1) Blogger: get your shit together! You are down 50% of the time I try to post anything lately.

2) Does it make me weird that every time I read about the Nestle cookie dough recall (it is fine but apparently some other cookie dough out there got e coli in it so they are doing a preemptive recall) that I think, "Mmmm... cookie dough. That sounds good. I should go out and get some."

3) 007 has developed the new unpleasant problem of spraying pee, EVERYWHERE. I was hanging out with him on a blanket (he loves blankets more than anything, he poops all over them to mark them so I'm thinking this is another marking issue) and he got it all over me. I seriously had to change my clothes and take a shower. Here would be a great time for a joke about golden showers, but my heart is not in it.

4) Had an awful time sleeping last night. I was up till like 5 am. Which I probably would've written this post then, if FUCKING BLOGGER HADN'T BEEN DOWN.

5) Work's been as good as work can be lately. I got my mid-cycle review, and I am an AWESOME employee. I know some people dread that sort of thing, but I love it because it's basically all compliments. I only really have one thing I need to work harder at, and I sort of knew about it already. The rest was everything awesome I do every day. It's nice to be reminded of that. My friend Todd from work and I have also had an inordinate amount of fun the last couple of days. He logged off to do something, and was sort of teasing like, "Amy? Are you going to tell on me? I need to be supervised." And I knew it was something valid to log off for and our supervisor wouldn't be mad or anything. But instead I was like, "Todd, I can't spend all my time policing you, I'm ACTUALLY working." Then we got into this thing about how my full time job should be watching him to make sure he does his job properly. I said I'd listen to all his calls and be all Simon Cowell on him (Yes, I despise American Idol as much as the next person but I'm not too proud to reference it). So for the last couple of days, we have kept saying things back and forth like, "Worst call ever," "Your typing makes me want to vomit," etc. to him in a horrible British accent. Also, I noticed my British accent is more on the Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins side of the horrible British accent spectrum than the Simon side of the horrible British accent spectrum, so I started adding references to Mary Poppins as well.

Another thing we were discussing is the fact we have to read out the agent's name when we answer the phone, but the agents get to choose how it's entered, and they sometimes put it in there a dumb way. In particular, a bunch of agents just put in their last name, so we say, "Thank you for calling _______'s after hours service, this is Amy speaking, in order to better assist you, may I have your name please?" and I feel really dumb just saying the last name, like the agent and I are in gym class together or something. Then we were joking around how we should say our last name too instead of our first name, I.E. "Thank you for calling Fitzpatrick's after hours service, this is Cox, what up?" So we've been taking great glee in calling each other by our last names as well as other staff members.

Hadn't talked to Nicole in like forever, she was nice enough to say hi to me on facebook:

Nicole HELLO
Amy Heeey
Nicole how is boomtown
Amy it's okay how's Spring?
Nicole im doing great. kinda sad for a minute over a stupid breakup. i am
giving myself till saturday then i am giving it up completly. but i
will see him saturday as his band is playing at my fav bar... and i go
there for the prom every year and i will be in a cute dress so... his
loss if he decides to act a fool
Amy awww he is a fool though you are the shit, man!
Nicole ugh i broke up with him then... i regreted it
then he was all "im not going to get hurt again" and i was all
"whatever dude.. i like you" and he and i probably should just stay
away from one another
Amy haha ah
Nicole all the sudden when i got single 3 of my besties got boys. i was like
WTF i need you girls
Amy aww well if you ever need me I'm always single
Nicole haha thanks
Amy we can go to vegas, buy a male hooker, and then not have the nerve to
do anything with him
Nicole at this rate i might have the nerve
Amy haha well I can come along just so you have an excuse to put a sock on the
door knob to warn someone that you're getting some
Nicole thanks amy thanks a lot
Amy you're welcome
Nicole you know since the Damn Noodles came here.. i have gone two times! only two it is across from my work!
Amy WHAT?? I'm disappointed in you
Nicole this damn diet has ruined my love
Nicole i gotta go read my cat power book and go to sleeeep
maybe i will make my stupid ex go to noodles with me once he realizes
he does love me speak of the devil he is online
Amy THE DEVIL IS ONLINE AND HE'S USING FACEBOOK

Awww.... best book ever! I hope they don't ruin it.

