hobag

Me: Seriously... I stopped to talk to Baby Stealer like... one minute today. Maybe less. Then I decided to take my ten minute break (we can have 2 paid ten minute breaks every day, and I hardly ever use mine, but some people, especially the smokers, use them constantly) because I wanted to buy a coffee. So I go on the wire and say, "can I have my ten minute break now?" I mean, I don't even plan to use the whole thing, I just want to buy a damn coffee without customers bothering me.
Me: And Boss-Boss is all, "Sure.... minus the four minutes you stood around talking just now." in this really catty tone
Ryan: hah wow
Ryan: what a hobag
Me: EXACTLY
Me: I'm so glad I'm getting out of there
Ryan: yeah no joke
Ryan: it will be good
Me: yeah... I think it's hilarious that I considered not taking it because things were going good for once and then I was like, "well, I will kick myself when things get bad again if I don't take it" and then they did get bad again
Me: it's like the store's way of making the parting easier
Ryan: haha yeah

hat!

Me: you bought a hat at a renessance faire?
Me: that can not be good
Ryan: haha it's not very rennaisance-y though
Ryan: dunno if you know what a Tricorne is
Me: hahah fuck
Ryan: haha
Ryan: I'll take that as a yes!
Me: colonial is not any better than rennaissance
Ryan: haha damn
Ryan: it looks awesome though :X
Ryan: I'll have to take pictures
Me: haha I was about to demand that
Ryan: looks especially cool with my coat
Me: what the hell are you smoking?

sober

Herd: i would have to, i mean you gotta know the guy that installs a place in your car to hide your gun
Me: haha
Me: man even though I don't have a gun
Me: I think that would be awesome
Me: it basically says "don't fuck with me!"
Herd: of course it does
Herd: thats the basic message you gotta get across on the streets
Me: if I ever go to the streets
Me: I'm going to have "don't fuck with me" stenciled onto the hood of my car
Herd: you might get fucked with
Me: hahah yeah but I'll have a gun hidden in there
Me: and I'll pistol whip all of them
Herd: good
Me: and then be like, "Yo I warned you."
Herd: establish yourself
Me: I'm going to find the girl on the bike and take her down
Herd: im tellin you
Herd: you dont wanna mess with her
Herd: shes fuckin crazy
Me: I know but man
Me: the streets is like prison
Me: on the first day you gotta either beat up the toughest guy there or become someone's bitch
Herd: if you even walk up to her she'll shoot you before you get within 10 ft
Me: I'm not cut out to be a bitch, Herd
Herd: shes not the toughest, just the craziest
Me: that's why I'm going to have a compartment in my car for a sniper rifle with an 100 ft range
Herd: im the fuckin toughest
Me: well since we're friends you can pretend to let me beat you up
Herd: i dont know
Hrd: that might severely ruin my reputation
Me: hm
Me: maybe you could beat me up
Herd: ill just talk you up then
Herd: but still let me put up a good fight
Herd: ok

Me: Oh my god, though.... YM has video of us last night dancing to this song by the Fray and we're basically dry humping each other, but not in a sexy way, just in this really goofy way
Me: and we stop to laugh like every 30 secons
Ryan: haha nice
Ryan: now that's a party
Me: hahah if she gives me the video I can show it to you
Me: It's moderately embarassing, but on the other hand you've seen me dry hump children's murals
Me: so it's not like you haven't pretty much seen me doing equally dorky/stupid things
Ryan: haha this is very true
Ryan: and you were sober for all of those things I saw
Me: hahah I know
Me: what I love is that there are a ton of people I don't know that well who really do think I'm crazy drunk at parties when I'm drinking
Me: just because they don't realize I would do that shit sober
Ryan: haha

drinkin'

Mike: how you doin
Mike: post bday blues?
Me: post B day drinkin'!
Mike: oh SNAP
Me: yeah I just had shnapps at like 10 in the morning and I think I like it!
Mike: i ain't judgin yah, i just wish i was yah
Mike: well get some effin wow and drinkin goin on, and you win
Me: haha well today's my day off
Me: the store actually just called me and asked me if I could come in to work, and I didn't feel like I could say "i've been drinking I don't think I can drive"
Me: so I lied and said I was doing something with my parents today

over my head

I wonder if other people think I'm weird because I make such a big deal about my birthday? No one else does. I love birthdays, though.

It's not about the presents, all though that is nice. I reaped hot chocolate mix, alcohol, a scooby doo baloon, a card that plays whomp there it is, floam, silly putty, a really nice picture frame, and the new Fall Out Boy cd from last night's festivities. I am a total attention whore, and I love the excuse to make people pay attention to me. Part of me knows it's a problem and is trying to be less attention whore-y, but part of me is like, "YES, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY THE ONE TIME THAT THIS BEHAVIOR IS ACCEPTABLE, WHOO!!"

So anyway, due to various things I've managed to draw it out even longer. Tuesday I had lunch with my parents, and it was awesome. Then I had dinner with what I feel is my core "crew." It was even awesomer! Then yesterday I had a party. The turnout was not what I had hoped but it was still a lot of fun. And Saturday I'm having dinner with my parents and my sister and getting my presents from them.

Hootie arrived first last night, which was cool. We got in a decent amount of conversation in before anyone else arrived, and I was kind of glad, because her and I don't always get to talk much. I've decided that I'm going to try and make her hang out with me when I go down to PT because I probably won't see her at work anymore (sadness) and I would really miss her. Also, she bought me Fall Out Boy, which was really sweet because I'd been talking about how I was kind of on the fence about buying it with her. I feel kind of guilty when I make people come to a birthday party and then they feel like they have to buy me something, but I was so happy! Gifts that show the other person pays attention are so awesome.

Steve showed up (I dunno if I ever bothered to make an alias for him on here) and was pretty fun.

YM and a friend of hers came too, and they both brought me stuff, and again I felt guilty, but oh well. YM's gift was particularly awesome! She got me this really classy picture frame (I don't really have pictures around my place, which leaves it kind of lacking in personality) with all of us at New Year's when I decided to drape myself in ribbons. So again, a gift from the heart. And she gave me this card that plays whomp there it is! I bet she wished she didn't after awhile, because I insisted on opening it over and over and making people listen to it.

Elaine & Nebrasky came, and Nebrasky did his hilarious impressions for us (including a dead-on version of Herd). Elaine was just awesome, I am resolving to try and hang out with her more if she lets me. Also she brought me floam and silly putty.

So we listened to music, I made people watch stuff on youtube, we chatted. A highlight was when most people left and YM, her friend, and I just started pelvic thrusting to the Fray's "Over My Head (Cable Car)." YM actually caught it on video, so I fear this might leak onto the interweb somehow. Also a different video of me fondling myself. To the Fray's "Over My Head (Cable Car)."

