hates black people?" "Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis chiiiiiiiiiick!"

Seriously, though, I think none of those would actually work, because I want her to know that the reason I'm quitting is because she sucks at being a manager. "You know what, if you didn't fuck me over, and then lie about it and try to blame Elaine for it, maybe I wouldn't have quit and you wouldn't be losing one of your most experienced workers right before the Christmas season.

the morning papers made the most out of nothing at all

This is just a bitchy post about a pet peeve of mine, feel free to skip. But basically, this "thing" makes me see red, and I will slit your throat if you say it to me. So maybe you should read it just in case, so you know how to avoid totally infuriating me.

It's sarcastically saying, "Don't look so excited!"

If you are not unhappy about anything, and get it as often as I do, it gets more and more irritating. What? Do I look upset all the time? Why do people always say this to me when I am not sad? I was actually feeling perfectly fine until you said that. And also, it feels like the person is a condescending prick trying to dictate how excited I should look like I feel about things.

If you are unhappy, you get pissed off even more. Someone pointing out that you are unhappy when you already know is like someone going, "you dropped that!" when you've already bent over to pick it up. Thanks, thanks for reminding me that I am unhappy. I almost forgot for a couple minutes, but fortunately you came by to remind me. And again, it feels like the person is a condescending prick trying to dictate how excited I should look like I feel about things, only this time it also feels like, "You do not have the right to be unhappy, retail monkey!" Because this mostly happens at work. You know what, guy? You would not be all that excited to work here either. Especially if you had a condescending prick telling you to "not look so excited" because buying something from a sad retail monkey uncomfortably reminds him that he is talking to someone whose entire paycheck is probably smaller than the amount of money he's dropping on some stupid DVD's today.

Pallisades pallisades

Today kind of sucked. I've acquired a taste for not-working this last week, so it felt crappy to come back. And on top of that, during my vacation I kind of forgot how angry and bitter I was at them for how they dealt with the whole promotion thing, but the second I came back I was like, "Oh yeah, I forgot, I fucking hate this." And I had kind of forgotten about the stupid ear pieces and how stupid they are.

And of course I had my least favorite customer of all time today, the crazy drugged up guy who molested me at a bar once and always makes us look up eastern european metal bands.

I have to admit I kind of goofed off pretty badly most of the day. I have a hard time putting effort into a job for which I did not get recognition (not being promoted or even the courtesy of being told I didn't get promoted) and for which I feel like I am leaving soon. That's probably bad, because I still haven't got another job yet, and it's coworkers who pay the price for that, not the person who I'm really angry at, boss-boss.

Speaking of which, she kind of pulled me into her office near the end of the day to appologize. I would appreciate that if I weren't pretty sure it was total BS. She said that she thought Elaine had told me about it, and Elaine thought boss-boss had told me about it. But--I obviously did not know about it the day I asked her at morning meeting. And considering she didn't call me in to apologize that day, or the next day before I went on vacation--I think she's just trying to cover her ass because she heard I was upset about it (which, that is how she started out the talk, "I heard you were kind of upset about how you found out the merch sup job was filled"). I am not sure if Elaine told her (Opt told Elaine I had felt kind of crappy about the whole thing, and told me that Elaine seemed pretty pissed off about how boss-boss handled it), or if Lister overheard me complaining about it today (Jersey was in kind of a crappy mood today, and I comiserated with him, citing this whole episode as a reason I felt crappy too, and Lister may or may not have overheard it).

One thing she told me was we could start something or other that is basically a way to monitor my progress at getting better at one of the things I am apparently not good enough at to be a supervisor. Which would be alright if I wasn't going to quit. But I didn't really have the balls to tell her "I'm going to get the hell out of this job as soon as possible, and it is directly related to being screwed around by you."

She also said I could do blah blah blah, I filter out useless acronyms, but it boiled down to giving me more responsibility around the store. One one hand, that would be nice, because it would be merch-related, which is what I like doing best at the store. On the other hand, it stinks of making me do more work/more important work without paying me any extra, which feels like I'm being screwed around even more.

where is my mind

So I just realized I spent more money on vacation in Bizzle-Nizzle than I did in Vegas. I think most of it is Ryan either was afraid of my cooking or (I prefer to think this one) just didn't want to be a bother to me, so we went out to eat a lot. And I bought food normally out of my means (i.e. I have the money for it because I still have quite a lot built up from when I lived with my parents but it would probably take quite a long time for me to earn it back again) because I was like, "hey, I'm on vacation! I deserve this!" And I bought stuff at Ikea with Opt when we were in Chicago to pick him up.

