Shit or get off the pot. Shit or get off the pot. Shit or get off the pot. Shit or get off the pot. Shit or get off the pot. Shit or get off the pot.

Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit. Try your hardest at your stupid job or quit.

Dunno, message to myself. I really felt like quitting today, instead I just went home. Which is not shitting or getting off the pot. I need to really buckle down and earn the promotion they've been waving like a carrot in my face ever since I got the damned job (not that I didn't work that hard in the beginning, not that I'm doing a shitty job now, but there's so much competition you need to give it your all--which I don't). Or quit. I have no other job lined up. But I want to quit so bad. Quit, quit, quit. Someone... convince me to do one or the other. Please.

Bleh. Anyone know anything about vacuums?

I find the choices confusing. Right now I have a small-ish dirt devil upright bagless vacuum cleaner. Since I got the bunny, I can't vacuum without this one stupid hose being clogged up constantly, and it's a pain in the ass to dig out the hair.

So... I know a ton of people don't have indoor rabbits, but anyone with a cat or dog have a suggestion? I've been looking at the "pet" or "animal" vacuums and it seems their deal is just some random rubber attachment that helps you clean up the fur. That's not the problem, I just don't want it clogged all the time.

My secondary requirement is I don't want it to weigh a fuck ton and be a pain to push around. But I'm afraid the lighter ones will be like my current one and get clogged. So this is a somewhat negotiable requirement.

Price... I don't want a $500 vacuum. I mean, I'll get a moderately pricey vacuum if it does what I want and lasts a long time but $500 seems ridiculous for a vacuum.

So... err... suggestions?

Dear diary:

Today I squeezed my bunny's butt, and poop came out!

He also came to me in response to the song "Baby Got Back."

I think I'm a little too obsessed with rabbit ass.

But it's so biiiig!

Meh. Update: I'm sleepy, sleeping, or tired most of the time. Otherwise, I'm at work or with the lovely Jeremylicious Jeremy. That is why I don't blog much. Appologies, my avid fans.

So... I haven't done a lot of comics in a long time. I'm sad that this had to be my triumphant return.



I'm also sad that fucking Geocities went away without telling me, after my computer lost all my stuff a year ago and I was too lazy to re back it up again... long story long.... All my older comics are now gone which really bums me out. There were some good ones. I will miss the anthropomorphic sousaphone and the worms having hermaphrodite porn.

So I just found out after like, 3 years of flushing my butt wipes down the toilet that they are not supposed to be flushed. You know what? I'm going to keep doing it!

But riddle me this: why do they have fish printed on them if they are not meant to be flushed? Sure, it aids me in my ability to imagine myself wiping my butt with real dead fish, but I think I could do that anyway. I have a very fertile imagination.

Meh, I am lazy. Woke up really late today cause I left my phone (which is also my alarm) in my car last night. Played a little on the computer, watched some hulu, and that's about it until it was Jeremy time (he works normal people hours). I really have about 5 billion tasks I need to do. Some big: cleaning cleaning cleaning cleaning as always, unclogging my shower drain, others only require a call such as setting up the like three doctor's appointments I really need right now, calling in a plumber for my faucet in the kitchen that's been busted for months now... Sometimes I barely get a shower in or a trip to the grocery store I really need.

I think part of it is my energy level... from some chapping on my lips and how thin my fingernails are right now, I'm thinking some of it is not enough iron, which I am being more conscientious about taking my iron so hopefully that will help. Some of it's just... I dunno. I get home from work and I'm tired and don't feel like doing anything. I sleep more than I probably should be. And when I wake up I need a couple of hours to actually wake up. So I spend all the time I'm actually alert at work, save for the hours I can grab with boyfriend, friends, & family. I feel like I never have time to get anything done, but I don't have many friends, and work part time. Granted, boyfriend has been taking up some time (don't get me wrong, I love it), but I was having a lot of the same time/energy problems even before boyfriend. Where the fuck is my time going? I dunno.

Anyway, hanging with Jeremy was good. We went to Noodles, where 10% of our purchase went to help Special Olympics. We also watched Mansfield Park, which was pretty good. We've also decided all black people have to use "bl" at the beginning of words, and all white people have to use "w." For instance, Wy wame wis Wamy. (My name is Amy). It sounds lame, but believe me, when we came up with it, it was hilarious.

