good times

These are excerpts from an email I sent to a friend that amused me enough I am posting them here too:

"Yeah, I feel the same way about retail (that it sucks but I get great stories). I mean, even today, I had this crazy-ass dude buying a huge stack of porn, and I get through nearly the entire transaction without having to look him in the face (I tend to do that even with non creepy people) and he's like, "Baristas? they pour coffee right?" (we had a sign up that says "now hiring baristas") and I look up to answer him, and he looks EXACTLY like how you'd expect a middle aged man buying an enormous stack of porn to look like (creepier, even, he had this trucker hat and vacant stare), and I just pictured him pouring coffee for people at our cafe in my head, and I almost laughed in his face."

"Baby Stealer today made up two hilrious songs on the spot about hot pockets and orthopedic shoes. The orthopedic shoes one I loved particularlly, because it's all calm and mellow and thanking the shoes for making feet not hurt and then just all the sudden is like all angry and, "but my feet do hurt sometimes anyway BECAUSE I'M ON MY FEET ALL GODDAMNED DAY." "