Meh. I've had a sore throat for days and days now. Which sucks, esp. given that I talk for a living. It is sort of perplexing... it's not gotten worse (which is good) but it hasn't been getting better (which is bad). Stupid... throat.

Me bad at blogging these days.

The last post was basically copied off of an email I sent to Josh. This update is to whine about my own laziness.

I.E. Things I've needed to do for months now:

-dentist
-butt doctor
-regular doctor
-IRA deposit

I need to make appointments. Am I going to do it today? ....outlook not good.

Birthday weekend was sweeeet! For lunch on Sat Jeremy took me to this Victorian tea house in Clinton that Judy was talking about the other day and sounded really good. The tea and the meal were pretty good, but I am not exaggerating when I say my dessert, the lemon cake, was THE BEST FUCKING LEMON CAKE I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. It was soooo good.

For dinner my family took me to this chinese place I really love. Brody (Phew 2 and also the one who constantly screams if one attempts to take him to a restaurant) was not present (my brother in law who doesn't like chinese food stayed home and watched him) but the Phew was there and hilarious. He randomly poked Lori in the arm and was
like, "Cheese touch!" She had never seen him do cheese touch before and was trying to figure out where he picked it up, but I guess he made it up. Someone pokes you and says cheese touch, and if you aren't crossing your fingers, you end up with cheese touch.

Then, at one point the cheese touch was passed to Jeremy, and he had
to go to the bathroom. While he was gone, the Phew was all, "Jeremy's
got cheese touch! Jeremy's got cheese touch!" Which was particularly
hilarious because our waiter's name was also Jeremy and we kept
wondering if he'd come by and wonder how he got cheese touch and what
it is.

My family got me some decent loot. I got a gift card for Meijer, but also a lot of cooking stuff I wanted like a sweet-ass nonstick rolling pin and a spatula that's not half melted, and some books I wanted (Jeremy got me some books I wanted and a bigger pasta strainer I can actually hook to the sink so I can set it down and have my hand free).

Then I took off work Sun & Jeremy & I hung out more which was fun. We went to the mall because he needed some pants, and I found all these pretty nice shirts at Old Navy for only $5. They also had some dog outfits. I bought one and tried to make 007 wear it but he squirmed out of it pretty easily, even though I got the appropriate size. I took it back today and got a refund worth twice as much as one of the shirts I got.

Conver with Ryan

Ryan: maybe you can txt eachother the answers
Me: haha I'm not allowed to utilize or bring any electronic communicating device, including but not limited to cell phones, mp3 players, and pagers. Those bastards.
Me: Rush helps me add
Me: Queen helps me spell
Ryan: hahah word
Me: with out Tom Sawyer I think two plus two is fifteen
Me: without fat bottom girls I think tree is spelled Taskdjfa
Ryan: oh crap! It's not?
Me: I know, right?
Me: classic rock, I need you now!
Ryan: rock out!
Me: bohemian rhapsody is how I know how to spell bohemian.
Me: and rhapsody
Ryan: haha okay that may be valid
Me: modern music just isn't as educational
Ryan: how am I supposed to know how to spell when poker face is on?
Ryan: I can't think about anything except stabbing lady gaga
Me: hahaha

Jeremy had two separate conversations with me in his sleep again... so adorable!

Jeremy: *noise*
Me: What?
Jeremy: Judiste!
Me: What is a Judiste?
Jeremy: It's a monster!
Me: What kind of monster?
Jeremy: It's like part caped super hero and part Jew
Me: It's part jew?
Jeremy: Yes
Me: What is its weapons?
Jeremy: *mumble mumble and Jew Love*
Me: Jew love?
Jeremy: Yes
Me: Is jew love a weapon?
Jeremy: no, it's love.
Me: What's five times four?
Jeremy: four
Me: I love you!
Jeremy: I love you!

second conver:

Jeremy: Yaaaay!
Me: Why yay?
Jeremy: Volleyball no more
Me: No more volleyball?
Jeremy: yeah
Me: Do you hate volleyball?
Jeremy: I don't give a damn, it's just *mumble mumble*

So there's this band, Say Anything, that I really like. They had a deal a few months ago where if you pay them some money (yeah, I probably spent too much but what the hell) the lead singer would write and perform a song about whatever you want. I'd recently bought a rabbit who foiled my every attempt at... everything.

