I met my husbands parents before I got married. Liked them fine. They are not the in-laws you hear about that are mean or treat their daughter in-law badly. But I feel guilty because I feel nothing for them. Aside from a mild feeling of inconvenience at having to go out of my way to see them for holidays and stuff (they live out of town) when they aren't my parents. There would literally be no reason for me to hang out with these people if my husband didn't exist. We have nothing in common and he has always been the "weird sheep," of the family which means he doesn't have a ton in common with them either.
But like I said, not bad people. I don't know why I can't make myself like them other than the fact that it's hard to "make" yourself like anything if you just don't. And I don't think it's strictly because they came into my life when I was an adult--I love my stepmom who I've only known for about roughly the same amount of time. They're not super warm people, but they're friendly enough. When I'm actually around them, I usually don't mind them. But before we're scheduled for a visit I just imagine these waves of judgement coming off of them, and how they must think I'm not good enough for their son. I'm not working right now--haven't, in years, by choice. My back hurts all the time so I would rather lay than sit, and they find that odd. I'm a picky eater and I always feel bad about that. I sometimes wonder why they (and all in-laws) are so keen to have me at family gatherings/holidays. They're so nerve wracking for me, filled with people I barely know... which is basically when I'm most anxious in social settings--if I feel close to people and/or know them well, I feel comfortable. When I'm around total strangers I never expect to have to see again, I am comfortable (because I don't care what they think). But around acquaintances or people I am kinda going to have to know forever but might not ever know really well, I just hate it. Before we were married I'd go to my family's thanksgiving/christmas/etc. and send Jeremy to his family's and everyone thought it was so weird. After we got married we kind of made it so we could schedule in both at both but I'd rather do it the "weird" old way. Am I a horrible person? I think I also like having control over my surroundings and when I'm with them I always find myself having to do things their way, which, while not a bad way, is not how I want to do it and it feels bleh.
Worse, I'd say, is one of his friends back from where he grew up. This person is not a bad person per se but this person is SUPER annoying. Being around this person is an enormous struggle not to smack this person silly. Again. Not really mean or evil in any way, but SO irritating I can hardly stand it. And this person's going to be in my life forever too.
I guess on the good side is I got a lot of people I actually like who were friends with him before I knew him, but it's just weird. You can't admit you don't like someone without 1) feeling like an asshole 2) causing problems, but you're forced to interact with them on a regular basis, which makes you dislike them even more because no one likes being forced to do anything.
But like I said, not bad people. I don't know why I can't make myself like them other than the fact that it's hard to "make" yourself like anything if you just don't. And I don't think it's strictly because they came into my life when I was an adult--I love my stepmom who I've only known for about roughly the same amount of time. They're not super warm people, but they're friendly enough. When I'm actually around them, I usually don't mind them. But before we're scheduled for a visit I just imagine these waves of judgement coming off of them, and how they must think I'm not good enough for their son. I'm not working right now--haven't, in years, by choice. My back hurts all the time so I would rather lay than sit, and they find that odd. I'm a picky eater and I always feel bad about that. I sometimes wonder why they (and all in-laws) are so keen to have me at family gatherings/holidays. They're so nerve wracking for me, filled with people I barely know... which is basically when I'm most anxious in social settings--if I feel close to people and/or know them well, I feel comfortable. When I'm around total strangers I never expect to have to see again, I am comfortable (because I don't care what they think). But around acquaintances or people I am kinda going to have to know forever but might not ever know really well, I just hate it. Before we were married I'd go to my family's thanksgiving/christmas/etc. and send Jeremy to his family's and everyone thought it was so weird. After we got married we kind of made it so we could schedule in both at both but I'd rather do it the "weird" old way. Am I a horrible person? I think I also like having control over my surroundings and when I'm with them I always find myself having to do things their way, which, while not a bad way, is not how I want to do it and it feels bleh.
Worse, I'd say, is one of his friends back from where he grew up. This person is not a bad person per se but this person is SUPER annoying. Being around this person is an enormous struggle not to smack this person silly. Again. Not really mean or evil in any way, but SO irritating I can hardly stand it. And this person's going to be in my life forever too.
I guess on the good side is I got a lot of people I actually like who were friends with him before I knew him, but it's just weird. You can't admit you don't like someone without 1) feeling like an asshole 2) causing problems, but you're forced to interact with them on a regular basis, which makes you dislike them even more because no one likes being forced to do anything.
