stabbing

Me: (to Kevin) You know that online reserve you had the other day that you were making fun of because the guy reserved whatever it is at like 2 a.m.? He came in and made me spend 20 minutes looking for his DVD in section, and then finally says, "well, I reserved it last night." I wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I explained to him I couldn't find it where I was looking, because we had already pulled it and put it back behind the registers for him, as per his request.
Renegade: We should be allowed to stab people.
Me: tell me about it
Kevin: could we stab them with the phone?
Renegade: Why?
Kevin: It would hurt less.
Renegade: Kevin, that's not really the point of a stabbing.
Me: Also, you know how like, when the person wants something incredibly stupid, it just makes you hate them twice as much?
Renegade: yeah
Me: Well it was a DVD of meatloaf performing Bat Out of Hell.
Renegade: Man, whoever's sitting up at 2 a.m. reserving meatloaf needs help.
Me: By "help" you mean "stabbing," right? Because I totally agree then.