Wednesday, January 30, 2008

good times

So today I had some dude's hand up my butt. I guess that doesn't happen every day.

OR DOES IT? I have a poor memory.

Anyway I guess it wasn't some dude, it was an accredited medical professional who's stuck scopes and other things up there before. So why not?

He was checking for hemerhoids, and didn't find any, so I guess that's good. The bad bit is that my actual colon is probably bleeding then, and that's not good.

Solution: sticking more things up my butt (suppositories). At least I get to do that bit by myself in the privacy of my own home rather than have a repeat of today's fun.

I have to say, though: STILL better than a vaginal exam. Of course, this was just some fingers whereas with your vag they get some fucking metal thing and jack it open as wide as possible.

So now you know about that.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

in other news

Every time I drive by Walgreens on the way home from work, I loudly say "pharmacy" to myself in a Boston accent due to their neon "pharmacy" sign that is missing an R.

Monday, January 28, 2008

burn baby burn

So, today at work a guy was hocking his daughter's girl scout cookies and I gave in and ordered a box... or 2 or 3... or 6. It was kind of weird, I just bought girl scout cookies at work from a guy hocking them for his daughter, at the same company that my dad used to hock my cookies at where he worked when I was a girl scout. So... I blame nostalgia for ordering $21 and god knows how many calories worth of cookies today. At least that's what I'm going to say it is. And 1/3 of those are for my dad, anyway. He is a fan of Do-si-do's.

In other news: there is way too much BS involved in applying to study at U of I. 3 letters of reference. 1 essay on why I want to be a librarian. 1 essay on an interview I have to conduct with a librarian. A transcript from ISU. A longass application. A $50 application fee.

Jesus, dudes.... if I suck, I'll fail out and you won't have to worry about me making you look bad. You will get my money anyway! I mean I sort of get the logic of the application fee (i.e. might as well gouge the applicant as much as possible) and the transcript & most of the application (they can't accept EVERYONE, obviously). But after this much work + the extortionist fee, I'm seriously going to have to burn the entire campus down if I don't get accepted.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Fake birthday everybody!

I meant to blog about this before, cause it's good times, but a couple days ago we had the Roni's fake birthday. See, we had fake Christmas a week before Christmas, on purpose, because we knew we wouldn't be able to hang out with each other. We had fake birthday, last week, a week before his real birthday (today) for about the same reason: i.e. his stupid job wouldn't let him have time off on his actual birthday week. But, fake birthday was a success! I was sad when it was over and it wasn't even my fake birthday.

Anyway, the main bit is I got him this card game called Bohnanza, and the goal is to make as much money as you can. The method you do this is by growing beans. It sounds pretty lame, and it might even BE pretty lame if you're someone who doesn't like weird card games, but we had a lot of fun. The Roni really, really loved it, and I don't think he was faking it because we played it over and over at his urging. I quite enjoy it too. The other thing I got him, which I had actually given him some time ago, was one of those white noise machines for sleeping. He had seen the one I have (I got it for like $5, years ago) and took quite a shine to it. He said he is really happy with both.

Also I made him birthday brownie (from a mix, I've learned my lesson on ones from scratch). I wanted to make him cake, but I don't like cake and he wanted me to have some too. We also randomly bought frosting that we didn't use. Then we got a buttload of food from Outback Steakhouse on a giftcard he got. It was the first time I've had Outback, and it was pretty good.

Then we played more bean game!

The end.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

guh

So I think I'm actually going to Ikea. I think Walmart actually might have a cheaper, definitely more easier to obtain, selection, but walmart IS sort of evil, I DO sort of want to visit Ikea, and I would also get to see the futon in person before deciding on it. I'm not sure.

In other news: my tire business (I can't remember if I went into it before) is still not resolved. From the beginning: I went to Peoria to see the Roni on Weds, and when I got there my tire was sort of flat so we got air at a gas station. Then when I went home on Fri, I got to Bizzle Nizzle alright, but my tire was flat when I went to go to work. I called AAA, they took care of it, I now have the spare on there.

So Saturday, my dad and I take the flat tire to walmart where he got the tires. They actually said they could not fix it, only help pay for the cost of a new one, because there were a couple of punctures on the side. He said they were small, hence the air escaping so slow, but hard to get on accident, since they are on the sides of the tire. His opinion is that some fucker slashed my tires, which makes me not happy.

This is esp. since my car had to have been at home or work when this happened, cause I had been feeling pretty crappy and not going anywhere the couple of days before that. And I find it hard to believe it happened at work, I park in this garage with people coming and going constantly and security cameras all over the place. So someone at my place slashed my tires. Which means they could do it again. Which, makes me pissed since I live in a nice neighborhood now.