So here's the hilarious bit: I realized only ONE thing I got at Ikea that I can, as is, use.

I got a couple candles. I have no way to light them.
I got a coat rack. I have no drill to make the holes to put the screws in to put it up.
I got drapes for my "closet." They are crazy, insane long. I have them up, but they look riDONKulous.

And I got a towel rack. Which is the one thing I can use right now. And obviously I can either buy a lighter or matches or steal free matches from somewhere. And my dad has a drill, I am just loathe to bother him about the coat rack right away since I already have him doing a favor for me RE: my car. And Opt offered to hem the curtains. I just don't know why life has to be so frickin' complicated and/or why I NEVER THINK THES THINGS THROUGH BEFORE I DO THEM.

we'll float on alright

So today was the Trip to Chicago to drop Ryan off at O'Hare I was worried about. I actually asked him to drive on the way up there, and then on the way back I drove home alone. It actually went pretty well. I'm still glad he drove on the way up, because too much driving around up there is pretty nerve wracking for me, but I handled driving back without a hitch. I was pretty proud of myself, and now I know I can handle anything short of actually driving around on the city streets of a town that size.

You know, despite the emotional scars, I think working at Weak was really good for me. Before then I was terrified of the interstate. But I really think dicking around on the streets of Peoria and on 74 in a huge-ass news van not even knowing where the hell I'm going, during a time period that 74 was under heavy construction, and half the time also trying to follow around another news van being driven by a complete fucking psycho totally prepared me for today, it wasn't near as hard as I thought it'd be. I'm also kind of glad I drove down to Springfield yesterday to see Sista, it was a kind of low-pressure refresher on using the interstate, which I haven't really done since I worked at Weak.

I actually kind of enjoyed the drive back after I got to the point where I left most of the Chicago traffic behind. I had my music playing, and my windows wide open.

Though the wide open windows were actually because my driver's side window won't close, which happened sometime during the trip back from Springfield. Ryan helped me put this ghetto plastic covering on the window last night, but it was not suited for interstate speeds. I re-did it after I got back, and my dad's taking the car to the shop on Thursday.

We didn't do all that much in Springfield, but it was still cool. Sista showed us the "slums of Springfield," some statues of Lincoln and his family, and was thwarted at showing us a haircut place called "Freshie Fresh's" by the fact that Freshie Fresh was apparently shot not that long ago. But she said if the sign were still there, it would also say, "If it ain't Fresh, it ain't me." As it was, we went to Starbucks to talk to her gay friend, and then saw Snakes on a Plane together. I felt bad for her, she apparently does not like violent films and kept having to cover her eyes. Whereas Ryan and I were laughing the whole time, because the snakes kept going for weird things like naked boob or a guy's junk for no apparent reason.

Speaking of movies, this week I saw:

Snakes on a Plane
Little Miss Sunshine
Four Rooms
O Brother Where Art Thou?
Legend
Howl's Moving Castle
Identity
Goonies
Leon the Professional
You and Me and Everyone We Know
Fargo
The Big Lebowski
K-Pax
American History X
Brother
The Brotherhood of the Wolf

..I may or may not be leaving a couple out, as that is an awful lot to remember.

I also tried like three times to rent Trainspotting and Memento. I have been trying to watch Trainspotting for years now, and am always thwarted at the last minute. Memento has not gotten quite as ridiculous yet, but is beginning to get that way too.

So it was a pretty good time. I'll miss having him around to call me a retard.

Elevate!

Well I'm kind of glad I'm looking for a new job now, because I'm going to have to be tacky and call in the first day after my vacation is up. Somehow I must've gotten the days mixed up, but Ryan's flight is actually tomorrow (I had thought it was today), and I have to drive him up to Chicago. Obviously I just can't strand him here. I'm going to tell them the truth when I call in and if they get upset about it, fuck'em.