Well, another thing I had to do was talk to HR about FMLA (it's this law that says, among other things, if you have a chronic medical condition you may be able to get your absences sort of "not count" as far as promotions and stuff are concerned). I did that and was sort of irritated at the lady I talked to. The law states you have to see your doctor twice a year, and I typically see mine once. Yeah, I don't have as bad of colitis as some people have. But, unlike most people, it won't go into motherfucking remission. But I understand, the law's the law and I'm not going to argue with someone who has no control over it.

But why I got irritated at her was the way she put it, which was basically comparing it to someone who doesn't have to see a doctor twice a year because they only have a debilitating migraine once a year. Look, I have a debilitating migraine in my pants once a month on average, and have a slightly lower level of nuisance concerning that nearly every day. But since I tried every fucking medication available in college, many with horrible side effects, and found something that keeps me able to cope with it most of the time, I don't really go to see my doctor all the time just to say, "Hey, I'm doing about the same." She also said Crohn's was covered a lot of times, but not really colitis or IBS. That pissed me off because Colitis may be more unusual than Crohn's, but they're a lot alike, way more similar to each other than Colitis is to IBS. In fact, I've never known anyone to land in the hospital because of straight up IBS with no other complications, but there are tons of people (I admit, this doesn't include me) who've had colitis that had to. And a lot of people I know who have IBS can avoid problems if they just avoid certain foods. Not so with me. Yes, there are foods more likely to trigger problems than others, cheese and coffee come to mind there, but I can have a fucking saltine cracker or potato with nothing on it and feel miserable the whole day almost as easily. So if she had just said, "I'm sorry it's the law" or something I would not mind but I was kind of annoyed that she tried to explain the law to me in a manner that I felt belittled my problem.

This week has not been kind to me. It's been fraught with headaches & colitis issues galore. Headaches are the weather (it seems like they never go away), don't know what the colitis probs are. Plus it seems like there's more blood in my stool than usual (yes, I am just as disturbed as you are that that sentence correctly implies I have a "usual" amount of blood coming out of my anus) which worries me. If I can't get the blood to stop by Sun, I've decided I'm going to get my poop doctor to see me. Which, I am not looking forward to, because he'll probably want to do a colonoscopy. Which, unlike most people, I'm not that worried about having stuff put up my butt. They do it while I'm unconscious. It's the laxatives & endless water poos leading up to the event. So hopefully: I can get the blood issue resolved on my own.

This week's been busy for work-related development, which makes me fairly happy in general. In toastmasters, I'm one project away from my Competent Leader award. That last project is mentoring, which I had to do speeches to be eligible for. I did 2 speeches this week, so I should be eligible for that now. That also puts me only 5 speeches away from my Competent Communicator award. I was also elected to be an officer, which I just have to do for 6th months and I automatically get my Advanced Leader Bronze award. All this stuff looks really good for getting promoted.

Then, I've met with my mentor in Subrogation the first time this week. I really want to go into subrogation, so she's giving me information on what I have to do to make that happen, and could probably help me network or get some job shadowing in.

Then, I had 2 promotion interviews yesterday. To be honest: not sure how hot I did on either. But there's always a chance. The first was for sub, which as I said I really want to do. The second was for ACC which I don't want to do that badly, but IS a promotion and would be easier to be promoted from than my current position. I actually did worse on that interview, but there's like 6 positions available, so who knows.

