It's weird....

Vacationesque interlude update: still not doing much. A couple people I've meant to hang out with I've called, they can't do anything. The others, I keep forgetting because I mean to, and then I have the attention span of a goldfish.

Movie marathon: I might just do alone, it seems like a hassle to try and get a whole group together, especially with the uphill battle I'm having trying to get people to hang out with me in the first place.

stuff

Well... scratch the hanging out with Sista bit. She is a busy, busy lady.

Everything else is ON though.

boop beep

So.... ultimate sadness. Not only can't YM live where the DN's did (she was considering this), she actually mentioned there's an opening in my place to Stupid, who now wants to live there.

I really, really, really, really, really, really do NOT want him down there.

1) We're not really friends. We're not really strangers. We're aquaintances. We'd have to make fucking small talk all the time. I already have someone in this building that I'm constantly dodging small talk from. I don't want to feel like I have to avoid yet another person. I don't want to feel guilty for not talking to him every time I see him. I don't want him going around telling everyone I'm a bitch because I'm rude and won't make small talk with him (though with how I handled this situation everyone thinks I'm a bitch anyway).

2) He's one of the few people at work I don't really like. I don't exactly hate him or anything, but he can get annoying and I really don't want to import this annoyingness into my home life.

3) I don't think he's malicious or anything, and I don't really have anything to hide, but I really don't need to feel like there's someone in my building who knows my comings and goings and can/will tell people at the Store.

4) He is a chain smoker, and not only that he smokes like the nastiest cigarettes on earth. My bathroom already smells like smoke half the time, I do not need to make it worse.

5) I don't want to have to invite him every time I'm doing someone with coworkers or be roped into carpooling with him ever just because we would live the same place.

So... yeah. I'm kind of glad that I got wind of this before he asked me, because I probably would've gotten flustered and told him yes he could move down there when it's the last thing on earth I want to happen. My reasons weren't as well-articulated as they are now, but I did manage to tell him no. I told him it would be creepy (which it would be). He told me he wasn't stalking me or anything and I wouldn't have to talk to him or anything, but that only takes care of like one thing on this list, and I still would probably feel guilty about avoiding talking to him anyway.

I was told that was mean (by other people) because he really needs somewhere cheap to live, but I'm refusing to let that make me feel bad. This is not the only place in town. This isn't even the only cheap place in town. It's not like his only alternative is the street.

I'm half tempted to call up my landlord, on the off chance Stupid decides/figures out how to contact him, and tell him that if Stupid moves in I'm moving out, and he'll be back where he started RE: trying to find someone. I really, really don't want to have to do that, though.

This whole situation is the suck, but I'm glad I stood up for myself for once.

In good news, I only work one day next week! I already went down to part time even though I don't start my new job till next week. It's going to be so awesome. Things I'm going to do:

-Visit Opt in Champaign and do wonderful Champaign things
-Visit Sista in the Field (this might be a twofer, and we might just both go to the Pain)
-Do something with my sole remaining friend from high school
-Do something with my parents
-Do something with my sister's family
-I'm thinking of having a movie marathon but am not quite sure what the logistics are yet
-Cleaning my place
-Trying to do something with Elaine or Hootie (they're friends, but I never do anything with them, and I don't want to never see them now that I'm going PT at the store). I might try to combine one or both of them with the movie marathon above.
-and, let's be honest with ourselves, I will probably play World of Warcraft till my eyes bleed.

deeeevil

Me: what's up?
Ryan: Not much, frustrated with more BS at work again today
Me: the devil agrees you should kill them all
Ryan: haha
Ryan: The devil has intriguing ideas, and I would like to subscribe to his newsletter

hobag

Me: Seriously... I stopped to talk to Baby Stealer like... one minute today. Maybe less. Then I decided to take my ten minute break (we can have 2 paid ten minute breaks every day, and I hardly ever use mine, but some people, especially the smokers, use them constantly) because I wanted to buy a coffee. So I go on the wire and say, "can I have my ten minute break now?" I mean, I don't even plan to use the whole thing, I just want to buy a damn coffee without customers bothering me.
Me: And Boss-Boss is all, "Sure.... minus the four minutes you stood around talking just now." in this really catty tone
Ryan: hah wow
Ryan: what a hobag
Me: EXACTLY
Me: I'm so glad I'm getting out of there
Ryan: yeah no joke
Ryan: it will be good
Me: yeah... I think it's hilarious that I considered not taking it because things were going good for once and then I was like, "well, I will kick myself when things get bad again if I don't take it" and then they did get bad again
Me: it's like the store's way of making the parting easier
Ryan: haha yeah

hat!

