woo

So I'm off to FL tomorrow morning, so if you communicate with me in some way and I am sluggish at getting back to you, that would be the reason.

An awesome thing that happened to me today: Tina's belated Christmas gift got here. It's an adorable teapot & two cups that look like frogs. Now, I'm usually not a big fan of "cute" but they ARE so cute. And also mitigating the cuteness is the awesome fact that the frogs look pretty surprised and disturbed by the fact that they are now serving as teaware.

Plus.... frogs! I heart frogs.

Today was pretty good. I don't know why, but yesterday I started thinking of the one bit from the Simpsons where Bart has hid something of Lisa's and tells her to find it, she will have to follow a series of clues, each more fiendish than the last. Of course, it being Bart & Lisa, she finds it before he finishes the sentence. And I was thinking it would be fun to do something like that in a nice way.

Yesterday Connie from work was upset, her father has something akin to Alzheimer's disease, and she's been slowly losing him for a long time now. I can't even imagine how horrible that must be, though I worry about it pretty often for my own dad (Alzheimer's runs very strong in his family). Her mom died of cancer a few years ago. Anyway, she had a doctor's appointment with him yesterday, which made her upset, and on top of that she was late to work and wanted to use her paid time for it. Our supervisor would let her, but she's gone so Connie got some random supervisor on the phone, who said she would need to run it by our supervisor to get approved, only our supervisor's not back until after the paycheck for that period is issued. And Connie's already got financial difficulties thanks to caring for her father, so not getting her full paycheck because of some bureaucratic BS is a serious problem.

I feel bad... there's nothing I can really do. Doctors are the only ones who can do anything, and of course they can't even always help enough. I feel stupid being like, "If there's ever anything you need," or any of the stuff people usually say. But when I was thinking of the above Simpsons-related project, I figured I could at least give her a minor cheer-up today.

So anyway I made this puzzle where I had several questions, and then certain letters from the answers spelled out a message, "look inside your candy jar," because she has a candy jar on her desk. Then in the candy jar was a rhyming note which pointed to another note which pointed to another note, etc. I actually had a lot of fun coming up with the clues, and incorporating them with things in the office such as a coworker with middle name Lamont or a mysterious pile of generic mac & cheese that's been sitting in this one area for months now.

I went to the office earlier today, and someone was like, "Earning overtime?" My response, "no, doing this scavenger hunt thing for a friend," and I earned a weird look from the lady. It was great, though. I worried that one of the notes would be found at the wrong time or by the wrong person, but everything went according to plan.

At the end was a gift card to Hobby Lobby, where she shops at sometimes. I had orig. thought of maybe making one of my weird homemade cards or coupon book, but I figured on the off chance that she didn't find the treasure hunting process as amusing as I did, I should reward her.

I guess I didn't need to worry about that, I got an email from her saying she found it and had a blast doing it, so woo! I win at life.

Damn. I feel so old tonight. Not old in the sense of actually old, old in the sense of having used up so much of my life and still not really knowing what I want to do with it. I feel like I've been waiting, all my life, holding my breath, getting ready for what I'm going to do with my life. And I still don't know. I don't want to waste my entire life waiting, I want to do some doing. But I don't know what I want to do.

Which is actually somewhat of a lie.... I know things I'd like to do.

So I guess I mean I don't know anything "I want to do" that intersects in the venn diagram with anything that "it is practical and I would have an actual shot at doing it."

I just know that I don't want to do what I do now, but sadly it's the one lone entry in "things someone would actually pay me to do." I get so frustrated sometimes... I really don't feel like I'm any better or more qualified to do anything than anyone without a degree, but at the same time I feel like why did I waste all that fucking money and time getting a degree when it just isn't getting me anywhere. And I wonder how I got this far in life without any real, marketable skills. I'm not even qualified to be a secretary, or even other things within my company that are far easier than what I already do, because people actually want that job, and no one wants to do what I do. And I'm tired of working with people 9 years younger than me, because it basically points out to me that if I weren't such a piece of useless shit, I'd be 9 years ahead of what I am now.

I just wish I found the thing I like doing, that maybe I don't love to do, but I at least don't hate it, and can remember individual days instead of having it blur into one boring angry blur. I feel like once I have that, I could be like a kid again, and stop constantly worrying about what I'm going to do with my life the way I have since the last couple years of High School. I dunno... the worry's not that bad, thank you anti-depressants, but it's there and I'm tired of it all the time.