Speaking of which, it was comforting the other day, Opt told me that Elaine was pretty pissed about how boss-boss handled it. I mean, I knew she wasn't in on it, since she was on vacation at the time, but it's good to know I have her in my corner, for whatever that's worth.

It's kind of funny, I actually forgot to tell my parents about the whole thing, and I felt bad, because it pretty much was like, "Hey, yeah, you are not even in the top three people I call when I feel bad, and then I even forget to clue you in later." Because I basically went to three other people (Opt, Sista, Ryan) with it first. Opt IS a logical person to talk to first, because not only is she my friend but she works there too, and has worked there even longer than I have, and thus knows the workings behind some of what people do, such as pointing out to me that boss-boss is a big coward, and that's the motive behind MOST shitty things she does to us. But talking to Sista and Ryan and not calling up my parents pretty much points out that I'm not that close to them. At dinner last night, when I layed it out for them, I kind of did my best to omit Ryan's bit in all this so as to not get them pissed off at him while he was right there.

Which, yeah, they took us out to dinner again, which was nice. And they have been nice to him, which is good, too. I just don't know how much of it is genuine. I mean, it probably is on my dad's part, but my mom does a pretty good job of being nice to people she hates and then bitching about them later.

I do cocaaaaaaaaaine

Vacation still being awesome, if uneventful. It is pretty cool that I am seeing my friends around more too, since I no longer have a schedule I need to fit into.

I meant to look around for another job while I was on vacation anyway, but I am getting to the point where I am going to just wait till after. I'm having such a nice, stress-free time right now, I don't really want to worry about it.

I feel kind of bad keeping Ryan locked inside all day watching movies with me, but he points out that's pretty much what he did to me in Vegas. On top of that the movie "list" (things he thinks I should watch to be less of a loser) was his idea in the first place.

On monday we're going to Springfield to visit Sista and we may or may not be seeing the state fair as well, depending on how the weather is.

honk honk

Vacation's being awesome. It's pretty cool that it's actually been nice out and we haven't had to stay cooped up inside the whole time. We pretty much walked all over Chicago with Opt, and it was beautiful all around. I love places where they actually give a thought to aesthetics and architecture, instead of just throwing up whatever concrete crap they want to, like here. But everything there was shiney and unique shaped. I also got to do the running man in a fountain, not to mention the dance I stole from Mouse but am not sure what the name of it is.

Yesterday we watched movies most of the time, but after I dragged him to Noodles we walked around the ISU quad a little while. He's amazed by animals wandering around and the fact that you can walk around outside without being fried to death. Also awesome: Opt came over to watch the Limey, and then we played Guillotine (weird but awesome card game) with her and the neighbors, who are growing on me much like a fungus despite their large arsenal of knives.

oh father joe you cannot tell me

son of a bitch. Someone found this blog by searching p h o e m e i s t e r. Because I suck at cleaning up aim conversations. I don't thiiiink it was my parents, as it is a different computer, but who knows. Fucking hell. If I really do find out they're reading it again, I'm totally going to confront them about it rather than move again. It's one thing to accidently stumble on my blog and start reading it and not be able to stop. It's another thing, once it's moved, to actively search it out again.

EDIT: Okay I looked closer at the details and the user is from Winona, Minnesota. So I actually know who it is, and feel bad that I didn't tell them I changed my url. But it gives me the willies that my parents could easily do the same thing and find me.

he is franz kafka! franz kafka!

So Elaine, too, is up for the cinematic powerhouse that is Tron. The only one the jury is still out on is Carmax. She is apparently one busy lady.

and the record begins with a song of rebellion

So do you know what it's awesome to have? Friends.

Seriously, I was really depressed yesterday. I was half crying when I asked customers the stupid questions I always have to ask them. It's not so much that I didn't get the job (although that made me sad) as that, like I said, they didn't even respect me enough to tell me, they would've strung it out forever if I hadn't had the balls to ask about it at morning meeting. The fact that they don't even respect me enough to do that......

Anyway on break I txted Sista about it, called up both Opt and Ryan to vent, and got through the rest of my workday without feeling cry-y anymore. More empowered, and feeling like, "I WILL get a job somewhere else."