Also yesterday I bought myself Peter Bjorn & John's Writer's Block even though I probably could've eventually stolen it from Elaine. I kind of wanted to buy something "good." And my parents gave me some money for my birthday. Though... I'm already kind of blowing through it even though I meant to save it for vacationesque type things. I got that CD and I ordered an expensive out of print book from the store today (I may or may not actually buy it depending on the condition. I'm not paying sixty bucks for it if it's all messed up, and I probably have no business dropping 60 bucks on a book anyway, even if my parents did give me money).

Ultimate Sadness

Ben Folds is playing in this town on Apr. 2.

Where will I be?

In mandatory training for my new job.

Stupid... world.

boo ya

NYC: what's going on?
Me: not much
Me: just took a drug test boooo ya
Me: I'm totally going to pass
Me: because drugs are not for me!
NYCl: you were bored, so you decided to take a drug test?

have to poo

So good things about today:

took my drug test. I think I pretty much have the new job in the bag unless someone stole my identity and has been committing crimes or someone has been drugging me. They also said I could have Monday afternoons off after training is done, so I'll be able to stay on PT at the store.

Bad things about today:

I got confused about when my training starts, and so I might have 10 days of no work. So good for a vacation, bad for money.

I tried cooking brownies again today and again, they wouldn't cook. Last time after like two hours I gave up and then had half cooked brownies sitting around. This time, I turned up the heat slightly and held out until it was completely cooked, but of course the edges are charred now. I used a different recipe, this recipe has actually been used in my oven before, so I'm thinking either the pan or the fact that life hates me is the reason it won't work this time. I am pissed if it is the pan, though, because I totally got this stupid pan with the sole ambition of brownie cooking. If it doesn't work, then I will have this goddamn pan laying around I can't use for anything else. I paid five bucks for you, stupid pan! I even went less cheap and got glass, because you said you heated more evenly. Where am I going to put you? You're only worth taking up space if you cook my goddamn brownies!

I did, however, have success cooking ghetto rice egg cheese mushroom dish again for the second time. Opt taught me this, and it is a good way to get rid of eggs you buy thinking you can cook brownies. Last time I put garlic in it, and it was slightly gross. This time I didn't, and it is way better.

I'm hopped up on Dr. Pepper because I wanted something that would make me able to pee for my drug test. As well as being hopped up, my colon is hating me.

Also they're working on something on my street so I can't park where I want to.

The good things actually kind of outweigh the bad things though, because even though they are fewer they are about more important stuff than the bad things.

I blew my brains out through my nose

Today was pretty good. Because I'm a loser and can't resist it, I bought some clearance-priced valentine's candy at the store today. Conversation hearts, which I have a weird love of despite the fact that no one else above a certain age likes them. Anyway these aren't even the regular ones, they were kind of a knockoff brand just for our store's coffee shop. So they're bigger, don't taste as good, and have even more bizarre stuff written on them than the regular ones.

For instance: Bebop. One of them said bebop. I really, really have no idea why someone would ever use the term bebop in a romantic conversation, unless it's some crazy euphemism for sex. "Yes, Bill and I made sweet bebop all night long!" Which, I really AM going to use it as a euphemism for sex now because it makes me laugh.

L8er g8er. I think this one's stupidness just speaks for itself.

High 5. This one I find hilarious because I imagine two people having bebop and then the guy's like, "THAT WAS AWESOME, GIVE ME FIVE!!" Okay... not so much the guy. Me. If I had had bebop before, I wouldn't put it past me to demand a high five at the end.

Then the rest were just garden variety stupid and not worth mentioning here.

In other news, impromptu group shopping trip! I found it hilarious and creepy, all four of us who closed tonight (Explosion, Elaine, Rob, me) ended up going to Meijer after work. I didn't run into Explosion, actually, but I was told he was there. By Elaine, who I had been hiding from because I felt like a stalker but who saw me anyway. Rob, too, found me, and said, "getting the essentials, eh?" RE: my armful of three different types of goldfish crackers.

Elaine: god, throw a nazi in anything and it makes it funny
Me: I know
Me: Nazis are awesome
Me: and by awesome I mean horrible
Elaine: and by horrible you mean hillarious

So ever since I decided it was the new Phew's theme song, I've been listening a LOT to Magic Dance. It's pretty much always in my playlist, and whenever I feel like hearing it, I'll just put it after whatever song I'm currently listening to.

Anyway I find it hilarious that awhile ago I was listening to like... three albums in a row of Sufjan Stevens and all the sudden I'm like, "SCREW THIS! Time for Magic Dance!" So later when I closed winamp, it saved my playlist as this huge chunk of Sufjan with Magic Dance in the middle. So then later, I have it up again while I'm hanging out with the DN's. We're listening to Sufjan Stevens, which I think both of the DN's don't particularly love or hate and find acceptable as background music. Then all the sudden.... Magic Dance! It was hilarious to see their faces, because GDN lit up like a Christmas tree and BDN's face filled with horror as he scrambled to skip it. Probably funnier to me having been there, and people who know those two, and maybe people who know how different Sufjan is from Magic Dance than most people (ultimate hilarity for me, though, since I have all three going for me).

Also, and I was of this opinion even before I started being obsessed with Magic Dance, but I really, really think Magic Dance should be on Sting's CD, "Songs from the Labyrinth." Seriously, I've heard this album, and Magic Dance could only improve it. Hell, I just wish the CD was the entire soundtrack from Labyrinth, because it would just be hilarious. Anyway, I pointed this out to Opt the other day, and she burst my bubble by being completely right when she responded, "Dude, that would be horrible. I don't think Sting could pull off ANYTHING by Bowie." To be perfectly honest, I'm even willing to take it a bit further. I don't think Sting can pull off anything by anyone. Even Sting. I'm not a fan. Whereas yes, I do occaisionally enjoy some Bowie (though I came to it a lot more lately than most people).

So I was watching this one Venture Bros. (cartoon series on Adult Swim, it's kind of a tongue and cheek look at the world of superheroes and supervillains) not too long ago with Bowie in it. I don't know if he lent his voice to the project or if they just drew a guy that looked like Bowie and had someone do their best Bowie impression or what, but he was the head of the Guild (a clandistine supervillain organization), and had come to take care of Phantom Limb, a supervillain who had broken Guild rules. Anyway at the end he turns into a bird and flys away. Someone who missed most of the action says, "what just happened?" and one of the two dumb teenage kids in the series is like, "DUDE, you missed it! The guy from Labyrinth just turned into a bird and flew away!" and now I hear that line in my head at the end of every time I listen to Magic Dance.

Anyway since I'm listening to it again, I felt like posting all my anecdotes RE: Magic Dance.

