Had a party at my house last night.  I LOVE HOSTING PARTIES.  It's much better than someone else's party because:

1)  I don't have to drive
2)  I pick out all the food & music so I know I like it
3)  Everyone's there because they want to see ME!

Back when I worked at Borders I did it all the time.  I have not had as many parties in recent years, but I got a wild hare up my ass to do one.  The funny thing is, due to scheduling conflicts not a ton of the people Jeremy & I usually hang out with were able to come.  BUT one a whim I invited a couple other cool people and they came and we all had a lot of fun.  I'll have to do it again soon :D

OH also:

I made blueberry pie and Diana said it was the best blueberry pie she had ever had.  Another awesome thing about parties is when people compliment your pie making ability.

EVERYONE seemed to enjoy my party playlist, several people specifically saying so.  I am ridiculously vain about my music taste/party playlist making abilities,  so that made me HAPPY!

A typical day in the life of Amy:

Hmmm... I need to clean.

Oh, I'll make a new playlist first so I can listen to something while I do it.

Man, now I have to poop.

Finish playlist.

......Wait, what was I going to do?

Does something else.

So I've been having trouble falling asleep.  The other day, I ended up sleeping until 4 pm.  The next night, I purposely didn't sleep at all, and went to bed at a decent hour the night after that.  I thought it would reset me, so I could be normal.... but here it is, 4 a.m. on that night (morning) and I am still up.  Insomnia is NOT cool, man.  Not cool.

When you are unemployed you think you will have so much time to do things.  At least I did.  And I suppose I do, but I am completely terrible at managing my time.  I get sucked in... "I'll just check this funny website/watch one tv show/listen to music a little while" I think.  And what turns out is I surf the internet for hours/watch a ton of TV/fall asleep whilst listening to the music.  So basically I'm a lazy bum.

I always feel vaguely guilty when Jeremy comes home from work and asks me what I did with my day.  He says he is just doing it to make conversation and is interested in my day.  Which, I believe him.  But I always feel terrible when it is like today:  "listened to music, fell asleep, watched some TV."  Some days I do more.... but meh.  I have terrible willpower.  I am trying to exercise it more, but most days?  Meh.  I post my comic, and that's about the only "useful" thing I do all day.

Yesterday was alright.... I did work a little on the website, and did a load of laundry.  That's some progress, right?

Blllluh.  Am trying to be a productive person since I lost the job.  I mean, productive at home, working on the website and trying to keep the house relatively clean, cook for my husband.  Not productive to society because honestly:  I have applied for a job here and there but have not tried seriously.

ANYWAY:  I totally suck.  The last week or two I do barely anything, post a comic a day (some of them already made long ago).  I watch stuff on netflix or fart around on the internet the rest of the time.

Boo-urns.

Well at least I've committed myself to making dinner for Jeremy tonight.

So it's Jenny's wedding today, and I am super pumped!  I actually used to hate weddings.  Or think I did, anyway.  I didn't realize the difference between being at a larger wedding where you don't know anyone, or a smaller wedding where you know a lot of people and/or are actually close to the bride and/or groom.  So I have loved all the weddings I've been to in the last few years, because I'm actually close to the people.

I also feel like I am contributing, which I've become addicted to.  I mean, on the day I don't need the couple to think "Oh Amy's awesome," or anything, but I do like having actually added something to their special day.

So for Julie & Lothar's wedding, the first one I liked, I was a bridesmaid.  I got to be in the ceremony, help plan the bachelorette party, and I guess this isn't exactly contributing to the actual day, but I made 1,000 cranes for them because you can wish for them to have a happy life together then, and gave that to them.  I also know that Julie likes Feng Shui and that sort of thing.  It was a pain in the ass but totally worth it!

I sort of feel bad that I didn't help that much with my sister's wedding, now.  I threw a bridal shower, but it wasn't that great because I was a college student and didn't have any money.  Plus no one liked the games or anything.  Oh and it was super stressful because my mom, my aunt, and my sister's female inlaws kept bossing me around.

Then of course was my wedding where I obv. did a lot for and super loved.  I also loved what everyone did for me, too!

