the whole world is waiting to see when you fall

Me: we should just swap
Me: I'm your dad
Me: you're my mom
Me: your dad's my step uncle
Ryan: haha
Me: my mom's your half cousin once removed
Me: everyone wins
Me: and the best thing is you can tell your step uncle or half cousin once removed to shove it whenever you want
Ryan: haha true
Ryan: I'd be okay with that
Me: I would be a great father to you
Ryan: haha thanks
Ryan: and I'd be an awesome mother
Me: eat your vegetables! study hard! Be a man like me!
Me: you would
Me: you'd all nurture me and teach me how to wear makeup
Ryan: it's true
Me: "Phoexx0r, your first period is very special"
Ryan: blood! everywhere!
Me: haha
Ryan: YOU'RE DYING
Me: "OH MY GOD WHERE IS A DOCTOR WHEN YOU NEED HIM"
Ryan: haha
Ryan: "That's just a way for god to punish sinners"
Me: haha
Me: "how have I sinned?"
"prancing those damned my little ponies all over the place like you own it"
Ryan: haha
Ryan: my little ponies are tools of the DEVIL
Me: haha "I invented elecricity! My little ponies are the devil!"

it's hard to even want to try

Things I really need to do:

dishes
look for a job
call my dentist

Things I am doing:

nothing

your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

Noodles = awesome. I actually had my best turnout ever! It was worth taking up the big table! Hooray!

Work = pretty good. I enjoy doing merch. Also, Opt has picked up the catchphrase, "Suck on my Junk" from this comic I made, and when she would tell random inanimate objects to suck on her junk, it made me laugh my ass off. Her delivery is not as good as Ryan's, but more unexpected.

By the way, I made a new one today.

I am not fine last night I saw you online

So I just had a fabulous evening full of good people (Opt and the Downstairs Neighbors), good TMBG, and good food (teriyaki chicken & rice, brownies, pineapple).

1) thanks to my parents, they provided the chicken and pineapple. One of my regrets about them finding my old blog (besides them seeing how much they irritate me sometimes, how filthy I am nowadays, the fact that they fucking invaded my privacy) is the fact that I didn't really blog about things I appreciated about them, so they must think I'm a bitch. Anyway they are definately not reading it now, but I really, really do appreciate all the food they bought me and all the other financial help they've given me since I moved out. I feel kind of crappy that I am not totally independent, but it is nice to afford to eat well and also to treat people who have treated me to a meal or two in the past.

2) Thanks to opt, she provided veggies & bread, & TMBG documenteries.

3) Thanks to the neighbors, they provided the brownies.

So of these people, only Opt reads this. I dunno, it's not like I wouldn't be okay with the neighbors reading this (despite the repeated slams against boy downstairs neighbor for having an unhealthy fixation on knives and reading books based on the Magic card game, he would find it amusing). It just doesn't really come up. Plus they don't really have the interweb.

Tomorrow I go back to work, suxx0r. I wish my mini vacation had been less mini. I'm pretty sure whoever did new releases in my absence fucked them up. Unless that person was Kevin. But I doubt it, Kevin probably has more important things.

I do have Noodlemania tomorrow, which is awesome. I will Noodle the town red. I'm not sure who's going to show up, but Opt and Baby Stealer and Nebrasky are definates. Nebrasky even called me up tonight to make sure it was still on (and offered to lean on Thug to come). The Neev and IRTR both sounded like they might come as well. And maybe some of the n00bs read my poster and actually are frickin' coming (doubtful, I apparently have to lean pretty hard on people unless they are friends of mine anyway to get them to come to these things).

Oh by the way apparently Jersey and I are never going to speak again. Unless I get the job at State Farm and end up working with him again. Anyway he is a total weasel, apparently Opt was talking with his girlfriend, who told Opt, who told me, the reason Jersey will not speak to me is he thinks he fucked things up so bad this time it's not worth it to try to save our friendship, it's already over.

WEASEL! WEASELY FUCKING WEASEL FUCKER! If he even tried to appologize in even way I would probably forgive him. I have no balls. He knows this. But I am not going to be the one who comes to him and does all the work. And coming from someone who desperately holds onto all friendships---1) it really hurts to not go ahead and try to make contact with him anyway, but I know he'll never learn if I am all "it's alright nevermind" to him which is basically what he apparently wants and 2) I really don't understand someone who will give up a friendship over one incident. Especially over such a minor one, in this case. All he did was ditch me for the millionth time and get called out on it for once. I don't see that as a friendship ender.

yaaaaaaaaar

So I haven't dressed up for halloween in yeeeeeeears. Not since, like, grade school or Jr. High. I have had costumes that I have liked from time to time, but honestly it was all a vehicle to get candy. And once I got too old for the trickin' and a treatin', all effort left.

BUT, at work we can dress up for halloween, and it just seems worth it to dress up in something stupid while I'm at work since I can.

So, for whatever reason I decided I wanted to be Jared Leto. This was basically an excuse to give myself ludicrous cornrows and confuse people. And wear like a ton of eyeliner for no reason, like he seems to be most of the time.

