Sunday, September 30, 2007
physics makes us all its bitches
I think I've realized one of the reasons my mom and I don't get along so well. Err, maybe two of the reasons though they might be one reason because they sort of feed each other.
1) My mom doesn't understand 90% of anything genuinely creative or funny
2) She is very worried about appearances.
They feed into each other, because she hates when I do something I think is hilarious or creative, because she thinks it makes me look like a dumbass.
She was giving me shit last night about the origami I have hanging at my appt. Which, she's never SEEN it. Because she never visits me. She said it was tacky and that I shouldn't do it at the new place. But... I get a lot of compliments on the oragami. Even more on the snowflakes. It can't look that bad, can it? I can see lying about it looking good if someone is like, "does my oragami look good?" but these were unsolicited compliments!
And she got mad at me for my Halloween costume I want to do. Since I have decided I don't want to pay a whole bunch of money, I've decided to do what I orig. wanted to be in this really goofy ghetto sort of way. Everyone I've mentioned this to thought it was hilarious. Even my dad. But my mom was all "how could you do that it would look awful you'll embarass yourself" which, it's a halloween party. Is there any costume on earth that you would actually wear on a normal day? No. You're supposed to look stupid.
1) My mom doesn't understand 90% of anything genuinely creative or funny
2) She is very worried about appearances.
They feed into each other, because she hates when I do something I think is hilarious or creative, because she thinks it makes me look like a dumbass.
She was giving me shit last night about the origami I have hanging at my appt. Which, she's never SEEN it. Because she never visits me. She said it was tacky and that I shouldn't do it at the new place. But... I get a lot of compliments on the oragami. Even more on the snowflakes. It can't look that bad, can it? I can see lying about it looking good if someone is like, "does my oragami look good?" but these were unsolicited compliments!
And she got mad at me for my Halloween costume I want to do. Since I have decided I don't want to pay a whole bunch of money, I've decided to do what I orig. wanted to be in this really goofy ghetto sort of way. Everyone I've mentioned this to thought it was hilarious. Even my dad. But my mom was all "how could you do that it would look awful you'll embarass yourself" which, it's a halloween party. Is there any costume on earth that you would actually wear on a normal day? No. You're supposed to look stupid.
let's pretend we don't exist
To refresh you (I just wanted to make sure this one was read first).
The sequel
Reactions:
(11:34:06 PM) Me: what's makes that comic most hilarious is I forgot to give Dave Grohl arms
(11:34:18 PM) Stevenson: hahaha
(11:34:41 PM) Stevenson: I didn't even notice that.
(11:34:50 PM) Me: yeah I went back and added them
(11:35:12 PM) Stevenson: Wait, so in the version I have, does he have arms?
(11:35:18 PM) Me: no
(11:35:22 PM) Stevenson: Because they kind of look like they're just hanging at his sides.
(11:35:40 PM) Me: (link) is the revised version
(11:36:17 PM) Stevenson: I like the first one better.
(11:36:22 PM) Stevenson: Can you have him holding his womb?
(11:36:48 PM) Me: hahaha
(11:36:53 PM) Me: now who's fucked up?
(11:37:24 PM) Stevenson: Your mom?
(11:38:31 PM) Me: don't you mean knocked up?
(11:38:36 PM) Me: SHE'S CARRYING YOUR CHILD
(11:36:38 PM) Me: Stevenson says he likes the armless version better than the new vers
(11:37:00 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I do too, I'm confused what he's doing with his arms now
(11:37:19 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: before I could pretend he was holding them at his side
(11:37:30 PM) Me: that is what Stevenson said too
(11:37:55 PM) Me: man Debbie Harry Zombie is doing some crazy shit with her arms
(11:38:13 PM) Me: and her and garbage chick's pelvises arent' even touchign
(11:38:26 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I think it's funny that you actually used her real name
(11:38:50 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and then called shirley manson "that chick from garbage"
(11:39:09 PM) Me: I actually couldn't remember Shirley Manson's name
(11:39:10 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: because I think people are more likely to recognize that name than blondie's real name
(11:39:24 PM) Me: way more people know blondie than garbage
(11:39:41 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch:: they know blondie, but do they know her name?
(11:39:48 PM) Me: I know her name
(11:39:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: yeah but you're crazy
(11:45:01 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the halfghost fetus
(11:47:06 PM) Me: OOOOH
(11:47:10 PM) Me: I bet the fetus has magic powers
(11:47:31 PM) Me: if ghost kurt cobain was your dad you should be able to walk thru walls or rock out really hard or something
(11:47:54 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: or not vomit when fucking courtney love
(11:48:15 PM) Me: hahah
(11:48:22 PM) Me: that is some mad skills right there
(11:48:30 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: no joke
(11:48:32 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: super human
The sequel
Reactions:
(11:34:06 PM) Me: what's makes that comic most hilarious is I forgot to give Dave Grohl arms
(11:34:18 PM) Stevenson: hahaha
(11:34:41 PM) Stevenson: I didn't even notice that.
(11:34:50 PM) Me: yeah I went back and added them
(11:35:12 PM) Stevenson: Wait, so in the version I have, does he have arms?
(11:35:18 PM) Me: no
(11:35:22 PM) Stevenson: Because they kind of look like they're just hanging at his sides.
(11:35:40 PM) Me: (link) is the revised version
(11:36:17 PM) Stevenson: I like the first one better.
(11:36:22 PM) Stevenson: Can you have him holding his womb?
(11:36:48 PM) Me: hahaha
(11:36:53 PM) Me: now who's fucked up?
(11:37:24 PM) Stevenson: Your mom?
(11:38:31 PM) Me: don't you mean knocked up?
(11:38:36 PM) Me: SHE'S CARRYING YOUR CHILD
(11:36:38 PM) Me: Stevenson says he likes the armless version better than the new vers
(11:37:00 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I do too, I'm confused what he's doing with his arms now
(11:37:19 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: before I could pretend he was holding them at his side
(11:37:30 PM) Me: that is what Stevenson said too
(11:37:55 PM) Me: man Debbie Harry Zombie is doing some crazy shit with her arms
(11:38:13 PM) Me: and her and garbage chick's pelvises arent' even touchign
(11:38:26 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I think it's funny that you actually used her real name
(11:38:50 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and then called shirley manson "that chick from garbage"
(11:39:09 PM) Me: I actually couldn't remember Shirley Manson's name
(11:39:10 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: because I think people are more likely to recognize that name than blondie's real name
(11:39:24 PM) Me: way more people know blondie than garbage
(11:39:41 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch:: they know blondie, but do they know her name?
(11:39:48 PM) Me: I know her name
(11:39:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: yeah but you're crazy
(11:45:01 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the halfghost fetus
(11:47:06 PM) Me: OOOOH
(11:47:10 PM) Me: I bet the fetus has magic powers
(11:47:31 PM) Me: if ghost kurt cobain was your dad you should be able to walk thru walls or rock out really hard or something
(11:47:54 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: or not vomit when fucking courtney love
(11:48:15 PM) Me: hahah
(11:48:22 PM) Me: that is some mad skills right there
(11:48:30 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: no joke
(11:48:32 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: super human
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
fix my problems
Today someone asked me, "Are you even in the country?" Yeah, because my strong midwestern accent that is only a single, terrifying step from being the one in Fargo just SCREAMS india. Even after I told her where I really was (I was tempted to tack on a few Bobby's World style "doncha know"'s on there) she was a total bitch to me. I really wish in our messages to agents we could put what the person actually wants and then for our own catharsis add "PS this woman is a hosebeast and I want to kick her in the nads."
Do you know what's really awful, as well? This other lady who told me about this sort of effed up situation she had with her insurance, in a manner that I thought was a joke, and I laughed, and then she was serious and mad at me. I think she seriously (and angrilly) replied to me with "this is no laughing matter," which I really can't ever recall being used in real life to me before.
Also, I think my body is beginning to physically revolt against my job. I've realized when I come home from work, a lot of times I have so much tension in my neck that just touching it is a good way to cause so much pain I want to die. I tend to get this on long trips on the interstate. I've not had it so strongly since I used to work at WEEK. Go figure.
In other news, I have four options on what to do with my life:
1) library science. Pro: I could probably find a decent job I liked and make more money and get more respect. Con: it would cost me BUSHELS of money, and I might not like it anyway.
2) MBA. Pro: I could probably find a job where I made more money and got more respect. I could do it at ISU and not have to commute or move. This is also a degree that the company I'm currently with would help me pay for. Con: I probably still would not enjoy the type of job I ended up with, though anything's better than what I got now. Plus business classes suck. Fuck you, math!
3) Random classes at heartland. I don't know, this seems really BS and like it wouldn't change my life but I was looking at a catalogue of theirs today, and there are some classes I might enjoy. Probably wouldn't help me career wise, so it would be like having a really, really expensive hobby. That at least made me feel productive.
4) doing nothing, hoping it all works out
Do you know what's really awful, as well? This other lady who told me about this sort of effed up situation she had with her insurance, in a manner that I thought was a joke, and I laughed, and then she was serious and mad at me. I think she seriously (and angrilly) replied to me with "this is no laughing matter," which I really can't ever recall being used in real life to me before.
Also, I think my body is beginning to physically revolt against my job. I've realized when I come home from work, a lot of times I have so much tension in my neck that just touching it is a good way to cause so much pain I want to die. I tend to get this on long trips on the interstate. I've not had it so strongly since I used to work at WEEK. Go figure.
In other news, I have four options on what to do with my life:
1) library science. Pro: I could probably find a decent job I liked and make more money and get more respect. Con: it would cost me BUSHELS of money, and I might not like it anyway.
2) MBA. Pro: I could probably find a job where I made more money and got more respect. I could do it at ISU and not have to commute or move. This is also a degree that the company I'm currently with would help me pay for. Con: I probably still would not enjoy the type of job I ended up with, though anything's better than what I got now. Plus business classes suck. Fuck you, math!
3) Random classes at heartland. I don't know, this seems really BS and like it wouldn't change my life but I was looking at a catalogue of theirs today, and there are some classes I might enjoy. Probably wouldn't help me career wise, so it would be like having a really, really expensive hobby. That at least made me feel productive.
4) doing nothing, hoping it all works out
you gotta let me know
I was telling Ryan yesterday, I really wonder if Brendan Small finds it ironic that he has this formal musical education, and Metalocalypse is going to be what he's famous for.
Anyway, Murmaider, based on his song about killing mermaids.
Here is a comic about interior decorating.
Also: Pyromaniac Zombie & Rick meet the Harlem Globetrotters
Anyway, Murmaider, based on his song about killing mermaids.
Here is a comic about interior decorating.
Also: Pyromaniac Zombie & Rick meet the Harlem Globetrotters
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
what?
Imagine opening up your email and seeing this.
I have no words.
Wait, I do have some words: despite the strong presence of macaroni and cheese in my apartment, and the carpet that looks similar to mine, this is NOT my own creation.
All my monkeys are pink, and full of coke, not hate.
I have no words.
Wait, I do have some words: despite the strong presence of macaroni and cheese in my apartment, and the carpet that looks similar to mine, this is NOT my own creation.
All my monkeys are pink, and full of coke, not hate.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
library science
My monthly "should I get a MLA?" talk with Ryan.
(2:01:15 PM) Me: should I be a librarian, ryan?
(2:01:28 PM) Me: fix my life
(2:02:42 PM) Me: haha I love that for the application checklist
(2:02:56 PM) Me: they include "You need to know where and when you were born."
(2:03:00 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: hahah
(2:03:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I forget!