Me: you bought a hat at a renessance faire?
Me: that can not be good
Ryan: haha it's not very rennaisance-y though
Ryan: dunno if you know what a Tricorne is
Me: hahah fuck
Ryan: haha
Ryan: I'll take that as a yes!
Me: colonial is not any better than rennaissance
Ryan: haha damn
Ryan: it looks awesome though :X
Ryan: I'll have to take pictures
Me: haha I was about to demand that
Ryan: looks especially cool with my coat
Me: what the hell are you smoking?

sober

Herd: i would have to, i mean you gotta know the guy that installs a place in your car to hide your gun
Me: haha
Me: man even though I don't have a gun
Me: I think that would be awesome
Me: it basically says "don't fuck with me!"
Herd: of course it does
Herd: thats the basic message you gotta get across on the streets
Me: if I ever go to the streets
Me: I'm going to have "don't fuck with me" stenciled onto the hood of my car
Herd: you might get fucked with
Me: hahah yeah but I'll have a gun hidden in there
Me: and I'll pistol whip all of them
Herd: good
Me: and then be like, "Yo I warned you."
Herd: establish yourself
Me: I'm going to find the girl on the bike and take her down
Herd: im tellin you
Herd: you dont wanna mess with her
Herd: shes fuckin crazy
Me: I know but man
Me: the streets is like prison
Me: on the first day you gotta either beat up the toughest guy there or become someone's bitch
Herd: if you even walk up to her she'll shoot you before you get within 10 ft
Me: I'm not cut out to be a bitch, Herd
Herd: shes not the toughest, just the craziest
Me: that's why I'm going to have a compartment in my car for a sniper rifle with an 100 ft range
Herd: im the fuckin toughest
Me: well since we're friends you can pretend to let me beat you up
Herd: i dont know
Hrd: that might severely ruin my reputation
Me: hm
Me: maybe you could beat me up
Herd: ill just talk you up then
Herd: but still let me put up a good fight
Herd: ok

Me: Oh my god, though.... YM has video of us last night dancing to this song by the Fray and we're basically dry humping each other, but not in a sexy way, just in this really goofy way
Me: and we stop to laugh like every 30 secons
Ryan: haha nice
Ryan: now that's a party
Me: hahah if she gives me the video I can show it to you
Me: It's moderately embarassing, but on the other hand you've seen me dry hump children's murals
Me: so it's not like you haven't pretty much seen me doing equally dorky/stupid things
Ryan: haha this is very true
Ryan: and you were sober for all of those things I saw
Me: hahah I know
Me: what I love is that there are a ton of people I don't know that well who really do think I'm crazy drunk at parties when I'm drinking
Me: just because they don't realize I would do that shit sober
Ryan: haha

drinkin'

Mike: how you doin
Mike: post bday blues?
Me: post B day drinkin'!
Mike: oh SNAP
Me: yeah I just had shnapps at like 10 in the morning and I think I like it!
Mike: i ain't judgin yah, i just wish i was yah
Mike: well get some effin wow and drinkin goin on, and you win
Me: haha well today's my day off
Me: the store actually just called me and asked me if I could come in to work, and I didn't feel like I could say "i've been drinking I don't think I can drive"
Me: so I lied and said I was doing something with my parents today

over my head

I wonder if other people think I'm weird because I make such a big deal about my birthday? No one else does. I love birthdays, though.

It's not about the presents, all though that is nice. I reaped hot chocolate mix, alcohol, a scooby doo baloon, a card that plays whomp there it is, floam, silly putty, a really nice picture frame, and the new Fall Out Boy cd from last night's festivities. I am a total attention whore, and I love the excuse to make people pay attention to me. Part of me knows it's a problem and is trying to be less attention whore-y, but part of me is like, "YES, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY THE ONE TIME THAT THIS BEHAVIOR IS ACCEPTABLE, WHOO!!"