What I really need to work on is my AIC (designation that makes you look good for claims, which both sub and the ACC job would be). You have to take 4 tests, one each quarter. I passed my first test but sat the last two quarters out because I was so busy with various other things (not to mention my laziness). It's a pain in the ass, because you do it all on your own time, but I want to look like I can be self motivated and follow things through. So hopefully in the next few days I'll start that up again for this quarter and kick the second test's motherfucking ass!

I wish I could talk to my supervisor a little more about some of this stuff (the interviews especially, she is a help with) but she's actually out sick right now. She needs her gallbladder out. I told her I had mine out and said how much I felt better afterwards. But I didn't tell her the whole process was the worst week of my life at the time (it might still be the worst, I have difficulties deciding if those actual physical problems I had then or the emotional problems I had last year were worse). I don't feel like this is a lie of omission though, because I had a lot of complications I already know she doesn't or likely won't have (the orig. misdiagnosis, difficult veins for them to find for IV's and blood tests, the vicodin allergies) which are what made the whole thing so miserable.

Gah, had to stay home today because of the poops. Which doesn't make me happy, it seems a few of the promotions I've gotten really close to lately have hit a wall when they check on my attendance. I have to look into getting them covered by that one law about chronic diseases. Can't do it with the old ones because you only have a certain time frame, but I should start doing it now. There's a lot of stupid paperwork though and I'm not 100% sure it's covered, as one part of it stipulates you have to go to the doctor for your disease at least twice a year, and I usually only go once unless there's a new development.

To be honest, I wish I could just have pictures of my poop on file with my absences, I think anyone would understand that. Granted, I have some gnarly looking poos even when I'm mostly fine, but today it came out this olive-colored water. You can't really argue that someone doesn't need to stay home when they've had that come out their butt. Thankfully, this particular episode doesn't hurt that much, it's just mainly constantly having go to very urgently. It was happening yesterday and the day before, too, so hopefully it blows over soon.

Oh another thing, is usually even when I'm feeling bad, my stomach doesn't make that many noises, but today and yesterday it's been going nuts. It's loud enough to startle my rabbit away.

Yesterday I got to see my grandpa and his woman. The only bad part is they were only passing through town for a few hours so I didn't get to see them very long. But it was good. I also hung out with my sister's family after that. The 'Phew was in a good mood, so we had fun. 'Phew two, as always, was in a bad mood.

After that I went grocery shopping. The thing is, I really need food, but whenever I go to the grocery store lately nothing really sounds good. So I spent like an hour or more, and sixty bucks on junk (various sugary drinks) and treats for 007. I got like one actual food item, bread.

Also, I meant to blog about this earlier, but RJ was in town and we hung out a little while. I find it gratifying that even after all this time, he keeps in touch, though so many other people don't. I have to admit--I'm also kind of jealous of him. He's not getting rich or anything, but he's actually making a living in Chicago doing what I love, videography. Whenever I talk to him, he always tries to convince me to move to Chicago too, but I don't think I'd be successful as he is. For one, he has access to all sorts of expensive video equipment I don't (I think through his dad but I could be wrong) so he can do a lot of free lance work. For two, he doesn't NEED to have health insurance like I do, so can do a lot of free lance work. For three, he didn't move up there when the economy was in the toilet like it is now. For four, he's not a total wuss like I am.

Anyway, we did have fun. I met a couple more of his friends, including a lady who wears a cape when she rides her bike and made an awesome dramatic soundtrack for the conversation we had where he was trying to persuade me to go to Chi town. I also got along quite well with his other friend, who works in the used bookstore downtown. Oh, I'm sorry uptown. Which, by the way, is a pain in my ass. It was almost impossible to get to the coffee house (where we ate lunch) because of all the construction. I did, however, get to re-enact "crane wars" from UCB in my mind.

