every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of

So I think I am still depressed in general, but in specific I've been feeling pretty good the last couple days.

Being around people + not working + not being at home + nice weather + breaking desks + abusing car salesmen + street fairs + TMBG = win. It's kind of a band aid fix, but I'll take it.

But yeah, I went to Stevenson's birthday party on Fri, and managed not to totally alienate everyone with my racist jokes (I don't know why, but I've picked up joking about racism along with dead babies and fucking everyone's mom. I kind of get "Your Racist Friend" by TMBG in my head every time I do something racist at a party. Only TMBG is chastising the racist person in the song, so perhaps they would not approve) and poorly taught card games. I also got to hang out with Opt the next day, which I enjoy. And I've been hanging out with my parents today. I've found that I spend SO much time alone and/or talking to people I hate at work that when I do get a chance to talk to someone I'll yack their ear off even about things I find boring. But... my parents didn't seem to mind and I think I managed to reign it enough at the party and with Opt.

Today I had off (I worked Sat instead cause someone wanted to switch sched's). I'm always happier when I'm not there.

Not being at home = awesome. I love my apt, I really do. But I spend so much goddamn time home alone, and I think it's been getting to me. It was nice to chill on my parents' super-sweet porch. It also helped me continue to stay away from the computer, which I've been trying to do more lately. I don't think typing at home is giving me the carpal tunnel problems, but it's certainly been aggravating them.

I broke my desk at work yesterday. It was pretty hilarious. You take your fun where you can get it when you work a job you hate. Also, I have finally realized that all car salesmen who yell at me when I can't do what they want are my bitches and will eventually do what I tell them to because they want to make their sale. It's nice to realize I have a little power at my crappy job, however small.

So, yesterday I went to the Champaign (or is it Urbana?) corn festival with Opt. I had smoothie, funnel cake, fancy pop, and fancy bread. It was awesome. Today I went to the Normal corn festival with my dad. I had some really good corn (amazing!), a hot dog, and funnel cake. Also awesome. Plus, I bought this wicked-awesome Pan's Labyrinth poster that I probably can't afford (weirdly, the Normal festival was way bigger, way more populated, and had more interesting things than the one in C-U). I saw a scary Borders customer from far away and made it my mission to avoid him.

I've been listening a lot to TMBG today. It's hard to be sad while listening to them. I have other favorite bands, but they don't necessarily cheer me up. TMBG--made of cheer, somehow. I think if they ever wanted to team up with Dschinghis Khan, they could kill emo forever.