So anyway, due to various things I've managed to draw it out even longer. Tuesday I had lunch with my parents, and it was awesome. Then I had dinner with what I feel is my core "crew." It was even awesomer! Then yesterday I had a party. The turnout was not what I had hoped but it was still a lot of fun. And Saturday I'm having dinner with my parents and my sister and getting my presents from them.

Hootie arrived first last night, which was cool. We got in a decent amount of conversation in before anyone else arrived, and I was kind of glad, because her and I don't always get to talk much. I've decided that I'm going to try and make her hang out with me when I go down to PT because I probably won't see her at work anymore (sadness) and I would really miss her. Also, she bought me Fall Out Boy, which was really sweet because I'd been talking about how I was kind of on the fence about buying it with her. I feel kind of guilty when I make people come to a birthday party and then they feel like they have to buy me something, but I was so happy! Gifts that show the other person pays attention are so awesome.

Steve showed up (I dunno if I ever bothered to make an alias for him on here) and was pretty fun.

YM and a friend of hers came too, and they both brought me stuff, and again I felt guilty, but oh well. YM's gift was particularly awesome! She got me this really classy picture frame (I don't really have pictures around my place, which leaves it kind of lacking in personality) with all of us at New Year's when I decided to drape myself in ribbons. So again, a gift from the heart. And she gave me this card that plays whomp there it is! I bet she wished she didn't after awhile, because I insisted on opening it over and over and making people listen to it.

Elaine & Nebrasky came, and Nebrasky did his hilarious impressions for us (including a dead-on version of Herd). Elaine was just awesome, I am resolving to try and hang out with her more if she lets me. Also she brought me floam and silly putty.

So we listened to music, I made people watch stuff on youtube, we chatted. A highlight was when most people left and YM, her friend, and I just started pelvic thrusting to the Fray's "Over My Head (Cable Car)." YM actually caught it on video, so I fear this might leak onto the interweb somehow. Also a different video of me fondling myself. To the Fray's "Over My Head (Cable Car)."

Also yesterday I bought myself Peter Bjorn & John's Writer's Block even though I probably could've eventually stolen it from Elaine. I kind of wanted to buy something "good." And my parents gave me some money for my birthday. Though... I'm already kind of blowing through it even though I meant to save it for vacationesque type things. I got that CD and I ordered an expensive out of print book from the store today (I may or may not actually buy it depending on the condition. I'm not paying sixty bucks for it if it's all messed up, and I probably have no business dropping 60 bucks on a book anyway, even if my parents did give me money).

Ultimate Sadness

Ben Folds is playing in this town on Apr. 2.

Where will I be?

In mandatory training for my new job.

Stupid... world.

boo ya

NYC: what's going on?
Me: not much
Me: just took a drug test boooo ya
Me: I'm totally going to pass
Me: because drugs are not for me!
NYCl: you were bored, so you decided to take a drug test?

have to poo

So good things about today:

took my drug test. I think I pretty much have the new job in the bag unless someone stole my identity and has been committing crimes or someone has been drugging me. They also said I could have Monday afternoons off after training is done, so I'll be able to stay on PT at the store.

Bad things about today:

I got confused about when my training starts, and so I might have 10 days of no work. So good for a vacation, bad for money.

I tried cooking brownies again today and again, they wouldn't cook. Last time after like two hours I gave up and then had half cooked brownies sitting around. This time, I turned up the heat slightly and held out until it was completely cooked, but of course the edges are charred now. I used a different recipe, this recipe has actually been used in my oven before, so I'm thinking either the pan or the fact that life hates me is the reason it won't work this time. I am pissed if it is the pan, though, because I totally got this stupid pan with the sole ambition of brownie cooking. If it doesn't work, then I will have this goddamn pan laying around I can't use for anything else. I paid five bucks for you, stupid pan! I even went less cheap and got glass, because you said you heated more evenly. Where am I going to put you? You're only worth taking up space if you cook my goddamn brownies!