Feel free to mock my weirdness/loseryness.

tiiiiired

I'm tiiiiiiiiiired. Hopefully I can actually sleep for once and resolve this.

I got a phone call at 4 in the morning, something tells me it was a wrong number (I had never gotten a call from that # before, the people didn't leave a message), but the ringing still woke me up and it took an hour to get back to sleep. Then I had to get up at 8 to navigate the snowy streets to work so assholes who can't go a very snowy day without their goddamn Oprah book can come in. Then I worked.

Then I hung out with YM, which was fun. But more tiring... she was also kind of babysitting for her phews, and I have to say even though I was a jerk and wouldn't get up even to keep them from gnawing on her DVD's, it was somehow very tiring.

Then, GODDAMN YOU, JOHN MAYER, JOHN MAYER CONCERTGOERS, and THE ASSHOLES WHO PLANNED THE COLLESEUM, I had to dodge like a million random people walking in the middle of the street so they wouldn't have to walk in the snow on the way home. This made the drive, especially because of lingering snow, about 50X more annoying, difficult, and even dangerous than it would've been otherwise. Those fuckers pissed me off. Your body won't be a wonderland when I run into you for walking in the middle of the street.

Time for sleep.

don't think I'm not serious

So I decided and I am going to take this other job I've been offered (call center work). I had to lay out the positives and negatives and it was still really tough to decide. As much as I've become dissatisfied with things at my current job, I really do feel like I belong there and would miss it a lot. And I do think that it's less going forward than sideways with my life.... but I'm going to make 9 bucks an hour, bitches!

So anyway I don't know if I completely have the job in the bag yet. I have to go in for a drug test on Monday, so I'm thinking that means I have the job as long as I haven't been doing the nosecandy lately. But... I hate to be count my chickens before they're hatched and all that.

I talked to Elaine today, and I think I'm going to be able to still stay at the store part time (one or two days a week). I didn't want to be a dick about it with an unmanageable schedule, but Sista pointed out that Elaine would be cool about it and that gave me the courage to ask, so I did, and Elaine was. Now, a small, vindictive part of me really wanted to just totally quit. Because the store would be totally up a river merch-wise, with Opt quitting nearly the same day. But I want to have a back up if I totally hate the new job, and I want an excuse to hang around at the store and still see my friends, and I want the extra money. So.. unless I totally hate the working two jobs thing or if the new job is totally shitty about letting me have Mondays and possibly another day partially unavailable, I will still be at the store a little.

Anyway, today was pretty good. Even though I was depressed last night (even with a new job I don't think I'm doing anything terribly important or even enjoyable with my career) I felt pretty happy today about new job stuff. Just telling people about it and how nice Elaine was about it made me feel good. And then after work YM and I went to "be fat" as she puts it, and got fast food, and then rocked out (pelvis thrusted) to Our Song (Over My Head by the Fray).

reminiscing

Me: man... sorry for kind of dragging you down
Ryan: it's okay
Ryan: I'm still feelin' all right
Me: that's because you aren't a whiney emo girl like me
Ryan: sometimes I am
Ryan: tonight I'm too tired to be
Me: "Ryan attributes his survival to being too tired to fucking kill himself"
Ryan: haha mostly
Me: I guess you plan to have kids someday though
Me: whereas when I'm dead I'm just dead and a waste of space
Ryan: bah
Ryan: even if you don't have kids
Ryan: you leave your mark
Ryan: it's all the cool stories people have from hanging out with you
Me: haha, for reals?
Ryan: yeah
Me: what's your favorite me story?
Ryan: Hmm probably sitting up late at my parents' cabin that one night, feeling really shitt, and then getting into that long hilarious conversation about that wig website
Ryan: I seriously hurt from laughing so much
Me: haha that was awesome
Ryan: yeah
Ryan: I was really depressed, and I felt a million times better laughing at all those stupid wigs
Ryan: oh and of course you getting us nearly lost like.. every time we went anywhere when I was visiting
Ryan: and the pinacle of that was the place like.. RIGHT behind your apartment
Me: haha you actually liked that?
Ryan: haha it made for an adventure any time we went anywhere
Ryan: and something else for me to mock you for
Me: haha
Me: I like how determined you were that I should watch K pax
Ryan: haha
Me: like you kept yelling at me during it so I wouldn't sleep
Ryan: and it was good wasn't it!
Me: it was alright
Ryan: okay well at least it wasn't total crap like you thought it would be
Me: haha and making me watch fucking Legend and I kept being afraid the hipster video people had put it down their pants
Ryan: hahah
Me: most of the movies were pretty good though
Ryan: yeah, some you had to watch just because they're movies you need to see
Ryan: not because they were super awesome
Me: yeah
Ryan: and hey, you made me watch the weird doll factory movie
Me: haha I apologized for that

unrealistic expectations

Me: If you could do anything in the world what job would you do?
Ryan: hmm
Ryan: probably a photographer if I could make money doing it
Ryan: not like some kind of journalist photography either
Me: like Ansel Adams photographer?
Ryan: yeah
Me: that was the first famous one I could think of
Ryan: some of his stuff is okay
Me: actually, (and it's not to say he's a hack or anything) but I don't know how great he is. A lot of people could take pictures of some of the landscapes he has and it would look awesome just because those are pretty things.
Ryan: yeah
Ryan: I'm not sure why he's so famous
Me: me neither
Ryan: good connections
Me: haha maybe
Ryan: I'm sure that's a big part of it
Me: do you ever all of a sudden get ideas for great jobs you'll never have and for like... I don't know, a week or something you go through a phase where you're all "I'm going to do that" but of course you never do?
Ryan: Seemed to me when I was around that stuff it was who you know, not how good your pictures are
Ryan: I dunno about jobs, but I get good ideas, and go through phases like that
Me: yeah... Mass com, they pounded the connections thing into our heads. Except I think I actually could've made it in TV news even sans connections if I could drive half decently and tolerate working with assholes better.
Me: Lately I've thought I could be an artist (like with my drawings, maybe also doing stuff with them in photoshop), a computer animation person at a movie studio, a stand up comic, or write a screenplay
Me: I could do none of these things! But part of me is like... "that'd be awesome."
Ryan: it would be
Me: yeah but I don't think any would happenPhoemeister: and it just makes me sad that I can't
Ryan: aww
Ryan: well it's possible
Me: really?
Ryan: anything's possible
Me: haha yeah I could get killed tomorrow
Me: by a rabid monkey
Me: so... basically it's not possible and it just makes me sad

good times. damn good times.

I forgot to mention a snippet of conversation that I LOVE from the other night with the DN's.

For whatever reason we started discussing cyborgs, which led to discussing The Borg, which led to the DN's declaring that they were Borg.