Then after work Sista called me. And I talked to my neighbors a good hour and a half about Minjas (midget ninjas), among other things. And I talked to Ryan on the interweb. And by the time Opt called me up to check and see if I was feeling any better, I was actually confused. Feeling better? What was I feeling bad about to begin with? Oh, yeah, I kind of forgot that.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

shakin booty makin sweet love all the night

So Nicole can't come to Tron, which is sad. But:

Me: so I invited my neighbors to tron
Me: they seemed weirded out but still said yes
Ryan: haha
Ryan: arrite
Me: "I'm having a few people over to watch tron"
Me: "Tron?"
Me: "yeah"
Me: "what's tron?"
Me: "you haven't heard of Tron?"
Me: "Oh wait it's a really old movie isn't it?"
Me: "Uh, from the 80's"
Ryan: haha
Ryan: they suck worse than you
Ryan: at least you've heard of it
Me: Then I hear him conferring with the other one, "Uh, do you want to come to Phoexx0r's on thursday?"
Me: then he's like, "Okay."
Me: I think he had heard of tron, I just caught him off gaurd
Me: because he wasn't expecting anything tron related to happen to him today
Ryan: haha
Me: BUT IT STILL HAPPENED
Ryan: that would catch you off guard indeed


In less awesome news, I'm pretty frickin' pissed at boss-boss. Not only did I not get the promotion, but they weren't even going to tell me or give me any kind of feedback on my work thus far. THANKS. THANKS A WHOLE FUCKING LOT. I'm going to start looking for a better job.

I am writing all alone

1) Okay, Sexy just needs to die now. I overheard him telling a customer that Breaking Benjamin sounds like Tool. In this oh-so-self-assured manner. Okay, to be fair, he was actually comparing them to A Perfect Circle, but the customer didn't know them, so he was forced to take it one step backward to Tool. But still. NOTHING LIKE TOOL OR A PERFECT CIRCLE EITHER. If a customer asked me what they sound like, I would say that they are poppy, but you can ROCK OUT to them. If a friend asked me what they sound like, I would add, "They are kind of like Creed but without all the sucking and crappiness." Or maybe Andrew W.K. For some reason Breaking Benjamin invites comparisons to bands I loathe, even though I really do like them (have two of their albums. Which, by the way, Sexy's heard maybe ONE song of theirs).

2) Tron party is COMING TOGETHER. I was worried about only having two people? Well now I'm worried I won't have enough chairs, man! I have four people confirmed (Me, Ryan, Opt, Hootie) and five people I want to come (Sista, Elaine, my downstairs neighbors, Carmax). I have space on the couch for four people, a computer chair, two folding chairs. So... if everyone says yes, I will probably have to sit on the floor and maybe ask someone else to as well. Buuut.... really, will everyone say yes? Who knows. I also bought libations (orange juice, grapefruit juice, crappy meijer brand pink lemonade mix with garfield and odie on the packaging) and "butterific" meijer brand popcorn (that nearly wound up lodged in my trachea when some woman ran into me at..... meijer).

3) I am an ass and not a good sister. Though in my defense I have had a lot going on lately. But basically I planned Tron the exact same night as my sister's birthday! So my mom calls me up and is like "what're you doing thursday" and I start acting all squirrelly because I remember that I planned Tron on the same night, and she all assumes I'm acting squirelly because Ryan is going to be there, but it has nothing to do with him, really. And is like, "He can come too." And I talk to her later about it (had to stop by the house to get my DVD's eeeeee! glad to have them back!) and apparently her and my sister had discussed it awhile back and all would feel bad having him stuck at my place while we went out, so he's invited. She was actually pretty genuine and nice about it, and I can only assume my sister is cool with it as well, since my mom said. I still have to get her a gift, it's now number 1) on my list of things to do (written on my hand), right above "frantically work to conceal the filth I live in before Ryan gets here." Tron is still going to go through, though, because thanks to the 'phew, nothing we ever do with my sister ever lasts past 7. And Tron is probably not going to start till 8 at least (that's when Elaine gets off work).

4) New sup's last day (YAAAAY!!!), Jazz Hands' last day (ultimate sadness).