(2:03:08 PM) Me: I could end up being the smartest person at this college
(2:04:28 PM) Me: three references? what the fuck
(2:04:48 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: that's a librarian joke
(2:04:52 PM) Me: HAHA
(2:04:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you should put "the dictionary, the thesaurus, and the encyclopedia"
(2:05:08 PM) Me: it would be funny if it were on the librarian section, this is just to apply to the school at all
(2:05:31 PM) Me: oh god
(2:05:36 PM) Me: these people need to write letters
(2:05:42 PM) Me: you can't just give them the reference's name
(2:05:47 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: that's annoying
(2:05:53 PM) Me: I don't think I have three respectable people willing to write BS for me
(2:05:57 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(2:07:28 PM) Me: oh wow, I have till like January to apply for this shit
(2:07:38 PM) Me: I don't even have to worry about it right now
(2:07:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: wooo
(2:07:46 PM) Me: which is good since I don't even know if I want to do it
(2:08:55 PM) Me: wow, you have to upload your fucking RESUME
(2:09:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: yeah that might be a good thing to figure out before you go through the whole process
(2:09:11 PM) Me: and write two essays
(2:09:21 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: wow a resume for a college application?
(2:09:22 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: that's weird
(2:09:30 PM) Me: yeah I know
(2:09:37 PM) Me: they are chodes at U of I
(2:09:49 PM) Me: this is why the fuckers rejected me as an undergrad, too
(2:09:55 PM) Me: actually no
(2:10:04 PM) Me: I did apply and all correctly and there wasn't half of this BS
(2:10:08 PM) Me: but they still didn't take me
(2:10:34 PM) Me: the thing is this is the hardest and most prestigious library science prog in the country, if not the world
(2:10:43 PM) Me: but it's the closest, and if I pull it off I look awesome
(2:11:39 PM) Me: I just don't know if I want to blow thousands of dollars on this, you know
(2:11:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I'm still not sure how they manage to fit a whole degree's worth of information into being a librarian
(2:11:56 PM) Me: well nowadays there's a looot of computer shit you have to know
(2:12:16 PM) Me: it's not like "here's the dewey decimal system, go find a book"
(2:12:34 PM) Me: I don't know, I just don't want to work in retail or a call center anymore
(2:12:36 PM) Me: and I like books
(2:12:36 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I've worked with librarians for the past few years
(2:12:45 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: most of them aren't anything special
(2:12:57 PM) Me: well school librarians don't usually have a MLA
(2:15:50 PM) Me: man it pisses me off that the local libraries won't hire me for anything
(2:16:04 PM) Me: you really don't need an MLA for a dinky little public library
(2:16:09 PM) Me: and I have a BA
(2:16:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch:: I wouldn't think it would be that hard to pick up the work there
(2:16:26 PM) Me: and if I liked it I would know whether or not this is what I want to do with my life
(2:16:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: especially if you weren't the head librarian
(2:16:35 PM) Me: exactly!
(2:16:40 PM) Me: I applied for some BS part time job
(2:16:59 PM) Me: I have 2 years of experience in a fucking bookstore
(2:17:31 PM) Me: I think I might've failed my personality test though
(2:17:34 PM) Me: goddamn I hate those things
(2:17:59 PM) Me: all you need to know about me: I won't steal or give you back talk
(2:18:08 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(2:18:17 PM) Me: instead of backtalk, I just go home and complain to Ryan
(2:18:23 PM) Me: you don't have to deal with my attitude at all
(2:18:51 PM) Me: gah
(2:18:57 PM) Me: personality tests are so awful
(2:19:10 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: yeah
(2:19:37 PM) Me: the fuckers don't even have volunteer opportunities
(2:33:34 PM) Me: fuck it
(2:33:42 PM) Me: Ryan, I'm going to become a Stand Up Comedian
(2:33:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(2:33:50 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: do it
(2:33:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you are funny
(2:33:53 PM) Me: I'm going to steal all of Dave Chappelle's stuff and say it's mine
(2:33:59 PM) Me: haha thanks
(2:34:25 PM) Me: man even if I wanted to commit to that I don't even know how. There aren't any comedy clubs in bizzle nizzle
(2:34:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you could start one
(2:34:53 PM) Me: if I owned and operated a comedy club
(2:35:04 PM) Me: I probably would not need to become a comedian or a librarian
(2:35:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you culd be a comediam who owned and operated a comedy club
(2:35:26 PM) Me: haha I could also be an astronaut
(2:35:28 PM) Me: IN THEORY
(2:35:39 PM) Me: but I don't think either is going to happen
(2:36:03 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you could be a comedian astronaut
(2:36:07 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and do jokes in space
(2:36:26 PM) Me: I like that we're practical about this
(2:01:15 PM) Me: should I be a librarian, ryan?
(2:01:28 PM) Me: fix my life
(2:02:42 PM) Me: haha I love that for the application checklist
(2:02:56 PM) Me: they include "You need to know where and when you were born."
(2:03:00 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: hahah
(2:03:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I forget!
(2:03:08 PM) Me: I could end up being the smartest person at this college
(2:04:28 PM) Me: three references? what the fuck
(2:04:48 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: that's a librarian joke
(2:04:52 PM) Me: HAHA
(2:04:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you should put "the dictionary, the thesaurus, and the encyclopedia"
(2:05:08 PM) Me: it would be funny if it were on the librarian section, this is just to apply to the school at all
(2:05:31 PM) Me: oh god
(2:05:36 PM) Me: these people need to write letters
(2:05:42 PM) Me: you can't just give them the reference's name
(2:05:47 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: that's annoying
(2:05:53 PM) Me: I don't think I have three respectable people willing to write BS for me
(2:05:57 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(2:07:28 PM) Me: oh wow, I have till like January to apply for this shit
(2:07:38 PM) Me: I don't even have to worry about it right now
(2:07:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: wooo
(2:07:46 PM) Me: which is good since I don't even know if I want to do it
(2:08:55 PM) Me: wow, you have to upload your fucking RESUME
(2:09:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: yeah that might be a good thing to figure out before you go through the whole process
(2:09:11 PM) Me: and write two essays
(2:09:21 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: wow a resume for a college application?
(2:09:22 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: that's weird
(2:09:30 PM) Me: yeah I know
(2:09:37 PM) Me: they are chodes at U of I
(2:09:49 PM) Me: this is why the fuckers rejected me as an undergrad, too
(2:09:55 PM) Me: actually no
(2:10:04 PM) Me: I did apply and all correctly and there wasn't half of this BS
(2:10:08 PM) Me: but they still didn't take me
(2:10:34 PM) Me: the thing is this is the hardest and most prestigious library science prog in the country, if not the world
(2:10:43 PM) Me: but it's the closest, and if I pull it off I look awesome
(2:11:39 PM) Me: I just don't know if I want to blow thousands of dollars on this, you know
(2:11:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I'm still not sure how they manage to fit a whole degree's worth of information into being a librarian
(2:11:56 PM) Me: well nowadays there's a looot of computer shit you have to know
(2:12:16 PM) Me: it's not like "here's the dewey decimal system, go find a book"
(2:12:34 PM) Me: I don't know, I just don't want to work in retail or a call center anymore
(2:12:36 PM) Me: and I like books
(2:12:36 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I've worked with librarians for the past few years
(2:12:45 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: most of them aren't anything special
(2:12:57 PM) Me: well school librarians don't usually have a MLA
(2:15:50 PM) Me: man it pisses me off that the local libraries won't hire me for anything
(2:16:04 PM) Me: you really don't need an MLA for a dinky little public library
(2:16:09 PM) Me: and I have a BA
(2:16:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch:: I wouldn't think it would be that hard to pick up the work there
(2:16:26 PM) Me: and if I liked it I would know whether or not this is what I want to do with my life
(2:16:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: especially if you weren't the head librarian
(2:16:35 PM) Me: exactly!
(2:16:40 PM) Me: I applied for some BS part time job
(2:16:59 PM) Me: I have 2 years of experience in a fucking bookstore
(2:17:31 PM) Me: I think I might've failed my personality test though
(2:17:34 PM) Me: goddamn I hate those things
(2:17:59 PM) Me: all you need to know about me: I won't steal or give you back talk
(2:18:08 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(2:18:17 PM) Me: instead of backtalk, I just go home and complain to Ryan
(2:18:23 PM) Me: you don't have to deal with my attitude at all
(2:18:51 PM) Me: gah
(2:18:57 PM) Me: personality tests are so awful
(2:19:10 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: yeah
(2:19:37 PM) Me: the fuckers don't even have volunteer opportunities
(2:33:34 PM) Me: fuck it
(2:33:42 PM) Me: Ryan, I'm going to become a Stand Up Comedian
(2:33:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(2:33:50 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: do it
(2:33:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you are funny
(2:33:53 PM) Me: I'm going to steal all of Dave Chappelle's stuff and say it's mine
(2:33:59 PM) Me: haha thanks
(2:34:25 PM) Me: man even if I wanted to commit to that I don't even know how. There aren't any comedy clubs in bizzle nizzle
(2:34:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you could start one
(2:34:53 PM) Me: if I owned and operated a comedy club
(2:35:04 PM) Me: I probably would not need to become a comedian or a librarian
(2:35:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you culd be a comediam who owned and operated a comedy club
(2:35:26 PM) Me: haha I could also be an astronaut
(2:35:28 PM) Me: IN THEORY
(2:35:39 PM) Me: but I don't think either is going to happen
(2:36:03 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you could be a comedian astronaut
(2:36:07 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and do jokes in space
(2:36:26 PM) Me: I like that we're practical about this
mind your watch my baby
I had a dream last night where I was dating David Cross. He mostly wanted to play video games all the time.
The other dream, I quelled a riot in a bus station with the help of Bernie Mac and my ex Borders coworker Explosion.
The other dream, I quelled a riot in a bus station with the help of Bernie Mac and my ex Borders coworker Explosion.
thar she blows
Home decorating with your parents is traumatizing. Okay, no. But very, very annoying.
Uh, I'd skip this post if you don't want to read a boring annoying rant about my parents and home decorating.
Seriously, why on earth did I think my mom would be helpful in choosing shit? It just made an already frustrating process, well, more frustrating. Without lending it any of the class I had expected. Which, makes me dumb. I don't particularly like how my parents house looks, so why would I like their suggestions?
Multiple reasons this was awful:
1) My mom either loves or hates something. It's never "that's pretty good" or "I guess you could go with that" it's "I love that and you're crazy to not go with that" or "I hate it why would you pick that?"
2) My mom will never ever tell you the real reason behind anything she feels. She will literally make up a reason for something if she thinks I won't like the real reason. And the bizarre part of it is that usually the real reason is something that is more logical and makes me less angry than the crazy fake reason she makes up, or the often used jewel, "I don't know why, I just feel that way."
3) My dad won't stop bringing up the fact that I've mentioned several times over the years that it was stupid of them to let me decorate my room (aka SATURATE it in bright pink) at home during the like, 3 months in first grade that I was into pink. Not only is that just not the type of thing you want to hear when you're trying to decorate something and second guessing yourself already, I hardly think that it's the same situation. I fucking only liked pink a few months. I have enjoyed the colors I enjoy now for years. It is unlikely they will dramatically change a couple months after I do this.
4) I just... suck at knowing what will look good. I seriously thought in my head at my mother, "This is what I fucking get for bringing someone on board who started decorating shit in the 70's" But then I thought about it, and a couple of the vague maybes I proposed (chocolate brown, olive-ish green) are way more 70's-ish than the shit she was trying to sell me on. I am awful. I do not know what looks good at ALL which is why I thought they'd be helpful.