But I keep being like, "Man cornrows are too much work," and I am now going to lunch before work. So I'm not sure if I want to just do the eyeliner and a note on myself that says "Jared Leto" or not do it at all. Or go to lunch looking like a tard and spending way too much time & effort giving myself cornrows. If I even can. It looks kind of hard.

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR NEVER TALK TO STRANGER

So today Lister said he'd lend me Red Dwarf. WIN! Everything is falling into place for me, as far as watching things I've meant to watch for years now (I count my recent viewings of Young Ones and Memento as more proof). I guess once Trainspotting fell, the rest was bound to follow.

I just have to make sure to remind him, because I'm not seeing him again before he and his wife go to Hawaii, and lending people Red Dwarf is the sort of thing that gets forgotten while you and your wife are in Hawaii.

I think I dropped the ball on Noodlemania, I shouldn't have decided a day only two days before I was going to be gone for three days, and I shouldn't have decided on a day right when I come back. If I am not there to badger people into coming, they will not come. I've heard positive things from IRTR, Thug, and Nebrasky, though.

Today sucked pretty hard, they scheduled me for registers ALL DAY. DW had some training or other to do that fell through, though, so he was nice and took two hours of it. But still... and I was kind of irritated at Lister, because he was trying to make me do IPT things at reg when what I really wanted to do was what little I could with new releases before leaving for the next three days, coming back, and having to deal with a cart done entirely by people who have no idea what they are doing. It seemed like a waste of resources, ANYONE could probably do the IPT things about as well as I do, but most people are not likely to do any good at the merch things I wanted to get done.

Also I'm trying to coordinate something with Opt, myself, and girl downstairs neighbor, and I don't think I'm doing that great of a job.

first you must cure your temper

Dance Whore put this romance novel, Vikings! on hold under my name, and for once it didn't take me 8 days to notice, and I laughed pretty hard. I am pretty sure it's him, anyway, because I know he's mocked the book to me before, and I had recently put this Gallagher DVD on hold under his name and he was getting me back.

Oh, also I took one of his business cards a long time ago and replaced "bookseller" with "love machine" and put it up in a visible place on his desk. And I realized the other day that now I have to deface Kevin and Elaine's desks in some way, because in addition to doing that to DW's desk I've put:

"Aw snap, I done brought the sexy back!" on Lister's Darth Vader cutout.

a "Don't ask about the stolen baby" label across Baby Stealer's computer monitor.

various random things on Nebrasky's cube of postit notes, most of them involving how I eat at his desk all the time when they are training new people in the break room.

So I don't want Elaine and Kevin to feel unloved.....

It also kind of makes me miss back when Double Dizzle and I would sneak "Zoo Off!" onto each other's various things.

I decided to have another Noodles outing, I don't know how it'll work though. People are very noncommital! So far Nebrasky is the only fo' sho' I was like, "What are you doing on Monday?" and he was like, "I'M FUCKIN' GOING TO NOODLES WITH YOU!" and then we high fived each other with so much force that it hurt.

I also rented movies for the first time since.. wow, I think when Ryan was here. I just never seem to have the time. Anyway, I got Memento and I Heart Huckabees. Which... Memento, I think I built up too much in my head. I think it's a decent movie but not "whoa awesome" like I was expecting. I Heart Huckabees just kind of sucked. The premise kind of reminded me of the Dirk Gently novels, which is why I wanted to see it, but unlike those, this movie was not really "funny." Or "profound." Or "not annoying."

What has two thumbs and finds Jude Law unbelievably smarmy (though I'll grand you that's what he's going for in this movie)? Thiiiiiiiiiis guuuuuuuuuy.

All I need is a little discourage

So this conversation on the walkie talkies happened when I was not at work, but Opt kindly documented it (and then had to tell me about it anyway because I didn't notice the note in my mailbox). I think it only shows how truly awesome my coworkers are:

Explosion: Who's making fun of my "Applied Mechanics" book?
Opt: Ha ha, you're a mechanic!
Exp: Actually, that's a physics book.
Nebrasky: Your mom is a physics book!
Nebrasky: ..That one's going out to Phoexx0r
Thug: too bad she's already gone
Opt: but not from our hearts
Nebrasky: Oh. That's not as funny, then.

I've decided I like Explosion (despite his slowness in the displayed conver where he doesn't realize Opt knows what applied mechanics are) because he brought in Idlewild for music after close tonight. Idlewild! Total win.

it dawned on me

Today was.... meh. Not great, not horrible. I actually got a second to do the pricing of new releases today in the back, which made me sooo happy. And the stuff was actually alphabetized correctly! I think Hootie is who to thank on that one. There was a n00b doing stuff to new releases yesterday, including PUTTING THE ANTI THEFT TAGS DIRECTLY ON THE PRICE STICKERS making it so you cannot scan the item. Plus you could probably get the anti theft tags off pretty easily by just pulling off the price sticker. But I cruised by not to long before I left for the day yesterday, and pointed all this out. So the noob corrected what she could, and I think Hootie did the alphabetization.

