I hate everything. So I guess most stuff is going as usual.

First off, Josh said he thinks he is probably going to move back to Michigan soon (he has his reasons, but all anyone who reads this probably needs to know is that it's not anything to do with me). Which.... I hate. I mean, one reason it sucks is he doesn't even want to do it and I think he'll hate it. But my big reason is I'm selfish and I hate it because everyone who moves away stops talking to me. Everyone. Plus talking on the phone isn't the same as hanging out. Josh and I actually did hang out some today and yesterday, and it was so good. I really, really think we could make the transition to friends and be great friends. But he's going to leave, and gradually or suddenly stop talking to me like even the people who don't move do, and the one person on this earth I'm closest to is going to be gone.

I wonder why people don't miss me the way I do. I mean... I especially don't get people who I was really close to letting it go, but I do have retarded thoughts about people I wasn't even close to. "Gee, so and so is so great. I wonder how they're doing." I wonder why people find it so easy to grow apart from me, I think I try. I know other people who've had long friendships, even over distance. Why do I lack that sort of staying power with people?

Second: my colon tried to kill me. It hurt really, really badly. Which has been happening a lot lately, so if I ever get off my ass I will probably go see my poop doctor. But the awful thing is I had to take off work, and I have too many absences already and I will probably never ever get promoted from my current position. I really want to be like "fuck it" and quit this motherfucking job, but I don't want to waste the year I stayed with it just so that I could get promoted to something else in the company. I don't even fucking know if I want to stay with the company, I just know that I hate any job I am qualified for, so I might as well stay with a place that has sweet-ass benefits and good pay. But if I have to work there much longer I'm going to have to quit and work nowhere and live under a bridge because I hate it so, so much that it's one more awful thing in my life that I can't handle right now.