I'm there to monitor your breathing I will watch you while you're sleeping

Today:

1) Looked at tile. It will never end. Ever.

2) Visited my mom in the hospital. They ruled out a lot of things. Which... blows because they still don't know what is wrong with her and have ruled out most of the "not that bad things." There's some random thing on one of her lungs, and she has something or other on her liver. Either one could be nothing, or cancer. I felt bad, I couldn't really talk to her that much because my throat is even worse today, and I had to go to the toilet every five minutes (McDonalds milkshake disagreed with me). I was there when she got the aforementioned news, which of course, shook her up. As for the fact that it could possibly be something with her lungs, that makes me guilty that for years I've secretly (or not so secretly) been like, "Yeah, I really fucking hope she quits smoking. Not for her, she'll live for fucking ever, her mom who was a smoker did, but because of my sister and I's asthma and the fact that it's GROSS."

3) Went home. Pooped more. Moped. I also feel kind of like an ass because I really need to tell them about my trip to see Ryan soon, it's only a couple weeks away. And it's not that bad, I think they realize I'm not doing him now (I tend to mention his fiancee at every opportunity possible), but it is a slightly touchy subject and I don't want to like, have to bring it up while my mom's in the hospital. And if something really IS wrong with her, I don't really want to be in Nevada while it's all going down. But I feel doubly assy that I'm worried about that almost as much as her actual condition.

Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these, so I sat alone and waited out the night

--Guernica
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