And I got to do the pricing, so I know it's right. I seriously heart Kevin, when I was complaining about not having time to do anything yesterday, he specifically put on the schedule today that I had to get two hours for merch. AND, I don't know if this has anything to do with it either, but I got no time at all on registers.

The not great things about today were that Getz apparently broke up with her boyfriend, and got kind of mean with the teasing today. She usually is pretty rough, but today she was doing extremely horrible things like asking Kevin if he minded that he was twice as old as Thug. Kevin's response was "I am not!" because he is about two years short of that. So Getz goes into how she feels weird that Thug is her supervisor but so much younger than her. I have to say, Thug made me laugh uproariously when he said, "is it because you're going to die before me?" and when she was like, "No," he was like, "Well, you are going to die before me." I did feel bad for her, though. I offered to hug her despite the fact that she had a cold AND I hate touching people, but she turned me down.

As well, Opt and I were watching the Young Ones which Elaine so generously lended me, and her roommate just randomly decided to stay out of town another day, thus forcing Opt to go home and let her roommate's dogs out lest the dogs poop all over everything.

everything will change oooooooooooo

I'm getting pretty tired of all the BS at work.

Example A: the customers

I don't know if I blogged it, but a dude fuckin' handed me something that had BEEN IN HIS MOUTH the other day. I am not making this up. He had his credit card in his mouth while he was digging through his wallet. And in my head I'm like, "don't pay with that card don't pay with that card don't pay with that card," and of course, he does. I gave him the most disgusted look on earth when he handed it to me, but of course he did not notice. And I knew I couldn't just not take it.

Okay, it's one thing when people lick their finger to go through the money they hand me. It's fucking disgusting and I hate it but people don't even think twice about doing it. And it's another thing when people hand me a book their little kid has slobbered all over. I mean... I rationalize it to myself that a baby is not likely to have very many serious diseases yet. I'm not going to get hep C from a partially digested board book.

But an adult human being handed me something that had been in his mouth less than five seconds prior. Immediately afterwards I called someone up to cover registers while I went and washed my hands.

Today, however, was the crowning achievement. Thoughtlessness of credit card mouth dude at least was not meant as a personal insult.

This dude has something on hold, I find it start ringing it up and he's like, "I think I've had dealings with you before." In this tone of voice that makes it very clear that he hates my guts.

But I play dumb and am like, "Good dealings?" in this syrupy voice. And of course the son of a bitch is like "no," and then angrily stares at me without elaborating the whole rest of the transaction, and then fucking gets on my case when it takes me a couple seconds to count up the pile o' change he hands me (okay, I count/add slower than a lot of people. But dude, it's you're fault it's taking me twice the time I usually take, because I add a lot better when I'm not flustered by severe hatred just wafting off of the person I'm talking to).

I'd like to point out that there's at least a 50% chance that I am not the one he's pissed at. People SUCK at keeping retail drones straight, perhaps because they don't see us as real human beings. I have been mistaken for at least half my female coworkers at various times. I'd also like to point out that there is a 90% chance that whoever offended him probably did not do anything wrong, he's just an asshat who was ready to take offense at anything*. Furthermore, I'd like to point out that in the unlikely case someone from the store really was a jerk to him, he probably deserved it. In fact, I do hope I was the one who pissed him off, so at least I got to stick it to this bastard somehow instead of just facing his wrath for no reason.

Also: who holds onto this stuff for the express purpose of making someone else miserable? what could I have done to this man that was so bad that he not only made a point to remember me (hell, even after today I doubt I remember what he looks like, I definately don't remember what the credit card mouth guy looks like or remembered bastardy guy from whatever altercation we may have had in the past) but to seek me out to make me feel horrible. If you are that upset, you just stop shopping at this place. There is a perfectly good Barnes and Noble just down the street you jerk. If you really fucking have to, complain to a manager and get me in trouble so I know what I did wrong and can avoid pissing off touchy-ass people like you in the future. But coming to my store to make me feel bad for some unknown reason is just shit. Also picking on someone in retail is like kicking a puppy. We're not allowed to defend ourselves at all. We have to bend over and take it!

I dunno. It just really blows that I wasn't promoted, because I think that would've fixed, to some degree, a lot of the problems I have with what I'm currently doing. Number one, obviously, money.

Number 2, I really don't think I would get so angry at people like this, and/or just secretly angry at customers in general if I weren't so burned out on spending 3 hours minimum at registers every day except for mondays, on which I still end up at registers sometimes.

Number 3, when I am not at registers I am always needed on the floor, so I can never get back to the cage to do what I need to do without distractions. I have to keeper and sticker multimedia AT registers. Which makes it so I have to pick up every register assistance call, since I'm right there. Which, there are a lot because it's been busy and the n00bs need lots of help. So I don't get what I need to get done done, and I end up spending all day at registers like I did today. Boss-boss especially cheeses me off, because she'll have me do nothing during the one hour of the day (it's pretty slow right after we open) I could actually be productive, because she is busy with other things (though other managers somehow seem to take me into consideration in the mornings a lot more), and then bring up the things I need, that I can't get to, because I'm not a fucking supervisor, AFTER I have ten million people at registers breathing down my throat.