I did, however, have success cooking ghetto rice egg cheese mushroom dish again for the second time. Opt taught me this, and it is a good way to get rid of eggs you buy thinking you can cook brownies. Last time I put garlic in it, and it was slightly gross. This time I didn't, and it is way better.

I'm hopped up on Dr. Pepper because I wanted something that would make me able to pee for my drug test. As well as being hopped up, my colon is hating me.

Also they're working on something on my street so I can't park where I want to.

The good things actually kind of outweigh the bad things though, because even though they are fewer they are about more important stuff than the bad things.

I blew my brains out through my nose

Today was pretty good. Because I'm a loser and can't resist it, I bought some clearance-priced valentine's candy at the store today. Conversation hearts, which I have a weird love of despite the fact that no one else above a certain age likes them. Anyway these aren't even the regular ones, they were kind of a knockoff brand just for our store's coffee shop. So they're bigger, don't taste as good, and have even more bizarre stuff written on them than the regular ones.

For instance: Bebop. One of them said bebop. I really, really have no idea why someone would ever use the term bebop in a romantic conversation, unless it's some crazy euphemism for sex. "Yes, Bill and I made sweet bebop all night long!" Which, I really AM going to use it as a euphemism for sex now because it makes me laugh.

L8er g8er. I think this one's stupidness just speaks for itself.

High 5. This one I find hilarious because I imagine two people having bebop and then the guy's like, "THAT WAS AWESOME, GIVE ME FIVE!!" Okay... not so much the guy. Me. If I had had bebop before, I wouldn't put it past me to demand a high five at the end.

Then the rest were just garden variety stupid and not worth mentioning here.

In other news, impromptu group shopping trip! I found it hilarious and creepy, all four of us who closed tonight (Explosion, Elaine, Rob, me) ended up going to Meijer after work. I didn't run into Explosion, actually, but I was told he was there. By Elaine, who I had been hiding from because I felt like a stalker but who saw me anyway. Rob, too, found me, and said, "getting the essentials, eh?" RE: my armful of three different types of goldfish crackers.

Elaine: god, throw a nazi in anything and it makes it funny
Me: I know
Me: Nazis are awesome
Me: and by awesome I mean horrible
Elaine: and by horrible you mean hillarious

So ever since I decided it was the new Phew's theme song, I've been listening a LOT to Magic Dance. It's pretty much always in my playlist, and whenever I feel like hearing it, I'll just put it after whatever song I'm currently listening to.

Anyway I find it hilarious that awhile ago I was listening to like... three albums in a row of Sufjan Stevens and all the sudden I'm like, "SCREW THIS! Time for Magic Dance!" So later when I closed winamp, it saved my playlist as this huge chunk of Sufjan with Magic Dance in the middle. So then later, I have it up again while I'm hanging out with the DN's. We're listening to Sufjan Stevens, which I think both of the DN's don't particularly love or hate and find acceptable as background music. Then all the sudden.... Magic Dance! It was hilarious to see their faces, because GDN lit up like a Christmas tree and BDN's face filled with horror as he scrambled to skip it. Probably funnier to me having been there, and people who know those two, and maybe people who know how different Sufjan is from Magic Dance than most people (ultimate hilarity for me, though, since I have all three going for me).

Also, and I was of this opinion even before I started being obsessed with Magic Dance, but I really, really think Magic Dance should be on Sting's CD, "Songs from the Labyrinth." Seriously, I've heard this album, and Magic Dance could only improve it. Hell, I just wish the CD was the entire soundtrack from Labyrinth, because it would just be hilarious. Anyway, I pointed this out to Opt the other day, and she burst my bubble by being completely right when she responded, "Dude, that would be horrible. I don't think Sting could pull off ANYTHING by Bowie." To be perfectly honest, I'm even willing to take it a bit further. I don't think Sting can pull off anything by anyone. Even Sting. I'm not a fan. Whereas yes, I do occaisionally enjoy some Bowie (though I came to it a lot more lately than most people).

