Oh, also another reason why I am a terrible human being:

the other day I thought, "Gun to my head, if I had to make out with a Nazi.... it would be Joseph Goebbels."

So I tried to get off the antidepressants. Scratch that... I did get off the antidepressants. For awhile, actually. Long enough that I was out of the withdrawal zone. And.... I ended up depressed again. I was crying at work. Over being fat of all things... (I'm not super-fat or anything, but in the last few years I've gained a ton of weight, and it's all gone to my gut. Clothes don't fit well or feel comfortable even when I buy bigger ones. And the thing about gut fat... it does not go away. You exercise and diet.... and lose your boob fat first. I could lose weight and just end up being skinnier overall but still have my gut. I don't know what to do and it is extremely frustrating. I also feel horrible about myself that I have no willpower and don't exercise or diet to keep it from getting worse).

So... crying in the bathroom, hiding crying at my desk from my coworkers.... it's like before I got on the antidepressants all over again. I feel dumb, because back when I first got on them, I had a reason to be depressed. Now... I'm just sad that I'm fat. It's stupid.

But anyway I went back on them.

In other news, I think I'm going to be switched to the true day shift at work soon. I had the choice to stay on the old shift, and it was tempting, but I never get to see my sister & her kids. All of our hanging out revolves around eating dinner, and they eat dinner at 5. So... yeah, I mostly haven't seen them except for holidays since I started at the CRC about 4 years ago. What do you bet I still don't see them? My sister never invites me over, but having her whole family come to my house is problematic at best. Her kids don't behave themselves at restaurants, and I feel weird just inviting myself over to her house. But I guess I'm going to sooner or later. I want to see my dad more too. He started dating a lady, I started dating a dude, and we stopped hanging out near as much.

The drawback: having to get up early.

So I finally have my license back, and I'm now insured by Geico at an exorbitant rate because of my previous mishaps. My previous insurer dropped me completely while my license was suspended. I feel sort of traitoresque saying this, as I worked for my previous insurance co., but: GEICO IS WAY BETTER.

Seriously. They are cheaper. And SO convenient.... I bought it online and can access all of my info online. Of course, I will not be saying this at work ;) Seriously though... my insurance company is one of the biggest. How have they not freaking made it possible to buy insurance online yet? I hate talking to people I just want to get it done. I know that's a horrible attitude to have, and I know it costs the people who would be manning those phones a job, but I'm not the only one, and they're missing out on selling insurance to people like me.

The real bummer is I looked at a couple of websites and got a couple of quotes, and I had to provide my phone number and now people are calling me 5 times a day to get me to buy their stupid insurance.

It really does feel good to drive again, though. I was tired of being so dependent on other people to get anywhere. Though with gas prices going nuts, I'm not sure how much I will actually be driving.