birthday wishes

Only a horrible, horrible person would make a birthday coupon book for someone that included "a free retarded baby of your choice" coupon.

Only a twisted, horrible, horrible person would include flavors such as x-tra chunky, xtra tender, xtra crispy, lead paint flavored, and mystery.

Only a disgusting, twisted, horrible, horrible person would include a disclaimer at the end of this that says: "Mystery flavor has been processed on machinery that has come in contact with peanuts. Mystery baby sauce may include but is not limited to the retarded child's own urine, feces, or vomit. Please do not consume a mystery retarded child while pregnant or nursing unless you want another retarded child. Side effects of mystery retarded babies include nausea, dizziness, and anal leakage. Please consult your doctor before taking mystery retarded baby."

Happy Birthday, Ashley.