Number 4, maybe people would fucking LISTEN to me! I don't want to be too critical of new people, because I was new once, and I know I made my share of mistakes. I remember how anal Supertramp was about various things when I started, and I feel like I am turning into him in that respect. Only since I don't have any authority people don't listen or care that when they fuck up it makes a lot more work for me. But I have told everyone the rules on alphabetizing new releases, repeatedly. I have posted them up there in case they get confused. And people still fuck it up! They won't look at the sticker, which I have told them over and over and over again. They somehow manage to fuck up things that the only knowledge needed for is the alphabet! And then they fuck up pricing them too, even when I've gone through and fixed people's shitty alphabetizing. I wouldn't have to depend on retards and fuck ups if they ever gave me enough time to do this myself, but obviously they won't.

Anyway, I'm getting pretty angry. It's insane to compare how much I loved this job a year ago when I started to how angry I am ALL THE TIME now. Like, even if a customer is a decent person but they are just taking a long time to decide on something or dig through their wallet, I secretly hate them. I hate all children, moms, middle aged women, old people, foreigners, the mentally disabled, rich people, pervs, people who listen to popular music or read Oprah books, and probably more just on principle when I see them walking up. That is a lot of hatred to carry around and it feels horrible.

But on the other hand, most of the other jobs I think I could get I would hate just as much or more.

Lastly, this is only a moderate annoyance and only moderately related to work but I felt like throwing it in. I mean it's definately related to work, but it's one person, and given how great most of the rest of my coworkers are, it doesn't feel like, "one more thing about work I hate!" it's more like, "man, that so-and-so is a douche, I feel like complaining about it." Anyway I was at registers the other day and someone had a book that was only 20% off and it was stickered 30% off. So I gave the person the 30% off but was trying to get the rest of the books like that priced properly, only I couldn't do it myself because I was at registers. So I kind of float the problem over the wire and hope someone's not too busy or too much of a slacker to respond and help. So Sexy responds, I tell him to look up the proper price in what we call "the book bible." And 20% is right. So he goes to section, everything there is 20%. I tell him to check display too, and he's all "I don't know how to check for that. Which... is basically using the book bible, which he just did, and he should fuckin' know how to use it by now. So I tell him if he comes up to register and covers for five minutes I'll do it my damn self. And he's like, "no, I have to go on break now, Lister said." And I'm like, "WELL TELL RENEGADE OR SOMEONE TO DO IT, SERIOUSLY MAN." And then he decides to try doing it himself after all. Man that guy is incompetant. I highly suspect he is also the reason for the children's audio books I found in children's music today.

________
* Seriously, we got an angry phone call the other day from this woman who was mad that her cashier said "have a nice day" instead of "thank you" at the end of the transaction.

who gives a damn about the profits at tesco?

Things I found in my 30 year old couch today:

-a child's berrette (barrette? How do you spell this word?)
-a pop bead
-a bulb from a christmas light

I decided to leave it all there because it amused me.

I'm gonna see the cow beneath the sea

So I made three new comics lately. They are called "Ryan Vs" and have their own category at the bottom of my comic index.

you can't say you've never had a doubt

I find myself complaining more and more about my job. I have to try and remember what I liked about it in the first place. Usually the obvious answer is my coworkers. And it still is. Even though we've had a ton of changeover, I've decided most of the new ones are pretty cool so far.

I'm kind of burned out on TMBG right now, but then when I sit down to listen to music I end up turning them on anyway, from lack of imagination, I guess. I try to think of something else to listen to, but nothing else really sounds good either. Maybe it's music as a whole rather than just TMBG.

Tomorrow I may be hanging out with my dad, my neighbors, or both (at different times). They were both very vague.

I should be allowed to shoot my mouth off

It's kind of funny, lately I've been thinking of burning a CD of music for my 'phew. More seriously than before, anyway. But nearly all the songs I think of for him are all "be an independent thinker!" "be yourself!" Which.... if he really listened to the lyrics and took them to heart (which, I never did listen to lyrics when I was little either so maybe this whole thing is moot), he is almost guaranteed to be miserable for his entire K-12 experience. That is kind of a mean thing to do to a toddler.

This is all based on the premise that his stupid parents would play the CD for him (negligible) and that he would like it once they did (I have no idea what the odds are on this one, my idea of children's music is probably not everyone else's. BUT he seems to like & dance to nearly everything, including his aunt poorly singing sea shanties).

thank you for the card with the cartoon nurse

Ryan: speaking of burn, I enjoy the burned hooker
Ryan: you are good at drawing them
Me: haha thanks
Me: I think it's because I practice on real hookers
Ryan: I kind of figured as much
Ryan: you have a lot of models to use
Me: that one was based on Starla, she's one of my favorites
Me: There's a little bit of Brandi and Crystal thrown in too
Ryan: haha
Ryan: nice
Ryan: Did you take them to the fair?
Me: yeah. Burning hookers on a tilt a whirl is maaagical
Ryan: haha
Ryan: it's like one of those spinning fireworks things
Ryan: only.. it screams

Fromage: My log in button was grey and lifeless...it was very sad.
Me: did you cry a single tear for it?
Fromage: No, but I did track the path it would have made down my face with my finger, frown, and say out loud, "single tear"
Me: I do that all the time
Me: only sarcastically
Me: and not when I'm alone

Eris Arron Pressey you fuck mother! In ass!