5) Our big arguement was carpet, in that she thinks dark carpet looks shitty and industrial, and I like it. My reasoning: I fucking hate pastel things. I don't want to live in a goddamn easter egg. Plus, I mean, I'm a slob. I'm going to be spilling stuff on this and trying to clean it. Bright carpet, I like the actual colors. I would probably wear shirts or enjoy websites the color of these bright colors. But in carpet, this is kinda much, especially since I don't want to go too light with the walls. So what does that leave? Dark. Is that industrial? I'd never thought of it like that. Especially since the stuff we were looking at was way more fluffy than industrial carpet. She also thinks it would make the room too dark and depressing. I don't even know if either of those are her real reason for her violent dislike of dark carpet, she was acting pretty crazy and sounding like she was making things up as she went along. I don't really get why people are afraid to make rooms dark. Well... I take that back--the place I live in now is dark. And I actually get what she means, I'm cooped in here all day in the dark. BUT: none of the lights in this apartment are worth a damn, and I can't open the shades in the summer, because I'm usually naked, because of my shitty AC. In a place with decent AC and lights, I really can't see why it would be bad to have a dark carpet or wall paint that isn't basically off-white. But by her standards, the carpet I have in my place now is industrial. Which... my current place looks like a den someone made in the 70's. Ghetto, yes. Lived in, yes. Industrial? No.
6) And what I think is industrial looking.... is white or light walls. I hate feeling like I'm in a goddamn hospital. It's probably an irrational dislike... but really. White walls are awful. Anyway, one of the bed rooms is this major compromise we made. Bright green carpet.... (I got my way in it not being pastel, my mom got her way in it not being dark) and this really light yellow paint because I couldn't justify anything actually good looking not terribly clashing with that carpet. I win in that it's not tan. I dunno, if the room looks good that's good. If the room looks awful and is hard to re sell if I move, fuck it, it's her fault. I'm just glad I stuck to my guns RE: the bathroom. I spend a lot of angry time in the bathroom as is, I don't need to have the tile pissing me off the whole time. Whereas spare bedroom, whatever, I don't care. The other bedroom is just basically a continuation of what I'm doing in the living room. It is basically the only thing we could all agree wouldn't look shitty and I got tired of trying to make all these different rooms be independent of each other and not suck.
7) whoever names paint is just weird. I'm pretty glad I didn't take a liking to the color "thar she blows" because I would really hate it when someone is like, "I love this color what is it" and I'd have to say "thar she blows." I guess if it were one of my friends, I would add in, "just like your mom," but it would be mildly stupid/embarassing with other folks. As is, I have "sailcloth," "pale vista," and "memory lane" all fighting it out in there.
Uh, I'd skip this post if you don't want to read a boring annoying rant about my parents and home decorating.
Seriously, why on earth did I think my mom would be helpful in choosing shit? It just made an already frustrating process, well, more frustrating. Without lending it any of the class I had expected. Which, makes me dumb. I don't particularly like how my parents house looks, so why would I like their suggestions?
Multiple reasons this was awful:
1) My mom either loves or hates something. It's never "that's pretty good" or "I guess you could go with that" it's "I love that and you're crazy to not go with that" or "I hate it why would you pick that?"
2) My mom will never ever tell you the real reason behind anything she feels. She will literally make up a reason for something if she thinks I won't like the real reason. And the bizarre part of it is that usually the real reason is something that is more logical and makes me less angry than the crazy fake reason she makes up, or the often used jewel, "I don't know why, I just feel that way."
3) My dad won't stop bringing up the fact that I've mentioned several times over the years that it was stupid of them to let me decorate my room (aka SATURATE it in bright pink) at home during the like, 3 months in first grade that I was into pink. Not only is that just not the type of thing you want to hear when you're trying to decorate something and second guessing yourself already, I hardly think that it's the same situation. I fucking only liked pink a few months. I have enjoyed the colors I enjoy now for years. It is unlikely they will dramatically change a couple months after I do this.
4) I just... suck at knowing what will look good. I seriously thought in my head at my mother, "This is what I fucking get for bringing someone on board who started decorating shit in the 70's" But then I thought about it, and a couple of the vague maybes I proposed (chocolate brown, olive-ish green) are way more 70's-ish than the shit she was trying to sell me on. I am awful. I do not know what looks good at ALL which is why I thought they'd be helpful.
5) Our big arguement was carpet, in that she thinks dark carpet looks shitty and industrial, and I like it. My reasoning: I fucking hate pastel things. I don't want to live in a goddamn easter egg. Plus, I mean, I'm a slob. I'm going to be spilling stuff on this and trying to clean it. Bright carpet, I like the actual colors. I would probably wear shirts or enjoy websites the color of these bright colors. But in carpet, this is kinda much, especially since I don't want to go too light with the walls. So what does that leave? Dark. Is that industrial? I'd never thought of it like that. Especially since the stuff we were looking at was way more fluffy than industrial carpet. She also thinks it would make the room too dark and depressing. I don't even know if either of those are her real reason for her violent dislike of dark carpet, she was acting pretty crazy and sounding like she was making things up as she went along. I don't really get why people are afraid to make rooms dark. Well... I take that back--the place I live in now is dark. And I actually get what she means, I'm cooped in here all day in the dark. BUT: none of the lights in this apartment are worth a damn, and I can't open the shades in the summer, because I'm usually naked, because of my shitty AC. In a place with decent AC and lights, I really can't see why it would be bad to have a dark carpet or wall paint that isn't basically off-white. But by her standards, the carpet I have in my place now is industrial. Which... my current place looks like a den someone made in the 70's. Ghetto, yes. Lived in, yes. Industrial? No.
6) And what I think is industrial looking.... is white or light walls. I hate feeling like I'm in a goddamn hospital. It's probably an irrational dislike... but really. White walls are awful. Anyway, one of the bed rooms is this major compromise we made. Bright green carpet.... (I got my way in it not being pastel, my mom got her way in it not being dark) and this really light yellow paint because I couldn't justify anything actually good looking not terribly clashing with that carpet. I win in that it's not tan. I dunno, if the room looks good that's good. If the room looks awful and is hard to re sell if I move, fuck it, it's her fault. I'm just glad I stuck to my guns RE: the bathroom. I spend a lot of angry time in the bathroom as is, I don't need to have the tile pissing me off the whole time. Whereas spare bedroom, whatever, I don't care. The other bedroom is just basically a continuation of what I'm doing in the living room. It is basically the only thing we could all agree wouldn't look shitty and I got tired of trying to make all these different rooms be independent of each other and not suck.
7) whoever names paint is just weird. I'm pretty glad I didn't take a liking to the color "thar she blows" because I would really hate it when someone is like, "I love this color what is it" and I'd have to say "thar she blows." I guess if it were one of my friends, I would add in, "just like your mom," but it would be mildly stupid/embarassing with other folks. As is, I have "sailcloth," "pale vista," and "memory lane" all fighting it out in there.
Monday, September 24, 2007
sanity
Nice things about work today:
--the lady insured with a different company who got in a wreck with one of our policy holders who said I was nicer than the people from her own company
--the lady who mentioned her pancreatitis that I weirdly decided to mention MY pancreatitis to, who actually cared and asked me how I got it/if I'd been freaked out at the time.
--sitting by clown guy
--free food
--the lady insured with a different company who got in a wreck with one of our policy holders who said I was nicer than the people from her own company
--the lady who mentioned her pancreatitis that I weirdly decided to mention MY pancreatitis to, who actually cared and asked me how I got it/if I'd been freaked out at the time.
--sitting by clown guy
--free food
Saturday, September 22, 2007
tile
Thank god. I went to a tile store, and not only did they have tile that didn't suck, but they had colors that were actually pretty, novel idea, I know. Now I can just get the tile I like and not have to be the sort of person who gets worked up over tile anymore.
So worth it.
In other news, sometimes I love my parents:
Mom: Why is Dad getting letters from the govt?
Me: Maybe it's his smuggling ring.
Dad: I have a smuggling ring? How come I didn't know about this?
Me: Cause I made it up just now.
Dad: What do I smuggle?
Mom: Pain pills.
Me: Wow, with all the drugs we take, I actually believe that one. Man, we sure are pill poppers.
Mom: Albeit unwillingly.....
Dad: Don't you say that about my oxycontin!
So worth it.
In other news, sometimes I love my parents:
Mom: Why is Dad getting letters from the govt?
Me: Maybe it's his smuggling ring.
Dad: I have a smuggling ring? How come I didn't know about this?
Me: Cause I made it up just now.
Dad: What do I smuggle?
Mom: Pain pills.
Me: Wow, with all the drugs we take, I actually believe that one. Man, we sure are pill poppers.
Mom: Albeit unwillingly.....
Dad: Don't you say that about my oxycontin!
woo
New comic
second new comic
RE: the second one:
(2:32:10 AM) Optimus Prime: who do you know that works at alamo?
(2:32:37 AM) Me: YM's got a second job there now
(2:33:36 AM) Optimus Prime: heh
(2:33:39 AM) Me: I love that I've told this story often enough that I get that response to it
second new comic
RE: the second one:
(2:32:10 AM) Optimus Prime: who do you know that works at alamo?
(2:32:37 AM) Me: YM's got a second job there now
(2:33:36 AM) Optimus Prime: heh
(2:33:39 AM) Me: I love that I've told this story often enough that I get that response to it
fyi
I appologize to everyone I've encountered in the last month. The experiment where I don't wear deoderant is now over.
To recap: deoderant makes me itch. And I was all, "well I don't do anything physical. I don't sweat much. I bet I could get away without using it."
Then my air conditioner broke.
So yeah, yesterday I smelled myself and was like, "what the fuck?" I felt like someone who realized what Sex Panther smells like AFTER they'd completely doused themselves in it. For a month.
Today I bought deoderant. My dirty hippie instincts are now back to being supressed.
And I appologize if you encountered me in the last month and I smelled like a homeless man. Though really, you owe ME an appology for not letting me know, if you knew, so I could do something about it. And it was pretty bad, so I'm thinking someone knew. But then again, I didn't smell it until yesterday, and I'm around me all the time.
Good news is: I smell awesome now!
To recap: deoderant makes me itch. And I was all, "well I don't do anything physical. I don't sweat much. I bet I could get away without using it."
Then my air conditioner broke.
So yeah, yesterday I smelled myself and was like, "what the fuck?" I felt like someone who realized what Sex Panther smells like AFTER they'd completely doused themselves in it. For a month.
Today I bought deoderant. My dirty hippie instincts are now back to being supressed.
And I appologize if you encountered me in the last month and I smelled like a homeless man. Though really, you owe ME an appology for not letting me know, if you knew, so I could do something about it. And it was pretty bad, so I'm thinking someone knew. But then again, I didn't smell it until yesterday, and I'm around me all the time.
Good news is: I smell awesome now!
Friday, September 21, 2007
free stuff!
Anyone interested in free chocolate?
No, for once I'm not talking about my poo, you sicko.
But, chocolate DOES cause the sort of digestive upset that brings excessive poo. And my parents bought a bunch. And I really, really have been having troubles with it. But I really, really don't want to throw it way.
I have
cherry jelly sticks encased in chocolate (opened).
dove mint caramels (opened).
dove raspberry caramels (unopened).
For that matter, tell me if you like bottled starbucks frappachino, I have some of that because my sister had to get rid of it because she had to cut out dairy (long story) and it is 300X rougher on me than even the chocolate.
No, for once I'm not talking about my poo, you sicko.
But, chocolate DOES cause the sort of digestive upset that brings excessive poo. And my parents bought a bunch. And I really, really have been having troubles with it. But I really, really don't want to throw it way.
I have
cherry jelly sticks encased in chocolate (opened).
dove mint caramels (opened).
dove raspberry caramels (unopened).