Me: How come you guys haven't assimilated my distinctiveness then?
BDN: We already have. .....true story.

rockin the suburbs

Today was pretty sweet. I woke up an hour early so I could dig my car out of the snow. I went down there with my tiny little shovel (good for storage purposes, not so great for... well, shoveling purposes) and started digging in a style very reminiscent of the Little Engine That Could. Not too far into this three dudes came with a regular shovel and totally busted me out. Hooray for good samaritans.

Then I had a lot of extra time and didn't really know how the roads were going to be, so I actually got to work almost a half hour early. Nebrasky actually let me clock in, so I earned a sweet half hour extra pay.

Then I worked which wasn't too bad.

Now I'm home, which is great. Especially because I have tomorrow off and am working on making some delicious pasta roni right now.

I'm busy decomposing

Today was awesome. I felt almost as if I was a kid on a snowday again. But really... I just happened to have no work today anyway. I was supposed to visit my parents but they (read: my mom) are all paranoid about the weather and told me not to come. So I'll be seeing them on Thursday.

I started out the day with racist pancakes with Opt. She crashed here last night so that she didn't have to drive to Champaign at midnight last night and then drive back here again this morning. Anyway, racist pancakes is a tradition with us. Her roommate's Nazi (hence the racist bit) ex boyfriend bought this ginormous bag of pancake mix and left it at their place after their breakup. And Opt has shared her racist bounty with me from time to time since then, and has now given me custody of it.

Anyway the best part is she gave me some Aunt Jemima syrup, too, that I can punish the Nazi pancakes with. "You like that? You like syrup made by a black woman on you, racist pancakes? Take that, Nazi pancakes! Your poor understanding of syrup technology is what lost you the war, Jerry!" It's only a shame that there's no such thing as kosher syrup (that I know of). I really wish I still had some of the 75% off Hannukah chocolate from work to cut up and make into chocolate chips for the pancakes.

The rest of the day was quite good as well, because my awesometacular neighbors invited me down to dinner. We played card games and did random other stuff nearly the whole day, too.

In other news, I'm quite proud of how I'm corrupting my coworkers with "your mom" jokes. Here's a bit of a conver YM was having with Herd on aim and pasted over to me:

Herd: i am doing a good job of studying for analytical chem though
YM: Says who?
Herd: your mom

Also, Herd told me he is going to kick Tom Cruise's ass (this IM conver started RE: a discussion we had at work last night about how Tom Cruise has been declared the "christ-like figure of scientology."

Herd: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2007/02/02/notes020207.DTL
Me: hahah YES
Me: you win at being my friend
Herd: lol
Herd: i wasnt lying
Me: I didn't think you were
Me: I just thought the world was retarded
Me: and now I know for sure
Herd: well i still had to drive it home
Me: that's why you win at being my friend
Herd: lol
Me: hey have you ever heard my favorite joke about Scientology?
Me: it's especially classy because I made it up myself
Herd: no i havent heard it
Me: okay it goes:
Me: the first rule about scientology: you do not talk about scientology
the second rule about scientology: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY
the third rule about scientology: if it's your first night as a scientologist: you HAVE to fight
the fourth rule about scientology: no shirts, rings, or watches
the fifth rule about scientology: if a scientologist taps out, you have to stop
Herd: lol
Herd: does that mean that tom cruise just fought his way to the top of scientology?
Me: heck yeahs
Me: he doesn't look like much
Me: but he fights dirty
Herd: this makes me think i should be a scientologist
Herd: sounds like an interesting religion
Me: hahah yeah if scientology was fight club I would be a lot more interested
Me: though I still would not join because I would lose every fight
Herd: lol
Herd: i would go, and i would challenge tom cruise the first night
Herd: so id immediately replace him
Me: do you fight dirty enough?
Me: those brilliant white teeth bite, Herd
Me: and you don't know where Tom Cruise has been. He could give you rabies.
Herd: lol
Herd: its ok
Me: It's not that good being a christlike figure if you have rabies.
Herd: its all about the sneak jab
Herd: he wont be expecting it
Me: okay
Me: my money's on you
Me: you better kick tom cruise's ass or I'm out a dime
Me: (that's ten thousand dollars, Herd)
Me: (I don't have ten thousand dollars, Herd)
Me: (they'll break my kneecaps, Herd)
Herd: lol
Herd: when he goes down ill jsut start kicking violently
Herd: dont worry about it
Herd: its a sure thing

YM: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
Me: wooooooo
Me: I love you very much
Me: I mean...
Me: happy valentine's day, platonic friend
YM: Will you fuck my face in the candlelight Phoe?
Me: I thought you'd never ask!
YM: haha
YM: Sweet!
YM: I'll get the baby oil!
Me: rrrrr! I'll get the babies!
YM: hahaha
YM: A sweet Valentines Day it will be.

cnn

Ryan: man.. cnn is going downhill
Ryan: the first line in this article about kids that are kidnapped, brainwashed, and forced to fight in wars, is
Ryan: "These killers are young, scary young"
Me: HHAH
Me: niiice
Ryan: haha
Ryan: the next line is "Some are shorter than the guns they use to snuff out grown up soldiers and their playmate's parents."
Ryan: "snuff out?" "scary young?"
Ryan: come on.. is it "let your high school journalism students write for you" day at CNN?
Ryan: haha man the rest is just as bad
Ryan: "So when militias around the world need assassins they kidnap children, brainwash them, drug them up and order them to kill. The children obey... and some start to like it."
Ryan: who the hell in professional writing uses "..." for dramatic pause?
Me: haha
Ryan: "The children obey... and some start to like it.. duhn duhn DUHN"

wow cooking

So I couldn't think of anything better to ask for for my birthday, so I asked my parents for World of Warcraft since Ryan's been pestering me to get it since... forever.