This weekend was nice. It was Josh's fake birthday* and we had good food, good fun, good times. I got him a gift card from Schnucks, one from Amazon, and 3 surprisingly cheap games from Dragon Talon Games. Balloon Cup, which we immediately "broke" in one game by accidently using up all of one type of card and forcing play to a standstill. Next was Pick and Pack. I think the jury's out on that one. Last was Carcassonne: The Castle. Now, I've never played regular Carcassonne, I primarily picked this one up because it was a 2 player, which Josh and I have been having success with lately. Anyway: we both really like it, so I guess I did well on at least one out of three.

We also played Party Playoff which is a really fun game that reminds me of Apples to Apples. Unlike Apples, this is somewhat doable with 2 players, but it makes for great conversations/funny arguments.

It was a fun time, esp. since Josh and I haven't had a chance to hang out in a long while.
____
* Every time we celebrate a special occasion when we can be together but not on the actual day, "fake" is appended to the name.

Suibrom (3:38:07 PM): crap that reminds me.. have you ever seen the comedian mike birbiglia?
phoemeister (3:38:17 PM): yeah a little bit
Suibrom (3:38:29 PM): he totally reminds me of what you would be like if you were a boy
phoemeister (3:38:40 PM): hahaha how so?
Suibrom (3:38:56 PM): dunno.. the sense of humor, the way he dresses, talks, mannersisms, etc
Suibrom (3:38:59 PM): mannerisms
phoemeister (3:39:04 PM): hunh
phoemeister (3:39:36 PM): I get that apparently.... Andi thinks this other stand up comedian, Eugene Mirman, thinks like me

So I should be a standup comedian.

My State Farm agent just gave me the most bizarre "free gift" imaginable.

It's a personalized calendar. Which is... creepy.

January's picture is a car with snow on the windshield and some of the snow has been scraped off to spell my first and last name. Feb has hot chocolate and the cinnamon on the froth spells my last name, the steam coming off of it is my first name. March is a field of buttercups that spell out my name. April, it's three baseballs with A, M, and Y. May is the earth from above with clouds spelling out Amy. June, lilypads on a lake, July fireworks, august birds against a sunset, sept fridge magnets, Oct jack o lanterns, Nov some sort of embossed book, Dec a present with a gift tag. All with my first, last or both names on them.

I realize that I'm probably not the only one who got something similar, my agent wasn't up all night with photo shop doing this for me, State Farm must have a deal with people who mass produce this sort of thing. But it just seems weird that someone would think people are narcissistic enough to want to look at their name all year.

It reminds me of this other offer I was getting in the mail awhile ago, where you could get '"your last name" University' printed on a shirt. Which... is doubly weird because I don't know if I want everyone on the street having my info. As Josh remarked whilst mocking it, "Yeah, I'm also going to get my home address printed on the ass of my pants, and my social security number tattooed on my el-bee-bow." (elbow).

That said, I think I'm going to keep it, because it is hilarious.

This was orig. a funny conversation, but it is quite possibly the worst comic I've ever made....



The orig. person I was talking to did not call me an idiot, but I put it in the comic as my way of apologizing for making this comic.

Today my dad and I saw Clint Eastwood in, "You goddamn kids stay off my lawn!"

It. Was. AWESOME. Seriously, the best movie I've seen in a long time.

There's obviously funny bits in the trailer, but before you see it you have no idea how hilarious Gran Torino is. Like... there's some "serious" dark stuff in there, but if you cut out like three scenes it would be a straight up comedy, and a good one too. But since it also has emotional depth, it is more meaty and sticks with you longer. Sooo good. I recommend it to anyone who is not offended by a constant stream of racial slurs emitted from the mouth of an elderly thespian trying to make young people stay off his lawn.

I repeat: I should not be allowed to use WebMd. This morning I woke up with a headache and decided I had glaucoma. And shingles.

Good for me I realize I'm an idiot. And that Paxil mitigates anxiety.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm a sleep camel or something, the past couple days I have woken up early when the past few days before that I slept all day. Though, I guess today I blame it on the headache. Sometimes laying down makes me feel better when I have a headache, but sometimes laying screws me up more. That was the case this time, so I had to get up. Still DO have the headache, but it's not as bad as when I first woke up.