For that matter, tell me if you like bottled starbucks frappachino, I have some of that because my sister had to get rid of it because she had to cut out dairy (long story) and it is 300X rougher on me than even the chocolate.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
CLEAN YOUR ROOM
this conver inspired by A Self Called Nowhere by They Might Be Giants:
Me: why are songs with fake boston accents just fabulous?
Ryan: haha
Ryan: same reason your mom sounds better with a new york accent
Me: HAHA
Me: why are songs with fake boston accents just fabulous?
Ryan: haha
Ryan: same reason your mom sounds better with a new york accent
Me: HAHA
partay
Does anyone know a good costume rental place? I'm going to YM's halloween party, and it'll be the first time I've dressed up for halloween since I was a little kid. I looked at the costumes you can buy, and not only are they awful*, but they are expensive as hell.
I have something specific in mind, which I wouldn't think would be all that rare, but I couldn't find it. If I can't rent this for a reasonable price, I will be forced to make a really crappy version of it (probably amusing, but I would be stuck all night with "what are you?").
I abandoned my dreams of dressing up as Jared Leto for about the same reason (laziness, not wanting to have to explain all night).
_________
* I'm not even kidding when I say that there were at least five different costumes at the place I looked at where you could basically dress up as poop. There was bull shit, which was poo with horns, crock of shit where I guess part of you is a crock and part of it is poo, etc. etc. I am perhaps the one person on earth most obsessed with poo and joking about it, and even I don't want to dress up as poop.
I have something specific in mind, which I wouldn't think would be all that rare, but I couldn't find it. If I can't rent this for a reasonable price, I will be forced to make a really crappy version of it (probably amusing, but I would be stuck all night with "what are you?").
I abandoned my dreams of dressing up as Jared Leto for about the same reason (laziness, not wanting to have to explain all night).
_________
* I'm not even kidding when I say that there were at least five different costumes at the place I looked at where you could basically dress up as poop. There was bull shit, which was poo with horns, crock of shit where I guess part of you is a crock and part of it is poo, etc. etc. I am perhaps the one person on earth most obsessed with poo and joking about it, and even I don't want to dress up as poop.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
lame
So today's the first time I have had a caller angrily scream "jesus" at me at my job. As in... "I wanted the address for the Denton office, not the Dallas office! Jesus!"
Also now my left wrist hurts, too. They're going to fucking fall off. I'm wondering if it's more of a repetative stress thing than a carpal tunnel thing, though. I don't feel tingly, just ow-y.
Also now my left wrist hurts, too. They're going to fucking fall off. I'm wondering if it's more of a repetative stress thing than a carpal tunnel thing, though. I don't feel tingly, just ow-y.
Monday, September 17, 2007
weird
Man, it's always weird when you have a dream, and you wake up, and it's somewhat true. Like all those dreams I have where I have to pee, and I wake up and have to pee. Or all the dreams of Jesus, with the stigmata afterwards.
Oh, I kid.
Anyway I dreamt about taking a dare involving eating lead paint, and when I woke up my insides were turning themselves inside out. But also in this dream, I took a dare involving sticking tuna in my ear, and my ear seems fine.
I am SO weird.
Oh, I kid.
Anyway I dreamt about taking a dare involving eating lead paint, and when I woke up my insides were turning themselves inside out. But also in this dream, I took a dare involving sticking tuna in my ear, and my ear seems fine.
I am SO weird.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
damn good times
I saw They Might be Giants last night! It was rockin!
I got to go with Opt and Elaine (Elaine because GDN cancelled, and while I was sad that there was no GDN, it was really good to see Elaine again).
The Giants, as one might imagine, were awesome. They talked to Buddy Epstein from beyond the grave (who sounded suspiciously like John Flansburgh, but they assured us that death changes your voice a lot). Buddy was unhappy about a smell. He was also beaten by Triangle Man.
They played a lot of good stuff, but I was ecstatic when they played Dr. Worm during one of their Encores. I thought I was going to go home sans Dr. Worm, but then, at the last minute, Dr. Worm! They also played the Mesopotamians pretty late, but they came through for me. I kinda had a feeling they'd play that one eventually though, because Linnell tried to play it when they were supposed to be playing "Memo to Human Resources." When they DID get to the Mesopotamians, he and Flans let us know that Linnell had been poised to play this song since that moment.
It was a good set, they played a lot of their old stuff, and most of the new album. I could've done with some Wicked Little Critta or Stalk of Wheat, but the classics (Istanbul, Particle Man, Ana Ng, Birdhouse, Snail Shell) hit the spot, and they hit my favs off the new album (Withered Hope, With the Dark, Shadow Govt, Cap'm, Take Out the Trash). And did a weird cover of that "Maybe I know that he's been a'cheatin' song that I quite enjoyed. Oh, and Damn Good Times rocked out too. It WAS damn good times.
I got to go with Opt and Elaine (Elaine because GDN cancelled, and while I was sad that there was no GDN, it was really good to see Elaine again).
The Giants, as one might imagine, were awesome. They talked to Buddy Epstein from beyond the grave (who sounded suspiciously like John Flansburgh, but they assured us that death changes your voice a lot). Buddy was unhappy about a smell. He was also beaten by Triangle Man.
They played a lot of good stuff, but I was ecstatic when they played Dr. Worm during one of their Encores. I thought I was going to go home sans Dr. Worm, but then, at the last minute, Dr. Worm! They also played the Mesopotamians pretty late, but they came through for me. I kinda had a feeling they'd play that one eventually though, because Linnell tried to play it when they were supposed to be playing "Memo to Human Resources." When they DID get to the Mesopotamians, he and Flans let us know that Linnell had been poised to play this song since that moment.
It was a good set, they played a lot of their old stuff, and most of the new album. I could've done with some Wicked Little Critta or Stalk of Wheat, but the classics (Istanbul, Particle Man, Ana Ng, Birdhouse, Snail Shell) hit the spot, and they hit my favs off the new album (Withered Hope, With the Dark, Shadow Govt, Cap'm, Take Out the Trash). And did a weird cover of that "Maybe I know that he's been a'cheatin' song that I quite enjoyed. Oh, and Damn Good Times rocked out too. It WAS damn good times.
Friday, September 14, 2007
celebrate good times come on
So I think the thing I will most miss about where I live now is the memories. I had a lot of good times in this place, and since most of my friends moved, I wonder if I will ever have as active a social life ever again, and if I could make a new place full of the same memories. Like yesterday, we had a meeting about this kind of club I could join at work. My company's big enough that it's almost like a university, there's just tons of social groups you can join that I never knew about. A good portion of the purpose is to meet people (network) who can help you get a better job within the company. I think I'm going to join either way, to see if it's any good. But for a second I was really excited about the prospect of making friends with people. But 1) most of the social outtings are in the evening or weekened, which is annoying for second shift people and 2) I'm wondering what kind of friends I'd meet, and if I'd even want them that bad. Will they be the boring type who want to talk about gas prices, mortgages, and children? Will I have to keep the part of me that constantly jokes about burning hookers supressed? I did this kind of friendship in high school, and hated myself. And even when I'm supressing... stuff slips out, and I don't fit in quite right.
But anyway before I got sidetracked, I wanted to mention the awesome memories I have of this place that I don't want to forget. I'm trying to go chronologically, but it is, of course, difficult.
--The first time I ever went to this place was when it was my friend Mouse's place. We watched Polar Express together, and made fun of the annoying nerdy kid character. We came up with the hilarious (to us) idea of calling up Borders with various prank requests, that we never followed through on. He burned me Nada Surf and Beck.
--Getting my ENORMOUS couch up the crazy twisted stairs. This is when I first met the DN's, as well. BDN, I have to say, is responsible for me even having this couch up here, because we got stuck in the hallway, and he reccomended taking out the drop ceiling. Of course, a bunch of insulation and who knows what other crap came out on all of us. The first thing I had to do as an inhabitant of this place was clean that up. This was to be the foundation of my friendship with the DN's.
--First visit from anyone: Opt. We played cards, Ryan DJ'ed over the interwebs. I played crazy-ass no rules Fluxx for the first time. I can't remember if it was this time or later, but we played a card game called Guillotine. The actual game was fun, but even more fun: ogling the cartoon women on the cards and ranking their sexiness.
--my housewarming party. The first party I ever threw, and it was a lot of fun. I made my first margarita, furthered the friendship with the DN's, and impressed people with my AWESOME musical taste.
--Ryan's visit. This visit gave birth to the couch's decline into sluttiness (Opt and I went to Chicago to pick him up, and I humped some children's murals there, which led to humping my couch when I went back. Which led to other people humping my couch over time). He, I, Hootie, and Opt watched Tron together, because I never had. He, I and Opt watched Leon the Professional together, and I lost Gary Oldman to Opt in a game of Rock Paper Scissors. Ryan forced me to watch K-Pax, and yelled at me the whole time whenever he thought I was going to go to sleep and miss a part. Ryan also forced me to watch Legend, and we discussed whether or not both DVD's had been down the pants of anyone at Hipster Video. I piled every cushion of my couch on him and humped him like a madwoman.
--Hanging out on Mondays with Opt when we would carpool. We'd come into work in super high spirits and annoy the crap out of Tami. All of these were good times, but my favorite (and this might be multiple times my memory changes into one time) was the first time we had racist pancakes. Opt's roommate's ex boyfriend the neo-nazi left at their house a whole bunch of pancake mix. She brought it over and we had pancakes. This became a habit, too. We also discussed what versions of Smells Like Teen Spirit I should put on a mix CD I was making of all covers of Smells Like Teen Spirit. This included "Smells like Teen Booty," a mash up with Destiny's Child, Smells Like Billie Jean (Michael Jackson Mash Up), the Bad Plus, a crappy punk version, moog cookbook, and of course the TMBG version on accordion, with Flans singing the vocals backwards. We also watched parts of a TMBG documentary, and I can safely say this is probably when I really started being into TMBG. We sang the Mono Puff song "Poison Flowers" at work the whole day afterwards.
--laying in the sun that came through the window over my couch.
--Metal Tuesdays, when BDN and I would watch Metalocalypse 12 oz Mouse, and Robot Chicken together, and then whatever other random crap was on the interwebs until GDN got home. Then I'd hang out with GDN while BDN fiddled around with the interwebs. This is how we discovered Dschinghis Khan, a german disco band that is so happy that it kills emo. GDN and I listened to the 3 songs we could find of theirs over, and over, and over. Then she went to Borders and ordered a whole album. Extreme happiness ensued.
--Hanging out with Opt and BDN, when Opt told us that her mother looks like the cryptkeeper, and BDN made us imagine the Cryptkeeper and Steven Hawking doing it on the kitchen table. Watching Sid & Nancy with them, and begging for Nancy to die at the end because she was so goddamn annoying. Opt and BDN teaching GDN & I Euchre, then playing a marathon game of apple's to apples where we put "poo" and "Opt's mom" on the blank cards. Joking the whole time that there should be a Holocaust card to horribly misuse. Horribly misusing the Helen Keller card. Sexy coming up as an adjective, and Opt playing Schindler's list. I picked it hands down, and BDN agreed, saying, "Schindler's List has tits in it."
--Watching a TMBG documentary with Opt, GDN, and a reluctant BDN. All of us enjoying a meal I cooked (defrosted, anyway)
--making snowflake christmas decorations
--Parties I had, including a christmas one where Lister showed up first and we had to awkwardly make small talk until others arrived. My birthday party, where YM and I dry humped each other to The Fray. When model train guy asked us to keep the noise down and Nebrasky told me later he had had the crazy urge to dump a metal bowl of goldfish on his head and start banging on it. Having pizza with opt and the DNs at a party where everyone else was late to show up. Text messaging Jersey during a party he didn't show up to, "your mother is a dirty whore who fucks midgets with syphillis." Being taken home after I was really drunk the first time and YM jumping on top of me and humping. Me drunkenly believing Herd when he told me he had been to the country on a map on my calendar.