Okay the sink leak has gotten exponentially bad. So that's not good. I'm going to talk to my landlord when he's here tomorrow for the preliminary thing before the inspection. I'm also suspecting the smell might be related, as there's a whole bunch of mold under there because of all the water.

In other news we got a new supervisor today. Part of me wants to stab him because he is only 21. But he's worked for the store (in another location) longer than I have so he probably does deserve it. Anyway his nickname on here is going to be "Thug," as we were talking chain wallets (he has one, though I doubt his has cool flames like mine) and he said the reason he got his is because he is a thug. Then Getz, who was also there, was all sad because she couldn't be a thug because she did not have a chain wallet. But Thug was like, "You don't need a chain wallet. I mean, you can take the thug out of the ghetto, but..." And it was hilarious because he is a skinny white boy who managed to say it totally deadpan.

Also I appreciate anyone who, on the first day of knowing someone, will just go ahead and hold up a Sufjan Stevens cd and a Justin Timberlake cd and say, "I don't really know these guys, but something tells me they are really great at cuddling."

That amusingness + Kevin being extra hilarious today (among other things, he had put this CD that was "classical music for... whatever" on hold under my name, and the woman on the cover had this crazy pose) was actually what got me through the day. I was so tired today, like a million times worse than yesterday, even though I got no sleep night before last and I got about 7 last night. I guess it caught up to me.

It was worth it though. Even though I was probably scarily cranky last night (I have these crazy mood swings and sometimes pick fights with people when I am sleep deprived) I had a lot of fun at Nebrasky's "an evening with Ali G." His friends are pretty cool, we got a LOT of mileage out of the phrase "you like hee-haw?" and we all watched racist cartoons as well as Ali G AND the Young Ones, which (weirdly coincidental) I had actually tried to rent the day before but got sidetracked.

Me: Yeah so I only got one hour of sleep last night.
Opt: But I thought you kicked the sleeping pill habit
Me: I did, I'm back to my normal sleeping patterns
Opt: then why did you get no sleep?
Me: these are the sleeping patterns that led me to get addicted to over the counter sleep pills in the first place.

Me: Can you check me out?
Nebrasky: Does the pope shit in the woods?
Me: I hope so.
Nebrasky: You know it! *kicks the air for no reason though later I learned he was trying to be Will Ferrell at the end of Old School*

Dance Whore: I really think there are probably a lot of teachers named Betty. It just seems like a teachery name.
Me: Yeah, but what last name would go with that? Kranston?
DW: Betty Kranston sounds like a mean teacher. Like she'd just slap you with a ruler for no reason.
Me: "I'm Betty Kranston! They suspended my teaching license on account of that coma I put that kid in. But he came right out! Whiners"
DW: "You don't know me! I raise my kids! I have a job! I pay the payments on my car!"
Opt walks up. "Who are you making fun of?"
And we had to tell her we were making fun of a ficticious character we made up thirty seconds ago.

Kevin: Oh, I forgot my secret notebook.
Me: What's secret about it?
Kevin: *raises an eyebrow* Wouldn't you like to know?

Things that are hilarious about my across the hall neighbor's writing career:

1) He is basically stealing a real life incident that happened to someone without that person's permission. So he is coming up with a fake name and putting credit cards in that fake name.

2) He thinks taking up writing will quickly solve his cash flow problems.

3) He wants to put an entire novel on floppy disks.

4) he thinks he is not boring

Other randomness:

My appartement has a smell. I don't know what it is. I don't like it, but it's not clearly identifiable as poo or anything that would give me a clue as to how to stop the smell.

My sink has a leak. I can't tell what pipe it's coming from.

I am going to enjoy some Ali G tonight.

the place with the most allure

Ryan: The first rule of gun club is, you do not shoot other people at gun club
Ryan: the second rule of gun club is..
Ryan: YOU DO NOT SHOOT OTHER PEOPLE AT GUN CLUB

rabbi vole will play the so-lo

So I finally had the mail confrontation. Apparently the post office did take it. Across the hall neighbor was pretty pissed and will probably never talk to me again. Downstairs neighbors heard this exchange and told me that I am "awesome." Though I wish I had the balls to tell him no in the first place instead of being passive agressive. The dn's thought I sounded pretty insincere, though, so maybe he does get that I do not want to speak to him.

The stupid city is having some stupid inspection, by the way. And of course it's 9 o clock on a day I have off and would otherwise get to sleep in. And of course "sometime on monday morning" my stupid landlord is going to be poking around. Of course I close on monday and would otherwise GET TO SLEEP IN.