No one person should have as much wrong with them (real & imagined) as I do this young. 80% of it is probably my own damn fault in terms of my shitty diet, though. Eat your greens, kids! Don't get glaucoma like me!

Meh... I went to bed two hours earlier than usual last night (12) thinking, if I sleep a lot, at least I'll sleep through two of my least productive hours and wake up earlier during more productive times. So I woke up at 2 again.

Yes, that makes 14 hours of sleep, ladies and gentlemen.

So... I may have anemia or whatever, but given that I didn't do this before the Paxil, I'm guessing it's mostly paxil. However, I do still find sleeping to be preferable to crying, so I'm sticking it out. I wish I could have normal sleep and not crying, but I dunno if it's possible.

Another day wasted

I got up at 9 am for an appointment I had. When I got back, it was 10. I called a friend, who didn't answer. I decided to lay on my bed for a little while and try again. I fell asleep until 3 p.m., and got ready for work.

Though... work was better than usual, I had a few meetings including my Toastmasters where the theme I selected for the meeting was the 80's, and it was a lot of fun. I love how Connie always goes all out with her outfits.

I'm sadly falling behind on my exercise.... Part of it is, I am tired all the time, but the other part is I am lazy. It's pretty pathetic that I won't do it, especially given that I can FEEL the good results, ie dramatically less colitis pain.

One awesome thing that happened lately is I got to go to a party. I have a feeling they forgot about me and I wouldn't have been invited otherwise, but basically Julie and I had plans on Sat, which was apparently when her friends were planning a surprise party for her. Her boyfriend, or should I say fiancee, found out at the last minute, told me about it, and all was saved. I feel like sort of a chode, I didn't get her anything except some of my coupons that I made up at the last minute (especially since I also forgot to get her anything for Christmas and she gave me an awesome belated Christmas gift at the party), but I did help pay for decorations and food etc. I actually had a lot of fun, even doing the set up, and running around buying things with Deanna.

I'm also going to Florida soon. To be honest, I'm looking forward to not working more than the actual vacation. My dad and I are going down there to see my Grandpa, and for whatever reason, I think he's gotten less keen on me over the years. He never returns phone calls or calls me, though he apparently calls my dad all the time. When I call him, we sort of run out of conversation pretty fast. So anyway my dad asked if I was ever going to visit him since I have all the money from mom, and I told him I'd like to, but I don't think I could keep up a conversation with Grandpa and his girlfriend for a week without a fourth person there. So my dad is coming too, and that's what's going on with that.

Bleh... my digestive system hurts. I've not been exercising as much as I should, so it's gone back to sucking. The weird thing is, the abdominal stuff which is the most unpleasant to do, is the easiest to prod myself into doing, because it only takes 6 minutes. The aerobics, however, take over an hour. Plus they take energy I just don't have, it seems like I just get tireder and tireder.

I am now 99% sure I have anemia, though... I hung out with my friend Wendi for like the first time in over a year. Which was sweet. She's not really one of those people who was too busy for me, she just literally had like every calamity possible fall on her when we had scheduled something in the past. I'm not kidding, people died, she fell down some stairs and broke her face, other things too. And I saw her face after the stair incident. Woman was NOT lying. Anyway, I asked Wendi about the anemia cause she's had it a long time, and it sounds like I have it (though the pee issues are probably something else, possibly some of the chronic dry throat as well), because her and I have a lot of similar things going on. Plus, colitis makes it difficult to absorb iron, plus I have been bleeding intermittently the last year when I poo (I plan to see my poo doctor about it, but he didn't seem that concerned the last few times I saw him, so I figured it could just wait till my yearly colitis check up). I should see a doctor about the anemia (Wendi said sometimes it's good to get even more high powered iron supplements than even over the counter stuff) but it just seems annoying considering I can probably just keep taking the iron I am taking and be fine eventually. But I probably should. And I should probably see if I can sort out my pee issues. And I should probably try the wart freezing again, it hasn't taken.

Oh, but anyway Wendi was awesome. One of my favorite Wendi quotes is "Try transforming all of those fuckers!" RE: her son's love of transformers a few years ago. She told me this time he was older and it was legos. Then we started talking about how much it sucks to step on a lego and she came up with this precious gem. "The worst part is if it sticks to your foot, and then you step on it again. It hurts so bad that you want to piss yourself! Well, that's legos for you."