So I was watching this one Venture Bros. (cartoon series on Adult Swim, it's kind of a tongue and cheek look at the world of superheroes and supervillains) not too long ago with Bowie in it. I don't know if he lent his voice to the project or if they just drew a guy that looked like Bowie and had someone do their best Bowie impression or what, but he was the head of the Guild (a clandistine supervillain organization), and had come to take care of Phantom Limb, a supervillain who had broken Guild rules. Anyway at the end he turns into a bird and flys away. Someone who missed most of the action says, "what just happened?" and one of the two dumb teenage kids in the series is like, "DUDE, you missed it! The guy from Labyrinth just turned into a bird and flew away!" and now I hear that line in my head at the end of every time I listen to Magic Dance.

Anyway since I'm listening to it again, I felt like posting all my anecdotes RE: Magic Dance.

Feel free to mock my weirdness/loseryness.

tiiiiired

I'm tiiiiiiiiiired. Hopefully I can actually sleep for once and resolve this.

I got a phone call at 4 in the morning, something tells me it was a wrong number (I had never gotten a call from that # before, the people didn't leave a message), but the ringing still woke me up and it took an hour to get back to sleep. Then I had to get up at 8 to navigate the snowy streets to work so assholes who can't go a very snowy day without their goddamn Oprah book can come in. Then I worked.

Then I hung out with YM, which was fun. But more tiring... she was also kind of babysitting for her phews, and I have to say even though I was a jerk and wouldn't get up even to keep them from gnawing on her DVD's, it was somehow very tiring.

Then, GODDAMN YOU, JOHN MAYER, JOHN MAYER CONCERTGOERS, and THE ASSHOLES WHO PLANNED THE COLLESEUM, I had to dodge like a million random people walking in the middle of the street so they wouldn't have to walk in the snow on the way home. This made the drive, especially because of lingering snow, about 50X more annoying, difficult, and even dangerous than it would've been otherwise. Those fuckers pissed me off. Your body won't be a wonderland when I run into you for walking in the middle of the street.

Time for sleep.

don't think I'm not serious

So I decided and I am going to take this other job I've been offered (call center work). I had to lay out the positives and negatives and it was still really tough to decide. As much as I've become dissatisfied with things at my current job, I really do feel like I belong there and would miss it a lot. And I do think that it's less going forward than sideways with my life.... but I'm going to make 9 bucks an hour, bitches!

So anyway I don't know if I completely have the job in the bag yet. I have to go in for a drug test on Monday, so I'm thinking that means I have the job as long as I haven't been doing the nosecandy lately. But... I hate to be count my chickens before they're hatched and all that.

I talked to Elaine today, and I think I'm going to be able to still stay at the store part time (one or two days a week). I didn't want to be a dick about it with an unmanageable schedule, but Sista pointed out that Elaine would be cool about it and that gave me the courage to ask, so I did, and Elaine was. Now, a small, vindictive part of me really wanted to just totally quit. Because the store would be totally up a river merch-wise, with Opt quitting nearly the same day. But I want to have a back up if I totally hate the new job, and I want an excuse to hang around at the store and still see my friends, and I want the extra money. So.. unless I totally hate the working two jobs thing or if the new job is totally shitty about letting me have Mondays and possibly another day partially unavailable, I will still be at the store a little.

Anyway, today was pretty good. Even though I was depressed last night (even with a new job I don't think I'm doing anything terribly important or even enjoyable with my career) I felt pretty happy today about new job stuff. Just telling people about it and how nice Elaine was about it made me feel good. And then after work YM and I went to "be fat" as she puts it, and got fast food, and then rocked out (pelvis thrusted) to Our Song (Over My Head by the Fray).