Then on top of that, my dad came in today to help me put the new tire on, and my tire iron was missing. I have never done anything with it. So.... it was frustrating trying to find it. Also, it makes me a little more worried and suspicious, because occaisionally I'll leave my car unlocked down there (i really don't leave anything in my car that's worth stealing and it is a good neighborhood) and it makes me think that maybe the same person who slashed my tires also stole my tire iron. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but it sucks just the same. Now I have to go to my parent's side of town tomorrow and look at a new tire iron with my dad. Hopefully this whole thing will finally be resolved after that.

Monday, January 14, 2008

So I'm thinking of....

Beddinge!

or...

Lovas!

My dad seemed to think a futon was the way to go re: the fold-out couch debate.

The only problem with these lovely Ikea products: getting to them.

It looks like shipping is a bitch, though, like over 100 bucks. On top of that, it looks like some options, you can only get in the store. So if you're going to pay that much, you might as well actually get the fun of actually visiting Ikea.

Problem with that:

--I don't wanna drive there. But there's no way you can take that stuff on a train or bus.

--I thought of begging Opt to take me. But even if she did succumb to the allure of Ikea, there's no way you can fit that stuff in her little civic.

--I thought of just sucking it up and going up there myself. I am a little more confident since I drove home from O'Hare after dropping Ryan off last year. Which... I may still do, I don't know. But I'm not even sure you can fit a futon frame, mattress, etc. in my car, though there's more room.

--I thought of begging my sister to let me borrow her van. Which, the problems with that just stack up, and include 1) my sister probably needs her van, it's the only thing they have to transport their kids very well 2) my sister probably wouldn't lend it to me even if she didn't need it and 3) rightfully so, I don't even really want to drive my car up there, much less my sister's BRAND NEW (less than 2 months old) minivan.

I dunno. Anyone non-molestor with a van reading this up for a visit to Ikea? Wait, what am I saying? Everyone who owns a van is a molestor. Yes, I just included my sister. I'm not sure what she molests, but I bet she does. She owns a van! Maybe it is zoo animals, and the Christmas gift was her way of atoning. Speaking of which, Sista just read my blog for the first time in awhile and had this comment:

(1:51:57 PM) Sista: your sister got you bears?
(1:52:01 PM) Sista: a year of bears?
(1:52:22 PM) me: yeah

RYAN!

(10:03:58 AM) me: what up?
(10:04:08 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the price of gas
(10:04:23 AM) me: I make it for free
(10:04:25 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(10:04:31 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: will it power my automobile?
(10:04:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: or just turn me on like last time?
(10:04:53 AM) me: hahah the turn on is for freeeee
(10:04:58 AM) me: don't diss it
(10:05:21 AM) me: man if I had a car that ran on my poop
(10:05:31 AM) me: it would suck less that I poop constantly
(10:05:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha that would be awesome
(10:05:42 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you could even rig it up so the driver's seat was a toilet
(10:05:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you could just poo on the go
(10:05:48 AM) me: hahaha
(10:06:04 AM) me: that's much better than what I thought of
(10:06:24 AM) me: which involved several lengths of tubing and the violation of several public indecency laws
(10:06:52 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(10:06:58 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: sounds like my saturday night
(10:07:00 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: BOOM

(10:08:05 AM) me: remind me to never, ever, ever take laxatives ever again
(10:08:09 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: hahah
(10:08:11 AM) me: I am basically a poo faucet
(10:08:14 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: man I could have told you that
(10:08:14 AM) me: that won't shut off
(10:08:21 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you should stand on your head
(10:08:23 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and be a poo fountain
(10:08:28 AM) me: hahaha
(10:08:38 AM) me: will small children play in me?
(10:08:59 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha yes
(10:09:05 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and splash in your poo puddles
(10:09:15 AM) me: no way then, I hate those little bastards
(10:09:21 AM) me: they can find their own poo fountain
(10:09:27 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I like to call them "poo-dles"

(10:23:08 AM) me: I feel like poooop
(10:23:09 AM) me: fix it
(10:23:44 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(10:23:51 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: is your butt controlled by computers?
(10:23:59 AM) me: I don't know
(10:24:02 AM) me: how do you tell?
(10:24:10 AM) me: is there a USB port in there or something?
(10:24:13 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: does it make beeping noises
(10:24:15 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(10:24:21 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: a usb port would also be a good sign
(10:24:44 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: have you ever controlled it with a mouse?
(10:24:50 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and I don't mean the animal like Richard Gere
(10:25:00 AM) me: haha what about Richard Gere?
(10:25:11 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: there was some rumor years ago he liked to put gerbils in his ass
(10:25:16 AM) me: hahah
(10:25:21 AM) me: he probably does
(10:25:26 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I'd believe it