We hung out this weekend too. We ended up watching The Hebrew Hammer, a (purposefully) cheesy movie about a Jewish guy (said Hebrew Hammer) saving Hanukkah in a sort of blaxploitation (think Shaft) style. It was surprisingly: not horrible. No, I'm not going to say it's my favorite movie ever, but it was humorous at parts. It was all because we saw a guy at Denny's with a tee shirt that had a logo that incorporated both the superman logo and the Star of David. This inevitably led us to the google searches "Jewish Superman" and "Jewperman" which led to us discovering the existence of Hebrew Hammer. Jewperman, by the way, according to the urban dictionary (which doesn't lie, of course) is defined as, "A Jew with exceptional intercourse prowess." The things you learn at Denny's, folks.

So.... this random guy IMed me. I asked Tina if she knew who he was, because she and I have known a lot of the same internet people over the years. She thought he might be a guy named Jamie:

thanatos989 (10:45:36 PM): hey
phoemeister (11:18:16 PM): are you Jamie?
thanatos989 (11:18:55 PM): er nope
thanatos989 (11:18:56 PM): lol
thanatos989 (11:19:59 PM): I was wondering who you were actually
phoemeister (11:25:21 PM): your name means death
thanatos989 (11:27:01 PM): yeah
thanatos989 (11:27:08 PM): or more like a kinda winged
thanatos989 (11:27:10 PM): deathish
thanatos989 (11:27:12 PM): thingy
thanatos989 (11:27:20 PM): greek maybe
thanatos989 (11:27:24 PM): I don't know
thanatos989 (11:27:26 PM): I was 15
phoemeister (11:27:57 PM): Were you mad when Bill & Ted melvined you?

...and then he blocked me. It made me laugh.

Today was pretty good. Jeremy & I had lunch at Mandarin Garden (I know, fancy!). I'd never had lunch there before. Even though it was good, I sort of prefer dinner. They gave me less of my entree and put my rice on my plate instead of giving me a separate bowl for it. Plus they threw in a little fried chicken which seemed.... random. It was pretty good as far as fried chicken goes, but whatever.

At work we had our yearly outing. Previous years we've gone to a restaurant and sat around socializing during the time we didn't eat. This time we went to Chuck E Cheese. I dunno what it was, I generally like Skee ball, but I found it kind of boring. Then part of our group (including me) splintered off and went to Barnes & Noble which was more fun.

I had a fantastic weekend; Jeremy & I went to Matthiessen park. We couldn't get to a couple of the places because the water level was too high, but we still had fun. We also had a failed attempt at making pesto. The problem was caused by a strange culprit: the cheese. Jeremy & I both love cheese but the Parmesan I bought was moderately fancy (i.e. not the powdered processed stuff, an actual block that I grated) which apparently translates into bitter. I'm not even kidding, it had a bitter flavor, like coffee or citrus rind. It was disgusting. If I ever try again I'll use the processed stuff or find something else. To make it even edible Jeremy dumped a bunch of spices & cream in. It still wasn't very good so we dumped some marinara on top of that. Oh well, at least we had fun cooking together. We visited the new Fresh Market place (as expected, it is moderately interesting but somewhat pricey) and did some Halloween costume prep (I am going to be Wolverine again; he is going to look like I mauled him with my chopstick--I mean, adamantium--claws.)

In other news, I'm trying to decide on this French program thing. I was looking at the application and there's even more BS than I thought there would be to do it.

Pro's:

1) I've always wanted to go to France. Plus, I might even get to visit other countries over there.

2) I am reeeally tired of my job right now. I need something different. This would certainly be different.

Con's:

1) The BS involved in applying. I have to write a thing, get my passport up to date, pay a $40 application fee, get 2 people to recommend me, get a physical, probably other things. This sounds like a lot of time and money without even knowing ahead of time that I'd get in.