Then at my dad's wedding I got to make the playlist for the reception (which I super love doing) and everyone loved it!  I also got to give a toast and people really liked it too!  Esp. my new step mom!

Now for Jenny's, I get to be an usher and vandalize her car!  To be honest, I wouldn't really like my car decorated, because then you have to go and clean it off afterwards, but the mothers of both the groom and bride really wanted it done so I have carte blanche!  Though I'm not sure if I should vandalize her car, Rob's car, or both of them.  I suppose I'll do whatever car I see!

So I went to a job interview yesterday wearing flip flops.  Yes, it was a tremendously stupid accident.  I just don't really think about my feet much, I guess.  I noticed it AFTER I was there and spent the rest of the time thinking "please please please don't look at my feet," and trying to walk without making the flip flop noise.

Also humbling:  last time I was at Sam's club I bought some baby wipes.  They didn't have grown up ones in stock and they are the same thing, basically.  And its way cheaper to buy in bulk.  I know who I am, I tell people who I am, I am the lady who has to bulk buy wipes because she has enough diahrea she gets chafed if she uses normal tp.  But I cracked 'er open today.  Did the package REALLY need to come with a free sample of diapers?  I died inside, just a little bit.

So things that have happened recently:

1)  I finally let Jeremy rearrange the living room how he wanted to.  I admit:  I am a freak.  I hate it when people rearrange things, at least my things.  But hell, once Jeremy was rearranging things in his closet and I got all weird on him.  I just don't like it.  Anyway the re-arrange is ok, the window is no longer blocked by the TV, which is a big plus.  I'm a little worried about the animals (bunnies are animals of routine and I'm worried he'll do his business where his litter box/cage USED to be, also it re-draws territory that Kirk thought was his, so he keeps chasing the bunny away from his cage & litter etc).  But otherwise, other than my hatred of change itself, it is alright.

2)  Dad had me come to his house and mark things I want to keep.  He's getting rid of things so he can move in with his new wife.  Again, I went into this knowing I would hate it.  However I didn't realize he had done the worst possible thing:  get rid of my stuffed animals.  Seriously... I'd be upset if he got rid of my books or something, but my stuffed animals?  I have this (completely illogical, I admit it) attachment.  I saw velveteen rabbit when I was little & Toy Story too many times after I was older.  They feel like people to me.  So it was bad enough when he said he gave them to goodwill.  It was 100 times worse when he said the ones that looked too worn (AKA the ones I loved most) he threw away.  I don't know how he thought I would be OK with this (he said we talked about it but I remember no such conversation) considering I've saved these animals thus far and am a 30 year old woman.  Why would I save them so long and then be like "yeah it's ok to throw them away."  I'm not mad at him, I'm a freak to be this upset, but I cried and cried.  I still feel horrible... it's like finding out one of your childhood pets was killed and thrown into a dumpster.  By someone you know and love, no less.

3)  Redesigned the website, working more on writing another little quiz/story.  It's fun, now that I have the coding down.  Of course I still have a lot to learn, I only really have the basics right now.

4)  Have an interview for a job at ISU on Thurs.  I kind of didn't want to get another job, and just work on the website, but I changed my mind.  You don't really earn much doing that and I still have bills.  Technically I could live off my savings for quite awhile, but it would be nice not to have to.  Hopefully even if I get a job I can still work on the website and stuff.  It would be cool if I could eventually get the readership I need to make a living without an employer but I think those people are a very lucky few.

5)  Saw Pauly Shore in Peoria!  It was really cool.  I didn't know if he would be good or not, I've only really seen his movies and that doesn't necessarily translate into good stand-up, but he was great.  I also liked the people who opened for him, Sandy Denton (he was actually even slightly funnier than Pauly, in my opinion) and a local guy who I unfortunately didn't catch his name, but was hilarious as well.  I also have a very blurry picture of Pauly, Sandy, my friend Chasity, and me (ch-ch-check out facebook if you want to see it).  The club owner didn't turn on the lights when people were getting pictures of themselves with him, how douchey is that?  But all in all, I had a good time with the weaaaaasel, bud-dy!   It was also nice hanging out with Chasity again, she was a work friend I hadn't really seen since I got fired.

