HP

I totally know how Harry Potter ends. I'm not going to say, cause the people I know who are into it would probably never forgive me. But those people should totally stay on my good side. Because I could TOTALLY FUCK THEIR SHIT UP. Until 9 a.m. on Saturday after they've stayed up all night reading it or whatever.

Here's how I wish it ended until 6 came out:

He died at the end of book 6.

Here's how I wish it ended until I found out what really happened:

Everyone in the book dies within the first five pages due to a massive nuclear holocaust. At first I thought it would be awesome if the rest of the book was blank, because I know there would be plenty of people out there that would still buy it. But I was thinking about it, and I think it would be even better if the rest were really realistic pictures of how they die. Like, Harry is lucky and dies from the initial blast, is completely incinerated. You can't even tell what was clothing or those fucking glasses and what is him, it's all just ash. But like Hermione lives to die of radiation sickness, her hair all falling off, her skin sloughing off her body leaving naked flesh. Coughing up and shitting out her guts. Hagrid and Ron have the same thing happen (note: no death is too horrible for Hagrid) but like they have that gay sex they've been meaning to get around to first. Snape's silhouette is burned onto the building he was standing in front of when the bomb went off. Ginny got strafed by napalm preceding the blast and burned to death. Draco and Nigel Longbottom form a suicide pact because slow radiation sickness death sucks and they want out of it faster. Then I come along afterwards, when all the radiation is gone, dig up Dumbledore from wherever they buried him, and make him suck my junk.

The End.

So, yeah. I also am probably going to the release party. I will do my best to not make the HP fans cry, but I can't promise anything.


Ryan:: "Dumbledorr nooooo"
Me: haha well dumbledore did die in the prev. one
Ryan: "dumbledore's corpse.. nooooo"
Ryan: I wonder if rowling killed him off after she saw the first movies and realized he was an old man and they couldn't keep going through really old men actors who were just going to die
Me: hahaha
Me: "JK Rowling displays her practical side"
Ryan: haha
Ryan: "He's going to die anyway.. I might as well make it special"
Me: do you know the song MacArthur Park?
Ryan: yeah
Me: the orig. Dumbledore sang that song
Ryan: haha nice
Me: when I found that out I was like awww shit
Me: Dumbledore left a cake out in the rain!
Me: he'll never have that recipe again!