I got it yesterday... if you want to hear it, download here:

http://www.zshare.net/audio/715498944bff861b/

P.S. The crotch thing, out of context, is gross. Basically he will lick whatever is in front of him if you scratch him vigorously. When I decided to show my friends Julie & Lothar this trick, he happened to be on my lap and it looked like he was giving me a BJ. It was hilarious and I mentioned that it the notes, which was probably a mistake. Now if I ever want to play this song for anyone, I have to explain that part :P

Jeremy is, to all appearances, asleep.

Jeremy: *starts laughing*
Me: What's so funny?
Jeremy: *sad groan*
Me: What?
Jeremy: *sad groan*
Me: What?
Jeremy: I don't remember
Me: So you dreamed of something funny, laughed, woke up, and forgot what it was?
Jeremy: I don't know
Me: Are you asleep right now?
Jeremy: No
Me: Are you asleep right now?
Jeremy: No
Amy: Are you talking to me in your sleep?
Jeremy: No
Amy: What's 4 times 5?
Jeremy: 5
Amy: You are asleep!
Jeremy: 20
Amy: Maybe not...

*pause*

Amy: I love you!
Jeremy: *sad groan*
Amy: Are you upset or something?

No answer. He told me afterwards that he didn't remember anything, so probably had been asleep. It was pretty funny.

Shit or get off the pot. Shit or get off the pot. Shit or get off the pot. Shit or get off the pot. Shit or get off the pot. Shit or get off the pot.

Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit.

Dunno, message to myself. I really felt like quitting today, instead I just went home. Which is not shitting or getting off the pot. I need to really buckle down and earn the promotion they've been waving like a carrot in my face ever since I got the damned job (not that I didn't work that hard in the beginning, not that I'm doing a shitty job now, but there's so much competition you need to give it your all--which I don't). Or quit. I have no other job lined up. But I want to quit so bad. Quit, quit, quit. Someone... convince me to do one or the other. Please.

Bleh. Anyone know anything about vacuums?

I find the choices confusing. Right now I have a small-ish dirt devil upright bagless vacuum cleaner. Since I got the bunny, I can't vacuum without this one stupid hose being clogged up constantly, and it's a pain in the ass to dig out the hair.

So... I know a ton of people don't have indoor rabbits, but anyone with a cat or dog have a suggestion? I've been looking at the "pet" or "animal" vacuums and it seems their deal is just some random rubber attachment that helps you clean up the fur. That's not the problem, I just don't want it clogged all the time.

My secondary requirement is I don't want it to weigh a fuck ton and be a pain to push around. But I'm afraid the lighter ones will be like my current one and get clogged. So this is a somewhat negotiable requirement.

Price... I don't want a $500 vacuum. I mean, I'll get a moderately pricey vacuum if it does what I want and lasts a long time but $500 seems ridiculous for a vacuum.

So... err... suggestions?

Dear diary:

Today I squeezed my bunny's butt, and poop came out!

He also came to me in response to the song "Baby Got Back."

I think I'm a little too obsessed with rabbit ass.

But it's so biiiig!

Meh. Update: I'm sleepy, sleeping, or tired most of the time. Otherwise, I'm at work or with the lovely Jeremylicious Jeremy. That is why I don't blog much. Appologies, my avid fans.

So... I haven't done a lot of comics in a long time. I'm sad that this had to be my triumphant return.



I'm also sad that fucking Geocities went away without telling me, after my computer lost all my stuff a year ago and I was too lazy to re back it up again... long story long.... All my older comics are now gone which really bums me out. There were some good ones. I will miss the anthropomorphic sousaphone and the worms having hermaphrodite porn.

So I just found out after like, 3 years of flushing my butt wipes down the toilet that they are not supposed to be flushed. You know what? I'm going to keep doing it!

But riddle me this: why do they have fish printed on them if they are not meant to be flushed? Sure, it aids me in my ability to imagine myself wiping my butt with real dead fish, but I think I could do that anyway. I have a very fertile imagination.

Meh, I am lazy. Woke up really late today cause I left my phone (which is also my alarm) in my car last night. Played a little on the computer, watched some hulu, and that's about it until it was Jeremy time (he works normal people hours). I really have about 5 billion tasks I need to do. Some big: cleaning cleaning cleaning cleaning as always, unclogging my shower drain, others only require a call such as setting up the like three doctor's appointments I really need right now, calling in a plumber for my faucet in the kitchen that's been busted for months now... Sometimes I barely get a shower in or a trip to the grocery store I really need.