FUCK YOU FUCKERS. I'm bad at napping, have insomnia, and close a lot. I need my goddamned sleep!

demanding constant attention will only lead to attention

Ryan: I had some problems there

Ryan: mostly word structure rules
like.. how the "silent final e" works, or why there are two letters together
and then we had this big list of "phonograms" that we had to memories
memorize
Ryan: that were basically all the letter sounds, and then the combinations like "Sh" and "igh" and stuff
Me: so I really did learn about dick and jane early on

Me: HAHA

Me: man I can't even really remember learning reading
Me: except that my dad had this old ass McGuffy's reader
Me: so I really did learn about dick and jane early on

Ryan: haha
Me: that was pretty awesome though
I should just randomly stick that into conversations with no lead in
from now on
Ryan: yeah I was like "what the hell is she talking about"
Me: dick and jane, man! Try to keep up!
Ryan: I'm always behind when it comes to dick and jane
Me: well that's painfully obvious
Ryan: or maybe that should be.. I'm always behind jane when it comes to dick
Me: too late!
Ryan: damn
Me: you'll have to wait your whole life for another opportunity to use that line


Ryan: hm, girl from california may go shooting with us tomorrow morning
Me: woo guns and strangers from the internet!
Ryan: Yeah
Me: two great tastes that go together splendidly! :P
Ryan: I said "maybe our first time meeting should be something a little more mellow.. and not involving guns"
Ryan: But hey, I guess if they're some random crazy from the interweb, at least I'll have backup.. with guns..
Me: haha, you are correct, sir

some crazy bastard wants to hit me

Man. I MUST have it bad for TMBG. I was laying around this morning after I woke up. And I started thinking of all the things I have to do today, but I still was like, "I don't want to get up." And then finally, after about a half an hour I was like, "Man, I really want to hear "Wearing a Raincoat" and I was up with (relative) alacrity.

So you could say that TMBG is literally the reason I get up in the morning. At least you could say that today. Most of the time, I admit, it is other things.

I'm interested in things

I really enjoy hanging out with Opt. Before I started working in the store I had no one to discuss music with, and I am really glad to have that outlet now, even if she and I (and the rest of the store and I) differ somewhat.

I also enjoy the TMBG music she has helped me steal. On one hand I feel bad stealing from TMBG, but on the other hand: I probably will end up buying some of their stuff by and by. I already plan to buy Sufjan Steven's "The Avalanche," stolen from Mulva in July and Wolf Parade's "Apologies to the Queen Mary," stolen from Mouse in May (or at least get my parents to buy them for me for Christmas). On the other other hand, I'm not buying the majority of my pirated music back. I'm looking at you, 20 Rush albums! And... to be honest, you as well, many artists I actually do listen to. But not as much as TMBG, Sufjan, & Wolf Parade.

I also enjoy how she doesn't mind that I am utterly confused when it comes to playing cards and how disgusting I can make playing cards, and how I sarcastically yell, "YOU COULD STILL WIN THIS THING!" at her when she is losing. At cards.

My name is boba fett, I know my shit is tight

.....and, errr..... I have about 20 Rush albums now, thanks to my downstairs neighbor. I kind of was like, "Maybe I would like Rush, I've heard good things." And now I have 20 albums of theirs I'll never listen to. I kind of forgot that until I was going through my now massive music collection late at night when I'm supposed to be sleeping but can't because I'm not on drugs. And I realized that I have more Rush than TMBG or even Ben Folds. If someone did not know me, they'd be like, "That lady sure likes Rush."

like a jerk who's a joke

So the creepy neighbor's mail is gone. So either he has two keys and is back and got it himself, or else the post office got mad at him and took it all out. If it's the former, I'm kind of annoyed he hasn't come back to get his key from me and/or yell at me for the shitty job I did. I can't go to him, because the whole premise of this lie is that I "forgot" to do this for him. But I don't want to have his stupid key anymore.

Also, even after the fact that I re-explained new releases to all the people who did stuff with them, and wrote a manifesto about it and posted it up at registers, people are still not alphabetizing them right or stickering them right. It really gets me in a HULK SMASH mood, but I don't know what else I can do. I don't know if people don't listen because they don't want to, people don't listen because I'm not a supervisor, or if they are listening but just really suck/are incredibly stupid.

I've not been called back after my interview on Friday.

I really wish I knew what to do with my life.

your skin is a bladder full of... you

So I think I've surpassed the point where I have so much music on my computer that I can no longer listen to all of it.

Just in the last two days I got a Caviar album off of Nebrasky, and 9 They Might Be Giants Albums off of Opt.

But I've actually listened to (some) of these, unlike some of the stuff I have had sitting around unlistened for a few months now. So that's good.

I've returned to sister winter

So a friend of Mulva's I've met before stopped in today. He insisted on speaking in a very bad fake british accent the whole time. I thought of calling him on it, but it was more funny to watch him keep making an ass out of himself.