Me: oh man, it's almost as if wow players tell I'm about to become one of them and want to give me that extra push over the edge
Me: this dude at work, Lister, is all trying to get me to play now
Me: and I actually do think it'd be hilarious to play wow with him
Ryan: haha that would be interesting
Me: yeah. It would be even more hilarious if all three of us together played because you and I would spend half the time trading horribleness and he'd be all horrified like he is about 50% of what I say at work anyway
Ryan: haha see, that would be a good playing experience
Ryan: do you know what server he plays on?
Me: it would be!

no, but I can ask. I know he's on the good side
Ryan: haha the "Good" side
Me: well he said alliance
Me: but I felt too losery saying, "I know this guy on the alliance!"
Ryan: haha
Ryan: man we talk about wow all the freakin' time when hanging out
Ryan: we being chris, mike, brooke and me
Me: haha that's sad
Me: but I am going to be that person soon enough
Me: only the only person IRL I'll have is a middle aged dude
Me: I'll be like, "hey Lister want to hang out and talk about wow?"
Me: or worse, do it at work and have everyone realize I've been drawn even farther into the black hole of loseryness
Ryan: haha not loseriness!
Ryan: there's like.. 8 million people worldwide that play wow
Me: haha... well just to let you know, people at work were already making fun of us when we were discussing it
Me: he was all, "you should play" and everyone else was like, "don't do it!"
Ryan: that means NOTHING there is so much to make fun of those people for
Ryan: they're the last ones to make fun of other people
Me: and I was like, "I've played before, my poverty is probably the only reason I haven't continued."
Me: lol
Me: you don't even know these people
Ryan: haha I know
Ryan: but come on
Phoemeister: haha.... well it was Rob and Herd last night that were giving me crap. I don't know enough about Rob to make fun of him, but Herd's pretty much balding at 20. So he could be like, "don't play wow" and I could be like, "stop going bald"
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: buuuuurn
Me: the cheap shots are, in the end, the funniest

Me: so this will be the third day in a row where i've eaten a home cooked meal by Phoe
Ryan: whoa, nice..
Ryan: good food too?
Me: chicken alfredo
Me: eggs/rice/mushroom/cheese mash up
Me: and... okay I'm reheating the alfredo today but I still count it :P
Ryan: haha I think it counts
Ryan: you still cooked it
Me: I think it's hilarious how rich and dependent on going out to eat my family is
Ryan: haha
Ryan: it's so much easier than cooking
Me: My sister asked if I ever cooked, and I said "not much, because usually it's more expensive to make anything really nice." Which... is not exactly true, but I had been frustrated recently because I thought I could make something nicer and cheaper from scratch than prepackaged and was totally wrong
Me: but anyway my sister's immediately like, "Uh, going out is way more expensive."
Me:: And I'm like, "Oh I never go out either."
Me: And she was totally confused so I had to be like, "uh prepackaged meals? You know, microwave dinners or pasta roni?"
Me: I mean I make a lot of rice and pasta but I don't really call that cooking
Me: "I can boil water!"
Ryan: haha
Ryan: that's cooking with CLASS
Me: yeah :P
Me: so I guess if that counts as cooking I do it every day
Me: "I can scramble eggs!"

beep boop

So I made a resolution to myself (I didn't mention it to anyone because I thought it would be pretty hard to keep up and didn't want to get called out on it if I failed. Anyway its: don't complain about work AT work anymore.

Two exceptions:

1) if a situation is so horrible that you can't not mention it, such as the one time I was straightening out books in the sex section and came across a book that was, well... moist.

2) if it is funny. Like the guy who called us up today and asked me if we carried guitar strings. When I said no, he asked who did. I put him on hold while I asked other people, and they said "Samuel Music." So I told him that, and he said, "are they open?" in this voice that sounded completely assured I would know this, and I said, "I don't know." And then he got all confused and hung up. I dunno, reading this isn't that funny, but it made me laugh at the time.

Anyway it is somewhat working, but I've found mostly now I just try to circumvent this with my own rules. So mainly I'm just making my complaining funny instead of reducing the complaining like I meant to. I guess that is still somewhat of a gain, though.

I'm also hating myself (moderately) because I kind of want to get the new Fallout Boy CD.

rock out!

So I was bored and wandering around last.fm and I went to Kevin's page on there and described him thusly:

"Kevin is a badass motherfucker who doesn't know the meaning of the words, "stop rocking out." Rocking out is what he does! One might as well tell the stars not to shine or Lifetime television not to suck as to tell Kevin not to rock out.

His influences are Queen, Prince, Spiderman, and The Hulk."

I really see him coming across this like five years from now and being like, "what the hell?"

eeeeemoooooooo

I really, really, really hate people.

So... I'm standing at the information desk minding my own business and this customer comes up to me and shouts, "What color is your parachute?" at me. I'm a little startled, as I think anyone is when someone just walks up and starts shouting at them. Then I kind of snap out of it and am like, "I know where that is," and start heading over to that section. "How many copies do you have?" he asks, thankfully at a less scary volume, though this is when I'm no longer near the computer or close enough to the section to tell. "I can tell you that when we get over there and I see," I reply patiently. I get over there and start going through the copies and counting them out loud for him. I turn around to tell him the total I've arrived at, and find out that he stopped following me halfway there. I tell him we have 10, though I feel kind of foolish talking to this guy from halfway across the store. He holds up three fingers and shouts, "3." I pull them and bring them back to him. I ask him if there's anything else he wants. He starts telling me about something or other he heard mentioned on WJBC, I still have no idea what it was though it sounded something like "Catharsis." I told him I could take him back to the computer and look for that, and he agrees. Then, for whatever reason, on the way back he stops to make chit chat with another customer (I don't think they even knew each other) for awhile. I stand at the computer wondering what I should be doing the whole time, because I can't get started on searching for this book until I get him to spell whatever word this is in the title of the book he wants. When he finally gets back, I ask him if he could please spell the word. "I'm a little out of breath now, I think I'm just going to get these and call it a day," he tells me. He looks expectantly at me like he thinks I'm going to ring him up there at the information desk, a weird mistake a lot of people seem to make. I point at the big sign that says registers at the front of the store and say, "I'm sorry, I can't do that here, you'll have to go up to the registers."

So he went to boss-boss and complained about me. He was apparently very disappointed because he had heard great things about our store and how friendly we are and how I never smiled and seemed annoyed at him.

Okay: I think the universe is bizzare. There HAVE been times when customers have annoyed me and I've kind of let it seep out and show, but I could've sworn I was at the top of my game in niceness to that guy. Seriously, I was in a good mood this morning. And I was so startled when he started out yelling at me that I didn't actually do what I sometimes do when someone comes up and just says the title of a book or section (act really stupid like I don't understand that they're asking me to find it). Also, if someone stops to talk to someone else for twenty minutes or gets on their phone after I've started to help them, I do tend to walk away and do something else, but this time I actually waited around for the guy while he randomly stopped to coerce some poor lady into unwanted conversation about her little kid. So basically this guy shat all over me and treated me like his peon, and then got mad when I didn't smile about it even though I was as nice to him as I am to customers who aren't jerks. And I really wasn't mad over the exchange, like I am over some particularly jerky customers, until he complained about me. I would've forgotten it the instant after it happened. He seriously got about the best service anyone at the store could offer (Happy or Explosion are the only ones I can think of that would randomly smile at this guy for no reason, and I'd say about half the employees we have, at least, would've had to look this book up before taking him to it, unlike me, who knew exactly where to go the instant that he mentioned it).