Crazy dream:

The main thing that tied it all together was bees. My dad decided to buy a bee hive and raise bees. He didn't really care about gathering honey or wax or anything, he was doing it to help save the bees that are dying out. I thought he was full of it, because I've heard even the people who own bees have been having them die out. He apparently got the idea from this neighbor of his who took like 8 hours to explain to me why there is a difference between owning bees for profit and owning bees to help them but the conservative media just wouldn't tell anyone. Plus, he had a fake leg that was way skinnier than his real leg that he took off mid-conversation.

So we went to the grocery store to buy bees. At this grocery store, not only do they sell bees, but they sell "bumpy water bunnies," which were rabbits that were water dwelling, kind of like otters or seals. And yes, they were bumpy. They were cute in a kind of bulldog way, so ugly they were cute.

Then, later in the dream it was Father's day. And for some reason my dad got me a gift. Which was...... bee cookies. Apparently, bee cookies are things humans make so that they can put them in the yard and watch bees come to eat them. I thought it would be like flowers you could plant for bees, but nope, they were cookies. Though they were more like wafers. The package again had an angry reference to the conservatives, who placed restrictions on the sort of packaging bee cookies can be sold in. Anyway I was mad and started eating the bee cookies myself. They weren't that great but kind of vaguely sweet and bland otherwise.

The only other thing about this dream, not really part of the main bee narrative, was that my dad's basement was crazy. Like there was a room entirely dedicated to the movie 300 (done by another neighbor), Friday the 13th (done by a guy who worked at Borders with me) and another one I had done but I don't remember what the movie was. Also, he had a bajillion animals in the basement. Rabbits (I guess I have them on the brain), dogs, etc. But then also weird things like giant rabbits, giant ferrets, messed up looking dogs. I dunno, not as awesome as bee cookies.

I've been BUSY. I of course had the wedding last weekend. It was (mostly) good times. And the day after was the wedding brunch. Then this week I've hung out with my dad, then hung out with Juthar, then helped my dad with a garage sale, then hung out with Josh. Plus, of course, having another mouth to feed and another butt to clean up after.

Anyway, speaking of 007, he and I have been a lot happier together since the last update. I realized he only bites me if I'm holding him or keeping him from going somewhere he wants. The latter, is of course, not completely unavoidable as he's not getting onto the carpet till he's potty trained. But it's somewhat avoidable, and I don't hold him anymore unless I need to carry him somewhere. So not much biting. And he's started liking me more and hanging around to be petted now that he knows I won't grab him unless necessary.

He's gotten the seal of approval from all who've met him, i.e. my dad, Julie, Lothar, and Josh. Juthar in particular loves him, because they love this "trick" I can make him do, which is to basically make him lick things by petting him in a certain way. I'm not sure why he does it, it's not a rabbit trait mentioned in any of the stuff I've read, but it is funny.

Notes on 007:

1) I like to stand on the other side of the pet gate when he's trying to get through and say, "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!" and cackle maniacally.

2) He likes to get back at me by moving the litter box and peeing where it would've been had he not moved it

3) I plan to take a picture of me with him when I'm all bridesmaided up and label it "Prom 2009"

4) I actually didn't end up doing it, but when I hadn't told my dad about 007 yet, I wanted to be like, "Well... I invited you over here to meet someone special. He moved in with me a few days ago, I found him on the internet about two months ago. I was afraid you wouldn't like him, he's a little weird.... he's vegetarian, way shorter than me, and really quiet." and then be like, "tada! rabbit!"

So I made myself this kind of ghetto pet gate out of couch cushions and whatever's laying around. It's not tall enough (or sturdy enough) to last forever, but let me tell you--it's an improvement from me laying there and manually keeping him off the carpet.

One--I can step away from the kitchen for a second if I need to do something. I was getting kind of tired of having to watch him constantly when I had him out and not being able to go to the bathroom or anything.

Two--I think he finds it maddening that he can't get to the carpet, and when I was the barrier he bit me. Now he's biting couch cushions, my suitcase, and my old computer. I don't want him to like chew on any of those things but biting's fine because it means it's not my tender flesh.

