war stories

I was saving up these incidences for comics, but I don't really know if/how I want to draw them. And in the mean time, I don't really want to forget them, so here goes:

I had a call with a guy Tuesday night where, his wife is in the background telling him the whole time, "Honey, you are talking to the wrong insurance company. You want to speak to *other company,* not *company I work at*. It says right here that you have *other company* insurance." So the husband asks, "Are you *company I work at*" and I say yes, and he wants to proceed. Which makes me wonder how retarded he is that he doesn't understand what his wife is saying. But, I can't really accuse the guy of not having our insurance until I've actually looked for him. So I did, and of course the search is a waste of time (during which his wife is STILL telling him he has the other company). Finally I say, "Sir, are you sure you have insurance with *company I work at*?" And his wife jumps in again and says, "Look, RIGHT HERE it says you have *other company*" and finally, dude got the point and hung up.

I was talking to Stevenson about this, and another incident I had a long while ago came up, where I had this woman call me up and ask me if she should take her husband to the emergency room. Well, I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure if you even have to ask, the answer is yes. But she was fucking around wanting to know if it's covered or not first. I couldn't even give her my opinion, I had to say "it's up to you" over and over.

Anyway, Stevenson and I decided that the poor emergency room guy from the second story should hook up with the sensible wife from the first story, and she could take care of him. Then the idiot husband from the first story and the idiot wife from the second story could get married. Then we could make a reality show called "Are They Too Stupid To Be Alive?" which tracks how long it takes them to die without anyone sensible around. Stevenson's opinion was, "It's a great show.... but that's only one episode."

I had a call where this woman's 15 year old girl was at her friend's house, and her friend's mom asked her to go out in her car and buy groceries. The 15 year old girl, not that surprisingly, ran into a bus. The friend's mom doesn't even have insurance. So, the mom of the girl was wondering if her insurance would cover it. Which... no. Someone not on her policy (because she doesn't have a driver's license) driving a car that's not hers is not covered. And I think the mom knew that, but thought she'd try anyway. I don't think she's an idiot. I don't even think the 15 year old girl was the idiot, it sounds like she said she didn't want to do it, but the other lady made her. But the friends mom? How do you get THAT stupid? The mom said she talked to the friends mom, and wouldn't have believed it, but says that the friends mom basically nagged her till she did it. So to sum up: the friend's mom let a 15 year old unlicenced kid drive her UNINSURED car. It would be more surprising if she DIDN'T hit a bus. Plus... like, the friends mom had her own kid that age. If you're going to send out some random unexperienced driver in your car, wouldn't you at least want it to be family? People are idiots. I felt free to laugh about this, because no one was seriously injured.

I think I mentioned it before, but names are also awesome. I've gotten agents named Dick Valentine, Rusty Hamner, and Tom Brokaw. I've gotten some funny customer names as well, but I dunno if it is a breach of privacy to put their full names on here (especially since some of them are pretty unique), so I won't. But I still can't stop laughing about that woman with the last name Beaver living on Dick St.

I think that's all I remember. Other than the awesome guy who wouldn't believe me that I wasn't at Publisher's Clearing House.