So... I should not be allowed to use webmd, but once I start it's hard to stop for awhile. I'm convinced I have all of these, and probably have none.

--Anemia due to an iron and/or B12 deficiency (Symptoms I have: difficulty sleeping, fatigue, pale skin, tires quickly, leg cramps, upward curving of nails, cracks at corner of mouth, cold all the time, headaches, pins & needle sensation in hand or foot)

--some sort of sodium deficiency, it can be caused by a lot of diahrea, apparently, and I'm the king of that. It's just, my eyes and throat and skin are so dry sometimes, and I pee all the time. So I think if I have a sodium (or potassium) deficiency, I might be getting rid of water in my body before I'm supposed to, leaving me chronically dehydrated no matter how much I drink.

--Sjogren's syndrom... an autoimmune disease. It is not specifically stated that colitis & sjogren's are related, but it seems to be that a lot of autoimmune diseases are related, and if you have one you might have another. Symptoms I have: dry eyes, dry nose/throat/mouth, dry skin, dry vag, frequent urination.

--Fibromyalga... ditto what I said about Sjogren's. Symptoms I have: dry eyes,body aches and pains, dry eyes, difficulty falling asleep, depression, fatigue, headache, frequent urination

--Hypopituitarism, something glandular. Symptoms I have: anxiety, cold, digestive issues(inconclusive because I clearly have something that already gives me digestive issues), depression, fatigue, tires quickly, frequent urination

Stupid hypochondria.

So I didn't clean my whole house, but I'm pretty happy with the bed, kitchen, bath, and living room. So all I have left is the one extra room, plus some miscellaneous stuff (CDs I need to put back in their cases, mostly) which I'm hoping I can gradually clean over time instead of having to do a huge purge like with the rest of them. So all I have to do now is keep it clean... which is easier said than done, but I'm going to make a conscious effort. I mean... the vacuuming or whatever isn't even that hard, it's spending the time picking up all my shit so I CAN vacuum.

In other news, I talked to Mike last night for the first time in ages, like over a year probably, so he didn't really know what's been going on with me. We had a nice light conversation (he and I were never that close anyway). But anyway, the reason I'm mentioning this is he said thought I might be anemic because I'm cold all the time. Which... I've never heard as a symptom of anemia, and I looked it up and still didn't see that symptom, but in the course of looking it up I noticed a lot of other issues I do have that could pertain to iron deficiency. Dunno if this will really help me all that much, but I'm going to load up on iron & vitamin c (vit c helps you absorb iron easier) for a couple of weeks to see if it does anything.

Marsupials are fucked up

Don't ask me why I'm reading about marsupials on wikipedia on a Sunday morning, because I don't know. Anyway, I knew about the pouch, but this other part seems even weirder, actually.

"Marsupials' reproductive systems differ markedly from those of their placental mammal cousins (Placentalia). Females have two vaginas, both of which open externally through one orifice but lead to different compartments within the uterus. Males generally have a two-pronged penis, which corresponds to the females' two vaginae.[4] The penis is used only for discharging semen into females, and is separate from the urinary tract.[citation needed] Both sexes possess a cloaca,[4] which is connected to a urogenital sac used to store waste before expulsion."

Double genitals! If this isn't fake (wikipedia, after all) this is even weirder than the fish with wangs that only go left or right who have to find women fish who's vags go the opposite direction.

Well, maybe it's a tie.

I never used to think I was obsessed with animal genitalia, but at 26 I now have a surprisingly large cache of facts in my brain devoted to that subject.

I'm having trouble sleeping tonight, for perhaps the first time since I went on the antidepressants. It's weird, always gauging how well you've been doing this or that since you've been on something. I guess I have practice, though.

Anyway, I think it's because I went to bed earlier than usual, though now that I look at the clock it's a little past when I usually do, so maybe I should try again.

