So, my grandpa died this week. He was my last grandparent left. I mean, I could see it happening sooner or later, he'd been having a lot of health problems these last few years, but of course it never makes it easier. I have to say, he's probably also the only grandparent I was upset about passing. The first two went when I was really young, and the other one I never got along with all that well.

I'm not as sad as when my mom passed, which of course makes sense as I was a lot closer to her and saw her more often. But it seems to be expressing itself in a weird way too. Like with my mom I got all depressed and started crying all the time. I haven't really cried, but other things that usually don't bum me out as much have been making me more upset than usual so I'm sure it's probably related. I'm sure being on anti depressants makes a difference in how your emotions work too.

What sucks is how small I feel like my family is getting... Since we don't keep in contact with our extended relatives, basically all I have left is my dad and my sister. And my dad is going to turn 70 this year. I know it's morbid, but.... I think about it all the time. And it's so hard to keep in contact with my sister and her family, we're both so busy and have completely opposite schedules.

The older I get the more relationships I have, some of them that seemed rock solid, go awry. I look back on them and try to see what I should've done differently, what I did wrong. Family, though, is the security blanket. You or they have to really suck to alienate each other. I don't want my family to get smaller.

But I guess that's my own selfish reaction to grandpa passing away. I miss him, for him too, though. He was a really fun guy and was one of those people whose brains are completely agile right up till the end, his 90's.