6)  Been playing a lot of Cards Against Humanity, which is really fun.  Ben got it (I had been thinking of getting it when he turned up having it, so bonus:  I didn't even have to buy it or clutter up my house with even more games!)  it's sort of similar to Apples to Apples but it is specifically MEANT for humor, particularly darker or more raunchy humor... cards include things like "two midgets shitting in a bucket," or "Mecha-Hitler."

...and that's all I can remember.

A quiz I wrote to test out my skills at ChoiceScript

So today I came across a song from the 60's that I used to love (well still love?  but hadn't thought about for awhile).  It's funny, when I think about an oldie song, I never know if people I know will get it or not.  My parents were super old when they had me (Dad was like 42, my mom not that much younger) and they listened to oldies in the car when I was growing up.  Whereas I think most people my age's parents were more into classic rock.  Anyway, I try not to be suspicious, but I am, and I feel like running across this awesome song again is a good omen.  Also:  I love the fact that the shitty producers of this video spend more time showing the awful set than the guy's awesome two-necked guitar.  I also love the drummer guy stopping to play the tambourine while still holding onto the drumsticks.

So, I started a website!  buddycopcomics.com  To be honest, I'm not covering any new ground immediately, I'm posting a couple of my old ones first, but I swear there will be new content in the by-and-by.  I just sort of want to cement myself to the theme a little bit, and don't actually currently have any good ideas for anything related to buddy cops.  But I made it the theme because of my existing comics, the buddy cop ones are my only ones that really have a "category."  Other than "shittily drawn," which I think would be a bad domain name.

I have a feeling it won't make profit, not even break even on the $7 a month I am spending for the website, but you have to start somewhere, and $7 isn't a ton to lose.  I'm paying rather than doing blogspot because I've heard for search engines, and people re-finding your site, it is way better to have your own domain.

Still, please please please visit!  Regularly!

Guest post:

by Deckard Cain of the Diablo games.

May 10th, 2012:

Dear Diary,
Why doesn't anyone else love The Cure as much as I do?  Their lyrics make me cry every time.  And they make me a better man.

May 15th, 2012:

Dear Diary,
Why does my niece Leah always get me ties for my birthday?  Enough with the ties!  How many ties does she think I wear?  Does she just think old people need lots of ties?  I don't even wear ties, I would much more prefer a really cool walking stick or cloak.

May 20th, 2012:

Dear Diary,
I was watching It's a Wonderful Life last night.  The scene at the bank always makes me cry!  Also:  I think I can do a really good Jimmy Stewart impression.

---------------

PS these are only funny if you read them outloud in a creaky old man voice.

You know, I don't think I ever mentioned it on here, but I am now in possession of a step-mom.  My real mom died several years ago and Dad remarried recently.  The funny thing is despite all the stories of people disliking their step-parents is that I love it.  I mean, if I could have my real mom back I would want that but since I can't, I really like my step-mom.

I don't know if she's just that an awesome of a person or if I just miss my mom so much that I'm willing to attach myself to any surrogate, but I think I actually love her.  Not just like her, like I previously thought, but love her.  At the wedding she was all teary eyed and said she loved me and my sister, and I sent her a mother's day e-card and her response was very touching.  I always liked her, because she is really nice all the time, but I am actually feeling a bond, which I hadn't anticipated.  I thought it would be like hanging out with my in-laws.... they're nice people, and I like them, but I probably wouldn't hang out with them sans my husband.  Whereas if my step mom wanted to hang out without my Dad, I'd be like, "let's do it!"

Anyway it's a good feeling to have a sort-of mom, or a person similar to that in your life after you've had none.  I still have that hole in me that no one can fill, but it's not as painful around the edges anymore.