But anyway before I got sidetracked, I wanted to mention the awesome memories I have of this place that I don't want to forget. I'm trying to go chronologically, but it is, of course, difficult.
--The first time I ever went to this place was when it was my friend Mouse's place. We watched Polar Express together, and made fun of the annoying nerdy kid character. We came up with the hilarious (to us) idea of calling up Borders with various prank requests, that we never followed through on. He burned me Nada Surf and Beck.
--Getting my ENORMOUS couch up the crazy twisted stairs. This is when I first met the DN's, as well. BDN, I have to say, is responsible for me even having this couch up here, because we got stuck in the hallway, and he reccomended taking out the drop ceiling. Of course, a bunch of insulation and who knows what other crap came out on all of us. The first thing I had to do as an inhabitant of this place was clean that up. This was to be the foundation of my friendship with the DN's.
--First visit from anyone: Opt. We played cards, Ryan DJ'ed over the interwebs. I played crazy-ass no rules Fluxx for the first time. I can't remember if it was this time or later, but we played a card game called Guillotine. The actual game was fun, but even more fun: ogling the cartoon women on the cards and ranking their sexiness.
--my housewarming party. The first party I ever threw, and it was a lot of fun. I made my first margarita, furthered the friendship with the DN's, and impressed people with my AWESOME musical taste.
--Ryan's visit. This visit gave birth to the couch's decline into sluttiness (Opt and I went to Chicago to pick him up, and I humped some children's murals there, which led to humping my couch when I went back. Which led to other people humping my couch over time). He, I, Hootie, and Opt watched Tron together, because I never had. He, I and Opt watched Leon the Professional together, and I lost Gary Oldman to Opt in a game of Rock Paper Scissors. Ryan forced me to watch K-Pax, and yelled at me the whole time whenever he thought I was going to go to sleep and miss a part. Ryan also forced me to watch Legend, and we discussed whether or not both DVD's had been down the pants of anyone at Hipster Video. I piled every cushion of my couch on him and humped him like a madwoman.
--Hanging out on Mondays with Opt when we would carpool. We'd come into work in super high spirits and annoy the crap out of Tami. All of these were good times, but my favorite (and this might be multiple times my memory changes into one time) was the first time we had racist pancakes. Opt's roommate's ex boyfriend the neo-nazi left at their house a whole bunch of pancake mix. She brought it over and we had pancakes. This became a habit, too. We also discussed what versions of Smells Like Teen Spirit I should put on a mix CD I was making of all covers of Smells Like Teen Spirit. This included "Smells like Teen Booty," a mash up with Destiny's Child, Smells Like Billie Jean (Michael Jackson Mash Up), the Bad Plus, a crappy punk version, moog cookbook, and of course the TMBG version on accordion, with Flans singing the vocals backwards. We also watched parts of a TMBG documentary, and I can safely say this is probably when I really started being into TMBG. We sang the Mono Puff song "Poison Flowers" at work the whole day afterwards.
--laying in the sun that came through the window over my couch.
--Metal Tuesdays, when BDN and I would watch Metalocalypse 12 oz Mouse, and Robot Chicken together, and then whatever other random crap was on the interwebs until GDN got home. Then I'd hang out with GDN while BDN fiddled around with the interwebs. This is how we discovered Dschinghis Khan, a german disco band that is so happy that it kills emo. GDN and I listened to the 3 songs we could find of theirs over, and over, and over. Then she went to Borders and ordered a whole album. Extreme happiness ensued.
--Hanging out with Opt and BDN, when Opt told us that her mother looks like the cryptkeeper, and BDN made us imagine the Cryptkeeper and Steven Hawking doing it on the kitchen table. Watching Sid & Nancy with them, and begging for Nancy to die at the end because she was so goddamn annoying. Opt and BDN teaching GDN & I Euchre, then playing a marathon game of apple's to apples where we put "poo" and "Opt's mom" on the blank cards. Joking the whole time that there should be a Holocaust card to horribly misuse. Horribly misusing the Helen Keller card. Sexy coming up as an adjective, and Opt playing Schindler's list. I picked it hands down, and BDN agreed, saying, "Schindler's List has tits in it."
--Watching a TMBG documentary with Opt, GDN, and a reluctant BDN. All of us enjoying a meal I cooked (defrosted, anyway)
--making snowflake christmas decorations
--Parties I had, including a christmas one where Lister showed up first and we had to awkwardly make small talk until others arrived. My birthday party, where YM and I dry humped each other to The Fray. When model train guy asked us to keep the noise down and Nebrasky told me later he had had the crazy urge to dump a metal bowl of goldfish on his head and start banging on it. Having pizza with opt and the DNs at a party where everyone else was late to show up. Text messaging Jersey during a party he didn't show up to, "your mother is a dirty whore who fucks midgets with syphillis." Being taken home after I was really drunk the first time and YM jumping on top of me and humping. Me drunkenly believing Herd when he told me he had been to the country on a map on my calendar.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
la la la la la la la la la la la la
I had a crazy dream last night. I was in the mall or something, and somehow calls from where I work had gotten transferred to my own phone. And I actually weirdly liked it, because I could tell people what I wanted to. There were a couple of "fuck off's" some "no's" (as in, "can you help me?" "no.") and the best one was some lady who told me she mutilated herself and should she go to the emergency room and I was like, 'GODDAMNIT, YOU MORON. OF COURSE YOU SHOULD. THOUGH ACTUALLY YOU SHOULDN'T BECAUSE IF YOU SURVIVE THIS YOU'RE STILL AROUND TO POLLUTE OUR GENETIC POOL WITH YOUR STUPIDITY."
Then randomly I was at Borders, and the Be Good Tanyas were having a concert there for some reason. I saw Mouse for the first time in over a year, and he had had two children in this time.
In other news, I am a fucking genius at finding music. There was this song in my head, that went "la la la la la." With the power of my mind ALONE I eventually found it, a Blur song I've maybe listened to 5 times before this, over a year ago, and never knew the name of.
Then randomly I was at Borders, and the Be Good Tanyas were having a concert there for some reason. I saw Mouse for the first time in over a year, and he had had two children in this time.
In other news, I am a fucking genius at finding music. There was this song in my head, that went "la la la la la." With the power of my mind ALONE I eventually found it, a Blur song I've maybe listened to 5 times before this, over a year ago, and never knew the name of.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
reason
Reason #67899789877 I'm sad I'm leaving:
the huge trees and frolicking squirrels where I currently live.
the huge trees and frolicking squirrels where I currently live.
bleh
Reason #67889808 I'm glad I'm moving:
Model train guy. He caught me taking out my trash earlier today. I had a second bag, and saved it until 10 pm when it was raining outside to take out.
You know, even a month ago, the first time this condo business came up, I wasn't ready to move. But now, I'm seeing more and more of the flaws of this place. It kind of reminds me of Borders.... I still love it, but I'm noticing more and more of the unpleasant things beneath the surface.
In other news: I talked to an ergonomic guy today. I don't really think what he told me is going to help my carpal tunnel, and the posture I was told to use actually seems to make my arms hurt, my neck hurt, and not help the carpal tunnel. I'm getting more and more annoyed trying to stay off the computer at home. Which usually leads to me getting on anyway and being sorry afterwards.
Model train guy. He caught me taking out my trash earlier today. I had a second bag, and saved it until 10 pm when it was raining outside to take out.
You know, even a month ago, the first time this condo business came up, I wasn't ready to move. But now, I'm seeing more and more of the flaws of this place. It kind of reminds me of Borders.... I still love it, but I'm noticing more and more of the unpleasant things beneath the surface.
In other news: I talked to an ergonomic guy today. I don't really think what he told me is going to help my carpal tunnel, and the posture I was told to use actually seems to make my arms hurt, my neck hurt, and not help the carpal tunnel. I'm getting more and more annoyed trying to stay off the computer at home. Which usually leads to me getting on anyway and being sorry afterwards.
Monday, September 10, 2007
don't even ask
(3:00:37 PM) Tina: sorry, I was busy screwing with your face
(3:01:06 PM) Me: haha
(3:01:12 PM) Me: you'd think I'd notice that
(3:01:06 PM) Me: haha
(3:01:12 PM) Me: you'd think I'd notice that
more tile talk
Comments I got RE: my tile
Tina:
try going to a tile place instead of a hardware store. The hardware place is just going to have a general selection but an actual tile store will have more.
And your not a yuppie. Your the hot bitch with a brand new condo.
Opt:
I'm with Tina.
If not a tile store, then something like Sherwin Williams...
How about some crazy black & white classic?
Strangely, I was just having a conversation about tile, myself, since my stupid landlord used ceramic tile in my KITCHEN which I found out when I got ceramic shards in my foot after dropping a heavy frozen thing that broke the tile.
Beware... don't make the same mistake!
My reply:
I'm sorta kinda forced to go with something at Lowe's unless I want to pay a lot extra, because the guy doing all this gets a mad discount at Lowe's.
As for Black & White, I was thinking of that, but my mom told me black and white is ugly and not to go with it because it would look like a public bathroom. And yes, this advice was actually solicited. I brought her in on this as a failsafe to keep me from doing anything too crazy or stupid (like an undersea mural). Plus, I suck at coordinating colors. I'm sorta kinda regretting this, because I forgot that our tastes differ and we would end up arguing the whole time, and her tastes can be somewhat out there too, so it's like the failsafe needs a failsafe.
And I AM a hot bitch!
PS: Right now I am reading a Mark Haddon novel that makes me feel like I'm reading a John Updike novel. Which is to say, I hate it but feel that I have to plow through anyway.
Tina:
try going to a tile place instead of a hardware store. The hardware place is just going to have a general selection but an actual tile store will have more.
And your not a yuppie. Your the hot bitch with a brand new condo.
Opt:
I'm with Tina.
If not a tile store, then something like Sherwin Williams...
How about some crazy black & white classic?
Strangely, I was just having a conversation about tile, myself, since my stupid landlord used ceramic tile in my KITCHEN which I found out when I got ceramic shards in my foot after dropping a heavy frozen thing that broke the tile.
Beware... don't make the same mistake!
My reply:
I'm sorta kinda forced to go with something at Lowe's unless I want to pay a lot extra, because the guy doing all this gets a mad discount at Lowe's.
As for Black & White, I was thinking of that, but my mom told me black and white is ugly and not to go with it because it would look like a public bathroom. And yes, this advice was actually solicited. I brought her in on this as a failsafe to keep me from doing anything too crazy or stupid (like an undersea mural). Plus, I suck at coordinating colors. I'm sorta kinda regretting this, because I forgot that our tastes differ and we would end up arguing the whole time, and her tastes can be somewhat out there too, so it's like the failsafe needs a failsafe.
And I AM a hot bitch!
PS: Right now I am reading a Mark Haddon novel that makes me feel like I'm reading a John Updike novel. Which is to say, I hate it but feel that I have to plow through anyway.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
tan needs to die
What the fuck, people. Why do you love tan so goddamn much?
Err.... ignore my tan blog template.
Seriously though, if you go to Lowe's, the selection for tile there is 90% tan, 9% this gross reddish-tan, 1% anything interesting or worthwhile. Even when something isn't fucking tan (rare) it has tan mixed into it somehow. Newsflash, people: Tan isn't just ugly, it is fugly. The F stands for fucking ugly.
The whole time my parents were like, "Well... people like neutral colors, so they can sell their property later..." But I'm not convinced. There wasn't ANY decent gray, and barely any decent white or off-white anything. There wasn't even a genuine nice non-tan brown at all. And is blue really THAT crazy to want? I'm probably going to end up with something shittily red-tan. Which... seems dumb. Red ISN'T neutral, but there was actually quite a lot of it available. Of course, it was red with TAN. How about some motherfucking maroon, people? That's a lot more attractive. Or, crazily BLUE. Or super fucking nuts, GRAY.
