So tired....

I love, love, love Jeremy but sleeping in the same bed as him can be problematic even at the best of times. I feel bad mentioning it to him or on here, but I mentioned it to someone once and they said he'd feel worse if I was keeping something from him. I told him that and he agreed.

But there's no solution that I can think of. Even if we wanted to be lameass frigid WASPS from the 50's who sleep in separate beds, there's nowhere to do so. The room with the couch has a rabbit who likes to loudly move things around his cage all night. The room with a futon has a cat who would walk all over me and claw my face all night, or if moved, meow and scratch at the door (either mine or Jeremy's) aall night.

And there's nothing Jeremy can do, I don't think. I mean, if he could control flinging limbs onto me, rolling over me, stealing the blankets, general tossing and turning, etc, he wouldn't do it in the first place.

I wish I weren't an insomniac... that's a bother even when Jeremy isn't aggravating it. It takes me forever to get to sleep. And sometimes when I'm woken up in the middle of the night, I can fall back asleep again, and sometimes I can't. Also, I might be wrong, but I think the way sleep works it's bad to be interrupted a lot, with REM cycles and all that. I know I feel tireder if I get interrupted a bunch than if I just have a smaller total time with no interruptions. Also I think it's cumulative... one night with almost no sleep is not as bad for me as several nights in a row of mediocre sleep.

So yeah... first night: Jeremy tossed and turned a fuck ton. He was tired too in the morning, and didn't know why till I told him what he'd be doing all night.
Next night: his parents house. I have trouble anyway in strange places, and I guess he did too.
Next night: Home again, but he was extremely sore from a workout he got at his parents house, and couldn't find a comfortable position.
Last night: same.

I really, really envy people who can fall asleep whenever they want to, and can ignore their partner's movements. Even when Jeremy's not being that bad, I find it hard to sleep through his movements. Even when there's no Jeremy it takes me at least an hour to fall asleep initially, more if it's a bad night. Is it that much at ask for to just get some good sleep?

Oh and of course it's also hard to sleep right now because I have my insanely itchy welt I now get every two weeks because of the medicine I take, that I now have to take forever. The medicine that also puts one at an increased risk of leukemia. Because if I'm not doing everything I can about my stupid colon disease (which, if unchecked increases one's chance of colon cancer--so I guess it's a trade off) my stupid job won't let me get my absences covered by FMLA. But this itch is literally so bad that I would rather have a day of bowel clenching pain every week than itching so bad exactly half my time on earth that I think I am going to go blind, and certainly know that I'm driven to distraction. It's impossible to think of anything else.

Whine whine whine. Whatever.

So I gave this blog address to a friend. I remember how nervous I used to be to do that, because I was worried I'd want to talk smack about that friend in the future and be unable to do it. Yeah, I'm a great person.

But I don't blog enough anymore to be laying down the smack and I don't really have any friends who currently need smack so it's okay.

If he reads it, that will bring it up to a grand total of two people who read this (not counting me), I think. I know Jeremy used to read it but now that we live together I think he thinks he knows what's going on with me and doesn't need to read it. Which is probably true, I rarely have an unexpressed thought :/

And then a lot of my other friends gave up reading it when I stopped posting as much. Tina (what did I do to deserve a friend like you, Tina?) seems to be the only one.

I'm not upset or anything. It just sometimes makes me wonder if I'm too vain, all writing about the ins and outs of my life when not too many would care. But I feel bad stopping. So I guess I won't!

In other news: health has gotten a lot better. 2 and a half weeks without missing work now. It's sad that that's a victory, but it is! I'm due to see the doctor tomorrow, I need to ask him about the itchy welts the medication gives me at the injection site. But at least I'm not having as many poo issues.

Also yesterday I tripped on the way to work, the same route I always use. I got a hole in my brand new pants. And if you knew how seldom I buy pants, you would be angry about this too. I scraped that knee, bruised the other, and scraped up my hand too.