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So last night I was pretty depressed. I thought of calling a suicide hotline. I don't want to kill myself or anything, I just wanted to talk to someone. I cried for hours and hours. I was trying to be strong and not bother Josh while he was trying to be alone and work out whatever his problem was. Anyway I finally txted him "how could you do this to me again? I told you what it was like last time." Cause the last time we fought I cried and cried then too, and I told him what it was like.

Anyway I guess we're probably going to break up now. To be honest, I was already thinking about it. I can't take the crying all the time. I thought maybe since I still love him it might be enough to stay together, but I don't think he loves me anymore. He sent me this big long email that's basically about how everything I do annoys him and he doesn't like hanging out with me more than a day or two at a time because I get old pretty quickly. I don't really get why he started disliking me and the things I do, because I haven't really changed at all, but I guess that's his perogative. He can't be the only one who feels that way, as most of my other friends don't talk to me either.

I think where I work we get access to 5 free sessions of therapy or something, and I'm looking into getting mine. I don't think this crying all the time is probably good, because I've even had it when we were just having a regular argument.