reminiscing

Me: man... sorry for kind of dragging you down
Ryan: it's okay
Ryan: I'm still feelin' all right
Me: that's because you aren't a whiney emo girl like me
Ryan: sometimes I am
Ryan: tonight I'm too tired to be
Me: "Ryan attributes his survival to being too tired to fucking kill himself"
Ryan: haha mostly
Me: I guess you plan to have kids someday though
Me: whereas when I'm dead I'm just dead and a waste of space
Ryan: bah
Ryan: even if you don't have kids
Ryan: you leave your mark
Ryan: it's all the cool stories people have from hanging out with you
Me: haha, for reals?
Ryan: yeah
Me: what's your favorite me story?
Ryan: Hmm probably sitting up late at my parents' cabin that one night, feeling really shitt, and then getting into that long hilarious conversation about that wig website
Ryan: I seriously hurt from laughing so much
Me: haha that was awesome
Ryan: yeah
Ryan: I was really depressed, and I felt a million times better laughing at all those stupid wigs
Ryan: oh and of course you getting us nearly lost like.. every time we went anywhere when I was visiting
Ryan: and the pinacle of that was the place like.. RIGHT behind your apartment
Me: haha you actually liked that?
Ryan: haha it made for an adventure any time we went anywhere
Ryan: and something else for me to mock you for
Me: haha
Me: I like how determined you were that I should watch K pax
Ryan: haha
Me: like you kept yelling at me during it so I wouldn't sleep
Ryan: and it was good wasn't it!
Me: it was alright
Ryan: okay well at least it wasn't total crap like you thought it would be
Me: haha and making me watch fucking Legend and I kept being afraid the hipster video people had put it down their pants
Ryan: hahah
Me: most of the movies were pretty good though
Ryan: yeah, some you had to watch just because they're movies you need to see
Ryan: not because they were super awesome
Me: yeah
Ryan: and hey, you made me watch the weird doll factory movie
Me: haha I apologized for that

unrealistic expectations

Me: If you could do anything in the world what job would you do?
Ryan: hmm
Ryan: probably a photographer if I could make money doing it
Ryan: not like some kind of journalist photography either
Me: like Ansel Adams photographer?
Ryan: yeah
Me: that was the first famous one I could think of
Ryan: some of his stuff is okay
Me: actually, (and it's not to say he's a hack or anything) but I don't know how great he is. A lot of people could take pictures of some of the landscapes he has and it would look awesome just because those are pretty things.
Ryan: yeah
Ryan: I'm not sure why he's so famous
Me: me neither
Ryan: good connections
Me: haha maybe
Ryan: I'm sure that's a big part of it
Me: do you ever all of a sudden get ideas for great jobs you'll never have and for like... I don't know, a week or something you go through a phase where you're all "I'm going to do that" but of course you never do?
Ryan: Seemed to me when I was around that stuff it was who you know, not how good your pictures are
Ryan: I dunno about jobs, but I get good ideas, and go through phases like that
Me: yeah... Mass com, they pounded the connections thing into our heads. Except I think I actually could've made it in TV news even sans connections if I could drive half decently and tolerate working with assholes better.
Me: Lately I've thought I could be an artist (like with my drawings, maybe also doing stuff with them in photoshop), a computer animation person at a movie studio, a stand up comic, or write a screenplay
Me: I could do none of these things! But part of me is like... "that'd be awesome."
Ryan: it would be
Me: yeah but I don't think any would happenPhoemeister: and it just makes me sad that I can't
Ryan: aww
Ryan: well it's possible
Me: really?
Ryan: anything's possible
Me: haha yeah I could get killed tomorrow
Me: by a rabid monkey
Me: so... basically it's not possible and it just makes me sad

good times. damn good times.

I forgot to mention a snippet of conversation that I LOVE from the other night with the DN's.

For whatever reason we started discussing cyborgs, which led to discussing The Borg, which led to the DN's declaring that they were Borg.

Me: How come you guys haven't assimilated my distinctiveness then?
BDN: We already have. .....true story.

rockin the suburbs

Today was pretty sweet. I woke up an hour early so I could dig my car out of the snow. I went down there with my tiny little shovel (good for storage purposes, not so great for... well, shoveling purposes) and started digging in a style very reminiscent of the Little Engine That Could. Not too far into this three dudes came with a regular shovel and totally busted me out. Hooray for good samaritans.

Then I had a lot of extra time and didn't really know how the roads were going to be, so I actually got to work almost a half hour early. Nebrasky actually let me clock in, so I earned a sweet half hour extra pay.

Then I worked which wasn't too bad.

Now I'm home, which is great. Especially because I have tomorrow off and am working on making some delicious pasta roni right now.