So I tried to get off the antidepressants. Scratch that... I did get off the antidepressants. For awhile, actually. Long enough that I was out of the withdrawal zone. And.... I ended up depressed again. I was crying at work. Over being fat of all things... (I'm not super-fat or anything, but in the last few years I've gained a ton of weight, and it's all gone to my gut. Clothes don't fit well or feel comfortable even when I buy bigger ones. And the thing about gut fat... it does not go away. You exercise and diet.... and lose your boob fat first. I could lose weight and just end up being skinnier overall but still have my gut. I don't know what to do and it is extremely frustrating. I also feel horrible about myself that I have no willpower and don't exercise or diet to keep it from getting worse).

So... crying in the bathroom, hiding crying at my desk from my coworkers.... it's like before I got on the antidepressants all over again. I feel dumb, because back when I first got on them, I had a reason to be depressed. Now... I'm just sad that I'm fat. It's stupid.

But anyway I went back on them.

In other news, I think I'm going to be switched to the true day shift at work soon. I had the choice to stay on the old shift, and it was tempting, but I never get to see my sister & her kids. All of our hanging out revolves around eating dinner, and they eat dinner at 5. So... yeah, I mostly haven't seen them except for holidays since I started at the CRC about 4 years ago. What do you bet I still don't see them? My sister never invites me over, but having her whole family come to my house is problematic at best. Her kids don't behave themselves at restaurants, and I feel weird just inviting myself over to her house. But I guess I'm going to sooner or later. I want to see my dad more too. He started dating a lady, I started dating a dude, and we stopped hanging out near as much.

The drawback: having to get up early.