Oh:  also the wedding was pretty decent.  They picked really good food at the reception!  And my step-mom told us what color she wanted us to wear but we basically got to pick out everything on our own, which was nice.  It was a Catholic wedding, but she must've gotten the priest to shorten it because it was of manageable length.  Her daughters sang (they are really ridiculously good, they sound professional) and my sister did a reading.  It was nice meeting her children & grandchildren, they were all really nice too.  One of them even baked my Dad a pie in addition to the wedding cake, because she knew he likes that better than cake.

At first I was sort of dismayed because I didn't get to help, but they asked me to help with music for the reception (I did that for my own wedding, and my dad knows I love doing that sort of thing).  They were really happy with it and still listen to it in the car all the time!  I also got to give a toast at the reception, I think I liked doing that better than a reading anyhow, because I got to say what I want, not just repeat someone else's words.  Everyone said I did a good job!

I feel kind of depressed right now. I told a few people what I was trying to do (alternatives to getting a job) and it just seems overwhelming and maybe even impossible to do it. I think maybe I can make a couple of bucks, but overall not much. Probably not even enough to pay for the ridiculous purchase I just made--$700 bucks for some books on creating online business. To be fair, the bundle also contained some books on traveling very cheaply, but meh.

The #1 "tip" in this book.... that I actually got for free on another site: you can make money selling information products. Basically, things like the book I just bought. But I don't have any expertise! I don't have anything anyone wants to know. If I had that sort of information I wouldn't have bought your stupid book.

 More than one person told me how bad going into the restaurant biz is. So... good to get that advice, before losing more money than I have, but... discouraging.

 Trying to see if I can sell stuff like crafts or whatever but I'm getting some negative feedback on that too.

 I wish I could get my $700 back :/ But since they're electronic books I doubt there is a refund.

Dunno if I shared it with Facebook yet but I got fired awhile ago. On friday the 13th, actually, go figure. I don't blame my employer or anything, but I promise I'm not a terrible person. Also: the problem that got me fired (colitis) actually started getting better right before I got canned, and I've been doing great. My many absences just happened to catch up with me right then. Anyway, I was wondering if people had any ideas? I thought maybe I could start a business.... I have the capital, I think. It's just scary to risk it, especially since I don't know anything about running my own business. --Was thinking about a restaurant or cafe or something, because they're one of the few small businesses common anymore. --Was thinking about doing something on the internet? Not sure I'd make very much money. But it's pretty low-risk to sell crafts on etsy or something. --Something with video? Maybe doing wedding videos for people or something? I don't have any of the equiptment (and for anyone who doesn't know, that stuff is more expensive than you would think) but that is one of the few things I have a little know-how for. --Sometimes I think of crazy things like becoming a writer or stand up comedian, but I want something, you know, actually possible. I haven't seriously been looking yet anyway, because I needed knee surgery. But as the knee heals up, I have been thinking more and more. Here are the things I am good at and/or enjoy: --baking --Origami --drawing/making abstract things: http://phoemeister.deviantart.com/ --degree in communication, focus: video production. Minor: Film studies --knowledge of indie music --knowledge of indie/classic film --knowledge of pulp fantasy novels --I make excellent mom & poo jokes. This is probably not useful in any way, but you know, leave no stone unturned and all that. --I loathe to use it, but patience & finesse. Working in a call center has given me a fine-tuned ability to deal with people. I can fucking deal with anyone, no matter how angry, stupid, difficult and/or annoying they are being. --I can type at least 70 wpm, am familiar with MS Office and am pretty good with most computer applications. --Intelligence. I know this sounds douchey but I've realized that I am more intelligent than most people. I learn quickly and get bored just as quickly if the job doesn't need much of that intelligence. --creativity --knowlege of obscure card/board games Cons: --Colitis --it has to be in this area, Jeremy loves B/N & his current job, and I love him. Failing that, I would like to find a job that is rewarding. I'm not above conceited, I don't think I'm "above" doing anything, but I'm tired of shitty jobs. I want something that at least uses a good sized fraction of my intelligence or creativity. A job where I get some fucking respect. Not sure if that's available, esp. given my shitty employment history, but a girl can dream. Failing that uh.... I guess I could go back to school? I just don't know what I'd study that would help my employment chances. Failing that I'll probalby just try to get a job at a store or restaurant that I like to go to, and figure hey at least I'll probably get a discount and can walk around instead of sitting in a chair all day. I prefer retail to waiting tables, as I am pretty klutzy, but I've heard you can make better money off of tips if you work someplace like that. I do have good memories of my time at retail.... I used to hate it because the lady who ran the store was the antichrist, but hopefully I would not run into that elsewhere. But on the plus side, I had so many friends at Borders. Like I've made a few decent friends at my jobs since then, but at Borders I was friends with nearly everyone and hang out with a lot of them outside of work ALL the time. I'm reluctant to give up my weekends again after having worked a standard shift, but you can't be too picky. Any tips or ideas, anyone?