2) I don't even know that I'm qualified. The application thing says to write the essay IN French. I haven't spoken French much in a long time. I was hoping that I could apply and actually re-learn French after I got accepted. They also say you need a minimum of 3 semesters of French.... I think they mean college. I only took one semester in college but years and years of it in high school and jr. high. So I feel like that more than covers the 3 semesters, but I don't know if they care. Also, the recommendation letters are supposed to be from people who can speak to your French ability... I don't know my French teachers anymore. So if I apply it's all this work and then I might not get in. And I'll have wasted my time, money, effort, energy, and feel depressed again like I always do when I get rejected for a job.

3) What if I do get over there and I'm really homesick? I've never spent much time away from here. And what about when I get back? I'll be jobless again and the economy will probably still be shitty.

Cons outweigh pros, I guess. I just want to be brave for once and go somewhere and do something. And I really, really hate the job I'm doing now. I feel so fucking trapped sometimes. I'm going to give myself a couple more weeks to decide whether to apply. I guess I could apply and decide whether or not to actually go later, but the thing is, I don't really want to commit the amount of time, effort, and money the application process takes if I'm not 100% into it.

Blah. You know that it's not the weekend anymore when you spend the first couple hours you are up:

--creating a justification on why you deserve a raise at work (technically we're supposed to do this at work but I just don't have the time between customers and this is important enough I'll suck it up and do it at home)

--needing to write 10 (it turned out to be exactly 10 emails) to friends, loved ones, and the damn condo association because you are so behind on keeping up with them

Oh, poor blog. Sorry that I've been too busy for you lately. The paradox about blogs is when you have the time to write in them you haven't probably been doing a lot of interesting things to blog about. And when you are busy with interesting things, you probably don't have the time to blog.

As you might've guessed, the majority of my busyness is related to a certain gentleman caller named Jeremy. We have had a lot of good times since the last time I mentioned him on here. He's met my family and they seem to approve, I've met a lot of his friends and they seem to approve, we went to the Lincoln Museum in Springfield this weekend with my dad and his woman, he's cooked for me, I've cooked for him, we've gone out to eat, we've dealt with creepy waiters, we've played games, we've cuddled, we've talked, watched TV, saw Where the Wild Things Are (I think a child might be disappointed with the movie, it's a bit artsy and slow in some places, but we really liked it).

I don't think I've really been doing anything else of note lately. Still hate my job, love my family, hate cleaning, love 007 and spend way too much time watching TV.

Ah, Facebook. Thank you for letting me know that Neil Diamond is going to have a new Christmas album out. At first I was like, "Neil Diamond's Jewish. Does he really need a third Christmas album out there?"

Then I clicked the link for the description. And while there are probably plenty of actual Christmas songs on the album, it mentions that he is covering Adam Sandler's Hannukah song.

That's right. NEIL DIAMOND IS COVERING ADAM SANDLER. Can the apocalypse be far?

Anyway.... here, if you don't believe me.

Meh. The worst part of cleaning? All the fucking abortions. I am not even kidding.

Well, I'm not kidding about it being the worst part. Obviously, I am not literally aborting people's fetuses. I would be a lot richer and happier than at my current job. Probably.

But yeah, every time I vacuum I have to get all up in my vacuum's tubes with a coat hanger to get the gunk out, and it's a pain in my ass. It's more effort than vacuuming itself. It used to be the fuzz my new(ish) carpet threw off, but that stopped and I was abortion-free. But then I got a rabbit who should be fucking bald by now, the little fucker. He has been shedding like a maniac for like two months now. So I've been aborting like a maniac for two months now. Bleh.

The whole time I was cleaning I was mentally bitching about what a dick he is, but I've decided he can't help it, most animals shed, and should probably just get a less shitty vacuum. He IS, however, a dick for strewing his hay and feces all over my kitchen floor all the time.

Anyway.....

Because I'm lazy I'm just going to copy & paste something Tina posted on her blog and then add "Amy did want to."

The process of waiting to hear back from one person or another is very boring and drawn out. It is even more so when Archie goes to bed early and I am not drawn to any particular amusement because I've been feeling sick. So when my friend had a little social game on her blog, I said I'd join. The deal is she sends me five words and I write what those five words make me think. I'm supposed to keep the game going by offering to do the same for anyone else who asks but with their own five words but since I have two loyal readers, it all depends on whether Amy wants to play :b

Amy did want to.