Three--now that I'm not stuck on the edge being border patrol I can actually get in there and hang out with him. I still don't think he loves me or anything but I actually sort of got him to play with me tonight, I ran around and he chased me. He seemed to lose interest somewhat easily, but it was fun for a little while.

So I spent the morning crying because my rabbit doesn't like me. The reason I got a pet was so that I wouldn't have to feel lonely all the time, and I could have someone to love me that won't gradually drift away or move away. I like dogs, but we can't have them in our building. Cats seem to be like russian roulette, they can be absolutely crazy at their worst, and at best seem kind of indifferent to people. And then I met someone's rabbit and it seemed like it liked people so I got one of my own. I guess I fucked up and didn't realize they can have very different personalities, just like cats.

So anyway 007 is not afraid of me at all, he'll walk right up to me (usually when I'm laying in between him and the carpet and he wants to get to the carpet). But if I try to pet him he goes away. He doesn't like being held, and has now started biting me. It doesn't really hurt that much, he doesn't have sharp teeth like a cat or dog, but it hurts my feelings. I've tried to make him stop, using methods the lady who gave him to me said, and from house rabbit society, but it hasn't made him stop.

I'm not going to get rid of him or anything, I abhor people who abandon pets. And it's not his fault I had unrealistic expectations of him. But it does kind of suck that I have invested and will continue to invest so much time and money taking care of him just to have him dislike me.

This is what the lady I bought him from said, but I don't think she's right, he's clearly not scared of me or anything (Squiggy is what they call 007 over there):

No, you are not bothering me... That's what we are here for!

Remember, he is a rabbit not a dog and while rabbits can have a very social personality and enjoy being petted (like a dog/cat), not all will. Try talking to him softly...open his door and reach in slowly, scratch (or try too) his head just behind his ears. He could be stressed from moving to a new home, but, we might not ever know. It's hard to "read" a rabbits mind!! I have tried but failed! LOL

It may just take time... I mean several months not weeks to get him to trust you. They are prey animals and sometimes find it hard to trust new people right away. There are others like his dad, Squirt, that love EVERYONE!! But again, he is a rarity in the rabbit world :)

So, I made a catastrophic mistake last night, in that I accidently let 007 get to the carpeted area of my house. He didn't whiz (wiz?), thank god, but now he's absolutely obsessed with getting over there. I think I'm going to have to get a pet gate or something. I feel like I am Goldfinger or something, trying to thwart his mission. But I don't have lots of gold or cool lasers. I'm probably just the wimpy accountant guy from the second to last movie who cries blood.

Bond..... James Bond



More to come!

I don't really feel like recounting my entire trip to AZ.... maybe in bits and pieces but one long thing just seems tiring. Maybe I'll be novel and actually just tell people when I hang out with them and ask. But, in summary: good times. Two especially nice things were 1) getting to know Brooke, Ryan's wife. I'd met her before and liked her, but never really talked in depth. I'm glad to know she enjoys my poo stories. Even to the point of requesting I tell them again to other people she knows.

2) Mike, who is Ryan's friend, and I've technically known even longer than Ryan, used to be an OK guy but has turned into a dick the last few years. Somehow, he's magically turned into a good guy! I hear the two reasons are 1) moving out of his friend's garage into a nicer place and 2) the biggest reason seems to be his new girlfriend. If this is true, this woman is a saint and I request that she immediately marry him. I mean, I did meet her, and she seems nice, but she must have some sort of "guy whisperer" skill.

Someday I'll have some pictures up and all that.

The other new thing is obv. the rabbit. I think he is going to be 007. He likes to run around the kitchen like mad, and then like freeze when he hears a noise that startles him. It's pretty funny. It does make him seem like he's performing an elaborate secret mission he doesn't want me to know about. Well, other than the mission I do know about, wanting to get onto the carpet to soil it and chewing all the most inappropriate objects (Screaming INAPPROPRIATE! at him in a British accent doesn't seem to stop it).