(10:58:33 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I don't want to work
(10:58:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: but I should
(10:58:57 AM) me: same with me
(10:59:05 AM) me: I don't want to go and wash all this poo off my body
(10:59:07 AM) me: but I should
(10:59:56 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(11:00:13 AM) me: stupid dress code at work
(11:00:22 AM) me: poo isn't a clothing style it's a way of life
(11:01:06 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: you should make a poo suit
(11:01:28 AM) me: maybe. My woman suit is working pretty well for me.
(11:02:19 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: Mine too!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

I buy the drugs

(11:17:00 AM) me: gah, why does my colon have to be fucked up?
(11:17:03 AM) me: fix it, Opt
(11:17:19 AM) Optimus Prime: ok
(11:17:27 AM) Optimus Prime: *punches you in the solar plexus*
(11:17:29 AM) Optimus Prime: all better

Opt: http://stereogum.com/mp3/Electric%20Six%20-%20Dance%20Pattern.mp3

did you see this?
Me: Well I didn't see that page, but I've heard the song before, I like it a lot :D
Opt: oh, well, on the link it said "new Electric Six" but I wasn't sure how old it was so I thought I'd pass it along.
Me: Thanks :) I want to say sometime around October? Roni & I were both pretty into that song when we first started dating.
Opt: awwwwwww...your song is by Electric Six. That's so.... you.
me: haha our song isn't that song, btw
Opt: yeah, but is "unforgettable" really the first song you two danced to?
me: I can't remember what the first song we danced to is

(10:22:09 AM) me: how come Ryan's never on the internets anymore?
(10:22:30 AM) Mike: he has a bird
(10:22:33 AM) Mike: and a bike
(10:23:06 AM) me: We're better than all those
(10:23:36 AM) me: I kill small mammals every day, that's about all a raptor does
(10:23:52 AM) me: and you make awesome vroom noises, that's all a bike does

(10:25:30 AM) me: If I blow that much money on something it better have cupholders and do my laundry for me
(10:25:42 AM) Mike: you want a woman with cupholders?
(10:25:49 AM) me: yes. yes I do.
(10:26:01 AM) Mike: like... a sexy marsupial

Man... it sucks, I have a certain amount of things I have to do, cleaning up the room I have all the boxes in for the move, for instance, so that I can move the stuff in my bedroom there so I can move the new stuff I'm getting soon into the bedroom. Looking at a mattress so that I can use the new bedroom furniture. Regular cleaning (it just needs it). But I've been feeling so shitty lately it's hard to want to do anything. My dad keeps asking me about my progress on some of these things, and it's like, "SHUT UP I TOLD YOU I FEEL HORRIBLE, DON'T YOU GET IT?" I love him and everything, but since I have been pretty good most of the time for awhile now, and he doesn't live with me anymore to see when I feel shitty, I think he forgets how much of my time is just sucked into this black hole of feeling horrible & doing nothing when I am having a rough patch with the colitis. On top of it, yesterday my tire went flat. My parents have triple A and I'm on their account, so AAA came and changed my tire really quickly, but I was still late to work and now I have to figure out what to do about that.

Monday, January 07, 2008

ugh

My cooooolon hurts. Eat dicks, genetics.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

So I was late to work today. I guess my alarm clock difficulties (being too stupid to properly program one) have not gone away, as I once thought, they were just alleviated by the fact that I don't have to get up early very often. But today I picked up hours, and I was late for them, and that's a huge no no where I work. The annoying thing: right before I woke I had a dream that I set my alarm wrong and was late to work. Irony, poetic justice, whatever it is... fuck you.

Work wasn't too awful once it started.

Current status: I just ate too much rice a roni.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Because everyone loves home decor, right?

Today I looked at furniture. I feel kind of bad doing it on my own, cause my mom and I were supposed to do this but then she got sick. I was going to wait till she gets better, but my dad keeps pushing me to go ahead and look at stuff. Anyway, I went to a place today.

--Sofas: hard choice. I like my current one so much, and it actually goes with my decor. Whereas most stuff: crazily, tan. Yeah, what the fuck is right, my friends. I looked at a couple of pull out sofas and a futon-y thing, though, for my guest room. Nothing was noteworthy.

--Chairs. Eh, nothing goes with my place, but I am a sucker for recliners. They all seem pretty nice, and don't go with anything. My favorite, comfort-wise was this one though it, too, does not go with anything.

--Bedroom sets. I dunno, I don't want a big-ass footboard or just big-ass everything. My mom was talking about getting a bed, nightstand, chest, dresser, and then putting my old nightstand & chest in the guest room.

my favorite bed

set that goes with it

set that was nice but enormous, and not cheap

set on sale

another one on sale

--Mattresses eh, I don't know. I'm picky.

Plus my dad just randomly gave me a new battery for my cell phone today, which is nice because every conversation I have with anyone that is over 5 minutes lately ends with the phone hanging up. I just happened to mention to it, and I guess he and my mom (who have the same phone as me) had an extra around. I win!