And man... I wish I had talked to Lister or Elaine about it, not boss-boss. I've talked to both of them at various times about things I've done that have actually been wrong and felt less yelled at than when boss-boss talked to me about this fucking BS complaint. Obviously it is my word vs. his, and I have had slip ups in the niceness to bastard customers department before, but I told her the absolute truth about what happened and she gave me all this stuff about how we have to appear happy and smiling and stuff, that just being polite is not good enough and since it was his first visit to the store I gave him a bad impression of our store and he's never going to shop there again. I finally got fed up with this conversation and said something like, "I guess I'm just not a smiley person," which made her all angry and tell me that it doesn't matter that I don't want to smile, it's not about my mood, it's about making the customer happy. Look, it's not like I wouldn't fake smile the whole day if I were any good at it. But has she seen my fake smile? It's much more creepy and disturbing than the more neutral face I wear most of the time unless I have a real reason to smile. If I were a customer I would definitely not want someone making the fake smile I make when I have to fake smile. They should fucking ask you in the job interview if you are good at fake smiles if it's so damn important.

I. Hate. Everyone.

Auuuntie Phoexx0r

(when we had this conver, Ryan and I were on shoutcast, which means he could hear what I was playing, which was "Magic Dance.")

Me: I dedicate this next song to Phew Harder
Ryan: haha
Me: jump, nephew, jump!
Me: I already love this kid because I have a stupid theme song for him
Ryan: I wish I had a cool aunt to come up with theme songs for me
Me: aww :D
Me: are you just saying that to make me feel like a good aunt?
Me: because it's working....
Me: haha I should buy them a copy of Labyrinth right after he's born and make them show it to him
Ryan: haha maybe a little bit, and because I mean it

tired

So I have been really, really tired lately. I was looking forward to my day off today so I could just veg.

Instead, I went to a really, really long unwanted job interview (well... it ended up being more a barrage of tests). I failed my personality test, which is always depressing. I think I squeaked by on the "can you follow directions" test (the very last test by then I was tired and my brain was fried and I didn't care anymore), and I ROCKED my typing test, they seriously were impressed for whatever reason. So... being an introvert who spends all her time on AIM has both it's pros (rocking at typing) and its cons (failing at personality).

Then I went on a really big grocery shopping trip.

Then I cleaned the MASSIVE pile of dishes I have.

Then I decided to cook brownies for the first time ever unaided (not done yet), and also Tuna helper (verdict: I'm still not impressed with the Helper line of products--and this is coming from someone who absolutely loves Kraft macaroni and cheese and Pasta Roni).

Now I have to clean up the dishes from those, and then my place really does look horrible right now I should probably pick that up (we'll see--my unexpected get up and go is already flagging).

birthday issues

I'm also trying to decide what I want to do for my birthday. Or even what I want for my birthday.... I'm not making it easy on my parents this time, sadly. I wish I could just decide on something.

Anyways, what I kind of want to do is a small gathering like last year. But none of the people who went to my birthday last year even live here anymore (though I bet I could badger Opt into coming anyway, possibly Sista as well). And back then there was a clear line. These people are my friends, these people are not. Nowadays it's so muddy, and I don't want to upset anyone. But on the other hand I don't really want to make anyone feel left out, as I do when people don't invite me to things (and I do make a federal case about it a lot of times, too).

People I definitely want:

the DN's
Sista
Opt
YM

People I am friends with but have minor ongoing issues with right now and am not sure I want the stress:

Thug
Nebrasky

People I love and would like to be friends with but am kind of not really totally friends with (due to rarely hanging out outside of work) and am nervous about it and not sure I want the hassle (also some of these people tend to have spouses or girl/boyfriends in tow I know even less):

Elaine
Baby Stealer
Hootie
Kevin
Dance Whore
The Neev
Bling
Rob
Explosion
Getz
Happy*

People I would have to invite if I invited all the above groups:

Everyone. And you know what? I really don't want to have to hang out with ponytail geek (required if Getz came) or Stupid (who seems to show up to people's parties) who are perfectly okay human beings that sometimes happen to annoy me and I just don't want to be annoyed at my birthday thing.

I also don't want a large group just in general. I've tried and tried to not be this way, but in general: the larger the group, the more nervous and hyper I get.

Hmm... maybe I could do the first group at Noodles or something (if I can get away with it), and then do a bigger party later.

___
* I don't know if I've ever given her a name on her, but it's pretty obvious who she is if you know her because she's the happiest being alive.

Phew Harder!

So my sister called me up today and left me a message that the new addition to their family is going to be a boy. I'm really stupid though... for whatever reason, even though I know she's due in July, I thought she meant she'd actually had the baby and I was all freaking out thinking "I didn't know she was due this soon!" and "Is it premature?" But then I realized she was just letting me know the gender because I had been particularly antsy to know.

Which, the reason why is I wanted to know if I could call the kid Phew Two or come up with some stupid niece name. So... yeah, for my own (weird and stupid) purposes I'm slightly gladder that it's a boy than I would've if it were a girl. Besides, I think Phew II sounds awesome. It's like a movie sequel or something. "Phew II: Phew Harder!"

Me: if they have a third kid I'm definitely calling it "Phew With a Vengeance."
Me: even if it's a girl
Ryan: Resistance is Phew-tile
Me: I actually don't think I'm going to get a third one anyway
Ryan: these things can be arranged
Me: Imagine this to the tune of Dance Magic Dance

"The Power of Phew two?
Who do?
Phew Two
What?
Remind me of the Phew"
Ryan: haha

haha

I enjoy the fact that there is now a small sheet of paper lying around my apartment saying: "testing out my stolen pens testing out my stolen penstesting out my stolen ghetto kroger pen testing out my stolen pens testing out my stolen pen testing out my stolen pen testing out my stolen pen testing out my stolen pen testing out my stolen pen testing out my mini sharpie (stolen)"

I'm spiderwoman

So 7 highlighters, 26 pens, a jar opener, an ice cream scoop, two frisbees (one from the schwann man), four packs of cards (one having dogs playing poker on it, but this pack also happens to smell disgusting), a jar opener, a dancing robot, a chip clip, four magnets, a nerf football, a mini first aid kit, two pads of paer, 6 keychains (one with a razor blade), an ice scraper, two calendars later....... I can say it was a pretty good job fair.

Yeah... I went around once feeling horrible and hating myself for not being dressed up enough and unqualified for everything. Then I went around and introduced myself to people. Some people didn't want me. Some people, I realized I didn't want to work for but gave them my resume anyway because there was no way to get it back once I started the conversation with these people. I felt good about the Country insurance lady I talked to and semi okay about the people from Target. I felt bad about how it went with most other people.... they kept asking me when I was going to graduate and what I wanted to do with my major, both questions that are non applicable now. Then I went around and picked up everything that was not nailed down.