Guess what? I suck!

So I guess this is me officially telling the world I got fired. It was Friday the 13th, a month and a day from my 5th anniversary there, how poetic. Anyway, I was keeping it quiet for a little while because my dad was getting married this last weekend and I didn't want to ruin it for him. Then... I don't know, I guess most people don't feel like putting out a big announcement about that sort of thing. Also I've been pretty doped up on pain medication and not necessarily making much sense.... I got my ACL reconstruction surgery on Tuesday. I moved it up so I could use my current insurance from my former employer, though it seems I will be able to get covered under my husband's insurance fairly easily. So uh.... 1) I do not blame them. I missed a lot of work. A LOT of work. More than I had to, probably. Honestly, I've not said as much as I wanted because I didn't want to be a whiner, but I hate the job. It was super boring. The only things I liked about it were that a) it was not my previous job and b) I got to listen to my music on headphones the whole time. But even I do not have enough music to make that job not super boring. So... there were days when I was legitimately sick that I stayed out.... when I probably was still OK enough to work, but I just couldn't make myself go in. 2) I am fine on money. Jeremy & I are savers, and my parents have been generous to me over the years. 3) I am not quite yet looking for a new job, I wanted to get the knee crap taken care of first. 4) My knee seems to be doing fine, so far as I can tell.

Easter was a success! Everyone was like, "YEAAAH!!"

The kids esp. liked the egg coloring kit, it's kind of like spin art. And they were pretty excited about the Playstation Move. At least someone's getting use out of it since I busted my knee.

So, today I'm gearing up for Easter. I wouldn't say it's my favorite holiday, or even one that used to matter to me very much a few years ago. BUT since it's not one of the biggies, I've sort of been able to commandeer it and make it my own. Oh, and of course: I HAVE A RABBIT WANDERING AROUND MY HOUSE. Even though he is persnickety in some of his interactions with the 'phews, he is still one of the biggest symbols of Easter. Probably second only to Jesus. And not only is Jesus not at someone else's house to compete with the rabbit, but my family's not very religious anyway.

A few years ago I made hot dogs with cheese & crescent rolls around them. Then I talked to other people who hosted Easter at their house who had made fancy stuff like a big ham or something. So I felt I had to step it up, and I made some pork chops & rice. Still not a huge effort (the crock pot does most of the work on that one) but not like serving hot dogs to people on a major holiday.

This year, I was like.... perplexed. My sister's turned vegetarian. Which: I laud, I wish I had the gumption for that. It's healthier and I feel like a douche for what humans do to animals. But: I'm like, what do I cook? I personally am shitty at eating vegetables so nearly anything I can make (other than a bean burrito) is going to be meaty. Then Jeremy volunteered to make something vegetarian, stir-fry. So that was cool. But then I'm like, well.... what should I make for the rest of us?

Because, as mentioned before: I am shitty at eating vegetables. So... I'm not going to eat the vegetarian dish. Thought of doing the pork chops.... there's Dad & his fiancee, me, and the 'phews, after all. But then... well, I would consider myself a "classic picky eater." I don't eat vegetables and it takes coaxing before I will eat anything "weird" like a lot of ethnic foods or uncommon meats. But the 'phews..... I have no idea how to categorize their pickiness. I think they will eat some vegetables, like canned corn or whatever. And they eat all the "kid" things, like chicken nuggets, hot dogs, spaghetti-o's, etc. But I honestly have no idea what else they will eat. They won't eat the pork chops, I've seen them turn down burgers, I know they're not eating that stir-fry Jeremy is making....