I gave myself a minor freak out, I was listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers to help me go to bed, and there's this one song, Slow Cheetah that reminds me of this song by 22-Pistepirkko. As you can tell, I eventually recalled the band name, but for awhile I thought it'd never come, and upset me. You see, I actually dislike 22-Pistepirkko. But Rebecca & Charlie from Borders loved them and played the song with the song like Slow Cheetah on the overhead constantly. I used to complain about it (good naturedly, not the way I complain about other coworkers who would bring in Linkin Park). Then like a year later Stadium Arcadium comes out, and RHCP has a song that's a rip off of 22-Pistepirkko, and I actually like it (the prob I had with 22-Pistepirkko is the dude's annoying voice, not the quality of their songs). I could've kept it to myself, but I did tell Rebecca about it, who did get amusement (Charlie had been fired by that time for the unforgivable crime of having diabetes, but that's another story).

I guess this is a long boring way of saying that it freaks me out when I forget certain things, or even almost forget certain things. It's been worse this last year... I think I'm afraid if I forget the name 22-Pistepirkko, I'll forget the incident related to it, and if I forget that incident and a few others, I will have forgotten Rebecca. If she forgets them too, it's like they never happened. Thinking about it makes me sad. I think about this in relation to even people I still talk to, but it's even more worrisome to me when it's someone I haven't seen in a long time and probably won't again. Have people forgot about me? I think of so many people, and I wonder if they ever think about me. Probably not, or they would've kept in better touch.

I of course also think about my mom. She obviously can't think of me anymore, unless there actually is an afterlife. What if I forget things about her? What about when I die? Then it's like they never happened....

I don't know. Maybe this stupid blog will out live me and some anthropologist a million years from now will read it. Here's something I thought of the other day that I hadn't thought about for years:

I had an even worse time sleeping as a kid than as an adult. I don't know why, but I felt lonely all alone in my room, though during the day I could play alone for hours and be happy as a clam. On top of that, I had an overactive imagination and every shadow was a monster. Sometimes, I would fake having stomach problems just so I could come out to the family room and be with my mom. I guess I got colitis cause I cried wolf too much. Anyway, those were probably some of our best times. She sang me weird little songs she made up on the spot. One of them involved Scooby Doo, and I liked it so much I would try to make her do it all the time. After that for awhile, I called her Scooby and she called me Scrappy. It's weird what nicknames come and go, a few years after that we didn't really call each other that anymore. I stopped faking stomach problems, and started reading at night instead (which also included a certain amount of deception, and is what ruined my eyesight). Then, when I got older and went to college and got cable, I saw Scooby Doo for the first time since I was really, really little, and realized what an awful show it is. True story.

So I've d/led google chrome. I trust the google name enough that I am usually pretty sure whatever their newest thing is, it'll probably be awesome.

Anyway, I've only used it tonight, and it seems alright. I plan to use it more to see if I like it > or = IE, supposedly, like most non IE browsers, it's supposed to have better security. This will actually be the 4th browser I now have on my computer. IE, of course. Opera, because I like one of its "widgets" a game where you raise fish (yes, I'm a nerd), but which I never use for browsing. Firefox, which I hate the shit out of and plan to delete, which I d/led during my recent virus attack to see if I could use it to get around some of the virus effects.

This comes to you in the middle of a large block of no work. I always get Weds & Sat off, I got Thurs off because of New Year, I decided to take Fri & Sun off to make it a larger block of free time, and then I took Mon off because I screwed up and made plans with someone Monday night because I got Monday and Sunday confused. One goal of this time has been cleaning, though I'm sadly behind. Anyone who reads this sees my house will go, "It took you six days to do that? WTF, man?" But I never have time when I work, cause I'm sleeping all the time, and I guess it started when I was depressed, but I got into a horrible habit of not picking things up, doing my dishes, or my laundry. In the last couple days I've done countless loads of laundry, dishes, and taken out a LOT of garbage. But yeah, I have not really been using my time effectively, I've sort of loafed as well. But that feels good too.

Anyway, Of my 5 rooms, I have two pretty much set. My bathroom, which wasn't really dirty anyway, and my bedroom. Now I just have to do the kitchen, living room, and I dunno what I call the other room, all while not re-messing up the stuff I've already done. How did I let it get this bad?

I had a crazy dream last night. I used to not dream that often, but since the antidepressants I have. Usually I forget to record them, but I remembered this time considering how funny part of it is, I guess.