So while some people see a job fair as a bright new beginning full of opportunities, and others see it as a den of potential disappointments and uncomfortable conversations with people you don't really want to talk to, I see it as an excuse to get dressed up and steal things (okay I see it as all three). So, yeah. It was a worthwhile time even if I don't get called back. I needed pens & magnets and cards. Not so much the highlighters keychains and other random crap, but I really got obsessed with the stealing and couldn't stop. The only times I was called on this at all was the Metlife people wouldn't give me a plush snoopy and the marine guy I took a keychain tried to recruit me and I had to flustered-ly yell "I have asthma!" and scurry away. Anyway, now when I write, play cards, scoop ice cream, and open jars I can think about all the careers I'll never have. Pret-ty sweet.

float on

I think it's hilarious and awesome that I was printing out resumes today and one of them, I really wasn't paying attention to what paper I put in, ended up printed on the back of this.

Another one ended up with "I overheard you were unhappy too," in all caps actually on the front of it.

I think I should submit these and see if I actually get the job. That would be awesome.

fuckshitass

(this is in reference to a cafe press store Ryan has that includes, among other merchandise, a baby sleeper that says "fuckshitass")

Me: so I was thinking of another great product you should put in your cafe press store
Ryan: haha what?
Me: now you might get sued because I actually have seen this in grown up tee shirts
Me: but I think it would make great baby apparel
Me: "bitch, don't make me turn this rape into a murder"
Ryan: hahah :X
Ryan: A baby wearing that would be awesome
Me: that's what I'm saying!
Me: not that funny and actually kind of creepy on an adult male
Me: hilarious and cute on a baby!
Ryan: haha yes
Me: if I put that on my kid I would totally take tons of pictures and then show them to the kid when he/she was older
Me: "you were absolute gangsta when you were younger! what happened!?"
Ryan: "you were so hardcore.. now you're such a pussy"
Me: I'd love to drop my kid off in that at daycare
Me: you need to have children just so that you can try some of this shit
Ryan: haha
Ryan: I need to have kid to use them as my personal ad-space
Me: haha
Me: it would be awesome "Ryan has a big penis, and as you can see, my very presence is proof that he doesn't shoot blanks"
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: exactly
Ryan: "When I grow up, i'll have a really big wang like my dad's"
Me: haha and his shirt should have an arrow and you always have to stand next to him on that side
Me: just so they know who's the dad with the big penis
Ryan: haha
Ryan: "Baby Jesus ain't got nothin' on me!"
Me: LOL
Me: "I want to be a junkie when I grow up"
Ryan: haha then we can debunk that ad!
Ryan: "The bitches love me 'cause they know that I can ROCK"
Me: we really need to start a line of children's clothing
Ryan: haha I agree
Me: "Is your kid getting beaten up at school? By Phoe & Ryan's Xtreme Wear. No one messes with a kid that has "I'm going to shoot you then fuck the brain hole!" on his tee shirt!"
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: best baby-t ever
Me: thanks. I stole that from grosse pointe blank
Me: haha we could have a whole line of movie quote ones

"I'd tell you to blow it out your ass but my dick's in the way"
Ryan: that would make a good shirt
Me: Or, from Crank, "You haven't been tight since your brother fucked you in third grade"
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: that's good
Ryan: Hmm I need to work in something like.. "I can suck a nipple like you wouldn't believe" or something
Me: haha
Me: "Every day is girls gone wild when you breast feed"
Ryan: haha
Ryan: "I look better topless than you"
Ryan: or.. "Jealous that I can get away with not wearing pants?'
Me: we would be awesome childrens clothing line people
Ryan: haha I agree
Me: we've already came up with like 800 great ideas
Ryan: haha "I just came out of someone's uterus, what's your excuse?"
Me: "that came out of my butt!?!"
Ryan: haha
Me: oh and after that "I don't blame you if you abandon me now."
Me: oh do you know what you could also put your trademark phrase on a kid's outfit
Me: "Fucking you is like necrophilia because you're dead to me."
Ryan: haha that would be good
Ryan: random stuff like "I will punch you in the mouth" would be good too
Me: "your friends are really going to laugh when you have to tell them you were fucked up by a baby"
Ryan: haha
Ryan: "I may be small, but I can still kick YOUR ass"
Me: haha
Me: this is stealing Opt's schtick, but "if I had a nickel for every time someone's called me "cute" I would stick them in a sock and beat you with it"
Ryan: haha yeah
Me: "Suck on my junk"
Ryan: haha nice
Ryan: I dunno why I didn't think of that one
Ryan: "I killed a man with a trident"
Me: haha
Me: "my milkshake brings all the pedophiles to the yard"
Ryan: "Tricked into this lady's car with candy"
Me: haha
Me: "Stay away! I have Numchuk skills."
Ryan: haha nice
Me: I don't know why but I think "my lips hurt real bad" would be funny too
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: "Gimme some'a your tots!"

ass & death

So this is what I spent my superbowl sunday doing...

Me: so have you ever seen Crank?
Ryan: Nope..
Ryan: never got around to watching it
Ryan: I wanted to though
Me: haha, well if you like Snakes on a Plane I highly reccomend it
Ryan: haha
Ryan: I'm not sure if that's good or bad
Me: it's so stupid it goes back to awesome
Me: yeah me neither
Me: but it did make me laaugh pretty hard
Me: and I think if I'd watched it alone I would've been like, "this is stupid," but I watched it with the neighbors and we enjoyed it
Me: I remember saying at one point, "yeah, I think I need a pause from the ass and death."
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: nice
Me: it was hilarious though because the two movies we watched with it were the Illusionist and Barnyard
Me: so they're like... the three most different movies you can possibly choose

Also, BDN's eyes glazed over as GDN and I had an in depth discussion of 101 Dalmations. We had delicious mushroom pizza. We had cookies from ghetto kroger.

best friends!

Me: I think the point where I realized I want BDN to be my best friend is when we were watching Robot Chicken, and it's this bit called "Dicks with Time Machines" where this jerk goes back in history and changes things
Ryan: haha yeah I've seen that
Me: And at one point the guy goes to JK rowling and tells her not to write harry potter and then it pops up "dicks with time machines!"
Me: and BDN was like, "more like saviors with time machines!"
Me: and I was like "YEAH!"
Ryan: hahah nice

Bueller? Bueller?

I HATE PEOPLE.

Yet another customer criticized my voice today. I'm apparently too monotone.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

When did it become acceptable for customers to take the trait about myself I am most sensitive about and unable to change and complain about it? If I were morbidly obese would it be cool for them to come up to me and say, "hey, you're fat!" or if I were a burn survivor, "Hey, you're ugly. It's like half your face melted! Did you know that?"

