he splatters poo like a monkey's racehorse

Oh I did forget to mention something disturbing about yesterday. Namely, my creepy across the hall neighbor asked me to collect his mail while he's gone. To be fair, he hasn't done anything terribly creepy to me yet, but both Mouse and the downstairs neighbors have more than made it clear that I do not want this guy to think I am his friend.

So first off when I see him I'm like, "oh shit" in my head. But I'm like, "well at least I'm on my way out, he can't corner me for too long," and then he asked me too collect his mail. So I'm like, "Is there any way to weasel out of this without looking like a total bastard, i.e. saying "NO" and walking out the door or saying no and then saying, "because Mouse said you are one creepy bastard." Now if I had time to think I would say something like, "I don't think we know each other well enough." So I can't think of anything, and am staring at him like I'm a cornered beast, which I am. I'm also thinking, "Don't do it don't do it don't do it, if you say yes you are automatically obligated to have another conversation with this man, which is one step closer to him thinking you are his friend and just always knocking on your door to talk to you all the time. Then you will constantly be talking to this man and/or cowering in your appartement avoiding him.

So I was like, "Okay." I'm really toying with the idea of doing a really shitty job of it so he won't ask me again. I mean, really, he's only gone like two weeks. How much mail can he really get? The downstairs neighbors hardly ever check theirs, and it's never that full. So it's not like he'd actually lose something important because of me. And if I grow a set of balls (which I am really desperately hoping to do since the only alternative is talking to the creep more and more and then eventually exploding at him and being even more mean) I am going to tell him we don't know each other well enough for him to be asking favors. And if he says we should get to know each other and be friends I will either totally lie and say I'm a very busy person, or just straight out tell him he's a weird middle aged dude and Mouse has said that he's creepy.

The awesome thing that happened today was I got employee of the month. I half expected it to depress me, because I kind of got it because I was trying to get my friends to vote for me, instead of through actually working hard. And I really haven't been working near as hard since I didn't get that promotion. Since it feels so much like I'm not appreciated, it is doubly as hard to pay attention and not goof off as it was. When I'm doing merch I can settle down and get into what I'm doing, most of the time, but when I'm just supposed to be shelving or helping customers or whatever, I always get sidetracked and then rationalize it to myself with, "well they didn't really care when I was really trying, I guess it doesn't matter what I do." Which is a huge contrast to when I got employee of the month the first time, last October. I'd only been working at the store for a little over a month at the time, and I really felt that it was because I had worked hard and did good things, that I was appreciated, and that I was making new friends. I felt like it was only a matter of time before I would move up the ladder. And now a year later.... yeah.

But it did make me happy, because how I found out was not boss-boss telling me, it was that Kevin had made an employee of the month sign like the ones I've been making for other people. It was hilarious, it had this hand that said "evs" on it, which has become an inside joke with us. Underneath it it said, "Phoexx0r is all right. In an awesome sort of way." It made me feel loved, especially when Opt went ahead and made one too. Actually, not one, but three! The one I liked most to put up was kind of a rehashing of things that had been on various other people's signs I made.

So it's a list of reasons why I'm EOM (you might want to skip this if you don't want to be bored to tears, but I enjoy it so I'm listing it all out), because that's a gimmick I've used several times in the past. There was "cuts a wicked snowflake" because the first one I did was for Double Dizzle, who I didn't know too well at the time, so I made him a pretty snowflake. Then there was "cried the first time she saw Home Movies" because I wrote on Mouse's that he cried the first time he watched Titanic. Then, does not know the actual date of the Whiskey Rebellion (I truthfully put on ponytail geek's that he knew it). Draws a mean doodle (did that for Excalbur). Heard Kevin's true story and lived to tell the tale (for Kevin's I put a story about him suing happy days because they based the character of Fonz off of him, but did not pay him and then at the end put True Story). 1/3 dead (for Sista I wrote that she was crazy, sexy, and cool like TLC but not one third dead). Even makes Renegade laugh. Was maid of honor at Mulva and Gambit's common law wedding (for Mulva I had put down that he is common law married to Gambit). Got overcharged to do my mom (I wrote on Opt's all these things about me, and then wrote "wait, that's all me" at the end, and one of them was "has done everyone's mom"). Knows trucker lingo (for Hootie's I just suggested a bunch of ridiculous CB handles because we had recently gotten the walkie talkies and she was sad she couldn't think of a good handle).

The other two are completely awesome, I am going to find somewhere around my place to post them. One of them is basically a switcheroo on what I did to her, i.e. putting a bunch of things about her and then putting, "wait, that's me" at the end.

-loves hipster indie music (on hers I put whiney emo for me)
-can put her legs behind her head (apparently we share this talent, I had put it for me on hers too)
-intentionally purchases the ugliest clothes at Value City (then WEARS them)
-talks to her cats
-has eaten anything useful that you're looking for
-wants TMBG to have her babies (this is somewhat true for me as well though not necessarily to the same extent as her)
-is related to the Crypt Keeper (she says that her mom looks like the Crypt Keeper)
-srange obsession with Optimus Prime (may or may not be true as well for me too, because I totally saw Optimus Prime in a rorsach (sp?) test once)
-has done everyone's mom (true for both of us)

and for the third one she just basically straight out did my oft used gimmick, "reasons why" and then some true things, some inside jokes, and some randomly ridiculous things.

-most professional cheese vacuuming this side of Tallahassee
-lets people hump her couch
-is her own cat (I don't know if I have used this phrase often enough to trademark it yet, but it's basically my comment on how I shed like a maniac and my own hair is all over everything)
-Three words..... 21 Jump Street (I always make fun of Lister by mentioning 21 Jumpstreet because he has gay love for Johnny Depp)
-uncanny knack for getting Postal Service (and other songs) stuck in one's head. (I enjoy singing the beep boop part of their song Brand New Colony, and admittedly, I do halfway do it because I find it hilarious how many people get it stuck in their head and will be singing it or whistling it afterwards).
-can make Renegade laugh
- she 8 the sandbox
-secretly pines for Liberace (ask her about the shrine!)
-she knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men

Definately going to be at my party: Opt, Dance Whore, Dance Whore's wife, delicious margaritas.

People maybe coming to my party: Jersey (said he'd come but he never comes), downstairs neighbors (a tad noncomittal about the whole thing), cafe girl I've yet to get a good nickname for on here (said she would come if she could).

People not coming to my party: new cafe sup (crippling social anxiety), Elaine (overworked, tired, closing that night)

People who acted very squirrely about my party and will probably not come: Nebrasky (seemed to not be into a party that was more talking than drinking)

People who I've possibly hurt their feelings because I didn't invite them because I thought they were going to be out of town but obviously really would've invited in the first place if I hadn't been stupid: Kevin (I'm told was sad when someone had theirs out around him)

People who I've not talked to about it yet but gave them an invitation at one point: Hootie (love her!), Getz (seems to want to hang out, didn't show up to my last party, found out today Opt isn't terribly crazy about her, so now I half hope she doesn't want to come).

If I don't get at least one more definate on there, and the maybes don't come through it will be ultimate sadness. I mean I think it's awesome to hang out with Opt, Dance Whore, and delicious margaritas, but that's less of a party and more four people hanging around drinking.

Also Opt and I think I may or may not be Hypomanic. Because my two favorite phrases are "I hate the world!" and "I win at life!" and I often use them in the same day, maybe even the same minute.