So my mom, dad, sister, grandparents, 'Phew two (though he was younger than he is now in the dream), this one random guy from work I don't even know that well, and I were hanging out at my parents house on the porch. Oh, also my dad has a mustache in this dream, which he never has had in real life. Then we all decided to pile into my Dad's Honda Civic to go shopping, except for my grandpa who stayed with 'Phew two to watch him, and because grandpa has breathing problems. So my mom, sister, and the guy from work are in my dad's car, and I ask them the question that's been bothering me this entire dream.

"I know this seems like an insensitive question," I say, "But isn't grandma dead? Like... hasn't she been dead for years now? Am I crazy? Is that really her with us today?"

"Dude, what's your problem?" my sister asks, "That's his girlfriend up there."*

My mom, who is also dead in the real world, does not look amused. Then I wake up.

The other odd thing about these dreams is how a lot of times they involve the death of my mom, grandma, or both. Like, I get why I'm dreaming about my mom, but grandma's been dead for years and even though this makes me a douchebag, I admit that I didn't care that much because she was old, mean, and actually wanted to die at that point. I don't really recall dreaming about her since it happened until after my mom died too.
___
* In real life I can tell my grandpa's girlfriend from my grandma

My new years was pretty tame, I was up at midnight but not particularly paying attention to the time. I had dinner and a rented movie with the fam. I called the 'Phew a liar in front of god and everyone for the second time at a family gathering I can remember. I actually don't think he's a liar so much as he has the compulsive need to disagree with me. I don't know if he's sensed I dislike him more than I used to, or that I just don't hang around him enough for him to like me, but I'm beginning to get the idea he dislikes me. But he's fickle... sometimes he seems to like me. I don't know. It's pointless to examine the brains of small children, they don't have the same thought processes as grown ups.

Phew two seemed to take a shine to me, he's always been fairly shy but actually high fived me a couple of times and the like.

Today my dad and I hung out again, we saw Tom Cruise in the smash hit, "Tom Cruise wears an eyepatch." Valkyrie was fairly predictable, the sort of movie that's not bad enough to be bad but not good enough to be memorable. I dunno why, but I don't really hate Tom Cruise like normal people, and a lot of the other cast are people I love: Terrance Stamp, Bill Nighy, Eddie Izzard (sort of weird to see him in a totally serious role but he did well), and Kenneth Branaugh (I don't actually like him but everyone else seems to think he's awesome). And I did like the eyepatch, I dunno. Eyepatches are just cool. The last downfall is probably the fact that you know how it ends before you even get in there, and you really wish it didn't, because even if you hate Tom Cruise you generally want him to win vs Der Fuhrer.

Oh, the other movie I saw was Eagle Eye, which again fits into the not particularly memorable category, but it was okay. One, every movie with Shia Lebeouf in, I think "the beef the beef the beef" over and over, cause that's what his name is in french. Two, I had fun thinking of which stories I thought it plagiarized from. Like... technically, I don't blame Eagle Eye, because at least it stole from several different places and sort of mixed them into something new, as opposed to just stealing wholesale like most movies nowadays. But anyway, as everyone realizes, it's one part enemy of the state, one part I robot, and then like one part new stuff. But the really intriguing thing is it reminded me of this hitchcock movie, The Man Who Knew Too Much. Which, maybe I just want things to be Hitchcockesque, I was comparing The Happening to The Birds not that long ago, but anyway, several parallels: 1) normal people being coerced to help terrorists 2) the woman has to decide whether or not to save her child by helping the terrorists vs letting other innocent people die 3) the assasination being planned to happen exactly when one part of a piece of music is played, 4) the sort of ending where the person basically stops the assasination by yelling and making everyone stop what they're doing instead of actually really jumping in front of a bullet or engaging in any physical heroics (at least at the end).

So I guess the new bits were okay, and sort of jamming the three other things together is creative, but it seemed like parts taken from Enemy of the State and The Man Who Knew Too Much were done a lot more elegantly, believably and suspensefully in the orig. movies. It's not bad, but I would tell people to go see those other two movies first, and if they were still really bored watch this and skip I robot (which also has a small part with the Beef in it).

Oh, also today I read some short stories by Neil Gaiman. I actually bought the book back in my Borders days, and never read it until now, but I stumbled upon a hilarious note from Todd who worked there inside, which was totally awesome. As for the stories themselves--they're all pretty good but he ends every damned one of them on a mysterious note, nothing ever gets resolved. Plus he has some poems in there and I don't really care for that sort of thing.