I think part of it is my energy level... from some chapping on my lips and how thin my fingernails are right now, I'm thinking some of it is not enough iron, which I am being more conscientious about taking my iron so hopefully that will help. Some of it's just... I dunno. I get home from work and I'm tired and don't feel like doing anything. I sleep more than I probably should be. And when I wake up I need a couple of hours to actually wake up. So I spend all the time I'm actually alert at work, save for the hours I can grab with boyfriend, friends, & family. I feel like I never have time to get anything done, but I don't have many friends, and work part time. Granted, boyfriend has been taking up some time (don't get me wrong, I love it), but I was having a lot of the same time/energy problems even before boyfriend. Where the fuck is my time going? I dunno.

Anyway, hanging with Jeremy was good. We went to Noodles, where 10% of our purchase went to help Special Olympics. We also watched Mansfield Park, which was pretty good. We've also decided all black people have to use "bl" at the beginning of words, and all white people have to use "w." For instance, Wy wame wis Wamy. (My name is Amy). It sounds lame, but believe me, when we came up with it, it was hilarious.

We hung out this weekend too. We ended up watching The Hebrew Hammer, a (purposefully) cheesy movie about a Jewish guy (said Hebrew Hammer) saving Hanukkah in a sort of blaxploitation (think Shaft) style. It was surprisingly: not horrible. No, I'm not going to say it's my favorite movie ever, but it was humorous at parts. It was all because we saw a guy at Denny's with a tee shirt that had a logo that incorporated both the superman logo and the Star of David. This inevitably led us to the google searches "Jewish Superman" and "Jewperman" which led to us discovering the existence of Hebrew Hammer. Jewperman, by the way, according to the urban dictionary (which doesn't lie, of course) is defined as, "A Jew with exceptional intercourse prowess." The things you learn at Denny's, folks.

So.... this random guy IMed me. I asked Tina if she knew who he was, because she and I have known a lot of the same internet people over the years. She thought he might be a guy named Jamie:

thanatos989 (10:45:36 PM): hey
phoemeister (11:18:16 PM): are you Jamie?
thanatos989 (11:18:55 PM): er nope
thanatos989 (11:18:56 PM): lol
thanatos989 (11:19:59 PM): I was wondering who you were actually
phoemeister (11:25:21 PM): your name means death
thanatos989 (11:27:01 PM): yeah
thanatos989 (11:27:08 PM): or more like a kinda winged
thanatos989 (11:27:10 PM): deathish
thanatos989 (11:27:12 PM): thingy
thanatos989 (11:27:20 PM): greek maybe
thanatos989 (11:27:24 PM): I don't know
thanatos989 (11:27:26 PM): I was 15
phoemeister (11:27:57 PM): Were you mad when Bill & Ted melvined you?

...and then he blocked me. It made me laugh.

Today was pretty good. Jeremy & I had lunch at Mandarin Garden (I know, fancy!). I'd never had lunch there before. Even though it was good, I sort of prefer dinner. They gave me less of my entree and put my rice on my plate instead of giving me a separate bowl for it. Plus they threw in a little fried chicken which seemed.... random. It was pretty good as far as fried chicken goes, but whatever.

At work we had our yearly outing. Previous years we've gone to a restaurant and sat around socializing during the time we didn't eat. This time we went to Chuck E Cheese. I dunno what it was, I generally like Skee ball, but I found it kind of boring. Then part of our group (including me) splintered off and went to Barnes & Noble which was more fun.

I had a fantastic weekend; Jeremy & I went to Matthiessen park. We couldn't get to a couple of the places because the water level was too high, but we still had fun. We also had a failed attempt at making pesto. The problem was caused by a strange culprit: the cheese. Jeremy & I both love cheese but the Parmesan I bought was moderately fancy (i.e. not the powdered processed stuff, an actual block that I grated) which apparently translates into bitter. I'm not even kidding, it had a bitter flavor, like coffee or citrus rind. It was disgusting. If I ever try again I'll use the processed stuff or find something else. To make it even edible Jeremy dumped a bunch of spices & cream in. It still wasn't very good so we dumped some marinara on top of that. Oh well, at least we had fun cooking together. We visited the new Fresh Market place (as expected, it is moderately interesting but somewhat pricey) and did some Halloween costume prep (I am going to be Wolverine again; he is going to look like I mauled him with my chopstick--I mean, adamantium--claws.)

