I thought god shaved your head, daddy

So Opt's going away part-ay r0xx0red. I'm glad I stayed for the whole thing, even though it meant only getting two hours of sleep last night. It's kind of weird... I wasn't that cranky. If I little to no sleep one night, I feel a lot better than if I get about 4-6. I don't know why...

Also, apparently I was hilarious last night. People kept telling me I needed my own standup routine, and today people kept saying "you were funny last night!" I'm not sure, though. Maybe it's because they were all drinking. And also I think I went filthier than ever before on the mom jokes, I was trying to impress Rob, who had been dissing Your Mom's your mom jokes. Speaking of which, I think this was the most time I'd ever spent with Rob, and it only cements my opinion that the cafe people seriously rock (Your Mom, Bling, Baby Stealer, the Neev, all fucking awesome people) and I need to somehow insinuate myself into their collective since not as many cool people have been hired on the book side lately, and all my old friends are moving away. I'm just so lazy and full of social anxiety, though, which is why I have not tried harder before now.

Herd and I are going to dye our hair together sometime. I don't know if this is for real, just something you agree to at a party, but I actually do want to do it. I've actually wanted to dye my hair some weirdass color since like high school and circumstances are constantly thwarting me. And for some weird reason Herd is dying his hair because he's going bald or something? It sounded like a rockin' time, though. I'm going to have to badger him until he breaks down and agrees to do some crazy hair dyeing with me.

Opt bought me some pirate's booty last night, which was pretty hilarious. And tasty. And she kept saying it was vegan, but it has cheese. I guarded it from stealing by other people.

Speaking of booties, I've been dethroned from the great ass title, Your Mom apparently has a better one, mine is larger and misshapen. Opt was the judge that declared this. I ask you, how qualified of a judge is the one woman on earth without an ass?

It was good times all around. I'll miss her, though (for all that she's not quitting yet, and is actually crashing on my couch on Monday).