I don't even get it. You can get any color of paint in the universe. Carpet is nearly as plentiful in variety of hue. Even countertops were not this painful. But every fucking piece of tile in the universe: tan or a non attractive hue of red being raped by tan. If this is a trend, if like everywhere looks like that right now, I think people are going to regret it as much as all that weird orange and olive colored shit from the 70's.
So yes. I'm ranting about tile. I'm officially yuppie scum, as all too many of my friends feel the need to point out to me.
Err.... ignore my tan blog template.
Seriously though, if you go to Lowe's, the selection for tile there is 90% tan, 9% this gross reddish-tan, 1% anything interesting or worthwhile. Even when something isn't fucking tan (rare) it has tan mixed into it somehow. Newsflash, people: Tan isn't just ugly, it is fugly. The F stands for fucking ugly.
The whole time my parents were like, "Well... people like neutral colors, so they can sell their property later..." But I'm not convinced. There wasn't ANY decent gray, and barely any decent white or off-white anything. There wasn't even a genuine nice non-tan brown at all. And is blue really THAT crazy to want? I'm probably going to end up with something shittily red-tan. Which... seems dumb. Red ISN'T neutral, but there was actually quite a lot of it available. Of course, it was red with TAN. How about some motherfucking maroon, people? That's a lot more attractive. Or, crazily BLUE. Or super fucking nuts, GRAY.
I don't even get it. You can get any color of paint in the universe. Carpet is nearly as plentiful in variety of hue. Even countertops were not this painful. But every fucking piece of tile in the universe: tan or a non attractive hue of red being raped by tan. If this is a trend, if like everywhere looks like that right now, I think people are going to regret it as much as all that weird orange and olive colored shit from the 70's.
So yes. I'm ranting about tile. I'm officially yuppie scum, as all too many of my friends feel the need to point out to me.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
reason
Reason #678678 it'll be good to move out:
It is currently hotter inside my air conditioned appt than it is outside.
It is currently hotter inside my air conditioned appt than it is outside.
Friday, September 07, 2007
good times
Today at work, I had this guy who kept screaming questions to his wife in the other room. Only he had the phone RIGHT THERE so it was like he was screaming IN MY EAR. He also had a wicked bad smoker's cough. Lastly, one of the occaisions he used to scream to his wife was when I asked him to spell his daughter's name. Yes, he did not know how to spell his daughter's name and had to get his wife to come in and do it.
Yesterday, I got a lady who sounded EXACTLY like my friend Ryan's impression of my mother (except even worse, actually). She had a ridiculous name and I kept trying to guess less ridiculous versions of it and it only made her mad. Then I had to transfer her to our quote department, and introduce her to him by the crazy name and tell him that "I'm not 100% sure if that is her name. She sounds really old and like she smokes a lot. She just kept getting angry at me when I tried to clarify."
I had a woman the other day calling about her son's account. His name was "SirArthur." I wanted to ask her what the hell she was thinking when she named him that.
I had a guy who couldn't read what the police officer put on the police report. Which is common. Which, I told him. And I made an offhand comment, "I think they should make all cops and doctors go to handwriting school." He said he was studying to be a doctor. And his handwriting's horrible. We had a good laugh.
The high volume of funny calls I've been recieving lately makes it suck less. Slightly.
Yesterday, I got a lady who sounded EXACTLY like my friend Ryan's impression of my mother (except even worse, actually). She had a ridiculous name and I kept trying to guess less ridiculous versions of it and it only made her mad. Then I had to transfer her to our quote department, and introduce her to him by the crazy name and tell him that "I'm not 100% sure if that is her name. She sounds really old and like she smokes a lot. She just kept getting angry at me when I tried to clarify."
I had a woman the other day calling about her son's account. His name was "SirArthur." I wanted to ask her what the hell she was thinking when she named him that.
I had a guy who couldn't read what the police officer put on the police report. Which is common. Which, I told him. And I made an offhand comment, "I think they should make all cops and doctors go to handwriting school." He said he was studying to be a doctor. And his handwriting's horrible. We had a good laugh.
The high volume of funny calls I've been recieving lately makes it suck less. Slightly.
converz
some convers
(11:03:08 PM) RJ: there are a ton of japanese people in my apartment
(11:05:14 PM) Me: holy crap
(11:05:18 PM) Me: get out of there now
(11:05:25 PM) RJ: it's too late they've blocked the door
(11:05:30 PM) RJ: literally, there's 10 shoes
(11:05:31 PM) Me: I hear japanese people like to eat your face
(11:05:36 PM) Me: nooooooo
(11:05:39 PM) Me: I'll miss you, RJ
(11:05:50 PM) Me: I'll sing "Sucks to be You" at your funeral
(11:05:56 PM) RJ: Tell vegemite i'll miss it
(11:06:01 PM) Me: okay
(11:06:04 PM) RJ: Yeah it does suck to be me
(11:06:05 PM) Me: I'll marry it
(11:06:09 PM) Me: so there's someone to take care of it
(11:06:13 PM) RJ: No, i am wishing well upon vegemite
(11:06:15 PM) RJ: don't marry it
(11:06:18 PM) Me: ouch
(11:06:27 PM) Me: are you saying I won't be good to vegemite?
(11:06:36 PM) Me: how dare you insinuate such a thing
(11:06:38 PM) RJ: i just hate to think what you'd do to it
(11:07:45 PM) RJ: Vegemite is frail, you're an ox in bed
(11:07:49 PM) Me: hahaha
(11:08:01 PM) Me: at least I don't come on its tits like you do
(11:08:06 PM) RJ: lol
(11:08:07 PM) Me: vegemite tells me it hates when you do that
(11:08:09 PM) RJ: you're dirty
(11:08:16 PM) Me: yeah?
(11:08:17 PM) RJ: yeah i have to sculpt them first
(11:43:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I'm going to go up there this weekend, and go to a falconry meeting saturday
(11:43:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: so hopefully that goes well
(11:43:34 PM) Me: heee heee
(11:43:39 PM) Me: I'm proud of you
(11:43:45 PM) Me: but I still find the falconry amusing
(11:44:07 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha you're proud?
(11:44:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: or you think I'm a huge dork
(11:44:26 PM) Me: I think it's nice that you stuck with it
(11:44:30 PM) Me: and weren't just BSing about it
(11:44:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: yeah
(11:44:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: it's going to be a lot of work, so I think it will be cool to meet up with some people that already do it
(11:44:52 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and get some advice and stuff
(11:44:56 PM) Me: I don't know how "proud of you" slipped out. That was kind of creepily mothery
(11:45:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(11:45:06 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: it's okay
(11:45:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: they're having like a bbq type thing this weekend
(11:45:18 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and invited me
(11:46:19 PM) Me: awww :)
(11:46:22 PM) Me: make sure you're not eating bird
(11:46:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(11:46:26 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: okay
(11:46:33 PM) Me: oh, maybe they'll serve you rabbits or something
(11:46:36 PM) Me: caught by their birds
(9/7/2007 12:08:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(12:08:40 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: that would be.. interesting
(12:08:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: they did say they'd take care of food
(12:08:52 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and I'd just need to bring drinks or dessert or something
(12:17:25 AM) Opt: I'm just wound up from seeing The Poster Children
(12:17:31 AM) Me: what's that?
(12:17:35 AM) Opt: band
(12:17:51 AM) Opt: and it was awesome
(12:17:55 AM) Me: yay awesome
(12:18:06 AM) Opt: I'm having the rythym guitarist have my babies
(12:18:20 AM) Me: haha
(12:18:23 AM) Me: can I be godmother?
(12:18:27 AM) Opt: absolutely
(12:18:38 AM) Opt: and you can eat it if it's retarded
(12:18:48 AM) Me: YES!
(12:19:10 AM) Me: *makes plans to throw the rhythm guitarist down some stairs during the pregnancy*
(12:20:31 AM) Opt: well, make sure he doesn't die... because then we'll both be disappointed
(12:20:56 AM) Me: well of course not
(12:21:04 AM) Me: I'm not going to knock him down MY scary stairs
(12:21:09 AM) Me: more like the stairs at your house
(12:21:15 AM) Opt: oh, ok
(12:21:23 AM) Opt: yeah, that will do the trick
(12:21:51 AM) Me: those stairs have "retardation but not death" written all over them
(11:03:08 PM) RJ: there are a ton of japanese people in my apartment
(11:05:14 PM) Me: holy crap
(11:05:18 PM) Me: get out of there now
(11:05:25 PM) RJ: it's too late they've blocked the door
(11:05:30 PM) RJ: literally, there's 10 shoes
(11:05:31 PM) Me: I hear japanese people like to eat your face
(11:05:36 PM) Me: nooooooo
(11:05:39 PM) Me: I'll miss you, RJ
(11:05:50 PM) Me: I'll sing "Sucks to be You" at your funeral
(11:05:56 PM) RJ: Tell vegemite i'll miss it
(11:06:01 PM) Me: okay
(11:06:04 PM) RJ: Yeah it does suck to be me
(11:06:05 PM) Me: I'll marry it
(11:06:09 PM) Me: so there's someone to take care of it
(11:06:13 PM) RJ: No, i am wishing well upon vegemite
(11:06:15 PM) RJ: don't marry it
(11:06:18 PM) Me: ouch
(11:06:27 PM) Me: are you saying I won't be good to vegemite?
(11:06:36 PM) Me: how dare you insinuate such a thing
(11:06:38 PM) RJ: i just hate to think what you'd do to it
(11:07:45 PM) RJ: Vegemite is frail, you're an ox in bed
(11:07:49 PM) Me: hahaha
(11:08:01 PM) Me: at least I don't come on its tits like you do
(11:08:06 PM) RJ: lol
(11:08:07 PM) Me: vegemite tells me it hates when you do that
(11:08:09 PM) RJ: you're dirty
(11:08:16 PM) Me: yeah?
(11:08:17 PM) RJ: yeah i have to sculpt them first
(11:43:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I'm going to go up there this weekend, and go to a falconry meeting saturday
(11:43:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: so hopefully that goes well
(11:43:34 PM) Me: heee heee
(11:43:39 PM) Me: I'm proud of you
(11:43:45 PM) Me: but I still find the falconry amusing
(11:44:07 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha you're proud?
(11:44:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: or you think I'm a huge dork
(11:44:26 PM) Me: I think it's nice that you stuck with it
(11:44:30 PM) Me: and weren't just BSing about it
(11:44:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: yeah
(11:44:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: it's going to be a lot of work, so I think it will be cool to meet up with some people that already do it
(11:44:52 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and get some advice and stuff
(11:44:56 PM) Me: I don't know how "proud of you" slipped out. That was kind of creepily mothery
(11:45:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(11:45:06 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: it's okay
(11:45:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: they're having like a bbq type thing this weekend
(11:45:18 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and invited me
(11:46:19 PM) Me: awww :)
(11:46:22 PM) Me: make sure you're not eating bird
(11:46:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(11:46:26 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: okay
(11:46:33 PM) Me: oh, maybe they'll serve you rabbits or something
(11:46:36 PM) Me: caught by their birds
(9/7/2007 12:08:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(12:08:40 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: that would be.. interesting
(12:08:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: they did say they'd take care of food
(12:08:52 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and I'd just need to bring drinks or dessert or something
(12:17:25 AM) Opt: I'm just wound up from seeing The Poster Children
(12:17:31 AM) Me: what's that?