Yesterday, I downloaded the 2 free songs from Sufjan Stevens' Christmas album and I can't stop listening to "Sister Winter." It seriously might even be my favorite Sufjan song, Christmas or not. I suppose it helps that it is incredibly depressing, and I've been listening to a lot of depressing music lately.

here he comes here comes speed racer

I hate christmas music. HATE! So why am I drooling over this...?

In other news:


Me: I also think I'm in a phase where I like things with creepy lyrics
NYC: why do you think that is?
Me: I'm not sure
Me: I guess it makes me feel rebellious
NYC: haha
NYC: you rebel, you
Me: seriously
Me: coheed and cambria helped me face down a motorcycle gang
NYC: haha, you should write them a letter with that one
Me: coheed & cambria are deeply disturbed though. What if I wrote that letter and they came to kidnap me?
NYC: then you could always say "hey, i was kidnapped by c&c!"
Me: haha
NYC: would make for a good story
Me: "You think YOU'RE a coheed fan? LOOK AT THIS!" and I'd show them all my scars from where they chained me up
Me: "COHEED AND CAMBRIA CHAINED ME UP IN THEIR BASEMENT FOR 8 DAYS! One of the characters in their songs is based on me! The one that's chained in a basement for 8 days!"
NYC: you could even make a tshirt that said "I was violated by coheed and cambria and all i got was this stupid tshirt"
Me: haha "I even had to make it myself during the long period of convalescence I had afterwards"
Me: exactly
Me: "every day I look over my shoulder to make sure they are not coming back for me"


Me: I'm magic!
Me: or...... slightly less stupid than I pretend to be
NYC: pretend?
Me: jerk :P
NYC: you're the....
NYC: shutup
Me: where do you get your clothes? The... toilet store?
NYC: you're the toilet store
NYC: yea, that's right
Me: your mom's the toilet store
Me: i took a test crap on her, anyhow
NYC: now that was just creepy
NYCs: you ARE creepy
Me: you love it
Me: if I wasn't creepy who would you look down on?
NYC: you make a valid point
Me: of course I do! I'm less stupid than I pretend to be!
NYC: haha
NYC: and we go full circle
Me: oh yeah
Me: your mom let me go full circle

I overheard that you were unhappy too

Man, I'm so fucking bossy sometimes even I want to slap myself.

Not as hard as the people I'm bossing around, but still.....

In other news, I was talking to Dance Whore today, and he was talking about how much he likes working at the store and how it's actually fun and stuff, and that's worth the low pay. It made me sad because I remember how much I used to like working there.

Also I heard today that Phone Asshole is easily startled/hates being startled, and I'm wondering if I'm asshole-y enough that I should use that knowledge to not-so-nice use.

whenever I let my guard down whatever I was ignorring

So job interview today:

Kind of crappy in that you need a photo id to get into the building. And I... didn't have one.

Otherwise: actually went amazingly well. I don't know if I've been to enough job interviews now, or the fact that I don't know if I even particularly want the job so there's less pressure, I thought I fucked it up already so there was less pressure, or the fact that I have had a real job for awhile now, and can dredge up actual examples when they ask me something or what, but I felt like I was on my game and not coked up weasel this time.

Also today I told a guy I'm a pill popper, a racist, I've actually told someone suicidal (LSEG, definately not Ryan) to "just go ahead and do it, you faker!" before, described my gallbladder operation in mind numbing detail, probably repeated more than one story about annoying customers at the store, mocked his mother's agoraphobia, and he still seems somewhat interested. Go me!

Lastly: that chickenshit Jersey has not called or txted me to say sorry or argue that his mom is not a filthy whore. Considering he never even told me he was not coming (Opt finally txted him "YES OR NO" and he gave her some BS excuse about his brother), in fact that he told me that he was coming even as late as DURING the party, and a day later still hasn't said anything about it directly to me, I've decided I'm justified to say anything to him (such as "I want to shoot you and fuck the brain hole") or do anything to him (such as kicking him in the nuts) I want if I ever do see that weasel again.

you better run you better take cover

Party notes:

1) I opened up my big mouth and accidently said something racist I shouldn't've
2) Most of the money I spent on alcohol: wasted
3) I really shouldn't have put "The Ocean Breathes Salty" on my playlist a week ago. Or else I should've realized I'd put it in and take it out. I couldn't really stop it once it started playing without getting some questions, especially since someone commented, "Modest Mouse! Awesome!" when it started playing.
4) Jersey is a bastard. I'm never letting him get away with flaking on me again. I was pissed enough to text him, "fuck you, you motherfucking douche don't ever fucking fuck with me again. By the way, your mom is a filthy whore who fucks retarded midgets with syphilis."

on the other hand:

1) It is still funny to introduce my guy downstairs neighbor as "the guy with all the knives."
2) People must like me aside from my alcohol.