He is adorable despite being smelly (he himself isn't smelly but is basically a cute hoppy waste machine). I've sort of given up potty training for now... the site I was going by says you watch them like a hawk and make them go to the litter box when they're about to pee or poop, but I've stared at that rabbit's butt for hours at a time and still can't tell if he's pooping or not. I've literally said, "are you pooping?" to him enough times that he probably thinks it's his name. I figure I'll start again later when I'm more likely to have developed rabbit pooping senses and/or when he's older, cause I read young ones are a little harder to train.

I don't know what's in his pea brain re: chewing things though. I mean I know he has to chew things and that he's hardwired to do it. But I got him a bunch of toys and chew blocks and stuff, he's not that excited about it. But if it is plastic and could hurt him, he's all over that. Plus he seems to like chewing on my kitchen table and chairs. Which doesn't peeve me that much because I didn't want them in the first place and they were free, but I don't want him to make a habit of chewing on my furniture, and I definitely don't want him to target my cabinets next.

I got my rabbit today! He seems a little frightened of my picking him up, and I have a lot of work to do with regards to potty training, but all in all, a positive experience. And if you think MY poop stories are gross, try a rabbit poop story on for size:

Rabbits produce two kinds of poop. One kind are called cecotropes, which the rabbits must eat again because they have a bacteria that rabbits need. This is according to my poop of the day calendar, which says this happens in the middle of the night so humans rarely witness it.

So I saw my rabbit licking himself this afternoon, and I think he's trying to clean some glands down there or his genitals, but then he takes his mouth away and starts chewing. Yes, he eats the poop directly from his own butt.

Talk about a pet with similar interests to mine! I mean... ewww, gross!

I'm home safe and sound, yay! More details soon!

Hey, losers! I'll be in AZ until the 20th.... hope ya miss me!

I probably won't be coming back.... Ryan and Brooke are taking me to a cabin in the woods. Ryan is the guy who carries around a signed note from me in his wallet that says he can do whatever he wants with my corpse when I'm dead.

Oh well, at least I'll be buried surrounded by the things I love - dead babies and burnt hookers!

So my car's radiator cracked on Saturday. My dad was surprised, he thought a radiator pretty much lasted forever. The repair guy pointed out that we did get 15 years out of this one.

My dad said he didn't know how much it would cost to repair it, and my car is pretty old, so I might have to get rid of it. Happily, though, the repair cost about $300 and my car's still worth about $3,000, so I get to keep the old girl. I'm really glad, I'm freakishly attached to my car.

The funny bit is I was telling Josh how great Toyotas are and how my car is so awesome and it's lasted forever with only minor repairs.... right when it started smoking and I had to pull over somewhere. Then we had to walk home. Good news is... we were really close to home. Esp. since we were returning from Meijer where he had bought some frozen food items.

Aside from the unscheduled car difficulties, we had a good time. We played Skee ball and air hockey at Wehrenberg and ate fruit salad (I liked the fruit salad Deanna made for Julie's bachelorette party so much that I tried making my own and it was a success) and chicken strips and went to BBB where I bought a pet carrier and to Borders where I got a hand crafted soda.

Today I took my dad out to lunch to sort of thank him for letting me borrow his car while mine was busted and paying for the repair. I should actually do that more often.... he ALWAYS pays when we go out.

I think tomorrow we're going to see the new Star Trek. Woo!

In which I whine about minor things

I am sore.... Somewhat from the hike, a lot from the badminton. I had no idea badminton was so intense. It never hurt in PE back in the day. I'm finally an old lady.

Both were worth it though.

What was not worth it, however, was pinching the hell out of my finger on a toastmasters collapsible podium tonight. That was mainly stupidity on my part, I had a more minor pinching on another finger not that long before, you'd think it would teach me to be more careful.

That is all.