Oh on the last post (what Jeremy would and wouldn't forgive): I forgot to add one of the best parts. I asked him if it was forgivable to punch his grandma in the face. He gave me the benefit of the doubt and asked me why I had hypothetically punched his grandma in the face. Turns out she's hypothetically racist against people who are hypothetically 1/80th Cherokee, 1/80th Irish, or would hypothetically call someone a Polack for having visited Chicago.

Btw, don't know if I mentioned it, but we are engaged now! I am super psyched and stealing just about all my ideas from Juthar's wedding and my sister's wedding, the only two weddings I've ever paid attention at.

So, the other night I was being a jerk to Jeremy (can't remember what I was doing exactly, it's sad that I'm that often a jerk to him) and he said he'd forgive me as long as I gave him a back massage, and phrased it "I'd forgive you anything for a back massage." So of course, I started testing it immediately, and he had to downgrade it to "most things." What if....

I kicked you in the dick (forgiven)

Stabbed you in the dick (not forgiven)

Cut your dick off and made it into a bong (not forgiven)

What if I made a replica of your dick into a bong

(Why do you want a bong you don't smoke drugs?)

Well, I could give it to our friend Jenny

(forgiven, she is into that sort of thing)

She'd probably want one of her boyfriend's dick though. What if I made a replica of Rob's dick into a bong and really had to examine it closely? (forgiven)

Walked around behind you all day dressed as Hitler shouting "he dared me to do this" (forgiven)

Depantsed you at work (not forgiven)

Depantsed you in front of a crowd of strangers (forgiven)

Got drunk and showed people my boobs (forgiven)

Accidently touched another guy's dick (forgiven)

Purposefully touched another guy's dick (not forgiven)

Accidently touched another guy's dick with my mouth (how do you do that?)

Like I'm asleep at a friend's house and a strange guy comes and puts it in there (dude, that sounds like rape, I wouldn't blame you)

Accidently touched another guy's dick with my vagina (I told you I wouldn't blame you for being raped!)

Got ordained to marry people and started marrying gay people (why would I mind?)

Started marrying animals and people (not forgiven)

Started marrying animals to animals (forgiven but you might need psychiatric help)

Started marrying animals of different species to each other (forgiven, it doesn't matter to the animals)

Started marrying animals to people, but made them promise to not have sex with them (no, that's still fucked up)

Burnt down a forest (not forgiven)

But no humans die (not forgiven, how can you know?)

I'm psychic and know no humans die! (the animals and stuff still die. (not forgiven)

I'm psychic and it's the only way to save a bunch of people in the future (forgiven)

I bought you a bunch of Daft Punk CD's (forgiven, I'd just make you return them)

I gave them to Jenny and she played them all the time and you had to hear it (forgiven)

I made Jenny break up with Rob and then introduced her to a member of Daft Punk and she had a kid with him and that kid ended up creating another band that sounded like daft punk (forgiven).

Let your brother have sex with your cat (not forgiven)

I was blackmailed into letting your brother have sex with your cat (forgiven)