(12:17:35 AM) Opt: band
(12:17:51 AM) Opt: and it was awesome
(12:17:55 AM) Me: yay awesome
(12:18:06 AM) Opt: I'm having the rythym guitarist have my babies
(12:18:20 AM) Me: haha
(12:18:23 AM) Me: can I be godmother?
(12:18:27 AM) Opt: absolutely
(12:18:38 AM) Opt: and you can eat it if it's retarded
(12:18:48 AM) Me: YES!
(12:19:10 AM) Me: *makes plans to throw the rhythm guitarist down some stairs during the pregnancy*
(12:20:31 AM) Opt: well, make sure he doesn't die... because then we'll both be disappointed
(12:20:56 AM) Me: well of course not
(12:21:04 AM) Me: I'm not going to knock him down MY scary stairs
(12:21:09 AM) Me: more like the stairs at your house
(12:21:15 AM) Opt: oh, ok
(12:21:23 AM) Opt: yeah, that will do the trick
(12:21:51 AM) Me: those stairs have "retardation but not death" written all over them
tired
In the prev. post I forgot the wide variety of ways people say that I sound tired.
--such as when I'm making them spell the name of the person they hit over and over because it's just random consonants stuck together and could never be a name, and isn't the same thing twice. Then during the entire HALF HOUR the claim takes, the guy says "you sound tired" over and over. (already a comic for this)
--when they think they're on hold and I can't hear them. "Wow, she sounds tired"
--and most of all, on labor day:
"Can I speak to _____"
"No, I'm from blah blah blah, I'm not actually in the office, I'm an extension of your agent's office, but is there anything I can help you with?"
"No, you sound TOO TIRED TO TALK!" the man angrily says, and hangs up on me. I'm not even making this shit up.
Plus today I had this woman who sounds like Ryan's impression of my mother. It was hilarious.
Also I had a woman berate me for being too quiet for her to hear. When I was SHOUTING into the phone. And I'm also the loudest person I know. Then she gave the phone to her friend who could actually hear, so I know it wasn't her phone either.
--such as when I'm making them spell the name of the person they hit over and over because it's just random consonants stuck together and could never be a name, and isn't the same thing twice. Then during the entire HALF HOUR the claim takes, the guy says "you sound tired" over and over. (already a comic for this)
--when they think they're on hold and I can't hear them. "Wow, she sounds tired"
--and most of all, on labor day:
"Can I speak to _____"
"No, I'm from blah blah blah, I'm not actually in the office, I'm an extension of your agent's office, but is there anything I can help you with?"
"No, you sound TOO TIRED TO TALK!" the man angrily says, and hangs up on me. I'm not even making this shit up.
Plus today I had this woman who sounds like Ryan's impression of my mother. It was hilarious.
Also I had a woman berate me for being too quiet for her to hear. When I was SHOUTING into the phone. And I'm also the loudest person I know. Then she gave the phone to her friend who could actually hear, so I know it wasn't her phone either.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
war stories
I was saving up these incidences for comics, but I don't really know if/how I want to draw them. And in the mean time, I don't really want to forget them, so here goes:
I had a call with a guy Tuesday night where, his wife is in the background telling him the whole time, "Honey, you are talking to the wrong insurance company. You want to speak to *other company,* not *company I work at*. It says right here that you have *other company* insurance." So the husband asks, "Are you *company I work at*" and I say yes, and he wants to proceed. Which makes me wonder how retarded he is that he doesn't understand what his wife is saying. But, I can't really accuse the guy of not having our insurance until I've actually looked for him. So I did, and of course the search is a waste of time (during which his wife is STILL telling him he has the other company). Finally I say, "Sir, are you sure you have insurance with *company I work at*?" And his wife jumps in again and says, "Look, RIGHT HERE it says you have *other company*" and finally, dude got the point and hung up.
I was talking to Stevenson about this, and another incident I had a long while ago came up, where I had this woman call me up and ask me if she should take her husband to the emergency room. Well, I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure if you even have to ask, the answer is yes. But she was fucking around wanting to know if it's covered or not first. I couldn't even give her my opinion, I had to say "it's up to you" over and over.
Anyway, Stevenson and I decided that the poor emergency room guy from the second story should hook up with the sensible wife from the first story, and she could take care of him. Then the idiot husband from the first story and the idiot wife from the second story could get married. Then we could make a reality show called "Are They Too Stupid To Be Alive?" which tracks how long it takes them to die without anyone sensible around. Stevenson's opinion was, "It's a great show.... but that's only one episode."
I had a call where this woman's 15 year old girl was at her friend's house, and her friend's mom asked her to go out in her car and buy groceries. The 15 year old girl, not that surprisingly, ran into a bus. The friend's mom doesn't even have insurance. So, the mom of the girl was wondering if her insurance would cover it. Which... no. Someone not on her policy (because she doesn't have a driver's license) driving a car that's not hers is not covered. And I think the mom knew that, but thought she'd try anyway. I don't think she's an idiot. I don't even think the 15 year old girl was the idiot, it sounds like she said she didn't want to do it, but the other lady made her. But the friends mom? How do you get THAT stupid? The mom said she talked to the friends mom, and wouldn't have believed it, but says that the friends mom basically nagged her till she did it. So to sum up: the friend's mom let a 15 year old unlicenced kid drive her UNINSURED car. It would be more surprising if she DIDN'T hit a bus. Plus... like, the friends mom had her own kid that age. If you're going to send out some random unexperienced driver in your car, wouldn't you at least want it to be family? People are idiots. I felt free to laugh about this, because no one was seriously injured.
I think I mentioned it before, but names are also awesome. I've gotten agents named Dick Valentine, Rusty Hamner, and Tom Brokaw. I've gotten some funny customer names as well, but I dunno if it is a breach of privacy to put their full names on here (especially since some of them are pretty unique), so I won't. But I still can't stop laughing about that woman with the last name Beaver living on Dick St.
I think that's all I remember. Other than the awesome guy who wouldn't believe me that I wasn't at Publisher's Clearing House.
I had a call with a guy Tuesday night where, his wife is in the background telling him the whole time, "Honey, you are talking to the wrong insurance company. You want to speak to *other company,* not *company I work at*. It says right here that you have *other company* insurance." So the husband asks, "Are you *company I work at*" and I say yes, and he wants to proceed. Which makes me wonder how retarded he is that he doesn't understand what his wife is saying. But, I can't really accuse the guy of not having our insurance until I've actually looked for him. So I did, and of course the search is a waste of time (during which his wife is STILL telling him he has the other company). Finally I say, "Sir, are you sure you have insurance with *company I work at*?" And his wife jumps in again and says, "Look, RIGHT HERE it says you have *other company*" and finally, dude got the point and hung up.
I was talking to Stevenson about this, and another incident I had a long while ago came up, where I had this woman call me up and ask me if she should take her husband to the emergency room. Well, I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure if you even have to ask, the answer is yes. But she was fucking around wanting to know if it's covered or not first. I couldn't even give her my opinion, I had to say "it's up to you" over and over.
Anyway, Stevenson and I decided that the poor emergency room guy from the second story should hook up with the sensible wife from the first story, and she could take care of him. Then the idiot husband from the first story and the idiot wife from the second story could get married. Then we could make a reality show called "Are They Too Stupid To Be Alive?" which tracks how long it takes them to die without anyone sensible around. Stevenson's opinion was, "It's a great show.... but that's only one episode."
I had a call where this woman's 15 year old girl was at her friend's house, and her friend's mom asked her to go out in her car and buy groceries. The 15 year old girl, not that surprisingly, ran into a bus. The friend's mom doesn't even have insurance. So, the mom of the girl was wondering if her insurance would cover it. Which... no. Someone not on her policy (because she doesn't have a driver's license) driving a car that's not hers is not covered. And I think the mom knew that, but thought she'd try anyway. I don't think she's an idiot. I don't even think the 15 year old girl was the idiot, it sounds like she said she didn't want to do it, but the other lady made her. But the friends mom? How do you get THAT stupid? The mom said she talked to the friends mom, and wouldn't have believed it, but says that the friends mom basically nagged her till she did it. So to sum up: the friend's mom let a 15 year old unlicenced kid drive her UNINSURED car. It would be more surprising if she DIDN'T hit a bus. Plus... like, the friends mom had her own kid that age. If you're going to send out some random unexperienced driver in your car, wouldn't you at least want it to be family? People are idiots. I felt free to laugh about this, because no one was seriously injured.
I think I mentioned it before, but names are also awesome. I've gotten agents named Dick Valentine, Rusty Hamner, and Tom Brokaw. I've gotten some funny customer names as well, but I dunno if it is a breach of privacy to put their full names on here (especially since some of them are pretty unique), so I won't. But I still can't stop laughing about that woman with the last name Beaver living on Dick St.
I think that's all I remember. Other than the awesome guy who wouldn't believe me that I wasn't at Publisher's Clearing House.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
existance
This is regarding a blanket Ryan has that, at one point, had holes in it that made it strongly resemble a demonic face that he swears happened on accident.
phoemeister (12:28:00 AM): whatever, as long as it doesn't have a pink blanket with satan's face on it
Suibrom (12:27:56 AM): I'll let you sleep with the demon blanket
Suibrom (12:27:59 AM): you saw it in vegas
Suibrom (12:28:03 AM): it still wants your soul
phoemeister (12:28:18 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:28:23 AM): I think I messed it up though
Suibrom (12:28:15 AM): haha yeah
Suibrom (12:28:19 AM): I think it's mostly just a big hole now
phoemeister (12:28:33 AM): like didn't it not have a face anymore by the time I was done with it?
Suibrom (12:28:23 AM): a HOLE TO HELL
phoemeister (12:28:39 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:28:43 AM): I didn't fall in
phoemeister (12:28:49 AM): I didn't wreck the face on purpose though
Suibrom (12:28:38 AM): you got lucky
phoemeister (12:28:51 AM): I swear
Suibrom (12:28:39 AM): this time
Suibrom (12:28:44 AM): haha
Suibrom (12:28:49 AM): you totally fucked the face off my demon blanket
phoemeister (12:29:02 AM): when you showed it to me I was like "he's gotta be fucking kidding me"
phoemeister (12:29:05 AM): HAHAHAH
phoemeister (12:29:13 AM): but then I grew to love it
phoemeister (12:29:17 AM): but then it was gone
Suibrom (12:29:13 AM): like with everything else you love
Suibrom (12:29:22 AM): you skullfuck it into non-existence
phoemeister (12:29:41 AM):"you totally fucked the face off my demon blanket" is awesome out of context
Suibrom (12:29:32 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:29:50 AM): psh. You are something I love, and you totally love it
Suibrom (12:29:39 AM): even in context that's awesome
Suibrom (12:29:45 AM): yeah and look at me!
phoemeister (12:30:00 AM): haha yeah
Suibrom (12:29:48 AM): I practically don't exist
phoemeister (12:28:00 AM): whatever, as long as it doesn't have a pink blanket with satan's face on it
Suibrom (12:27:56 AM): I'll let you sleep with the demon blanket
Suibrom (12:27:59 AM): you saw it in vegas
Suibrom (12:28:03 AM): it still wants your soul
phoemeister (12:28:18 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:28:23 AM): I think I messed it up though
Suibrom (12:28:15 AM): haha yeah
Suibrom (12:28:19 AM): I think it's mostly just a big hole now
phoemeister (12:28:33 AM): like didn't it not have a face anymore by the time I was done with it?