separated by a hollow wooden door

Today sucked. I mean, I was less worried than yesterday (this is a relative, I will not be not worried for a long time, I think) because I finally got a hold of Ryan yesterday (oddly this was when I called to tell him I would stop bothering him if that is what he wanted), and today he was on googletalk (which I know he knows I see and I'm not even sure if he talks to anyone else on it), which says to me he's willing to talk, so I did message him, and he responded. I feel that there is some sort of uneasy stability to this situation, now, since he's actually going to work and has heart enough to argue with me (even though the arguement is "why everyone is a jerk because they won't just fucking let me off myself"). I did feel bad, though, because I tried the "It's a Wonderful Life" method and told him everything good he'd done for people, and was very inarticulate over what he'd done for me. What I said was he took the stick out of my ass and I wouldn't get along with the friends I have now if it wasnt' for him. Which is true. But what I should've said is that he's gotten me through a lot of hard times. Like, really hard times. Like three years of college when I had no other friends. And the time after college when I worked at WEEK and when I was unemployed and pretty much hated life. And that in a lot of ways, I think he's had a very strong influence on the type of person I am today. He's become the little devil on my shoulder that tells me to stick up for myself.

Anyways, on the other hand, being less worried (and having work) meant that I couldn't just lay around wallowing in it listening to Nirvana like I did yesterday.

On top of that, this old lady really, really freaked me out. Hard. I mean, I think my heart literally did stop for a moment, I don't know if I've ever had this experience before. It was the most horrible feeling in the world.

This woman comes up with her newspaper and says to me, "It really is sad what happened to Ryan."

I flipped. I didn't even think, 'This lady can't know MY Ryan" or "How would she know this?" I immediately thought, "Oh my god he did it." ......and then she continues telling me about Governor George Ryan and the illegal aliens while I do my best to not run home crying.

And.... I'm not usually a superstitious person, but.... that's been bothering me all day. I keep worrying that, of all things, I haven't been worrying enough.

I promise that one day everything's going to be better for you

I gave in and cleaned. Some, anyway. I at least got through the massive pile of dishes.

Now alls I need is a patsy to buy my tequila in some sort of "teenager getting the old person to buy them alcohol" sort of way that is pretty frickin' ridiculous. Because I'm sure as hell not going to make it through the DMV in the next day and a half.

the man who sold the world

Things I was going to do today:

--clean this place, it really needs it and I have a party on Thursday.
--buy things for the party
--do dishes
--job interview

What I actually did today:

I laid around listening to depressing music. Then I decided I had to get out of the appartement but I couldn't think of anywhere good to go, so I went to the store. Which was more depressing. I tried to buy some alcohol, but they carded me, and I have not replaced my license yet since I lost my wallet. I went back home and listened to more depressing music.

Fuck

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

can we miss the storm that sucked the whole world in

I WIN AT LIFE.

Yes, I spent my Sunday evening adding that text to that picture and then being gleeful.

I drove for fifteen hours on this nasty greyhound bus

Today was really good, did merch most of the time. I think I finally get what they mean about taking initiative. I've gotten to the point where stuff isn't done and it makes me mad so I just go ahead and do it without even asking anyone's permission. But on the other hand, I know I would still be crap at taking initiative if it was book merch, not multimedia. I still don't really know what the hierarchy of what needs to get done or not is on that side, and there's always sheets missing or in weird tabs/places, and I still get screwed over 50% of the time if I just pick some up and try to start doing it. And if we weren't getting crazy amounts of multimedia merch in, and there weren't all the new people to be constantly trained, there probably wouldn't be any multimedia merch most of the week to make me mad and take initiative.

I also find myself in this weird place where I feel like I have more authority than a regular seller, but obviously don't have any official authority on anything. But I know more what I'm doing than most of the part timers, because I'm doing it constantly (exhibit A: I have over twice as many register transactions as anyone in the store), and I definately know a ton more than the new people. I'm also constantly asking them to do tasks for me (getting things I need keepered keepered, pricing things--which I hate letting them do because if they get it wrong it's more work for me in the end, but at the same time I don't have the time to do it all myself). I'm also always trying to explain to people what they did wrong, so that they won't do it again, and I feel like it goes in one ear and out the other, because I'm not a supervisor. Also I don't know whether or not I communicate to them that effectively anyway, I've known for a long time that I always use ten times as many words as really need to be uttered to get my point across.

Anyway, Elaine made me feel good today. She said something about not being able to/or at least it being very difficult to get the multimedia merch done if I weren't there. And I kind of replied that yeah, I had kind of been thinking about that the other day. Because I was showing yet another n00b how to alpha/price multimedia, and had discovered a million mistakes while I was doing it, and was thinking, "man if this is how poorly people do the prep for what I do, I don't even want to see what would happen with the stuff I actually do. I'm totally awesome! I deserve employee of the month!" and she agreed with me. Emphatically, even.

I guess I feel less angry and depressed when people let me know I'm appreciated. So that's something.

Partywise: Elaine gets moved up from the "not going" category to the "definately going" category, which is rocktastic. Getz and Hootie have moved up to maybe.

I have a lot of cleaning to do before I allow people into this appartement. And a small amount of shopping. I've been pretty tired every day after work though. All I've managed to do so far is my favorite part of party planning, the playist of music I'm going to have.