Tina emailed me:

I just woke up so your words might suck.

1 Success

2 Amusement

3 favorite

4 Musical

5 Family

1) Success - I dunno. Depressing? Unattainable? Career success, anyway, is clearly never going to happen for me.

2) Ah, tons of things. Life may sometimes be depressing (see #1) but there's always something hilarious going on. There's my rabbit, doing secret missions and running full speed laps around my couch. There's my nephews, taking their pants off at a restaurant. There's the crazy woman + woman's children + blind guy + lesbian love trapezoid at work. Also at work, there's people with crazy names, such as Bill Pancake, Supreme Allah, Richard Dong. Hell, I can get amusement from my ass-burning runs by choosing to make pooparcels. Jeremy & I got amusement on Tuesday simply by being in a restaurant where the lady calling out people's orders sounded extremely angry. If you think about things, most anything is hilarious.

3) People tell me I rank things too much. Which is probably true. Off the top of my head, I could probably tell you my favorite of any sort of thing. Fav author? Kurt Vonnegut. Fav musician? Ben Folds. Fav meal? The pork chops mom used to make that now I make. Favorite expensive french fries: Jim's Steakhouse. Favorite mid range french fries: Meatheads. Favorite french fries after that? Steak N Shake. Favorite fast food fries? McDonalds. Yes, I have shared with you my hierarchy of fries. I have a favorite everything ready for any type of conversation.

4) Well... music could probably be another 70 blog posts in and of itself, but "musical" makes me think of broadway type stuff. I don't often watch musicals, but I actually like them a good chunk of the time. When I was a film minor I would always pick the old Fred Astaire musicals because the boringness that a lot of those old movies had (sorry... I don't hate all old movies but I do hate more than a few) was at least broken up by good music. I (sadly) have been watching the TV show Glee for the same reason lately. That and Jane Lynch is hilarious no matter what she ends up in.

5) One thing I always think of is how I wish I were closer to my extended family. And how weirdly small it seems now that mom is gone.

Yesterday was badass. I got to:

1) Meet my dad's woman. She laughs at my jokes. I approve. Just kidding, she actually seems nice and all otherwise as well. I think I'd have a problem if she were like, way younger than dad and really trashy or something, but I know dad has better taste than that.

2) Julie was in Bniz! She apparently had to retrieve her car and paint a mural for some friend of hers. We watched 007 hop around, caught up on things, and discussed how we would improve on Poo Parcels by adding candy corn, or finding some kind of candy that looks like real corn, various fillings/flavors, various shapes produced by different animals, white chocolate for bird poo. I could RULE the mail order fake poop business. Though I sort of cheated, I used fudge instead of trying to mold a poop from regular chocolate. It was orig. the super sexy dessert for dinner with Jeremy, but I let Julie have part of a turd too. I tried to get her to take some back for Lothar, but she was afraid the people she was staying with would freak out if she tried to keep a poop in their fridge until she left.

Gaaar.... halfway through the poop talk I remembered that Lori reads my blog now. Good god, I'm sorry. Yes Lori, this is the extent to which I am obsessed with poo. I apologize. Really, you should be happy that I'm good enough of a sister that I heretofore kept the most disturbing things from you.

3) Then I had dinner with Jeremy. I at first felt bad (I think I had heartburn from the poop--yes, yes, I deserve it for eating poop) but felt better after I ate something else and had some peppermint tea. The something else is this tortellini soup he made me, which was actually really good. I had my doubts when I saw him adding "vegetable broth" to the mix. I had not known of the existence of such a thing, nor would I have likely tried it on my own if I had, but it was actually really good. Of course, he gave me the opportunity to smother it in Parmesan cheese. Considering I do that with half of what I eat most of the time anyway: yay. Then we watched some Monty Python. It was something completely different (har har har) but good!

I mean to do some cleaning.

I sit down at the computer to turn on some music during.

....and read Tina's blog, my email, pet 007, etc. etc....

ADD, you are silly.