In other news, I'm trying to decide on this French program thing. I was looking at the application and there's even more BS than I thought there would be to do it.

Pro's:

1) I've always wanted to go to France. Plus, I might even get to visit other countries over there.

2) I am reeeally tired of my job right now. I need something different. This would certainly be different.

Con's:

1) The BS involved in applying. I have to write a thing, get my passport up to date, pay a $40 application fee, get 2 people to recommend me, get a physical, probably other things. This sounds like a lot of time and money without even knowing ahead of time that I'd get in.

2) I don't even know that I'm qualified. The application thing says to write the essay IN French. I haven't spoken French much in a long time. I was hoping that I could apply and actually re-learn French after I got accepted. They also say you need a minimum of 3 semesters of French.... I think they mean college. I only took one semester in college but years and years of it in high school and jr. high. So I feel like that more than covers the 3 semesters, but I don't know if they care. Also, the recommendation letters are supposed to be from people who can speak to your French ability... I don't know my French teachers anymore. So if I apply it's all this work and then I might not get in. And I'll have wasted my time, money, effort, energy, and feel depressed again like I always do when I get rejected for a job.

3) What if I do get over there and I'm really homesick? I've never spent much time away from here. And what about when I get back? I'll be jobless again and the economy will probably still be shitty.

Cons outweigh pros, I guess. I just want to be brave for once and go somewhere and do something. And I really, really hate the job I'm doing now. I feel so fucking trapped sometimes. I'm going to give myself a couple more weeks to decide whether to apply. I guess I could apply and decide whether or not to actually go later, but the thing is, I don't really want to commit the amount of time, effort, and money the application process takes if I'm not 100% into it.

Blah. You know that it's not the weekend anymore when you spend the first couple hours you are up:

--creating a justification on why you deserve a raise at work (technically we're supposed to do this at work but I just don't have the time between customers and this is important enough I'll suck it up and do it at home)

--needing to write 10 (it turned out to be exactly 10 emails) to friends, loved ones, and the damn condo association because you are so behind on keeping up with them

Oh, poor blog. Sorry that I've been too busy for you lately. The paradox about blogs is when you have the time to write in them you haven't probably been doing a lot of interesting things to blog about. And when you are busy with interesting things, you probably don't have the time to blog.

As you might've guessed, the majority of my busyness is related to a certain gentleman caller named Jeremy. We have had a lot of good times since the last time I mentioned him on here. He's met my family and they seem to approve, I've met a lot of his friends and they seem to approve, we went to the Lincoln Museum in Springfield this weekend with my dad and his woman, he's cooked for me, I've cooked for him, we've gone out to eat, we've dealt with creepy waiters, we've played games, we've cuddled, we've talked, watched TV, saw Where the Wild Things Are (I think a child might be disappointed with the movie, it's a bit artsy and slow in some places, but we really liked it).

I don't think I've really been doing anything else of note lately. Still hate my job, love my family, hate cleaning, love 007 and spend way too much time watching TV.

Ah, Facebook. Thank you for letting me know that Neil Diamond is going to have a new Christmas album out. At first I was like, "Neil Diamond's Jewish. Does he really need a third Christmas album out there?"

Then I clicked the link for the description. And while there are probably plenty of actual Christmas songs on the album, it mentions that he is covering Adam Sandler's Hannukah song.

That's right. NEIL DIAMOND IS COVERING ADAM SANDLER. Can the apocalypse be far?

Anyway.... here, if you don't believe me.

Meh. The worst part of cleaning? All the fucking abortions. I am not even kidding.

Well, I'm not kidding about it being the worst part. Obviously, I am not literally aborting people's fetuses. I would be a lot richer and happier than at my current job. Probably.

But yeah, every time I vacuum I have to get all up in my vacuum's tubes with a coat hanger to get the gunk out, and it's a pain in my ass. It's more effort than vacuuming itself. It used to be the fuzz my new(ish) carpet threw off, but that stopped and I was abortion-free. But then I got a rabbit who should be fucking bald by now, the little fucker. He has been shedding like a maniac for like two months now. So I've been aborting like a maniac for two months now. Bleh.

The whole time I was cleaning I was mentally bitching about what a dick he is, but I've decided he can't help it, most animals shed, and should probably just get a less shitty vacuum. He IS, however, a dick for strewing his hay and feces all over my kitchen floor all the time.

Anyway.....