And I'm like.... three different meals? Even if Jeremy is cooking one, and another one is just cracking open some spaghetti-o's, this seems like madness. So.... I'm back to hot dogs and crescent rolls. Which is tasty. So.... don't judge me, you ham-makers out there!

We're also going to color eggs. I believe my sister still goes and celebrates Easter with at least one of her in-law families, but I don't think any one else colors eggs. (TM) ME, motherfuckas! It's because no one in her family or any of the in-law families likes hard boiled eggs. Which, I don't blame them.. I'm not a fan either. BUT, my dad will eat them, so we color them and then give them to him. Since I suck at boiling eggs, his fiancee does it. So basically all I have to do is buy the coloring kit. WIN.

We're also going to hide and search for eggs.... last year was the first time for that, but it seems to go over well. I hide money in them, because I have heard before that they have an overabundance of candy at their house. Last year it was a bunch of dimes, this year I'm hiding slightly fewer eggs and stepping it up to actual dollars.

I'm also thinking of busting out the Playstation Move!

Also, since I am not classy enough to make a ham, I'm ordering cupcakes from Audrey. To be honest it's about 1/2 because her cupcakes look super good, and about 1/2 because I don't want to put work into doing it myself and have them not eat it... they're weirdly picky about desserts, too, which is nothing I've ever seen before with kids!

Good times.

So.... once again I feel like kind of a prick. Jeremy went to see his fam for xmas and I didn't go with him. Everyone, I mean eeeveryone is like, "You didn't go with him?"

Some people feel sorry for me, because they assume no one in their right mind would choose not to go, so Jeremy must've said I couldn't go, or my in-laws suck and I hate them or something. And nothing could be farther from the truth--I have awesome in-laws. I can't really think of anyone who could be awesomer--his mom really tries hard to make me like her, and it totally works. His Dad is laid back and pleasant. His brother is funny and fun to be around. His extended family seems nice.

But, as I mentioned in my Thanksgiving post--I hate traveling. You go from School where you get a big long holiday break. To a job, where you're lucky if you get a day off. Then...you marry someone, and you have to cram in both your families and never get a moment's rest to actually enjoy yourself or the holidays. My sister (thanks to having married someone whose parents divorced and re-married, and wanting to have her own christmas with the kids) literally has 4 Christmases. And while when I was a little kid that would've sounded awesome... it just sounds like more work to me now. When a big part of my adult enjoyment of holidays is getting a day off work and being able to relax...

I just feel hectic all the time lately, cramming in so much into my life. I have always had a hard time making friends. And I didn't have any boyfriends until a few years ago. So... I have spent a lot of time alone in my life. And I sometimes miss it... Not the whole thing, I wouldn't trade my family, husband, or friends in for anything, but just some breathing room here and there, sitting around doing absolutely nothing... fiddling around on the computer, reading a book, listening to music, no where I have to be no one I have to talk to... I just get stressed out if I can't do it once in a blue moon. Oh, and I get the best sleep when he's gone (which makes me even more dickish to mention, but it's true). My body is still unfortunately not able to ignore his movements in the night, so I have trouble with waking up a bunch.

I miss Jeremy and my buddies again pretty quickly, though. And I have been able to hang out with my Dad some the last couple of days. We've both been so busy lately that I feel I forget to hang out with him as much as I would like or should.

Oh, but anyway I feel bad for my mother in law. She has sent us a card saying she is sorry I couldn't come and now a few text messages. I think she might be worried I don't like them or something, Jeremy's ex didn't (I don't understand why, like I said I couldn't ask for better ones). Or want to show me to the extended family--they are all pretty close and live in town except for Jeremy & I. Or even just feel bad that I'm alone because a lot of people think I'm weird to even want that in the first place. And I wonder if people think I'm a dick for disappointing her or deserting Jeremy. He says he doesn't mind, though. We usually have our Christmas beforehand.