5) I've been considering (and ultimately discarded the notion on the basis that my parents call my voicemail the most and would complain about profanity) changing my voicemail message to: "Hello, thank you for calling ____*, this is Phoexx0r speaking, how may I help you?" *pause* "No, we don't carry James Blunt." *pause* "Because he sucks and you are an ass clown." But it amused me enough I had to at least put it up somewhere.

________
* store I work at's name

I keep my head up tight

Holy geez I'm tired. I am NOT fond of this closing every day but one business. Hoping it will change. Even if I don't get the promotion. Also, because of my vacation, I have to work all the days up to it in a row, of course.

Which, I'm freakin' out about, they took the position off of the little "hiring" thing, so did they hire someone? I kind of asked Excalibur and she didn't seem to know. AND, said that I don't have too many occurances to be considered. So I think they'd at least be like, "No we don't want you" like last time, instead of letting me worry about it this whole time. Unless they really ARE considering me, but are waiting until Elaine is off vacation? Too nerve racking.

Speaking of which, I almost did it again today. This time I feel was a little more justified, as I was out with Opt and had wrongfully assumed she was watching the time. Then I hadn't been that concerned anyway, because I thought it would take less time getting back than I thought. BUT, thanks to literally sprinting through the store, I got back at the exact last minute possible to not get one. So... yay.

Thirdly the colitis was hella bad today. I had thought I was getting better, but apparently not. I really need to see my colon guy, though really, ever since he got me to the point where I was not pooing blood anymore a few years ago, he has not been much more of a help with anything.

when I'm dead I'll rest

Best way to wake up EVER:

Your landlord showing up unexpectedly and putting back part of a window he took away some time ago, because you broke it, because it's a crappy window. At least I had PJ's on this time, last time he showed up when I was sleeping without clothes because it had been so hot out.

Then him mentioning in passing that I'm going to have to pay for the new glass, though not labor on the window. Which I had not known. So.... um, I'm NEVER telling him that I broke the little thing that covers up your butter or margarine in the fridge. Even though that one clearly WAS my fault, way more than the window.

Then after him leaving, roughly 20 minutes on the toilet with my old friend colitis.

I wanna see you dance in your pants

So I am a complete moron. I was late to work today and almost late yesterday. I just... two days in a row have just not paid attention to the time and didn't leave till late. So..... that's another 1/2 occurance for me. I really think I might've fucked myself over for that promotion. I was really on the edge to begin with, but now....... and explaining it away doesn't really work. Because though I didn't mean to blow off work, obviously I'm absentminded enough to not come on time, which looks bad.

I kind of also want to point out that a lot of others were due to colitis (though again that would be like... well how can you do the job then?) and I have one from spring when I was sick for two days, saw a doctor, but didn't get a note from the doctor because I didn't know I was supposed to, to make it one occurance instead of two.

In other news, Dance Whore is turning out well. Of course he had his share of n00b problems we had to help him with, but he was pretty cool under pressure. We were really shorthanded because Jersey called in, and this huge line built up, and whereas when I was new I would've freaked out, he just kept truckin', so I was impressed.

In other other news: still hate the headsets. Really hate the headsets. Really fuckin' hate the headsets.

Ditto colitis.

Ditto the world.

there's some real conversation for your ass

So the headsets suck. They at least don't look as stupid as I thought, but they hurt my ears and it is impossible to listen to a customer while someone is talking on it.

to make it suck less, we do have handles.

Opt is Optimus Prime
Flow Chart is Flow Chart
Jersey is Jersey Tan Pants

(I love how this gives me an excuse to pretty much use my blog names for everyone)

one of the sups who I keep forgetting to give a blog name is Excalibur (because she sings)

I want to make everyone call Lister "21 Jump Street" because he is gay for Johnny Depp.

I'm sure more will come. I also got to use 10-4 good buddy, 10-100 (too many times :/), and "lone eagle to the money bar"

Also: slim fast optima: not good at keeping you not hungry like they say. Of course, that might also be because they gave me my break 3 hours into a 9 hour shift.

Lastly in future posts, the new guy is "Dance Whore" because his real name is in a Franz Ferdinand song with that line.

still searching for your face in the crowd that buried new mexico

The most awesome possible thing to do when you have 50 other things you really should be doing is farting around making terrible drawings in MS paint.