Also: I tried to look pretty for Jeremy today by putting my hair up and wearing a skirt. But... I somehow ended up looking like one of those Mennonite women. Gaaaar! I don't feel like changing though.

This weekend's been pretty good. On Saturday Jeremy & I kicked it old school at Rosati's. Pepperoni pizza, motherfuckers! ...though, now that Lori apparently reads the blog should I curse as much? Dilemma! He also beat me at the Castle. Now I need to teach him a new game until he bests me at that one, too. Muahahahahahahahah!

Yesterday I hung out with my dad. He'd actually been to a Tracy Morgan performance the night before which makes me laugh. My dad's fairly conservative and I didn't see him being that interested in Tracy's humor, but I guess a few things made him laugh at least, which was good. Apparently his woman Judy was more offended than he was. Which I guess it's official, she is his woman now. I got the "She would never try to replace your mother," talk.

We also had noodles! And saw Surrogates.

Work last night was meh, with a string of extra-annoying customers. My work friend Sally says she is now immune to the charms of Karl. I told her, "Yeah.... I've always been immune to that. There's something about a balding man with a ponytail that doesn't exactly rev my engine." She said, "Well there's something about a man engaged to a lesbian that doesn't rev my engine." Ah, Karl. There is no end to your amusingness to me. Apparently the lesbian got her kid from a sperm bank where gay dudes donate sperm for lesbian couples. And the gay guy gave his sperm to a lot of people, so this kid has a lot of half-siblings scattered about that it has play dates with. According to Sally, "This is too kinky for me.... I'm straight." Um, just because Karl likes a gay woman doesn't mean you're gay for liking him. But I digress. It's actually much more gross that you molest your sons.

I dunno.... I hate to be a jerk, I really am friends with Sally (though I've never been a fan of Karl--for reasons unrelated to this) but this whole crazy soap opera makes me laugh.

Mmmm.... brownies for breakfast!

Though... I wake up late enough I can pretend that it's lunch.

Yesterday started out slow but got good. I cleaned the hell out of my place. It's probably a testament to the squalor I live in that even when I do a big clean like that it still doesn't look that clean. And of course I didn't even bother with my bedroom & and the green room. That would've taken longer than I had. But as it is, I managed to clean up a whole other rabbit's worth of fur.

It sucks that I let things go this long; I really need to learn to pick up after myself. And I wish I had enough energy to clean the stuff up I previously left around. Oh well.

Anyway, the day got better when Jeremy came over. He is the creator of the aforementioned brownies! I made him watch You and Me and Everyone we Know, and he really liked it (as does anyone with a heart). Someday I'm going to talk him into back and forth forever.

Yesterday was awesome, I got to see Jeremy again for the first time in a long while. I ended up being over there like 12 hours... it felt like 2. He ended up having to feed me twice. I feel like I've hooked him on Ben Folds now. He, in turn, played Fur Elise for me whilst I was using the bathroom (classiest dump EVER). I judged him by the books in his bookshelf (Harry Potter! Boo!) and chastised his roommate for going around shirtless.

Right now I am eating a bagel. True story.

I say... there are few things nicer than driving in my car on a beautiful fall day, windows down, blasting the Modest Mouse. I wish I had a yard and had hung out there, maybe I would've gotten more nice weather and Modest Mouse than just the car ride to work. Still, considering how much I hate my job, any day I can be driving to work and not die a little inside is a victory.

Work was pretty alright. No jerks, just the requisite minimum of stupid people. Thurs & Fri are usually my least favorite days because my buddies don't work them, but today ranks up pretty high because I learned of the existence of one agent, "Richard Dong." Yes, my wonderful company hired a guy named Dick Dong. And it was one of the highlights of my day.

Also, I'm happy TV is back again. It's so weird, before hulu I had managed to wean myself off of TV fairly successfully but I'm addicted again. One of the new shows, Community, was really really funny for a pilot. My favorite exchange (forgive me I don't know characters names yet):

Professor: I'm a professor, you can' talk to me this way!
Greasy Lawyer: A six year old GIRL could talk to you that way!
P: Yes, because that would be ADORABLE!
GL: No, because you are FIVE year old girl, and there's a pecking order.