So today I went out and bought myself some suspenders. It's the one thing on earth, besides liposuction, that I feel can possibly hold my pants up. Belts have been useless, and apparently there are no pants built by anyone on earth that will stay over my ginormous "someday someone is going to ask if I'm pregnant and I will cry because I'm not, I'm just fat" gut. Seriously, I've found out that even if I lose weight, I will be skinnier in general, but still with a large out of proportion gut.

So anyway, I'm hoping suspenders transform me from, "Hey, who's the fat slob with the plumber butt and the enormous gut hanging out between her shirt and pants in front?" to "Hey, who's the cool butch lesbian from the 80's?" First impressions are important.

I meant to do other constructive things today, but instead I:

1) looked up origami paper on the internet
2) sat around playing solitaire on my ipod
3) and lastly, but not lastly, watched a bunch of episodes of this old hokey show called The Pretender on hulu.