And then blogging about it.

yes there is a war, boys vs girls; clowns vs their curls!

I complain about my parents a lot on this blog, but I have to say that sometimes they are truly awesome. Today they bought me:

a vaccuum
AA batteries
AAA batteries
Advil
a case of dinty moore stew
a case of spaghetti o's
sugar
huge industrial sized case of butt wipes
steak
teriyaki chicken skewers
huge industrial size case of mac and cheese
huge industrial size slimfast (I'm not trying to lose weight, I need the vitamins)
huge industrial size case of goldfish
grapes
cheese
pineapple
huge shampoo

and........ a TV! I couldn't get my DVD player to hook up to the old TV so they bought another one for me!

EVERY DAY IS CHRISTMAS if you have generous, well-off parents. I really do appreciate it.

I'd take a fourth ben up the pee hole

Fact: it is very depressing to bring home your brand new DVD player and realize you do not have batteries for the TV remote or DVD remote. And it's 2 in the morning so you can't get any. And the future of Tron lies in the blance.

Also I bought it during my break at work and got stuck behind the bitchiest customer of all time, which only shows you that I can't escape them. Ever.

I also watched the He Man movie with Opt, Jersey, and Jersey's girlfriend. Well I should use the term watch loosely we all ended up talking. In social settings I get very loud and bossy, I realized afterwards, and was sad. But all was good. I spread the gospel of the OK Go video and Ass Pennies.

at least I am not a dead clown being fucked by a stranger

So...... I am not so fond of not being able to fall asleep until 4 a.m., then once falling asleep, waking up at 6, 8, 9, and finally not being able to fall asleep again at 10.

Sadness.

Robo-Spierre is not a hoebag

New year's resolution: (okay, I know this is August) gossip less.

I was in the middle of gossiping about people at work with Opt today, and ended up remembering a discussion I had with one of the new people. In this discussion, I called HTS a douche, told her Jersey is an alcoholic, that Flow Chart flips out when under pressure, reamed a couple of the Mulv's less endearing qualities even though he doesn't even work there anymore, and maybe hit a few other people in between.

I remember one of the things I hated about Weak was the very first day I was there people would blatantly share horrible things and opinions about people I hadn't even met yet.

But.... on the other hand I think what I said was all true. HTS IS a douche. Jersey, though I love him, is a borderline alcoholic. Flow chart does flip out. She'll need to know this stuff, right? Also I feel less bad in that she already does think HTS is a douche, so I didn't really turn her against him to begin with.

Also: apparently my ass is very good. I was very depressed after the night IRTR told me I had a nice ass because he is very old and it was a little creepy (I have started avoiding him a little now) and I can't ever get non crazy old folks to hit on me. But apparently I had secretly been inducted into a secret ass appreciation society long ago at work. Though this is hard to verify, as apparently all people in this society no longer work there.

But, that gets me even more depressed about my personality and/or rest of my body. Because if I have some crazy awesome ass I never knew about and even that can't get me guys, what is up with that?

Anyway, today was pretty awesome. My parents and I are going to Sam's Club sometime soon. I had really only planned to buy fruit, but my mom said this trip they would pay for whatever I got. So first off: FREE FRUIT! Secondly, I'm not going to go crazy and make them not want to let me mooch off of them ever again, but.. FREE OTHER STUFF I WILL MAKE IT A POINT TO BUY THAT DAY TOO! Also we had dinner at crazy awesome chinese place on their dime.

Then I hung out with Opt. I love that she doesn't mind my crazy inane chatter. I will seriously get started on something random and she totally doesn't go, "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT RHETT MILLER AND THE SICK CONVERSATIONS YOU HAVE ABOUT CLOWN NECROPHILIA." We watched that OK Go video and she loves it as much as I do, too. I still have to show her the video this blog is named after sometime, after she left I was like, "doh."

We played an AWESOME card game called Guillotine. I won! I totally got Robospierre all three times! And because I can't pronounce it correctly I started calling him Robo-Spierre like Robo Cop so then I kept doing my impression of Robospierre as robocop over and over and she didn't yell at me then either even though I'm sure it got old.

Skinner!

