So.... once again I feel like kind of a prick. Jeremy went to see his fam for xmas and I didn't go with him. Everyone, I mean eeeveryone is like, "You didn't go with him?"

Some people feel sorry for me, because they assume no one in their right mind would choose not to go, so Jeremy must've said I couldn't go, or my in-laws suck and I hate them or something. And nothing could be farther from the truth--I have awesome in-laws. I can't really think of anyone who could be awesomer--his mom really tries hard to make me like her, and it totally works. His Dad is laid back and pleasant. His brother is funny and fun to be around. His extended family seems nice.

But, as I mentioned in my Thanksgiving post--I hate traveling. You go from School where you get a big long holiday break. To a job, where you're lucky if you get a day off. Then...you marry someone, and you have to cram in both your families and never get a moment's rest to actually enjoy yourself or the holidays. My sister (thanks to having married someone whose parents divorced and re-married, and wanting to have her own christmas with the kids) literally has 4 Christmases. And while when I was a little kid that would've sounded awesome... it just sounds like more work to me now. When a big part of my adult enjoyment of holidays is getting a day off work and being able to relax...

I just feel hectic all the time lately, cramming in so much into my life. I have always had a hard time making friends. And I didn't have any boyfriends until a few years ago. So... I have spent a lot of time alone in my life. And I sometimes miss it... Not the whole thing, I wouldn't trade my family, husband, or friends in for anything, but just some breathing room here and there, sitting around doing absolutely nothing... fiddling around on the computer, reading a book, listening to music, no where I have to be no one I have to talk to... I just get stressed out if I can't do it once in a blue moon. Oh, and I get the best sleep when he's gone (which makes me even more dickish to mention, but it's true). My body is still unfortunately not able to ignore his movements in the night, so I have trouble with waking up a bunch.

I miss Jeremy and my buddies again pretty quickly, though. And I have been able to hang out with my Dad some the last couple of days. We've both been so busy lately that I feel I forget to hang out with him as much as I would like or should.

Oh, but anyway I feel bad for my mother in law. She has sent us a card saying she is sorry I couldn't come and now a few text messages. I think she might be worried I don't like them or something, Jeremy's ex didn't (I don't understand why, like I said I couldn't ask for better ones). Or want to show me to the extended family--they are all pretty close and live in town except for Jeremy & I. Or even just feel bad that I'm alone because a lot of people think I'm weird to even want that in the first place. And I wonder if people think I'm a dick for disappointing her or deserting Jeremy. He says he doesn't mind, though. We usually have our Christmas beforehand.