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So my mom was supposed to start chemo again this week, but she didn't. She started feeling worse again. My dad thinks it's weird, since she was off the other chemo for awhile, he'd think she'd stay the same or get better. Personally, I think she might be faking. I mean, we can all agree she definitely feels like shit. But I don't think she wants to go on another round of chemo, and I don't really want to blame her. After what the first one did to her, when she was basically healthy, I don't think she can handle another round. Then on top of it, will it really help any? It's probably just going to buy her another couple months, if that. And since she has not really bounced back at all from the previous chemo... I think any time bought will be miserable time.

I don't know, she's very brave and strong. I would be crying every day. Hell, I do do that every day and my problems aren't as bad.

On the other hand I don't want her to die. When that time runs out... that's it. I won't have a mom anymore. I don't believe in god or heaven, and I don't know if she does either. That'll be it. She'll just be dead. I will never ever see her again and every time I try to wrap my mind around it all I want to do is curl up into a little ball and never do anything ever again.