Me: jesus mary joseph I hate colitis
Ryan: :Ryan: been bad today?
Me: eh not really
Me: it just always sucks
Me: and every so often I get mad
Me: and am like, "DAMN YOU COLITIS"
Ryan: :Ryan: colitis is your kahn
Me: KHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!
Ryan: COLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS
Me: haha, I can't remember who it was the other day but I was shouting their name like how Superintendant Chalmers says "Skinner!!"
Ryan: haha nice
Me: I think it was a guy named Adam but I can't remember which adam it was. "ADAM!!"
Me: I actually am not too fond of eihter Adam at work
Ryan: so you shout at both of them in a chalmers-tone?
Me: I should
Me: I was only doing it to one of them yesterday but I am going to extend the policyto both
Me: and perhaps any other employee I am not too fond of
Ryan: haha I agree with this
Me: but mostly they have to have two syllable names or it won't work

I spend all my energy standing upright

So I finally got around to comic-izing one of my favorite horrible stories from work. It's called "your voice is very nasal" and is in the "retales" section. As always, the first three panels really happened.

8 times the population of nebraska

Okay..... actually I have decided on one just now. It's "You Think You're Better Than Me?"

From this.

Give me your eyes! I need sunshine!

Oh also I wanted to ask if anyone has any opinions on what I should name this blog.

It's kind of weird..... it seems other than the first name I had for my blog, which I had for years, something bad happens to the blog and I either change it voluntarily or in this case am forced to change it.

First option: Nobody knows you and nobody gives a damn

Second Option: Straining to Void

Third Option: There's Always Someone Cooler Than You

Fourth Option: I'd tell you to blow it out your ass but my dick's in the way

Fifth Option: I'd Hate To Think This Was All a Test

Sixth Option: No One Ever Blames the Butterfly

Seventh Option: You Think You're Better Than Me?

uh... that's all I thought of just now. Any thoughts?

Jésus will save us!

So I realized today I am an asshole.

I was in traffic, and the left turn arrow blinks on and the person ahead of me like won't turn, and finally I just get really pissed and honk at him.... until I realize he was not turning because he did not want to run over this woman with an honest to god perambulator and her german shepard crossing the street and I felt horrible.

So no, I'm not the sort of asshole who is in favor of running over women with german shepards and outmoded baby conveyances, but apparently I AM the sort of asshole who just starts getting angry and honking at people without even doing the slightest check to see if they have a good reason.

I. Hate. Driving.

for you I'll never have rough sex with Molly Connelly again

Me: so I rationalize to myself how much emo I listen to
Me: and I finally gave up
Me: and am like, "Okay yes I listen to a lot of emo."
Me: I used to be like, "Well Saves the Day is the only emo I really love so it's the only one that counts, and they're better than the rest anyway."
Me: "Coheed and Cambria isn't REEALLY emo, they're very unique."
Me: "Okay, Brand New is emo but they are really good so they don't count."
Me: "Fine, I have a Fall Out Boy cd, but I didn't buy it myself and I don't listen to it that often."
Me: "Yeah, I d/led Panic! at the Disco from someone, but technically that is disrespecting them. I STOLE their intellectual property. That is not real love."
Me: "I only liked Motion City Soundtrack a couple months, okay!"
Me: but I was listening to Say Anything today
Me: and was like, "SCREW IT I LOVE THIS."
Me: true story
Ryan: haha
Ryan: yeah nice try

I'm so happy cause today I found my friends

Maaan... it sucks to have to close every day. I didn't realize how hard it was to set up any kind of social interaction. But yeah, every day last week except one, every day this week except for two, every day next week except for one.

And apparently I suck at getting people to hang out on the days I don't close, or, more likely, THEY SUCK AT RETURNING PHONE MESSAGES.

values

It's kind of funny, today I was talking to the trainer (weirdly enough i don't think I ever came up with a name for her, she's pretty cool and I like her an dall, but she doesn't really feature in my anecdotes that often) and she was asking me if the new RHCP album was family friendly, because her daughter wants it. And I couldn't remember or not but there's no parental advisory on it, so I said something like, "Well there's no advisory, but it IS the chili peppers, I wouldn't really put it past them to stick something dirty in." But then it turned out her kid is sixteen. Flow Chart and I were kind of like, "eh, nothing she's never heard before," and she was like, "yes, but I don't want to condone it."

