blerg

I didn't blog last week because I had bronchitis and felt like I was dying. I still sort of feel crappy, but meh.

Anyway, I feel like blogging today because I'm depressed. So if you don't like whining, don't read. Though if you hated whining, you probably would've given up on this blog a long time ago.

Anyway:

My mom got done with chemo not too long ago. She's going to have a scan on Thurs to see if it got rid of the cancer. Which is good news if it did work. But if it didn't, apparently it won't respond to chemo again. So if she still has cancer, there's nothing they can do.

I still hate my job. I haven't heard from U of I yet whether or not I got in. I'm still conflicted over if I even want to go. Sometimes I wonder if I'll waste a bunch of time and money on it like with my BA and then have nothing to show for it. I also wonder whether they'll accept me. I'm well within the minimum standards.... but I was well within the minimum standards when I applied there for my undergrad degree and never got in. I hate the position I'm in... I don't even care anymore whether I get a job I truely love, I just want one I won't totally dread every day, and I don't even know if that's really possible.

I've been thinking of selling some stuff on ebay, and it terrifies me. Not the ebay bit... just having to get rid of things, I'm a terrible packrat. I was talking with Andi about it not too long ago. She's selling nearly everything she owns, which I could never do. I used to think I was materialistic, but I don't think it's that. I just get so attached to things, I hate to see them go. But anyway, I have a bunch of stuff at my parents house that I have to get rid of sooner or later, and none of it is going to fit over here. Ebay sucks, though. I have no idea what anything is worth, and there's no real way to find out for most things. As for pez dispensers, which are better documented, everything seems a lot cheaper on ebay than in those pricing books. I don't even care that much about making a profit on them, I just can't see anyone wanting to buy anything if shipping costs more than the actual item. Also, I seem to be the only one whose stuff isn't like, mint in package. I really don't understand how so many people have toys from 20 years ago that were never played with or even opened. I don't know... just thinking of getting rid of anything makes me sad. I'm a freak.

Speaking of Andi, one reason she is selling all that stuff is because she is moving to Oregon. Which, by my calculations, leaves me with only 2 friends in this town, neither of whom have time to see me. Most of my out of town friends seem busy with stuff lately too. I don't know if I'm a shitty friend, or if that's just the nature of people these days, but I never seem to hold onto any for very long. I wish I knew a way other than work to make friends, since work isn't doing so well for that right now.

I don't know... maybe I'm just easily depressed, but I've been feeling sort of that way in general for awhile. One weird thing is I've been missing my old apartment. I don't know why, the new one's way nicer. And I've been missing Borders, which is stupid because when I did work there all I could think of was getting out. I also miss my attention span, I'm having trouble enjoying books anymore.