Dave steps on the gas the world is flying by

Today was pretty sweet.

Conver 1:

Ponytail geek: Do you know what happened to 26 copies of "Twilight?"
Me: No
Ponytail geek: I guess Opt decided she needed more fiber in her diet.
Me: Yeah I guess we'll know if she comes in tomorrow and is all happy and "Guys, I feel so regular!"
Ponytail geek: ewww, don't say things like that.
Me: I'm sorry, it all comes back to poo for me.
Ponytail geek: *shakes head*
Me: No really, it all comes down to one thing
Thug: Poo!
Getz: Whatever works for you, I guess.
Me: No, I mean, it doesn't work for me. That's why I'm so obsessed with it.
Ponytail geek: Stop saying this stuff!

Conver 2: while building a cardboard display for the new Josh Groban display

Kevin: Any singer where an old lady comes up to you and starts telling you how great they are is not good. It's like, "Oh, that nice Josh Groban boy," or "Oh that nice James Blunt, he's awesome! I saw him on Oprah!"
Me: I definately agree
Ponytail Geek: *comes in, asks us what we're talking about then agrees*
Me: DON'T ANGER JOSH GROBAN!!! *makes a giant cardboard cutout of Josh Groban loom threateningly over ponytail geek's head*

I also put a speech bubble next to Josh's head when I was done that says, "Where is your God now?" But of course I will have to take that off tomorrow when I put it out on the floor.

Conver 3:

Dance Whore and I are discussing something in the back office, Thug wheels out of his office on a roller chair and says, "LETS GET NAKED!" and starts taking off his sweatshirt.

Also Thug cracked me up today when I was at registers looking up how many books we have of specific titles in our search engine. I stepped away to ring up a customer while Thug happened to be up there. When I got back to the computer, the new search query on the screen was for a book apparently called, "Thug is awesome and smells nice."

Conver 4: I'm pricing things in the back room

Renegade: Um... aren't you supposed to be in the cage?
Me: Well there were like four carts in there so there was no room for me in there too but then I had to pull out three carts to get to the one I needed so I guess there would be room, but I decided to do it out here anyway.
Renegade: *just starts laughing* Okay, Phoexx0r. You are pretty cool.
Me: Thanks! I mean, I know you don't mean it, but I'll take it as a compliment
Renegade: I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it.


Conver 5:

Me: I love it when you tell a joke with a reference to something and you know the other person will get it.
Kevin: yeah, me too. I'm always pretty unsure, though. So I ask them first, I say, "Have you seen project runway?" and most of the time the person says, "no," so I just don't say anything after that.

Kevin also made my day, he and I were making fun of this Rolling Stone article on Fergie the other day, there's just all this stuff that makes her look even stupider than I thought she was before I had read the article. Actually, I never had read the article to begin with because I have little to no interest in this woman, but Kevin was reading the funny bits to me out loud yesterday. And one of the things in there we thought was funny is the article says Fergie has her own dictionary, and then goes on to say that she says the word "Risiculous" is "when something is so, so, sick it's... risiculous!"

So apparently today on his break he finished the article, and he found the very end of it so funny that he xeroxed it and cut it out and gave it to me. Basically,she is talking about this really emotionally profound thing that happened to her, and how she was crying, but it was happy and it was such a powerful experience etc. etc., and then at the very end she adds, "Risiculous." It made me laugh really hard, and I taped it on my locker.

Conver 6:

Me: How's it going? Yo, word, street, dawg.
Thug: Not much. Sup with you, White Devil?
Me: Haha, I like that. It's a lot tougher than my previous nickname, "Honkey Magoo," but it still showcases the fact that I am white, which I like.
Thug: My nickname in high school really was White Devil.
Me: Really?
Thug: Yeah. I hung out with a lot of black people.

Conver 7:

Nebrasky: What is up with people always vandalizing my desk?
Me: What do you mean?
Nebrasky: Well I found this on my desk the other day... *holds up a note that says: I was sitting at your desk today and I noticed Dance Whore was still logged onto your computer only he was using it to write romance novels. The strange thing is... he's really good at it!"
Me: I think that's Opt. I left you a note too recently. ("Nebrasky hogs all the surpass*")
Nebrasky: Yeah, what's this that I hog all the Surpass? I mean, I only have one box on my desk.
Me: Yeah, but it's the only box. I was looking for Surpass back here all over and I couldn't find any so I had to get some from your desk.
Nebrasky: *gives Dance Whore the note about him*
Dance Whore: I'm going to put it up next to my business card.** I don't want it to cover up the "love machine" though.
Me: See, that's how you got so good at writing romance novels, from all your experience as a love machine.

Then Nebrasky specifically went out and got me a box of surpass, and wrote "Phoexx0r's very own box" on it.

Nebrasky: Where are you going to put it? You don't have a desk.
Me: I'll put it at info
Nebrasky: There's already a box at info.
Me: I'll put it in the break room...?
Nebrasky: You should put it in your mailbox.

So I did, and I even faced it out so everyone can see that it's labeled as my very own box.

Conver 8: During my break I was cleaning out my mailbox and was finding all sorts of things

Me: See, I have a store newsletter that is labeled "Love, Sufjan XXXXOOO." And a cookie magnet from a coworker who can't spell *holds up an envelope with my name mispelled on it that contains the magnet," and I have a glow in the dark frog, and the Gretchen Wilson thing I used to keep in my name tag, and these flashy vampire fangs.
Thug: Man, you should clean out your mailbox more often this stuff is awesome!
Me: *notices he's eyeing the vampire fangs in a covetous manner* Do you want my light up vampire fangs? I've never used them.
Thug: *puts them in* Man these are awesome I can't believe you never used them
Me: I wasn't so hot to stick random vampire fangs slipped anonymously into my mailbox in my mouth
Thug: Really? I love to put anonymous things in my mouth
Me: Wow, we have so much more in common than I had previously thought!
Thug: It's not just our shared love of Sufjan anymore!

Conver 9: I started explaining the Hulk Smash diet to Renegade. I actually have told a lot of people about this already because I think it's hilarious.

Me: And I was talking to Kevin about it yesterday and he had some really good ideas to add to it too!
Kevin: *starts talking about how the Hulk's favorite food is beans and how you could have some kid named some specific name lock you up in a hulk proof room to keep you away from them*
Renegade: What the hell are you talking about, man?
Kevin: *explains how this is all from the first few original hulk comics, the hulk would get some kid to lock him up*
Renegade: But what is up with the beans?
Kevin: No, they actually put in there that the Hulk's favorite food is beans. I seriously have an issue where the hulk is literally standing there saying, "Hulk like beans!" like "Hulk smash!" only with beans!

Conver 10:

Customer: do you know if you could help me find a book on Guy Fawkes?
Me: Wouldn't you rather just watch V for Vendetta?

____
* Surpass is a generic brand of tissues, and one day Nebrasky and I were talking about how it would be funny to call things by their generic names instead of brand names, like how everyone calls tissues Kleenex and markers Sharpies. And Surpass is the tissue we have around the store... and history was made.

** One time I was bored and took one of Dance Whore's business cards crossed out "book seller," and wrote "love machine," and he has it proudly posted for all to see.