So... I found that interesting. By the time I was thirteen I was freely buying albums with parental advisorys on (and I wasn't doing it before then because I wasn't interested in music more than I'd been barred from it) and had been watching R rated movies since I was like ten. Maybe younger, I can't really remember a time before I didn't watch them all the time with my parents. I remember a few times being suprised and irritated when I went to see an R movie without them and forgetting that they wouldn't let me in.

But I am seriously the most sheltered person I know. Or at least was until a few years ago. I blame it on having no friends till high school, and then they were all churchy people. So anyway I guess what I have to say to parents everywhere, if you're really serious about sheltering the hell out of your kids: shake down the friends, ignore the music. And also don't let them talk to anyone on the internet.

In other news a conversation from the internet:


Me: fact: spongebob mac & cheese does not really resemble spongebob or his friends
Ryan: does it taste like them?/
Me: I've never tasted them before
Me: but if they are delicious
Me: YES
Ryan: haha
Me: man I hope I get that promotion
Me: because mac and cheese is nice
Me: but I'd like to afford other things as weel
Ryan: haha yeah
Ryan: it's not that nice
Me: spongebob mac and cheese certainly isn't
Me: I got it because it said it had vitamins in it
Me: for my growing body
Me: but it doesn't taste as good
Me: bizarre texture, and strangely, synthetic vitamins don't taste delicious :P
Me: maybe I really was eating sponge
Me: "haha, you misread, it's not spongeBOB"
Ryan: "bob's sponge"
Me: that's even grosser to me because I know a guy named bob
Me: and I would not eat anything that ever touched him
Me: the one thing I like is that he calls himself bobby and I can be like, "dammit, bobby!"
Me: "that boy ain't right"
Ryan: only if you say it in that voice
Me: I do my best to say it in that voice
Me: I also deface all the things he's (for some reason) labeled "Bobby's Stuff" by replacing stuff with world
Me: man, this is how much freaking sugar I eat:
Me: when I try to eat less sugar, and I don't mean like unreasonably litte, just cutting back a little, I just fricking start binging on it after a day
Me: because I already miss sugar that much
Ryan: haha that's definitely not good
Ryan: arrite, it's time for sleep
Ryan: I'll talk to you tomorrow
Me: yeah well I think I am gaining weight. Because while I moved out of my parents house full of crap, at work we still have all that candy
Me: so I am trying to be healthier
Me: and failing
Ryan: stop getting fat!
Me: stop sleeping all the damned time!
Ryan: man I bet I sleep less than you
Me: I bet you can suck it!
Ryan: and I'm still exhausted from all the craziness from moving
Ryan: and how life likes to give me the finger
Me: I'm exhausted from having a horrible life
Me: does that count?
Ryan: kind of
Me: you know how people who are depressed sleep all the time?
Me: that's me

baby makin'

OK GO's new video for "Here It Goes Again" makes me want to have their babies.

Seriously.

every night now will be Steven's last night in town

Whoa. So Mouse quit, then Mul, then Sista...... and now it's like crazy snowballing quitting people, we've got El Camino and Jazz Hands leaving too, and today the new Sup gave his notice.

Which I am totally psyched about, because he sucked. I was like YESSSS!!!, and tried to like, not act totally jazzed about it to his face when he told me, but probably failed. And then the second thing I did, was as soon as I got on break, text Opt about it because she hates him even more than I do. Then I texted Nicole about it. Because I've gotten so used to the slap in the face half break that when I get a whole break it's like, "what am I going to do with this time?"

Anyway, I'm going to post for his job, too. If Opt or someone gets it, I won't be upset, because at least it's an improvement to have someone actually competant in charge. But if they hire from the outside again, I'm going to be super pissed, and probably start looking elsewhere for a job. Because seriously, how much of a fuck you would that be? Hiring someone from the outside instead of me would say they'd rather train someone from total scratch than take someone they have known for a year now who, I like to think, pretty much knows most of her shit by now. Especially given the incompetance AND short term of the guy quitting. And helping train him for the job I wanted felt horrible. I don't really want to do that again.