Suibrom (12:28:23 AM): a HOLE TO HELL
phoemeister (12:28:39 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:28:43 AM): I didn't fall in
phoemeister (12:28:49 AM): I didn't wreck the face on purpose though
Suibrom (12:28:38 AM): you got lucky
phoemeister (12:28:51 AM): I swear
Suibrom (12:28:39 AM): this time
Suibrom (12:28:44 AM): haha
Suibrom (12:28:49 AM): you totally fucked the face off my demon blanket
phoemeister (12:29:02 AM): when you showed it to me I was like "he's gotta be fucking kidding me"
phoemeister (12:29:05 AM): HAHAHAH
phoemeister (12:29:13 AM): but then I grew to love it
phoemeister (12:29:17 AM): but then it was gone
Suibrom (12:29:13 AM): like with everything else you love
Suibrom (12:29:22 AM): you skullfuck it into non-existence
phoemeister (12:29:41 AM):"you totally fucked the face off my demon blanket" is awesome out of context
Suibrom (12:29:32 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:29:50 AM): psh. You are something I love, and you totally love it
Suibrom (12:29:39 AM): even in context that's awesome
Suibrom (12:29:45 AM): yeah and look at me!
phoemeister (12:30:00 AM): haha yeah
Suibrom (12:29:48 AM): I practically don't exist
Sunday, September 02, 2007
these are my hands, these are my faults, these are my plans, these are my nasty little thoughts
I had a good day at work. For like... the first time ever.
Basically, the company I work for helps a lot of people. Not for the hell of it, they do it for money, but still. They care about their employees (my dad's insanely awesome retirement package from them, for instance, is why my parents can afford to help me out with a condo). They help a lot of policyholders when they need it most.
Yes, there is legal BS. Yes, sometimes people don't understand their policy, and end up with severe problems. But in general, I do believe in the company I work for and think that they help people.
But I am not helpful. I'm basically a placeholder. I'm there to get someone who can really help the person if their house burns down. Other than that, voicemail could probably do most of what I do. So every time someone calls, one of two things happen: 1) I will disapoint and be unable to help someone nice. 2) I will disapoint and be unable help someone jerky, who will then take it out on me and make me feel like shit.
But tonight I had this lady who called because she lost her car keys. This, and people who need towing, are my least favorite call. Because people generally don't understand their policy (they think we're triple A, a company not affiliated with us in anyway whatsoever. I have literally had people call up and ask me for Triple A before) with regards to this. Basically, we reimburse people for towing, locksmiths, tire changes etc. And I can't even tell people how much of the bill will be reimbursed, because it's at the Agent's discretion. She had apparently called us up about this before several times but kept getting disconnected. So I got the phone number she was calling from, and told her I'd call her back if she got disconnected. I called up several locksmiths (normally I give people phone numbers and tell them to do it themselves but so far this lady had been nice to me). I finally get one, and I ask her if she wants me to stay on the line. Normally I never do this, but since she kept getting disconnected (I had to call her back several times during this) I decided to stay on, and call her back if she got disconnected from the locksmith. The locksmith actually can't help her, her car has some sort of alarm system, she'll need to be towed to the dealership. So I end up calling tow people from her. And they put her on hold an insanely long amount of time, and I stayed the whole time. I wanted to help her, because she was afraid to stay in this random remote place (the reason for the phone problems), and it was getting dark out, and she had two children with her. She was really nice to me, and kept thanking me profusely for something that it really took very little effort for me to do. It wasn't even busy tonight, so spending so much time with her wasn't at the expense of any other customers. The only cost was pretty much the phone bill, which, I think is a drop in the bucket next to the insurance premiums she has probably paid in the past and will probably continue to pay in the future.
To sum up a needlessly long story: I felt really good because I actually felt like I helped someone. And that someone was appreciative, which is nice for the ego.
PS: There was also a lady whose last name was Beaver who called in, and her home was located, I kid you not, on Dick St.
Basically, the company I work for helps a lot of people. Not for the hell of it, they do it for money, but still. They care about their employees (my dad's insanely awesome retirement package from them, for instance, is why my parents can afford to help me out with a condo). They help a lot of policyholders when they need it most.
Yes, there is legal BS. Yes, sometimes people don't understand their policy, and end up with severe problems. But in general, I do believe in the company I work for and think that they help people.
But I am not helpful. I'm basically a placeholder. I'm there to get someone who can really help the person if their house burns down. Other than that, voicemail could probably do most of what I do. So every time someone calls, one of two things happen: 1) I will disapoint and be unable to help someone nice. 2) I will disapoint and be unable help someone jerky, who will then take it out on me and make me feel like shit.
But tonight I had this lady who called because she lost her car keys. This, and people who need towing, are my least favorite call. Because people generally don't understand their policy (they think we're triple A, a company not affiliated with us in anyway whatsoever. I have literally had people call up and ask me for Triple A before) with regards to this. Basically, we reimburse people for towing, locksmiths, tire changes etc. And I can't even tell people how much of the bill will be reimbursed, because it's at the Agent's discretion. She had apparently called us up about this before several times but kept getting disconnected. So I got the phone number she was calling from, and told her I'd call her back if she got disconnected. I called up several locksmiths (normally I give people phone numbers and tell them to do it themselves but so far this lady had been nice to me). I finally get one, and I ask her if she wants me to stay on the line. Normally I never do this, but since she kept getting disconnected (I had to call her back several times during this) I decided to stay on, and call her back if she got disconnected from the locksmith. The locksmith actually can't help her, her car has some sort of alarm system, she'll need to be towed to the dealership. So I end up calling tow people from her. And they put her on hold an insanely long amount of time, and I stayed the whole time. I wanted to help her, because she was afraid to stay in this random remote place (the reason for the phone problems), and it was getting dark out, and she had two children with her. She was really nice to me, and kept thanking me profusely for something that it really took very little effort for me to do. It wasn't even busy tonight, so spending so much time with her wasn't at the expense of any other customers. The only cost was pretty much the phone bill, which, I think is a drop in the bucket next to the insurance premiums she has probably paid in the past and will probably continue to pay in the future.
To sum up a needlessly long story: I felt really good because I actually felt like I helped someone. And that someone was appreciative, which is nice for the ego.
PS: There was also a lady whose last name was Beaver who called in, and her home was located, I kid you not, on Dick St.
all we care about is talking
Complete awesomeness is Pete Yorn covering Peter, Bjorn, & John's "Young Folks" because "people keep asking me if this is my song." Email me, phoemeister at gmail dot com, if you want a copy.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
can't you see I'm trying, I don't even like it
So..... I'm going to move to a condo.
1) My parents said if I wanted I could move out again.
2) The one I'm going to get, I get to pick out the carpet and other decor choices.
3) It's going to be on the top floor, so I don't get other people walking around on me.
4) I decided the place has more of a lawn than I had prev. thought.
5) Carport!
6) About the same for utilities for way more space, because I won't have a massively inefficient window air conditioner.
7) Dishwasher!
8) Washer & Dryer!
9) Counter space!
10) More space in general!
11) Better neighborhood (less pretty, but also fewer punk teenagers vandalizing things).
12) Double sink!
13) No ugly drop ceiling.
14) Fuck the world if they think my furniture is too shitty for a nice place. The humping couch and the hippie desk will have to be pried out of my cold dead hands (figuratively).
PS: THE POST OFFICE HONORED MY CLAIM! I WIN AT LIFE!
1) My parents said if I wanted I could move out again.
2) The one I'm going to get, I get to pick out the carpet and other decor choices.
3) It's going to be on the top floor, so I don't get other people walking around on me.
4) I decided the place has more of a lawn than I had prev. thought.
5) Carport!
6) About the same for utilities for way more space, because I won't have a massively inefficient window air conditioner.
7) Dishwasher!
8) Washer & Dryer!
9) Counter space!
10) More space in general!
11) Better neighborhood (less pretty, but also fewer punk teenagers vandalizing things).
12) Double sink!
13) No ugly drop ceiling.
14) Fuck the world if they think my furniture is too shitty for a nice place. The humping couch and the hippie desk will have to be pried out of my cold dead hands (figuratively).
PS: THE POST OFFICE HONORED MY CLAIM! I WIN AT LIFE!
our friends are all nuts
So I got mistaken for a hooker for the first time last night.
I was taking a walk last night after work, and this car pulls up to the curb. The guy has to holler a couple times to get my attention, because I'm wearing headphones.
Guy: hey!
Me: *takes off headphones* What?
Guy: come here!
And I'm not walking from the sidewalk to the curb for this guy. At this point I just thought he wanted directions. Unless he wants to get to Borders, my parents house, or my old high school, I know that I and my retarded directional sense are going to be useless to him.
Me: what do you want?
Guy: I want to party!
Me: I'm sorry *puts headphones back on and starts walking again*
So there you go. In Bizzle-Nizzle, I qualify as hooker material.
In other news, I was waken up this morning by my dad on the phone. "Are you awake yet?" If you have to ask that, you have probably woken the person up. I said, "Seeing as how I usually get up at ten," (this is the figure I generally give my parents, though it is somewhat optimistic), "that's a no." So now I'm going to look at the condo again. Well, another condo in the same building. My resistance is wearing thin. I think it's somewhat because of my $86 gas bill and the fact that if I have to go down into my building's disgusting, dangerous basement where you so much as rub up against a wall and get hep C, where something is actually dying right now (according to the neighbor woman) one more time, I am going to go insane.
Though, I do sound tired on the phone no matter when I get up. Last night I got another oh so charming person who thought they were on hold and told their friend, "she sure does sound tired!" Though I got such gems as "nasal" and "monotone" from the customers at Borders, the customers at my new job seem to be pretty consistently saying I sound tired. Is it because I hate my job, and really am tired and cranky whenever they call? I'm not sure... back in college whenever I answered the phone for my roommate, their friends would appologize for waking me up when they hadn't. And then, because they weren't jerks like customers, they would then appologize for accidently implying that I have a tired voice. But then again, I hated college almost as much as I hate my job now, so...
Someone win the lottery and let me mooch off you. I'll pay you in sex. I don't even really care if you're a woman. Either way, you are probably better looking than the guy who propositioned me last night.
I was taking a walk last night after work, and this car pulls up to the curb. The guy has to holler a couple times to get my attention, because I'm wearing headphones.
Guy: hey!
Me: *takes off headphones* What?
Guy: come here!
And I'm not walking from the sidewalk to the curb for this guy. At this point I just thought he wanted directions. Unless he wants to get to Borders, my parents house, or my old high school, I know that I and my retarded directional sense are going to be useless to him.
Me: what do you want?
Guy: I want to party!
Me: I'm sorry *puts headphones back on and starts walking again*
So there you go. In Bizzle-Nizzle, I qualify as hooker material.
In other news, I was waken up this morning by my dad on the phone. "Are you awake yet?" If you have to ask that, you have probably woken the person up. I said, "Seeing as how I usually get up at ten," (this is the figure I generally give my parents, though it is somewhat optimistic), "that's a no." So now I'm going to look at the condo again. Well, another condo in the same building. My resistance is wearing thin. I think it's somewhat because of my $86 gas bill and the fact that if I have to go down into my building's disgusting, dangerous basement where you so much as rub up against a wall and get hep C, where something is actually dying right now (according to the neighbor woman) one more time, I am going to go insane.
Though, I do sound tired on the phone no matter when I get up. Last night I got another oh so charming person who thought they were on hold and told their friend, "she sure does sound tired!" Though I got such gems as "nasal" and "monotone" from the customers at Borders, the customers at my new job seem to be pretty consistently saying I sound tired. Is it because I hate my job, and really am tired and cranky whenever they call? I'm not sure... back in college whenever I answered the phone for my roommate, their friends would appologize for waking me up when they hadn't. And then, because they weren't jerks like customers, they would then appologize for accidently implying that I have a tired voice. But then again, I hated college almost as much as I hate my job now, so...
Someone win the lottery and let me mooch off you. I'll pay you in sex. I don't even really care if you're a woman. Either way, you are probably better looking than the guy who propositioned me last night.
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