Do you fuckers realize I went through high school with this voice? You think I wouldn't have changed it back then if I could? You think there wasn't a group of fucking football players who actually used the exact word "monotone" as an unwanted nickname for me?

If I didn't think I would lose my job, I would've said to this man, "You think the fact that you're buying a 50 cent newspaper means you get the right to say something like that to me? Leave. Leave now." But of course, the fact that he's buying a 50 cent newspaper DOES mean he can treat me like shit, like all the other customers that shit all over me and my coworkers every day, somewhat belies the point.

I still hate the lady who said "your voice is very nasal!" more, though.

And the world.

Hmmm

Hanging out with Sista yesterday was awesome, though my colitis was acting up really bad and I felt horrible. And pretty much the whole time she wasn't around I just laid on the couch, so it felt like a really big waste. She left Hannukah Schmannukah here, though so I'm going to have to visit her again soon.

Today I almost stabbed a guy for being the 1,000 person to bitch to me about our rewards program. 1) it's free, idiot. We owe you nothing. 2) Your particular concern, that we don't allow you long enough to access your account is just crappy. How fucking lazy are you when 2 and a half months is not enough? Especially during the shopping season? Especially since you are old and here in the middle of a weekday so you're clearly retired and have nothing better to do.

In good news news, I AM A MAGNIFICENT BASTARD. Now, hopefully I'm not still working there by then, but I did ask for the day Harry Potter comes out off, and I got it! Actually I asked for the whole week leading up to it, so now I have to figure out if I want to go anywhere or anything then.

Speaking of which, I'm also kind of trying to decide what I want for my birthday. This is the first time in ages I've had one where there is nothing at all I am absolutely longing for. So I was kind of debating MP3 player or digital camera, both things my parents have tried to nudge me into asking for before (my mom doesn't like getting a lot of little gifts for people, she likes to get one big thing, whereas I usually ask for small things, so she's mentioned those two things before). But I was thinking, man, what I'd really like is enough money to go somewhere nice someday. So... like maybe I could try and talk them into a vacation fund to add to? I'd like to go to Europe again someday (long term), visit my Grandpa in Florida (soon, he's getting up there in years), visit Tina sometime (i've been talking about that for ages, but circumstances have conspired against me), maybe just take another jaunt up to chicago sometime, visiting up there with Ryan and Opt was really cool last time, or even just gas money to Springfield or Champaign to visit Opt or Sista. But I don't know if my parents would be cool with this, as my mom is not a big fan of giving money because she knows I tend to squirrel it away instead of spending it on fun, and I think she is doubly eager to not have me visiting interweb people. And even if I don't use it for that, I can see her thinking I'm lying.

In not good news news, I'm kind of worried about YM, I just heard she's in the hospital and went and read her blog and it sounds like she was really depressed last night.

HP

Me: haha shit, I have a deadline I have to get out of the book industry by
Ryan: what's that?
Me: July 21
Me: the last harry potter book
Ryan: ah yes
Me: man... and I hate harry potter to begin with
Me: if I had to be surrounded by people who like it
Ryan: haha why?
Me: I think I might have to break people and things
Me: I've never told you my gigantic list of things why I hate harry potter?
Ryan: hmm I don't remember
Me: hmm
Me: when did we start talking?
Me: was I roommates with Jess still?
Me: I dunno, anyway she's the one who was really crazy and controlled everything I did.
Me: And she had harry potter bedsheets
Me: and like everything else to do with harry potter
Me: so anyway one time I read all of the books that were out at the time because she had them around and I was bored
Ryan: haha i can see how that would be annoying
Ryan: but the movies were decent
Me: well here you go:
Me: the day I went from, "okay the books are alright if you're bored and have nothing to do" to "I hate that gooddamn harry potter"
Ryan: haha
Me: is when the first movie came out, and she begged and begged me to go and see it with her on opening night, but then her sister came into town and we were all three going to watch it together and they like stood me up
Me: it made me so angry that the movie just enraged me
Me: and I started noticing all the stupid things about harry potter
Ryan: oh I think I remembered that
Me: yeah the only thing worse than going to a harry potter movie with two people dressed in slytherin and gryffindor tee shirts is being stood up for a harry potter movie by two people dressed in slytherin and gryffindor tee shirts
Me: so then like on top of that, I could tell you all the various specific plot holes and things that I think are stupid, but eh
Me: and then on top of it I hate how everyone acts like she's fucking shakespeare or something
Me: like... even when I liked them I thought they were alright but not that great
Me: but people act like she's god and it annoys me
Me: I hate when something not very good is really overrated and beloved by people when they could spend their time loving something a lot more worthwile
Ryan: yeah I'm not sure why people think they're so awesome
Ryan: I think the story is all right
Me: and like Tina loves them and is always telling me
Me: several other friends of mine
Me: oh and also like when the last one came out dumbledore died or something, and everyone wanted to talk about it, but didn't want to spoil it for other HP lovers, so they went to me, the notorious HP hater, to discuss this with
Me: so I had like 80 different discussions with people on "oh I'm so sad dumbledore died," "really? You do know he's fictional character from a series of books that is mediocre at best, right?"
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: burrrrrn

say hello to good times

Have I said before that I like messing with people's heads on the interweb?

catering: whats your name
Me: Ivana
catering: pretty name
Me: my parents thought so
Me: I would much rather not be named the
same thing as anyone who married donald trump
catering: true that
catering: are you bored
Me: yep
catering: me too unfortunatly
catering: so what do you to pass boredom
Me: pee
catering: are you doing that now
Me: yes, I have a laptop computer for just
such a reason
catering: sweet
catering: so what do you do for fun
Me: I told you dude!
Me: I pee while talking to sexy men on the
interwebs
catering: you think i am sexy
Me: yeah. You and peeing are like, my two favorite things
catering: ok
catering: so whats your name
Me: I told you already
catering: i am forgetful
catering: sorry ivanna
Me: ah
catering: i ll make it up for you
Me: oh?
catering: yeah
catering: how could i
Me: describe how you pee
catering: standing with it in my hand
Me: oh yeah
Me: work that pee
catering: i d like to work you
Me: with your giant love weasel?
catering: yes
Me: first you have to let me pee on you
catering: ok
Me: it smells delicious
Me: like asparagus
catering: you look like
Me: I like to think of myself as a cross between Meryl Streep and Katherine Hepburn
Me: with a tiny bit of Bea Arthur thrown in
catering: sweet
Me: as a diabetic's blood
catering: lol
catering: you have a pic
Me: of your mom
Me: we totally did it last night
catering: sweet
Me: I was surprised she let me do anal
Me: I mean, we barely know each other
Me: well aside from when I sat on her face about a week ago at a party
Me: your mom gives lousy oral
Me: but that ass don't quit